Iimpawu zabantwana abadala baNxila
Abantu abaninzi abadala abakhulileyo kwiintsapho ezichaphazelekayo ngesifo sotywala abazange bakhulume ngokukodwa ngeendlela ezininzi.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, bakhulela ngokwenyama, kodwa bengokomzwelo, ngokwengqondo, nangokomoya, baninzi bahlala behlala apho ebuntwaneni. Abazange bafunde indlela "yokuqhelekileyo" yokucinga, ukuvakalelwa okanye ukuphendula.
Ngethuba nje izinto zihamba kakuhle, zilungile. Nangona kunjalo, xa befumana ukungqubuzana, ukuphikisana, okanye iintlungu, baphendula ngokuphendula okungaphantsi kwe-abadala, ngoko igama elithi "abantwana abadala."
Yintoni Sithetha Ngaye 'Abantwana Abadala'?
Ngokwe-website yabaHluli beZiko leNgcaciso yeNtshona Koloni (WS), igama elithi "abantwana abadala" libhekisela kubantu abadala abakhuliswe emakhaya anxilisayo, "abonakalisa iimpawu ezibonakalayo ezibonisa ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwexesha elidlulileyo okanye ukunganakwa."
Nangona kunjalo, iminyaka engaphezu kwe-30 yophando iye yabonisa ukuba udidi olufanayo okanye ubuntu obuqhelekileyo kubantwana abasuka kumakhaya anxilisayo nabo baqhelekileyo kubantwana abakhulela emakhaya ayengenakusebenza ngenye indlela.
Iziganeko ezifanayo zifunyenwe kubantu abadala abakhuliswa emakhaya apho kwakukho ezinye iimpawu zokunyanzelisa. Ubukho obufanayo bokusetyenziswa gadalala, ukuhlazeka, nokushiya okufunyenwe kubantwana banxilongo kwakhona kufumaneka kubantwana abasuka kumakhaya apho bekukho:
- ngcakazo
- kutywala
- izilingo zokuziphatha
- ukugula okungapheliyo
- iinkqubo eziqinileyo zonqulo
- amanye amakhaya okanye amakhaya awamkelayo
- ezinye iinkqubo ezingasebenzi
Abantwana abadala abadala bakhuliswa emakhaya apho utywala kunye neziyobisi bekungekho khona, kodwa ukusetyenziswa kakubi, ukunganakwa okanye ukuziphatha okungalunganga kwakukho kakhulu.
Ziziphi iimpawu eziqhelekileyo zabantwana abadala?
Kule minyaka, abo baye bafunda "umntwana omdala" into eyenza ukuba iqulunqe uludwe lwezinto eziqhelekileyo abantu abaninzi abakhule kwimakhaya engasebenziyo kubonakala babelana.
Iziganeko ezilandelayo zenziwe ngo-1983 nguDkt. Janet G. Woititz.
Abantwana abaninzi banxila kunye namanye amakhaya angasebenzi afumana ukuba xa beba badala ba:
- ukuqagela kwiimeko eziqhelekileyo
- kunzima ukulandela iprojekthi ukususela ekuqaleni ukuya ekupheleni
- buxoki xa kuya kuba lula ukuthetha inyaniso
- zigwebe ngokwazo inceba
- kunzima ukuzonwabisa
- zizithabathe kakhulu
- bunzima nobudlelwano obusondeleyo
- xhaphaza kwiinguqu ezingenakho ukulawula
- soloko sifuna imvume kunye nokuqinisekiswa
- banomuvo wokuthi bahlukile kwabanye abantu
- zinkulu okanye zikhululekile
- banyanisekile kakhulu, nangona bubungqina bokuba ukunyaniseka akufanelekanga
- bavame ukuzikhiya kwiinkqubo zokuziphatha ngaphandle kokuqwalasela ngokucokisekileyo ukuziphatha okunye okanye iziphumo ezinokwenzeka. Lo mkhangeli ubangela ukudideka, ukuzithiba, kunye nokulahlekelwa kolawulo lwendalo. Ngenxa yoko, bachithe ixesha elikhulu lokucoca i-mess.
Ezi ziimpawu ziyiyo yonke into kwaye ayisebenzi kuwo wonke umntu. Abanye banokufaka izicelo kwaye abanye bangabikho. Kwaye kukho ezinye iimpawu ezingekho kuloluhlu.
Olunye Uluhlu Lokuhlamba
Akunabo bonke abantwana bezonxila abachaphazelekayo ngamava ngendlela efanayo. Nangona abaninzi baphila ubomi babo bexhatshazwa kakubi kunye nokunyanzeliswa kwabazali babo, abanye banokusabela ngokuchasene kwaye baba ngabahlaseli.
Uphando lwaBantwana abaThuli bezoTywala luye lwaqulunqa "Olunye Uluhlu Lokuhlambalaza," oluchaza iziganeko zamalungu e-ACOA ahlawulela amava abo ngobuntwana ngokuzikhusela nokuzikhusela.
Ngokwezinye uluhlu lwe-WSO lwezenzo eziqhelekileyo, abantwana abadala banga:
- babe ngabaphathi bamagunya okuthusa abanye baze babangele ukuba bahoxise
- babe nokwaneliseka ngokwaneleyo, bebenqabile ukuvunyelwa kwabanye
- kuthusa abanye ngomsindo nangokugxekwa
- lawula abanye kwaye abashiye baze bahlukane
- bayatsalwa ngabantu abangakwazi ukusetyenziswa kunye nokulawulwa
- kuba nexanduva kunye nokuzibophelela ngokwabo ukukhawulela iimpazamo
- ukwenza abanye bazive benetyala xa bethetha
- ukuvimbela ukwesaba ngokuhlala ufile kwaye unzima
- thiyile abo "badlala" ixhoba baze bacele ukuba basindiswe
- ukunqanda imvakalelo ngento ephawulekayo yokuvakalelwa
- iprojekthi yokuzonda abanye kwaye ibajezise
- kha wuleza uhambe ulwalamano oluba "lusondele kakhulu"
- khanyela ukuchaphazeleka kweentsapho okanye ukungabikho komsebenzi ekhaya
- benze njengokungathi abafana nabantu abaxhomekeke kubo
Ngaba ezi zinto zizenzileyo eziqhelekileyo?
Usenokuba wazi ixesha elide ukuba ukukhula kwindoda yotywala okanye indlu engasebenziyo kukuchaphazele, kodwa kunokwenzeka ukuba awunakukwazi konke.
Abaninzi abantwana abadala bahamba ebomini bebuhlungu nemiphumo yokukhuliswe kwikhaya elinxilisayo kodwa abaqondi ukuba kutheni babenzima. Abaninzi abenzi ukuxhamla phakathi kokuphakanyiswa kwabo kunye neengxaki abahlangabezana nazo ekukhuleni nangona sele zithintele konke malunga nabo, kubandakanywa isimo sengqondo, ukuziphatha kunye nokukhetha.
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8 Iincwadi ezinokunceda abantwana abadala bezonxila
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Ziziphi iimpembelelo ezibangelwa ngabazali bokunxila kwabantwana?
Ukujongana Neziphumo
Kukho abaninzi abantu abadala abanxilisayo abangazange baqaphele ukuba baye bachaphazeleka njani ngamava kwaze kwaba yinkinga ebomini babo bafuna ukufumana uncedo kwiimeko ezithile.
Umntu omdala omnye ukutyekela "kukuba ngotywala, utshate omnye, okanye zombini." Ukuba kunjalo, abantwana abaninzi abadala baya kugcina bejongene neengxaki ezinzulu-mhlawumbi kunye nokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi okanye kwintsebenziswano yabo okanye ubudlelwane babo.
Yilapho befuna uncedo kule ngxaki abaya kukwazi ngayo impembelelo ekhulayo kwikhaya elinxilisayo uye waba nekhono lokwenza izigqibo, ukusebenzisana nabanye kunye nesimo sengqondo sabo ngokubhekiselele kubomi.
Ukwenza isigqibo sokufuna uncedo
I-website ye-ACA ichaza ukuba baninzi abantwana abadala ekugqibeleni bayazi ukuba ukukhula kwathintela njani ubomi babo nokuba kutheni banqwenela ukufuna uncedo:
Izigqibo zethu nezimpendulo zobomi zabonakala zingasebenzi. Ubomi bethu bube bunzima. Sidinwa zonke iindlela esicinga ukuba singavuya. Sasivame ukulahlekelwa ubuchule bethu, ukuguquguquka kwethu, kunye nokuzihlaziya. Ukuqhubela phambili ubukho obufanayo kwakungekho sikhethwa. Nangona kunjalo, sasikufumanisekile ukushiya ingcamango yokuba sikwazi ukuzilungisa. Ukuphelelwa yithemba, sasiba nethemba lokuba ubuhlobo obutsha, umsebenzi omtsha okanye ukunyuka kwakuza kuba yonyango, kodwa akuzange kube njalo.
Ukuqwashisa ingxaki ingaba isinyathelo sokuqala ekuqalekeni. Ukwamkela okanye ukuvuma ukuba ubomi bakho bunzulu kwaye buchaphazeleke kakhulu indlela okanye owakhuliswa ngayo, unokuthetha ukuba ngoku ukhululekile ukujongana nomthombo wangempela weengxaki zakho kunokuba uzame ukumelana neempawu.
Yintoni elandelayo kwaBantwana abadala beNxila?
Enye yezinto zokuqala ongayenza ukujongana nemicimbi yakho yomntwana omdala ukufumana indawo ephephile apho unokuthetha naye ngomntu wakho. Kubantwana abaninzi abadala, ezinokuthi zibe kunye nomcebisi, ugqirha okanye umcebisi othembekileyo ngokomoya.
Kwabanye, kunokuthetha ukujoyina iqela lokuxhasa nabanye abanamava afana nawo, njengabantwana abadala abaTywala okanye i- Al Anon Family Groups .
Ukufumana indawo ekhuselekileyo
Kuyaqondakala ukuba ukuba ungomnye wabantwana abadala abakuthi bahlukane, ukuba ukujoyina iqela lokuxhasa libe yinto yokugqibela onokuyicinga ukuyenza. Kodwa, ngenxa yokuba uhlala uhlukanisa ukuba yiyo yeso sizathu sokuba iqela lokuxhasana liza kukunceda kakhulu.
Abaninzi abakhulileyo bafumanisa ukuba xa befumene ukuba iqela labo lokuxhasa liyindawo ekhuselekileyo kwaye baqala ukuphuma kwedwa. Emva kokuba yinxalenye yeqela, abaninzi babo bathi, "Ndimele ndenze le minyaka edluleyo!"
Ingaba kukho iqela lokuxhasa okanye nomcebisi oqeqeshwe ukujongana neengxaki zomntwana omdala, ukuphulukiswa kwakho kwemvakalelo kunokuqala xa usuka ekungcwabeni iimvakalelo zakho kwaye uyeke ukuhlukanisa, ngokuthetha ngokukhululekile nomntu oqonda.
Ezinye izixhobo zokubuyisela
Kukho ezinye iindlela abantu abadala abadala abanxilisayo abakhethileyo ukuncedisa ukubuyiswa kwazo. Nazi ezinye zezixhobo eziphakanyisiweyo:
- Funda ngokubanzi njengoko unako malunga nabantwana abadala abanxilisayo
- Hlela kwaye ugxininise imida
- Qala ukubhala iphephancwadi
- Lahla abantu, indawo kunye nezinto ezingenakulungile
- Sebenza kwiprogram ye-12
- Nceda abanye abaneengxaki ezifanayo
Ukuphuhlisa indlela yokuphila ephilileyo
Kukho isizathu sokuba amanyathelo angama-12 aguqulelwe kwaye asetyenziswe ukujongana nazo zonke iintlobo zeengxaki ezivela kotywala ekudleni ekudleni ukugembula kwezinye izilwanyana zokuziphatha. Le nkqubo inokukunceda uhlambulule imithwalo esuka kwixesha elidlulileyo kwaye uncede ukukhokelela ubomi obonwabileyo nangakumbi kwixesha elizayo.
Yiyiphi iprogram e-12 oyibhalisayo iya kuxhomekeka kumava akho. Eyona nto ibonakalayo kwaye ifumaneka ngokulula iquka:
- Utywala a ngaziwa
- I-Al-Anon Iintsapho zoLuntu
- Abantwana abadala baNxila
- Narcotics Anonymous
Ukukunceda ukuba ufunde okuninzi ngendlela onokuyenza ngayo malunga nomntwana omdala, kukho iincwadi ezininzi ezifumaneka kwisihloko, kuquka i- New York Times eyithengiswa kakhulu nguDkt. Janet Woititz.
ILizwi
Ukuba uhambelana neempawu eziqhelekileyo kubantwana abadala abakhankanywe ngasentla, akuthethi ukuba ungumntu ombi, ugule ngokwengqondo okanye ulahlekelwe ngethemba. Njengoko i-website ye-ACA ibonisa, kunokukunceda ukujonga imeko yakho njengokuba unesifo "sesifo" njengomntwana esasichaphazela wena njengomdala.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba umkhondo wakho uthathe phi, kukho ithemba. Unokufunda ukwenza ukhetho oluphilileyo, ukubeka imida ekhuselekileyo kunye nemida, ukwandisa ukuzithemba kwakho, wenze ulwalamano oluhle, kwaye ufumane ukuba unokwenza udlale kwaye ujabule.
Uncedo lukho-konke okufuneka ukwenze ukufuna.
Imithombo:
Abantwana abadala baseNkcazo yeNkonzo yeSizwe yoTywala. "I-ACA Ngaba ..." Ifikelele ngoJulayi 2016
I-Woititz JG "Iimpawu ezi-13 zabantwana abadala baNxila." Kufike ngoJulayi 2016