Uyakwazi ukuchonga ezi mpawu xa ukhula ngokuzisela utywala
Ukuba ukhule kwikhaya elinxilisayo, mhlawumbi uyazi ukuba ungazi ukuba ungalindeli ukuba ungalindela ukuthini ukusuka ngolunye usuku ukuya olulandelayo. Xa omnye umzali okanye bobabili abazali bejamelana nomlingo, ummandla wekhaya uqikeleleka ukuba awunakulinganiswa. Ukungqubuzana, ukungahambelani, ukungathembeki, kunye neengxabano zivame ukuqhubela phambili. Abantwana benxila abafumani ezininzi iimfuno zabo zemvakalelo ngenxa yokule mingeni, ngokusoloko bekhokelela ekuziphatheni kwabo kunye neengxaki zokuzinyamekela ngokwabo kunye neemvakalelo zabo emva koko ebomini.
Akumangalisi. Ukuba awuzange unikwe ingqalelo kunye nenkxaso yemoya owawuyifuna ngexesha lokuphuhliswa okubalulekileyo ebusheni bakho kwaye endaweni yoko yayixakeke ngokuziphatha kakubi komzali, uyazi njani ukuba ufuna ukufumana iimfuno zakho njengomntu omdala? Ukongezelela, ukuba ungenalo ubudlelwane obuhle bokusekwa, kunokuba nzima ukuhlakulela ubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nokuthembela ekuhambeni.
Abantwana benxila bahlala befuna ukukhanyela iimvakalelo zabo, ukwesaba kunye nomsindo ukuze baphile-kwaye ekubeni iingxaki ezingaphendulwanga ziya kuhlala zihlala zihlala zihlala zikhulile. Inzuzo yokuqonda oku kukuba ungumntu ngoku kwaye awusekho umntwana ongenakunceda. Unokujamelana nale micimbi kwaye ufumane isisombululo ngendlela ongenakukwazi ngayo emva koko.
Ezi zinto zixhomekeke kubantwana bezonxila
Abantwana abaninzi benxila bahlakulela iimpawu kunye neempawu ezifanayo.
Ekupheleni kukaDkt. Janet G. Woititz uchaze iimpawu ezi-13 zabantwana abadala abadala kwi-bookmarkmark ye- 1983, i- Adult Children of Alcoholics , eyaziwayo ngokuqhelekileyo isebenza kwezinye iindwendwe zentsholongwane.
UDkt. Jan, njengoko eyaziwayo, wayengumbhali othengisa kakhulu, umfundisi kunye nomcebisi oye watshata nomnxila.
Ngokusekelwe kwimeko yamava akhe ngobunxila kunye nempembelelo yayo kubantwana bakhe, kunye nomsebenzi wakhe kunye nabaxhasi abakhuliswa kwiintsapho ezingasebenziyo, wafumanisa ukuba ezi zinto ziqhelekileyo zikhona nje kwiintsapho ezinxilisayo kodwa nakwabo ba khuliswe kwiintsapho apho kwakukho ezinye iimpawu zokunyanzelisa , ezifana nokugembula, ukusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi okanye ukutya ngokutya.
Abantwana abaye bafumana abazali abanokugula okungapheliyo, iimpembelelo ezingqongqo zonqulo, ukunyamekela abantwana kunye nezinye iinkqubo ezingasebenziyo zihlala zichonga ezi zinto, uWoititz uthe.
- Abantwana abadala baxilongo baqikelela ukuba ziziphi iindlela eziqhelekileyo zokuziphatha.
- Abantwana abadala beenxilaba banzima ukulandela iprojekthi ukususela ekuqaleni ukuya ekupheleni.
- Abantwana abadala bezonxila balala xa kuya kuba lula ukuthetha inyaniso.
- Abantwana abadala bezidakamizwa bazigweba bengenasenceba.
- Abantwana abadala beenxilaba banzima ukuzonwabisa.
- Abantwana abadala banoxwala badla kakhulu.
- Abantwana abadala baxilisayo banzima nobudlelwano obusondeleyo.
- Abantwana abadala bezonxila baxhomekeke kwiinguqu ezingenakho ukulawula.
- Abantwana abadala bezidakirha bahlala befuna imvume kunye nokuqinisekiswa.
- Abantwana abadala bezonxila bavakala ukuba bahlukile kwabanye abantu.
- Abantwana abadala bezonxila banomthwalo omkhulu okanye abangenakuxanduva.
- Abantwana abadala banoxwala banamathele kakhulu, nangona bubungqina bokuba ukunyaniseka akufanelekanga.
- Abantwana abadala baxilisayo banomdla. Bavame ukuzikhiya kwiinkqubo ngaphandle kokuqwalasela ngokuthe ngqo ukuziphatha okunye okanye iziphumo ezinokwenzeka. Oku kuqhubela phambili ekudidekeni, ukuzithiba nokulahleka kokulawulwa kwendawo. Ukongeza, bachitha inani elininzi lokuncedisa umbane.
Ngoku, oko akuthethi ukuba yonke into eluhlu luya kusebenza kuwe. Kodwa mhlawumbi mhlawumbi ezinye ziya.
Uluhlu Lokuhlamba
Ngaphambi kokuba incwadi kaDkt Jan ishicilelwe, umntwana omdala omntu onxilisayo, uTony A., eyapapashwa ngo-1978 oko akubiza ngokuthi "Uluhlu Lokuhlambalaza," olunye uluhlu lweempawu ezinokubonakala ziqhelaniswe nalabo abakhulele emakhaya angasebenzi.
Uluhlu lukaTony luye lwafunyanwa njengenxalenye yeencwadi ezisemthethweni zoLuntu lweZiko leNkcukacha zeNkonzo zoLuntu kunye neSiqendu esithi "Ingxaki," epapashwe kwiwebhusayithi yeqela.
Ezinye iinkalo zomntwana omdala onxilisayo
Ngokoluhlu lukaTony A, abaninzi abantwana abakhulu banxila banokuthi:
- Yiba yedwa
- Ukoyika abantu kunye namagunya okubala
- Yiba ngabafunyi bemvume
- Uloyike abantu abathukutheleyo
- Uloyiko lokugxekwa
- Yiba ngotywala, tshata okanye bobabini
- Jonga ubomi njengexhoba
- Unomdla omkhulu
- Yiba nomdla ngakumbi kwabanye
- Baziva benetyala xa bezimela
- Yiba ngumlutha wokuzonwabisa
- Uthandane novelwano
- 'Bathanda' abantu abafuna ukuhlangulwa
- Ukuziva zabo iimvakalelo
- Lahla ukukwazi ukuziva
- Ukuzithoba
- Zigwebe ngokwazo
- Uloyiko lokushiya
- Yenza nantoni na ukuba ubambelele kulwalamano
- Yibani "ngama-al-alcoholic" ngaphandle kokusela
- Yiba ngamagcisa kwiindawo zabadlali
Xa ifika kubudlelwane, ii-ACoAs zingaphumelela kwiNgxaki
Abantwana abaninzi abanxilisayo balahlekelwa lulwalamano lwabo nabanye, ngamanye amaxesha bafumana ukutsaliswa ngotywala okanye ezinye izinto ezinyanzelekileyo, ezinjengeentloko, ezingabikho ngokomoya.
Abantwana abadala bangaqulunqa ulwalamano nabanye abafuna uncedo lwabo okanye imfuneko yokukhululwa, kwinqanaba lokungahoywa iimfuno zabo. Ukuba babeka ingqalelo kwiimfuno ezigqithisileyo zomnye umntu, akufuneki ukuba bajonge ubunzima babo kunye nokusilela kwabo.
Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantwana abadala abanxilisayo baya kuthatha iimpawu zobunxilisayo, nangona bengazange bathathe isiselo: Ukubonakalisa ukuphika, izakhono zokuxhatshazwa kakuhle, ukuxazulula iingxaki, kunye nokwenza ubudlelwane obungasebenzi.
Inkxaso yabaNtwana baBadala boTywala
Ukuba ufumanisa ezinye iimpawu ezi-13 ezichazwe nguDkt Woititz, okanye "Uluhlu Lokuhlambalaza" nguTony A., unokufuna ukuthatha i- Adult Children Screening Quiz ukufumana ingcamango yokuba unokuchaphazeleka kangakanani ngokukhula kwikhaya elingasebenzi. Uya kufumana iinkcazo ezicacileyo zezi mpawu kwincwadi kaDkt. Jan, Abantwana abadala baNxila .
Abaninzi abakhulileyo bafumanisa ukuba ukufuna unyango lobugcisa okanye ukucebisa ukuqonda iimvakalelo zabo, ukuziphatha kwabo, kunye neengxaki kubancedisa ukuba baqonde ngokubanzi indlela abafana ngayo nabantwana babo namhlanje. Oku kudla ngokukhawuleza ekuqaleni, kodwa kunokukunceda ufunde indlela yokubonisa iimfuno zakho kwaye uhlangabezane neengxabano kwiindlela ezintsha nezakhayo.
Abanye baye bafumana uncedo ngokusebenzisa amaqela axhasayo njengama- Al-Anon Family Groups okanye abantwana abadala bezonxilisayo. Unokufumana umhlangano weqela loxhaso kwindawo yakho okanye kwiintlanganiso ze-intanethi zombini u-Al-Anon kunye ne-ACOA.
Imithombo:
Abantwana abadala beNkcazo yeNkonzo yeSizwe yeNkonzo yoTywala, "Uluhlu lweMpahla yoLondolozo - Iziganeko ezili-14 zoMntwana omdala onxilisayo," (Kubanjwe kuTony A., 1978). Fi kelele ngoNovemba 2010.
UWoititz, uJanet G. Abantwana abadala baTywala , u-2010 olwandisiweyo.
> Woititz, uJanet G. "Iziganeko ezi-13 zabantwana abadala," Isiko soLwazi.