Izitayela zokudibanisa zibonakaliswe ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo zokusebenzisana kunye nokuziphatha ngobudlelwane. Ngethuba lokuqala kwasebuntwaneni, ezi zintathu zokunamathisela zijolise kwiendlela abantwana kunye nabazali abanxibelelana ngayo. Xa usukhulile, izitayela zokunamathisela zisetyenziselwa ukuchaza iipatheni zokuncedisa kwiintando zesondo. Iingcamango zendlela yokunamathisela zakhula i-theory kunye nophando olunamathelwano oluye lwavela kuwo wonke ama-1960s no-1970. Namhlanje, izazi zeengqondo ziyabona izibane ezinezintlu zokubambisana.
Yiyiphi iSinamathiselo?
Isinamathiselo luhlobo olukhethekileyo lwentlungu olubandakanya utshintshiselwano, ukunakekelwa kunye nokuzonwabisa. Ingcambu yophando kwi-attachment yaqala ngeengcamango zikaFrud ngokuthandana, kodwa omnye umphandi udlalwa ngokuba nguyise woqhagamshelwano lwenkolelo .
UJohn Bowlby uzinikezele uphando olunzulu kwiingcamango zokuqhotyoshelweyo, ezichaza ngokuthi "ukuxhamla kwengqondo ehlala phakathi kwabantu."
I-Bowlby yabelana ngombono we-psychoanalytic ukuba amava okuqala ebuntwaneni kubalulekile ekuthinteleleni uphuhliso kunye nokuziphatha kamva ebomini. Izindlela zethu zokudibanisa zakuqala zisungulwa ebuntwaneni ngokusebenzisa ulwalamano olusana nolondolozo.
Ukongeza kule nto, uBilllby wayekholelwa ukuba isinamathiselo sinomlinganiselo wokuziphendukela kwemvelo; luncedo ekusindeni. Wachaza wathi: "Ubungqina bokubambisana ngokubambisana nabantu abathile [luyinxalenye eyintloko] yobuntu."
1 - Iimpawu zoqhotyoshelweyo
I-Bowlby ikholelwa ukuba kukho iziganeko ezine ezahlukileyo zeziqhotyoshelo:
- Isondlo sokuSondeza - Umnqweno woba kufuphi nabantu esiqhotyoshelwe kuyo.
- Ukhuseleko olukhuselekileyo - Ukubuyela kwisilinganiselo sokuqhotyoshela induduzo kunye nokhuseleko ebusweni okanye ukwesatshiswa.
- IsiSekelo esiPhezulu - Isalathisi sesalathisi senza njengesiseko sekhuseleko apho umntwana angakuhlola khona indawo engqongileyo.
- Ukuxhatshazwa koxhatshazo - Ukuxhalabisa okwenzeka ngokungabikho komfanekiso wesinamathiselo.
I-Bowlby nayo yenza iziphakamiso ezintathu eziphambili malunga ne-attachedory theory.
Okokuqala, wacetyiswa ukuba xa abantwana bekhuliswe ngokuqiniseka ukuba umnakekeli wabo oyintloko uya kubafumana, abanako ukwesaba kunokuba abo bakhuliswa ngaphandle kokukholelwa .
Okwesibini, wayekholelwa ukuba le ntembelo yenziwa ngexesha lokubaluleka kokuphuhliswa, ngexesha leminyaka yobusana, ebuntwaneni, nasekukhuleni. Ukulindela okwakhiwa ngeli xesha kudla ukuhlala kungatshintshi ubomi bonke bomntu.
Ekugqibeleni, wacetyiswa ukuba ezi zinto zilindeleke zihlangene ngqo. Ngamanye amazwi, abantwana bahlakulela ukulindela ukuba abanonophelo baya kuphendulwa kwiimfuno zabo kuba, ngamava abo, abanonophelo babo baye baphendula ngexesha elidlulileyo.
2 - Uvavanyo lweSimo esiMangalisa
Ngethuba lee-1970, u- Mary Ainsworth wengqondo yengqondo wandisa ngakumbi kwi-Bowlby emsebenzini wokuqhaqhaqhayisa kwiindawo zakhe ezidumileyo ngoku "i-Strange Situation". Uhlolisiso lubandakanye ukugcina abantwana phakathi kweminyaka eyi-12 ukuya kwezi-18 baphendule kwimeko apho bashiywe yedwa baza bahlangana kunye nonina.
Uvavanyo lweSimo esiThatywayo lweSigqeba lulandelelwano olulandelelanayo:
- Umzali nomntwana bodwa bodwa kwigumbi
- Umntwana uhlolisisa igumbi ngokulawulwa kwabazali
- Umhambi ungena kwigumbi, uthetha kumzali, kwaye uhambela umntwana
- Umzali ushiya ngaphandle egumbini
- Umzali ubuya kwaye uyathuthuzela umntwana
Ngokusekelwe kwezi ngqalelo, i-Ainsworth iphetha ukuba kwakukho iindlela ezintathu eziqhotyoshelweyo: uqhotyoshelweyo oluqhotyoshelweyo, uqhotyoshelweyo olukhuselekileyo nolunqandekileyo olukhuselekile.
AbaPhandi abakhulu kunye noSolomon bongeze isitayela sesine sokuqhaqha esaziwa njenge-dislike-unstable attachment. Izifundo ezininzi ziye zaxhasa izigqibo ze-Ainsworth kunye nophando olongezelelweyo luye lwabonisa ukuba ezi ndlela zokuqala ezinokubambisana zingakunceda ukuqikelela ukuziphatha kwangaphambili kwimpilo.
3 - Ukufakela kwi-Life
Ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukugxeka ingxaki zobudlelwane kubazali bakho, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba izitayela zokunamathisela ezenziwe ngethuba lokuqala kwasebuntwaneni azifani ngokufanayo nalabo abonakaliswe kwiinkcukacha ezinokuthandana kwabantu abadala. Ixesha elide liye laphela phakathi kokusana nabantwana abadala, ngoko ke amava okungenelela nawo adlala indima enkulu kumntu omdala wokuthintela.
Abo bachazwa njengento engabonakaliyo okanye abagwemayo ebuntwaneni banokuqhotyosheliswa ngokukhuselekileyo njengabantu abadala, ngelixa abo banomdla okhuselekileyo ebuntwaneni bangabonisa iipatheni ezinamathelisi ezinokuthi zikhulile. Kuye kucatshangelwa ukuba nomoya osemgangathweni udlala indima ekhethekileyo kwi-attachment.
Ngoko yintoni inxaxheba ezinokubangela ukuhlukanisa okanye ukungaxakali komzali ekudaleni izitayela zokunamathisela? Kwisifundo esinye, uHazan noShaver bafumene ukuba umtshato wesibini wawubonakala ungahambelani nesitayela soqhagamshelwano. Kunoko, uphando lwabo lubonise ukuba ukulungiswa komntu omdala isimboli sokuthintela kwaba yimpembelelo abantu ababenayo malunga nobuhlobo bobudlelwane babo nabazali babo kunye nolwalamano lwabazali babo.
Kodwa uphando kulo mmandla lubonisa ukuba iipateni ezisungulwe ebuntwaneni zinempembelelo ebalulekileyo kubudlelwane obusemva. UHazan noShaver bafumana iinkolelo ezahlukahlukeneyo malunga nolwalamano phakathi kwabantu abadala abaneendlela ezahlukeneyo zokudibanisa. Abantu abadala abanamathele banokukholelwa ukuba uthando luthando luhlala luhlala. Abantu abaxhamliweyo baxela ukuba bahlale bebathandana rhoqo, ngelixa abo abaneendlela zokuzikhusela ezichasayo bachaza uthando njengengqabile nesikhashana.
Nangona singenako ukuthetha ukuba izitayela zokudibanisa zakudala zifana nokuqhotyoshelana komntu omdala, uphando luye lwabonisa ukuba izitayela zokuqhotyoshela kwangaphambili zinokukunceda ukuqikelela iipatheni zokuziphatha ekukhuleni.
I-4 - Okunxulumeneyo okukhuselekileyo Iinkcukacha
Njengabantwana:
- Unako ukuhlukana nomzali
- Funa induduzo evela kubazali xa besoyika
- AmaGrith ukubuya kwabazali abaneemvakalelo ezintle
- Ukukhetha abazali ukuba bangaziwayo
Njengabadala:
- Ukuthembela, ubudlelwane obuhlala
- Yenza ukuzithemba
- Ngaba ukhululekile ukwabelana ngemvakalelo kunye nabalingani kunye nabahlobo
- Funa inkxaso yentlalo
Abantwana abaqhotyoshelwe ngokukhuselekileyo ngokuqhelekileyo babonakala bebuhlungu xa ababeleki babo behamba kwaye bayavuya xa abazali babo bebuya. Xa besoyika, aba bantwana baya kufuna induduzo kumzali okanye umkhathaleli. Uqhagamshelwano oluqaliswe ngumzali luyakwamkelwa ngokusesikweni ngabantwana abaqhotyoshelweyo kwaye bayabingelela ukubuya komzali ngokuziphatha okuhle. Nangona abo bantwana banokuthuthuzelwa ngandlela-thile ngabanye abantu ngokungabikho komzali okanye umnakekeli, bakhetha abazali ngokungafani.
Abazali babantwana abaqhotyoshelwe ngokukhuselekileyo badla ukudlala ngakumbi kunye nabantwana babo. Ukongezelela, aba bazali basabela ngokukhawuleza kwiimfuno zabo zabantwana kwaye ngokubanzi baninzi ukuphendula kubantwana babo kunokuba abazali baxhamle abantwana. Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuba abantwana abanamathele ngokukhululekile banomdla xa besetyenziselwa izigaba zobuntwana. La bantwana baphinde bachazwa njengento ephazamisayo, engacinekanga, kunye nokuvuthwa ngakumbi kunabantwana abanamagama afanelekileyo okanye abaxhasiweyo.
Ngoxa ukwenza isinamathiselo ekhuselekileyo kunye nabanonophelo kuyinto evamile kwaye ilindeleke, njengoko uHazzan noShaver baqaphele, akunjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Abaphandi baye bafumanisa izinto ezininzi ezichaphazela ukuphuhliswa (okanye ukungabi naso) kokuncedisa okukhuselekileyo, ngokukodwa ukuphendula komama kwiintswelo zakhe zintsana ngonyaka wokuqala wokuphila komntwana. Oomama abaphendula ngokungahambisaniyo okanye abaphazamisa imisebenzi yabantwana bavame ukuvelisa iintsana ezihlola ngaphantsi, zikhala ngaphezulu, kwaye zixhalabele. Oomama abahlala benqabe okanye abangayinaki iimfuno zabo iintsana banokuvelisa abantwana abazama ukuphepha ukunxibelelana.
Njengabantu abadala, abo baqhotyoshelwe ngokukhuselekileyo banokuba nethemba lokuthandana, ixesha elide. Ezinye iimpawu eziphambili zabantu abathintekayo zibandakanya ukuzithemba okukhulu , ukuxhamla ubudlelwane obusondeleyo, ukufuna uxhasano loluntu, kunye nokukwazi ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo nabanye abantu.
Kwisifundo esithile, abaphandi bafumanisa ukuba abafazi abanesimboli sokuncedisa abanokuvakalelwa ngakumbi ngabahlobo babo bothando abanomdla kunabanye abasetyhini abanamaxwebhu okunamathisela angakhuselekanga.
Bangaphi abantu abazibandakanya njengokhuseleko oluqhotyoshelweyo? Kuhlolisiso lwe-classic nguHazan no-Shaver, ama-56 ekhulwini abaphenduliweyo bazichazile ngokwabo, ngoxa iipesenti ezingama-25 zichongiwe njengezikhuseli, kunye ne-19 ekhulwini njengento engathandekiyo.
I-5 - I-Attachment Attachment
Njengabantwana:
- Mhlawumbi ungabonwa ngabantu abangaziwa
- Baxineke gqitha xa abazali behamba
- Musa ukuthuthuzelwa xa abazali bebuya
Njengabadala:
- Ukunciphisa ukuba sisondele kwabanye
- Ngxhalaba ukuba iqabane lawo alithandi
- Ukuphazamiseka gqitha xa ubuhlobo buphela
Abantwana abaxhomekeke kwi-intanethi banamathemba kakhulu kubantu abangaziwa. Aba bantwana babonakalisa uxinzelelo olukhulu xa behlukaniswe nomzali okanye umkhathaleli, kodwa ababonakali baqinisekiswa okanye bathuthuzelwa ngumbuyiselo womzali. Kwezinye iimeko, umntwana angamgatya umzali ngokugatya induduzo, okanye angabonakalisa ngokucacileyo ulwaphulo olucacileyo kumzali.
Ngokutsho kweCassidy kunye neBerlin, isinamathiselo esicacileyo esingaqhelekanga, kunye ne-7 ukuya kwi-15 ekhulwini yeintsana zase-United States ezibonisa isimboli sokunamathisela. Ekuhlaziyweni kweencwadi ezinamathelwano ezingabonakaliyo, uCassidy noBerlin nabo bafumanisa ukuba uphando olwenziwa ngokugqithisileyo ludibanisa ngokuqhotyoshelweyo ukuxhaswa okungaqinisekiyo kokungabikho kokungabikho komama. Njengoko aba bantwana bekhula, ootitshala bahlala bechaza njengento yokuxhomekeka kunye nokuxhomekeka kuninzi.
Njengabantu abadala, abo banesitampu esithintekayo sokungathandabuzeki baziva bexhala malunga nokusondelana nabanye kwaye bakhathazeke ukuba iqabane lawo alihambisani nemvakalelo yabo. Oku kukhokelela ekuphuhliseni rhoqo, ngokuqhelekileyo ngenxa yokuba ubudlelwane buziva bubandayo kwaye bude. Aba bantu bazive becace ngakumbi emva kokuphela kobudlelwane. UCassidy noBerlin bachaze omnye umzekelo wendawo yokuhlala apho abantu abadala abathintekayo banamathele kubantwana abancinci njengomthombo wokhuseleko.
6 - I-Attachment Attachment
Njengabantwana:
- Ngamana unokuphepha abazali
- Musa ukudibanisa okanye uthuthuzele kubazali
- Bonisa okuncinci okanye akukho khetho kubazali ngaphandle kwabangaphandle
Njengabadala:
- Unokuba neengxaki zokusondelana
- Ukutshatyalaliswa kancinci kwintlalontle nolwabathandana
- Ukungathandi okanye ukuhluleka ukwabelana ngcamango okanye iimvakalelo kwabanye
Abantwana abanamaqhinga okuthintela bavame ukuphepha abazali kunye nabanakekeli. Oku kuphepheka ngokuqhelekileyo kubangelwa ngokukhethekileyo emva kwexesha lokungabikho. Aba bantwana abanako ukugatya ingqalelo kumzali, kodwa abafuni ukuthuthuzelwa okanye ukudibanisa. Abantwana abanamathintelo okugwema ababonisi ukhetho phakathi komzali kunye nomfo opheleleyo.
Njengabantu abadala, abo banomdla wokukhusela badla ubunzima bokuthandana nobudlelwane obusondeleyo. Aba bantu abatyala imali ebudlelwaneni kunye namava amancinci xa ubuhlobo buphela.
Bavame ukuphepha ukuthandana ngokusebenzisa izizathu (njengamaxesha omsebenzi omude), okanye banokucinga ngomnye abantu ngexesha lesondo. Uphando luye lwabonisa ukuba abantu abadala abanesimboli sokunqanda bayamkela kwaye banokwenzeka ukuba bahlanganyele ngesondo esingaqhelekanga. Ezinye iimpawu eziqhelekileyo ziquka ukuhluleka ukuxhasa amaqabane ngexesha loxinzelelo kunye nokukwazi ukuxelela abanye imizwa, iingcamango, kunye neemvakalelo kunye namaqabane.
7 - Iinkcukacha ezixhaseneyo ezingekho phantsi
Kwiminyaka yobudala:
- Bonisa umxube wokuziphatha okukhuselekayo nokunganyangekiyo
- Kwangathi ibonakala ibunzima, ididekile, okanye ixhala
Kwiminyaka yesithandathu:
- Ngamana ungathatha inxaxheba yabazali
- Abanye abantwana banokusebenza njengomkhathaleli kumzali
Abantwana abanesimo esingathintekiyo sokungathinteki kubonisa ukungabikho kokuziphatha okucacileyo. Izenzo zabo kunye nezimpendulo kubanonophelo zihlala zixubusha iimpawu zokuziphatha, kuquka ukuphepha okanye ukuchasana. Aba bantwana bachazwa njengokuba babonisa ukuziphatha okubalulekileyo, ngamanye amaxesha kubonakala ngathi badidekile okanye baxhalabisayo phambi koonakekeli.
Oyintloko kunye noSolomon bacebisa ukuba ukuziphatha okungahambelaniyo kwinxalenye yabazali kunokubangela ukuba kuluhlu loqhotyoshelweyo. Kwenziwe uphando olutshanje, i-Main kunye neH hesse ithi abazali abenza njengamaxabiso bobabini ukwesaba nokuqinisekiswa kwengane kubambe iqela kwisimboli sokudibanisa esingavumelekanga. Ngenxa yokuba umntwana uziva edibeneyo kwaye esaba ngenxa yomzali, iziphumo zokudideka.
ILizwi
Nangona iziqhotyoshelwano zomntu omdala zingenakulinganiswa ngqo kunye nokuqhagamshelana kwasekuseni, akukho mbuzo ukuba ubudlelwane bethu bokuqala nabanakekeli banendima ekuphuhliseni. Ngokuqonda okungcono indima yokuncedisa, unokufumana ukuxabisa ngakumbi indlela okuqhotyoshelweyo ngayo ebomini bakho kunokuchaphazela ubudlelwane abadala.
> Imithombo:
> Bowlby, J. IsiGaba esisisigxina: Izicelo zoKliniki zeNkcazo yokuQinisekisa. ELondon: uRoutledge; 2012.
> Salter, MD, Ainsworth, MC, Blehar, EW, & Wall, SN. Iipatheni zokuQinisa: Isifundo seSengqondo seSimo esinqabileyo. INew York: UTylor & Francis; 2015.