Nasi umehluko phakathi kokungenelela kunye ne-codependency
Utywala ngumntu osapho. Akukuchaphazeli nje umntu ojongene nomlutha. Impilo yentsapho, ingqondo nengokwenyama, iimali, kunye nokuzinza ngokubanzi kuchaphazela kakubi ukusela komntu. Indawo yokuhlala ekhaya isoloko ihamba kwaye ingabonakali, kwaye amalungu osapho anokuzama ukukhanyela ukuziphatha komntu oyisiphuzo, enze izizathu zokuzithethelela, okanye uzame ukulawula okanye ukuyeka.
Ezi zizo zonke iimpendulo eziqhelekileyo ebomini bendlu evakalelwa ngathi iphuma ekulawuleni.
Yintoni Ndingayenza Ukuze Ndiyeke?
Ukuba umntu obathandayo unobungozi, kuyinto engokwemvelo ukuzibuza indlela yokubenza babone ukuba bafuna uncedo. Ukuba ufuna ukubuza lo mbuzo, mhlawumbi umthandi wakho ufumene iphuzu lokuba bayaqhubeka besela nangona ziingxaki ezibonakalayo ezibangelwa ukusela kwabo. Iingxaki zomntu, ezentlalo nokuba mhlawumbi zomthetho ezinokubangela ukuba abaninzi abantu bagqibe ekubeni ukuphuza kwabo ukupheliswa okanye ukupheliswa akuthinteli izidakamizwa ngendlela efanayo. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba oku akusibuthakathaka-kunoko, umphuza unengqondo kwaye uyaphathwe ngokugqithiseleyo kwintlungu yobunxila kwaye ufuna uncedo lobuchwepheshe.
Umngeni kule nto, njengoko uyazi kakuhle, kukuba abaninzi abanxilisayo bayakuphika ukuba kukho ingxaki .
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba kubonakala njani ukuba ingxaki ibonakala kubantu abadakile, umntu onxilisayo okhuselekileyo unokugatya ukuba ukusela kuyimbangela yeengxaki zabo, kwaye unokugxeka iimeko okanye abantu abazungezile.
Xa abafundi bebuza indlela yokuncedisa umntu oselayo ebomini babo, impendulo abayifumanayo kukuba, "Ngelishwa, akukho nantoni na enokuyenza, ade bavume ukuba baneengxaki."
Nangona kuyiqiniso ukuba umthandayo kufuneka afune ukuzitshintsha kwaye ufuna ukutshintsha, akudingeki uhlale kwaye uzibukele ukuzibhubhisa, nje uthembele kwaye uthandazele ukuba i-bulb evulekileyo isuke ekhanda. Kukho izinto ezininzi ongayenza ukuze ungenelele, bonisa ukukhathazeka kwakho kunye nenkxaso kumntu wakho othandekayo, unikele ngeengcamango nezisombululo, iziphumo ezikhoyo ekuphuzeni kwazo, kwaye uzikhusele ekubeni ungeniswe ngokutsha.
Fumana ulwazi malunga nokuxhomekeka kotywala
Isinyathelo sokuqala samalungu entsapho kunye nabathandwa ngumntu oselayo kukufunda ngesifo sotywala. Oku kwenza izinto ezimbini: Kukukunceda uqonde indlela othanda ngayo, kwaye kukukunceda ukumyeka ukumgxeka. Ngelixa umntu oselayo kufuneka athathe uxanduva kwizenzo zakhe ukwenzela ukuba abuyele, utywala luyisifo esingapheliyo, uye waqonda iimpawu, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo kubangelwa zizifo zezilwanyana kunye neemeko zobomi. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, ukufumana ulwazi kukunceda ubone ukuba umhlobo wakho uyagula kwaye uyabuhlungu, ungazami ukukulimaza.
Njengelilungu lentsapho, unakho ukuya kwiintlanganiso ze-Al-Anon kwindawo yakho, okanye ujoyine iqela le-intanethi ukuze ufunde kabanzi malunga nesifo seentsapho sokusela utywala kunye ne-emotional and psychological toll.
Ku- Al-Anon , amalungu omndeni angafunda indlela yokuvalela kwiingxaki zotywala-kungekhona utywala-kwaye unokufumana ubutyebi be-Al-Anon uncwadi ukuze ufunde oko kunokukunceda ufumane izisombululo ezibangele ukuthula. Uyakuva ibali lakho kwiibali zalabo abelana neqela, ukudala umqondo wokubambisana kunye nenkxaso. Uya kufunda kwakhona malunga neendima ezingekho phantsi kwempilo onokuyidlala ebomini bomnxila, nokuba ingaba izenzo zakho zingenakwenzela ukuba umntu onxilisayo aqhubeke nokuziphatha kwakhe, ngaphandle kokuziqonda. Ngaba unokukwazi ukukwenza ukuziphatha kwabo?
Le mibuzo ingakunceda ukuba ufumane.
Unokufunda ngokubanzi malunga nokugula ngokutyelela iNkcubeko kaZwelonke malunga nokuTywala kotywala kunye noTywala.
Ukujongana Nomntu Ngendlela Engeyiyo Yokugweba
Ngenxa yokuba ingxaki yokusela utywala ngumxholo ochaphazelekayo, cwangcisa oko uza kuthetha ngaphambi kwexesha. Lindela de ukuba umthandane wakho ahlambuluke kwaye azinze ngokomoya. Qinisekisa ukuba uziva uxolo, kuba kubalulekile ukuba umntu onxilayo akavumi ukuba ahlaselwe okanye ahlasele. Gwema ulwimi olugxekisayo njengolu hlobo, "Ungcono ufumane uncedo okanye ufake umphumo."
Ngethuba le ngxoxo yokuqala, kubalulekile ukubonisa ukuba unomdla kangakanani ngomthandayo. Yinyaniseka kwaye uyinyanisekile malunga neenkxalabo zakho, kuquka ukuba ukusela kwabo kuthintela njani impilo yabo kunye nentsapho yabo yonke. Unokwazi ukukhankanya ingxaki ethile evela ekusela, njengemali okanye ubudlelane obudlelane. Bazise ukuba ufuna ukubancedisa ekugqibeleni ukuba bancede bafumane inkqubo yonyango, njengenkqubo yesinyathelo-12 okanye indawo yokuhlala, kwaye mhlawumbi kuthatha ezinye iimbopheleleko zabo ezifana nemisebenzi ejikeleze indlu ngelixa bathabatha ixesha yokubuyisela.
Lindela ezinye i-pushback. Umntu unokungavumi. Okanye ukuba azinjalo, banokucebisa ukuba banokuyeka ukuzimela. Oku kunqabile kusebenza. Nangona kunjalo, unokuxoxa ngethuba lexesha kwaye xa ungalindela ukuziphatha okutshintshileyo.
Isigaba Ingenelelo
Ukuba le nzame yokuqala ayinakwenzeka, nto leyo ayikhoyo-eneneni, nangona xa umntu onxilayo ezinikele ekutshintsheni, inokuthabatha iindidi zonyango ngaphambi kokuyeka ngokwenene-isinyathelo esilandelayo ongayithatha sichaza ukungenelela . Umcebisi oqeqeshiweyo okanye umgqirha ngumntu omhle wokuzisa kule nqanaba. Unokwenza i-aphoyintimenti kunye kunye nokuzisa umthandayo, okanye ukuba akafuni, zihambe ngokwakho ukuze uphuhlise isicwangciso sakho sokungenelela.
Ukungenelela kudla ngokubandakanya amanye amalungu entsapho okanye abahlobo ukuba lo mntu uthembele, kwaye uqulethwe ngumbono wokubonisa unyango kunye nemiphumo yokuqhubeka ukusela. Iziphumo zingabandakanywa ukukhawuleza iimpahia zemali okanye iziqu zomntu ophuzayo, othabatha amalungelo okuvakashela abantwana, ukuhlukana komtshato okanye ukucela ukuba bahambe ekhaya baze balungele ukuqala unyango. Njengoko uAl-Anon egxininisa, "akukho phantse ukuba abadakwala bayayeka ukusela xa nje abantu besusa yonke imiphumo ebuhlungu."
Ngokuvakalayo kuphela xa iziphumo zokusela kwabo ziba zibuhlungu ngokwaneleyo ziya kuba zanele ngokwaneleyo ukuphinda ziphuluke.
Gwema i Codependency
Emva kokuba uthathe zonke ezi nyathelo, khumbula ukuba awukwazi ukunyanzelisa umthandayo wakho unyango. Kufuneka benze eso sigqibo ngokwabo. Yonke into ongayenzayo kukho ukhetho olukhoyo, unike inkxaso, kwaye ulandele nemiphumo oyifakile. Ekupheleni kosuku, umntu oyedwa olawulayo kulo bomi nguwe.
Kuqhelekile ukuba ugxininise ngokugqithiseleyo kwizenzo nokuziphatha, kunye nokukhathazeka ngokugqithiseleyo, okubangela ukuba ugxininise ubomi bakho kwaye uchazwe ngokuxhomekeka koxhomekeke kuyo. Oku kuyonakalisa impilo yakho yengqondo nengqondo. I-tenet eyintloko ye-Al-Anon kukuyeka ukuzama ukutshintsha wakho umthandayo kwaye endaweni yoko ugxininise kuwe, yedwa unokutshintsha ngokwenene.
Khumbula ukuba nangona wakho umthandayo engena unyango kunye nokuphulukana, kuya kwenzeka ukuba kukho iindawo ezininzi zokuhamba. Xa utywala isuswe, yintoni umntu ayisebenzisayo njengendlela yokumelana, izinto ezinzulu zivame ukuphakama phezulu kwaye kufuneka zijongane nazo. Umthandana wakho uya kufuneka ukuba aqhubele phambili ekuziqheleni, kwaye utshintsho olwenzekayo luya kukuchaphazela ngeendlela ezinkulu kunye ezincinci. Yingakho kunokunceda amalungu omndeni ukuba aqhubeke nokuya kwiintlanganiso ze-Al-Anon, apho ufunda ukuhlukanisa phakathi kwemiba yakho kunye nemibandela yakho yomthandayo, kwaye uthathe uxanduva lwakho kuphela.