Ukunyamezela Nokuzinyameka Xa Umntu Othandekayo Ephuza
Ngaba uzibuza ukuba unokujamelana njani nomama onxilisayo ngexesha leeholide, okanye ungamnceda njani? Ngaba nabahlobo bakho bakuxelele ukuba uncedo kumlingane wakho? Ngaba uyazifumana uxinzelelo kwimiphumo yomntu oyithandayo? Kungaba nzima ukuva ukuba kufuneka uguqulwe xa umntu obathandayo ephila notywala. Emva koko, ingxaki yabo, akunjalo? Ngelishwa, ungatshintsha kuphela, kwaye indlela kuphela yokuphazamisa nokutshintsha ikhondo langoku lokusebenzisana kwakho nabantu abaneengxaki zokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi ukuguqula iimpendulo zakho.
Abo bahlala okanye bahlala kunye nezidakwa ezinxilisayo okanye nabani na abanomdla wokufumana umlutha bafumanisa ukuba baye bachaphazeleka kakhulu ngamava. Amaxesha amaninzi, ukukhungatheka nokuxinzezeleka kunokubangelwa zizigqibo zakho kunye nokukhetha. Ngokulungisa indlela yakho kunye nesimo sakho sengqondo malunga neengxaki, unokuyibeka ngombono ohlukileyo ukwenzela ukuba ayisayi kulawula iingcinga zakho nobomi bakho. Ngandlela-thile, ukwazi ukuba ungatshintsha indlela yakho kunye nesimo sengqondo kukuxhobisa. Awusadingeki uqhubeke ukwenza ezinye zezinto ozenzayo kumdaniso wakho nomntu onomlutha.
Nazi izinto ezili-10 onokuyeka ukuzenza ezinokukunceda ukukhulula uxinzelelo.
1 - Ukuzitshisa
Kuqhelekile ukuba utywala uzame ukugxeka ukusela kwabo kwiimeko okanye kwabanye abazungezile, kubandakanywa nabasondelene nabo. Kuqhelekile ukuva utywala uthi, "Isizathu esisodwa sokuba ndisele ngenxa yokuba ..."
Musa ukuthenga kuyo. Ukuba umntu obathandayo ungumnxila, uya kusela kungakhathaliseki ukuba wenza ntoni okanye uthetha. Akuyena iphoso lakho. Uye wathembela kotywala, kwaye akukho nto iya kufumana phakathi kwakhe kunye neziyobisi zakhe ezikhethiweyo.
2 - Ukuyithatha
Xa izidakwa zithembisa ukuba abayi kuphinda baphinde baphuze, kodwa emva kwexesha elifutshane baphinda babuyela ekuphuzeni ngokungapheliyo, kulula ukuba amalungu omndeni athathe izithembiso eziphukileyo kunye nobuxoki. Unokucinga ukuba, "Ukuba uyandithanda ngokwenene, akayi kuxoka ngam." Kodwa ukuba uye waba ngumlutha ngokwenene kotywala, ubuchopho bakhe bobuchopho bungase butshintshile kangangokuthi uyamangalisa ngenye yezinto azikhethayo. Akunakho ukulawula kwisigqibo sakhe sokwenza izigqibo.
3 - Ukuzama ukuLawula
Uninzi lwamalungu entsapho onxilisayo ngokusemthethweni azama konke abakucinga ukufumana umhlobo wabo ukuba ayeke ukusela. Ngelishwa, oku kudla ngokubangela ukushiya amalungu omndeni onxilisayo aziva ehluthi kwaye edangele. Unokuzixelela ukuba ngokuqinisekileyo kukho into onokuyenza, kodwa inyaniso kukuba nabanxila abanakho ukulawula ukusela kwabo, zama njengoko banako.
Kananjalo uyazi ukuba usenokufuna ukunceda wakho umthandana onomdla xa ephakathi kweengxaki. Enyanisweni, elo lixesha lokuba intsapho ingenzi nto.
Xa umxhatshazi okanye umxhaphazi weziyobisi ufikelele kwinqanaba elibuhlungu, ngamanye amaxesha yilexesha umntu ekugqibeleni uyavuma ukuba unenkinga kwaye uqala ukufumana uncedo. Kodwa ukuba ngabahlobo okanye amalungu omndeni angena ngaphakathi aze "ahlangule" umntu kwiimeko ezibuhlungu, kunokulibazisa isigqibo sokufumana uncedo.
Vumela Intlekele Yenzeke
Kulabo abathanda umlutha, kunzima ukuhlala emva kokuvumela ukuba le nkathazo idlale ngokupheleleyo. Xa izilingo zifikelela kwindawo yokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi xa zifumana i-DUI, zilahlekelwa ngumsebenzi wazo, okanye ziphonswe entolongweni, kuyinto enzima kubafundi abathandekayo ukuba bamkele ukuba into engcono kakhulu abakwenzayo kwimeko ayenzi nto . Kubonakala kuhambelana nantoni na ekholelwayo. Ngelishwa, oku kubangela ukuba umjikelezo uphinde uphinde ... ngokukhawuleza.
Awunayo ukudala ingxaki, kodwa ukufundwa kwenkampani kunokukunceda uvumele i-crisis-one ingaba yindlela kuphela yokudala utshintsho-kwenzeka.
4 - Ukuzama ukuPhilisa
Musa ukuphosa malunga nalo, ukusela utywala okanye ukuxhomekeka kotywala , sisifo esisisiseko, esingasigxina kunye nesigxininiso esithile esinokubulawa. Awuyena unonophelo lwezempilo, kwaye nangona ukhona, akufanele uphathe uxanduva lokuphatha abahlobo okanye amalungu omndeni. Awuyena umcebisi-gwenxa oqeqeshwe ngeziyobisi, kwaye kwakhona, nokuba ukhona, inxaxheba yakho akufanele ibe ngumcebisi. Kwenzeka nje ukuba uthande umntu oza kudingeka unyango lobugcisa ukuze uphinde uphile impilo. Ngulo xanduva lomnxila, kungekhona lakho. Awukwazi ukuphilisa isifo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba imvelaphi yakho imvelaphi, ufuna uncedo olungaphandle.
Utywala udla ngeendlela ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokulungele ukwenza utshintsho. Kuze kubekho utywala oqala ukucinga ukuyeka, nayiphi na inyathelo oyithathayo "ukumnceda" ukuyeka kwakhe kuya kudlalwa ngokuchasene.
Nangona akusiyo uxanduva lwakho "ukunyanga" utywala lomntu obathandayo, unokuba nomdla wokwazi ezinye zezinto ezenza abaphuzayo bafune ukuyeka , kunye nezinye zezinto ezithatha utywala obushushu . Unokunqwenela ukuqwalasela ukungenelela kwintsapho . Ngaphambi kokuba ukhangele ngeendlela zokwenza isingenelelo, thatha isikhashana ufunde ngokunyamekela kwakho-kungekhona wena kuphela kodwa ngokuba yindlela ehlala yindlela kuphela umntu onomlutha uya kufumana uncedo abayidingayo.
5 - Ukumboza
Kukho intlonelo kwiingqungquthela zokubuyisela malunga nomnxila ekukhanyeleni othi, "andinayo ingxaki, ngoko ungatsho mntu!" Utywala akafuni ukuba nabani na owaziyo inqanaba lokusetyenziswa kwabo utywala kuba xa umntu efumene ubungakanani beengxaki, banokuzama ukunceda. Ukuba amalungu omndeni azama "ukunceda" (kunceda unxilisayo) ngokugubungela ukusela kunye nokuzibangela izizathu zokubamba, bayadlala ngokusemthethweni kumdlalo wokulahla utywala. Ukujongana neengxaki ngokucacileyo kwaye ngokunyanisekileyo yindlela efanelekileyo.
6 - Ukwamkela ukuziphatha okungamukelekiyo
Ukwamkela ukuziphatha okungavumelekanga ngokuqhelekileyo kuqala ngesiganeko esincinci esenza ukuba amalungu entsapho aqhube kunye nawo, "Baye baninzi ukusela." Kodwa ngexesha elizayo, ukuziphatha kungathatha kakubi ngakumbi kwaye kube kubi ngakumbi. Ngokukhawuleza uqala ukwamkela ukuziphatha okungamkelekanga nangaphezulu. Ngaphambi kokuba uqaphele, unokufumana ulwalamano oluxhaphazayo. Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kakubi. Akufanele uvume ukuziphatha okungamkelekanga ebomini bakho. Unokhetho.
Kubalulekile ukukhusela abantwana bakho ekuziphatheni okungamkelekanga kwakhona. Musa ukunyamezela naluphi na ukuthetha kakubi okanye ukuphazamiseka okubhekiswe kubantwana bakho. Ezi ngxelo zingabangela umonakalo ohlala engqondweni yengqondo yomntwana. Khusela abantwana bakho, kwaye unganqikazi ukugcina umntanakho kude nomntu oselayo kwaye akayihloneli imida yakho. Ukukhula kwindlu elinxilisayo kunokushiya izibazi ezihleliyo.
I-7 - Ukuba neengqondo ezingenangqiqo
Enye ingxaki yokujongana nesiselo esinxilisayo kukuba oko kunokubonakala ngathi kulindeleke ngokufanelekileyo kwiimeko ezithile, kunokuba kungenangqiqo ngokupheleleyo . Xa izidakwa zifunga kuwe kwaye zona ngokwazo ukuba azize zithinte enye ihlazo, ungase ulindele ukuba ngokwemvelo ukuba bayinyanisekileyo kwaye abayi kuphinda baphinde baphuze. Kodwa kunye nezidakwa, olo lindela luza kuba luba nengqiqo. Ngaba kunengqondo ukulindela umntu ukuba uthembeke nawe xa umntu engakwazi ukunyaniseka naye?
8 - Ukuphila Kwangaphambili
Isibalulekileyo ekujonganeni nokutywala utywala kwintsapho sihlala sigxile kwiimeko njengoko zikhoyo namhlanje. Utywala luyingozi eqhubekayo . Ayifinyelele kumgangatho othile kwaye ahlale apho ixesha elide; iqhubeka iqhubeka ngakumbi kunokuba utywala afune uncedo. Awukwazi ukuvumela ukuphoxeka kunye neempazamo zexesha elidlulileyo ukuchaphazela ukhetho lwakho namhlanje kuba imeko zitshintshile.
9 - Ukunika amandla
Ngokuqhelekileyo, abathandekayo abanentsingiselo, xa bezama "ukunceda," baya kwenjenjalo benze into eyenza izidakwa ziqhubeke kunye nezindlela zabo eziwonakalisayo. Fumana oko kukunika amandla kwaye uqinisekise ukuba awukwenzi nto into eyenza ukuba utywala unxilise okanye ubenqande ukuba bajongane nemiphumo yemvelo yezenzo zabo. Uninzi lotywala sele ufikelele ekuncedeni xa beqonda ukuba inkqubo yabo yokunika amandla yayingekho ndawo. Thatha isikhashana ukuba uthathe le mibuzo ukuze ubone ukuba unika utywala.
Kwenzeka ntoni xa unika utywala? Impendulo eyiyo ixhomekeke kwimeko ethile, kodwa oko kwenzeka ngokuqhelekileyo kukuba:
- Umnxila akasayi kuziva intlungu
- Kuthatha ukugxila kwindlela yokuziphatha kotywala
Umzekelo, ukuba umthandayo uyaphuma egcekeni, kwaye uyamnceda ngenyameko endlwini aze alele embhedeni, kuphela uziva intlungu. Ugxininiso luya kuba yilokho oyenzayo-luye lwashukumisela kuye-kunokuba wenza ntoni, elidlulayo. Ukuba kule meko, uvuka eseleni ngentsasa kunye nabamelwane bekhangela ifestile, baze bangene endlwini ngelixa wena nabantwana behlala ngokutya ukutya kwasekuseni, ushiywe ukujongana nentlungu. Into efunekayo ukuba ajongane nayo yindlela yakhe yokuziphatha. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuziphatha kwakhe, kunokuba uphendule ngokuziphatha kwakhe, kuba ngqalelo. Kuphela xa efumana intlungu yakhe yokuba uya kuziva ukuba ufuna ukutshintsha.
Imiphumo yemvelo ingathetha ukuba unqwenela ukuchitha nayiphi na ixesha ngotywala. Oku akuyinto enentsingiselo okanye ongenabubele kunxilisayo, kodwa kunokuba uzikhusele. Akusiyo umsebenzi wakho "ukunyanga" utywala obuthandayo, kodwa ukuvumela ukuba imiphumo yemvelo ibe yinto enye enokuyichukumisa umntu kwisigaba sokucamngca kwangaphambili ngaphambi kokucwangcisa umlutha . Isigaba sokucamngca siphelela kwisigqibo sokwenza utshintsho, kodwa amanye amanyathelo afana nokulungiswa, isenzo, kunye nokugcinwa kwangaphambili kunye nokuphindaphinda kwakhona kuyafuneka ngaphambi kokuba umlutha ulawulwe.
10 - Ukuyeka ukufumana Uncedo
Emva kweminyaka yokugubungela utywala kwaye ingathethi "ngxaki" ngaphandle kwentsapho, kunokubonakala kunzima ukufumana uncedo kwiqela elixhasa, njenge- Al Anon Family Groups . Kodwa izigidi ziye zafumanisa izisombululo ezikhokelela ekuhlaleni ngaphakathi kwezo ntlanganiso. Ukuya kwintlanganiso ye-Al-Anon yenye yezinto oyenjenjalo, uthi, "Ndimele ndenze le minyaka edlulileyo."
I-odanti eqinisekisiweyo yokubuyisela
Umxholo kaJulayi 2013 we-"DMC Campfire" yephepha leendaba linomxholo ojoliswe kwiintsapho zabagqwetha abanesihloko esithi, "Ndingenceda Njani?" Eli nqaku libandakanya oko i-DMC ibiza khona "I-odanti eqinisekisiweyo yokubuyisela. Izinto onokuqala ukuzenza ukuze uncede wakho umthandayo."
Iziphakamiso ezilandelayo ziye zachithwa kwi-Dunklin yomyalelo wokubuyisela. Nangona zijoliswe kwiintsapho zamaKristu ezijongene nomlingo, imigaqo ingasetyenziswa ngumntu wonke:
Ukuphulukisa ngokwakho kubandakanya ukukwazi ukuthetha izinto ezininzi kuquka:
- Awusayi kuphinda uphike ubukho bentlungu kwintsapho yakho.
- Awusayi kuphinda ulawule ukusebenzisa umlutha.
- Awusayi kuphinda uhlangule umlutha.
- Awusayi kuphinda unomdla kwizizathu zomlutha wokusebenzisa.
- Awusayi kuphinda uwamkele okanye ukhuphe izithembiso.
- Awusayi kuphinda ufune iingcebiso kubantu abangazi kakuhle.
- Awusayi kuphinda ugule, ushumayele, udibanise okanye usebenze.
- Awusayi kuphinda uvumele umlutha wokukuxhaphaza wena okanye abantwana bakho.
- Awusayi kuphinda ube yixhoba lomlutha.
Jonga emva kwakho
Kusenokuba ncinane kakhulu ongakwenza ukuze uncede utywala kuze kube yilapho ekulungele ukufumana uncedo, kodwa unokuyeka ukuvumela ingxaki yokusela yomntu ilawula iingcamango zakho kunye nobomi bakho. Kulungile ukwenza ukhetho olulungileyo kwimpilo yakho yengqondo kunye nengqondo.
> Imithombo:
> McCoy, T., noWild Dunlop. Ukuhla Ngasentla: Ukuhlengwa, Ukuhlambuluka, kunye ne-Arhente kwiLives of Children's Adult Alcoholics. Imemori . 2017. 25 (5): 586-594.
> Timko, C., Halvorson, M., Kong, C., kunye no R. Moos. Iinkqubo Zentlalo Ukuchaza Inzuzo Ye-Anon Inxaxheba. I-Psychology of Addicted Behaviors . 2015. 29 (4): 856-63.
> Timko, C., Laudet, A., kunye no R. Moos. I-Al-Anon Abaxhamliyo: Iinzuzo zokuqhubeka kwiNdibano ezintandathu. I-American Journal yeDrug and Alcohol Abuse Abuse . 2016. 42 (4): 441-9.