Kutheni Sivalelwa Ngenye Intlungu
Indoda eyayingenamakhaya yayimi ekhoneni lesitalato kwengubo eboyiweyo eyayinqabileyo kakhulu ngenxa yosuku olubusika olubusika. Wayekhathala njengokuba ebambe uphawu olulula lwekhadibhodi elalifundeka, "Ngenhlanhla yam. Njengoko sihambahamba, iqela lethu elincinane labahlobo kunye nabaqhelana nabo bamisa ixesha lokuba banike loo ndoda idola.
Inkoliso yethu inokuziva ivelwano kunye novelwano kwendoda.
Ngaphandle kwendoda eyaziwayo, owayemi ngasemva ekwenyuka ukuba abantu abangenamakhaya babengabakhululekayo bekhono ekusebenzeni inkqubo. "Mhlawumbi wenza imali engaphezu kwam," waqhubeka ecaphukile njengoko sahamba. Umhlobo wayemnqamle amehlo akhe, entloni yindoda yomkhuhlane wakhe, ukuziphatha okubi.
Kutheni na ukuba xa sibona omnye umntu ehluphekileyo, abanye bethu banako ukuzijonga ngokukhawuleza kwindawo yomnye umntu kwaye bazive novelwano ngenxa yentlungu yabo kanti abanye behlala bengenamdla kwaye bengakhathaleli?
Uvelwano luyintloko.
Ngokuqhelekileyo sinobuchule obuhle kwiimvakalelo zethu neemvakalelo zethu. Kodwa uvelwano luya kusivumela ukuba "sihambe iikhilomitha kwezinye izicathulo zomnye," ukutsho. Ivumela ukuba siqonde iimvakalelo ezithandwa ngumnye umntu.
Kwabaninzi bethu, ukubona omnye umntu ebuhlungu kunye nokuphendula ngokungakhathaleli okanye ukuchasana ngokucacileyo kubonakala kungenakuqondakala. Kodwa ukuba abanye abantu baphendula ngendlela enjalo kubonisa ngokucacileyo ukuba uvelwano aluyiyo impendulo yendalo yonke ekubandezelekeni kwabanye.
Kutheni siva novelwano? Kutheni kubalulekile? Yaye yintoni impembelelo enokuziphatha ngayo?
Yintoni Inceba?
Uvelwano luquka ukukwazi ukuqonda ukuba yintoni enye umntu ejongene nayo. Okubalulekileyo, kukubeka kwindawo yomntu kwaye uzive oko kufuneka ukuba bazive.
Ixesha lentsilelo laliqaliswa okokuqala ngo-1909 ngu-psychologist u- Edward B. Titchener njengenguqu yegama lesiJalimane elithi einfühlung (elisentsingiselo esithi "ukuziva").
Ngoko ukubonisa uvelwano kunye novelwano kukuphi na? Uvelwano luquka ukuxhamla okuninzi, ngoxa uvelwano luquka ngokubanzi umzamo wokuzama ukuqonda omnye umntu.
Ngokweengcali ezahlukeneyo, uvelwano luchazwe ngokuthi:
- "... umbonisi uyasabela emoyeni ngenxa yokuba eqonda ukuba omnye umntu ufumana okanye uvakalelwa ngumvakalelo." - uEzra Stotland, ngo-1969
- "... inzame yomntu oziqhenyayo ukuziqonda ngokungazenzisiyo amava amnandi kunye namava omnye." - ULauren Wispe, ngo-1986
- "... impendulo echaphazelekayo ifanele ngakumbi kwimeko yomntu." - UMartin Hoffman, ngo-1987
Kutheni Ububele Kubalulekile?
Abantu ngokuqinisekileyo banako ukuzingca, ukuziphatha okubi. Ukukhangela ngokukhawuleza kwiphepha lemihla ngemihla libonisa ngokukhawuleza uninzi olungenabubele, oluzingca, nolwenzayo. Umbuzo ke kutheni sonke singenazizinto ezizenzekelayo ngokuzimela? Yintoni eyenza sive iintlungu zomnye size siphendule ngobubele?
Iingcamango ezininzi ziye zacetyiswa ukuba zicacise uvelwano. Ukuhlolwa kokuqala kwisihloko esisekelwe kwingqiqo yesihawu. Isafilosofi uAdam Smith sacebisa ukuba ukuvelana kusenza sikwazi ukuhlangabezana nezinto ezingenakuze sizikwazi ukuziva ngokupheleleyo.
I-sociologist uHerbert Spencer wacetyisa ukuba uvelwano luye lwasebenza ngomsebenzi olungeleyo kwaye uncedwe ekusindeni kwezilwanyana.
Iindlela zakutshanje zijolise kwiinkqubo zengqondo kunye neuroloki ezibangelwa uvelwano. Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukuba imimandla eyahlukeneyo yengqondo idlala indima ebalulekileyo ekuveleni inceba, kuquka i-cortex yangaphambili kunye ne-insula yangaphakathi.
Uvelwano lukhokelela ekuncedeni ukuziphatha, okuzuzisa ubudlelwane boluntu. Singabantu izidalwa zentlalo. Izinto ezinceda ubudlelwane bethu nabanye abantu zisinceda nathi. Xa abantu beva novelwano, banokukwazi ukubandakanya iimpawu zokuziphatha ezixhamla abanye abantu.
Izinto ezinjenge- altruism kunye nobuqhawe nazo zidibaniswa nokuziva abanye.
Kutheni Ngamanye amaxesha singabikho Ukungabi Nesihe
Njengoko ibali ekuqaleni kwendima ibonisa, kungekhona wonke umntu uva novelwano kuyo yonke imeko. Umyeni wam obaziyo wayengekho uvelwano, uvelwano, okanye imfesane kwindoda engenamakhaya ephazamisayo kwisitratato sasebusika ebandayo, kwaye yada yabonisa ubutha kuye. Ngoko kutheni siva novelwano kwabanye abantu kodwa kungekhona kwabanye? Inani lezinto ezahlukeneyo lidlala indima. Indlela esiyiqonda ngayo omnye umntu, indlela esichaza ngayo ukuziphatha kwabo, into esiyibeka ngayo isohlwayo ngomnye umntu, kwaye amava ethu adlulileyo kunye nokulindela konke kuya kudlala.
Kwinqanaba elisisiseko, kubonakala ngathi kukho izinto ezibalulekileyo ezibangela ukuba sikwazi ukuvelana novelwano: i-genetics kunye nentlalo. Okubaluleke kakhulu, ikhupha umrhumo onxulumene nemvelo kunye nokunyusa . Abazali bethu badlulela kwiijeni ezithintelayo kubuntu bethu bonke, kubandakanye ukuthanda kwethu, ukuvelana novelwano. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, nathi sinxulumana nabazali bethu, oontanga bethu, uluntu lwethu noluntu. Indlela esinokuphatha ngayo abanye, nendlela esivakalelwa ngayo ngabanye, idla ngokubonisa imfundiso kunye nezithethe ezifakwe kwincinci.
Izizathu ezimbalwa zokuba kutheni abantu ngezinye iinkhathi bengenalo uvelwano:
- Siba sisisulu seengxaki zokuziqonda: Ngamanye amaxesha indlela esiyiqonda ngayo ihlabathi elikusijikelezayo ithonyelwa yinkalo yezinto ezinengqiqo . Ngokomzekelo, sisoloko sichaza ukuba ezinye iintsilelo zabantu zingenazo iimpawu zangaphakathi, ngelixa zigxeka zethu iimpazamo kwizinto zangaphandle. Ezi zintlupheko zingenza kube nzima ukubona zonke izinto ezifaka isandla kwiimeko kwaye zenze kube lula ukuba siyakwazi ukubona imeko kwimeko yomnye.
- Sidinga amaxhoba: Abantu bawela kwixhoba lokucinga ukuba abantu abahlukileyo nathi abavakalelwa kwaye baziphathe ngendlela efanayo nathi. Oku kuqhelekileyo kwiimeko xa abanye abantu bekude kude nathi. Xa sibheka iingxelo zeentlekele okanye ukungquzulana kwelizwe langaphandle, kusenokuba sinokuva uvelwano xa sicinga ukuba abo bahluphekayo bahluke ngokukodwa kunathi.
- Sinokugxeka amaxhoba: ngamanye amaxesha xa omnye umntu ehlupheke ngamava amaninzi, abantu benza iphutha lokumangalela ixhoba ngenxa yeemeko zakhe. Uvame ukhe uva abantu bebuza ukuba yintoni na isilwaphulo-mthetho esibe senzile ukukhupha ukuhlaselwa? Olu tyekelo luvela kwiimfuno zethu zokukholelwa ukuba ihlabathi lifanelekileyo kwaye lilungile. Ukuba sikholelwa ukuba abantu bafumana oko bafanelwe kwaye bafanelwe oko bakufumeneyo, kusisiphofu ekucingeni ukuba izinto ezinjalo ezimbi zingeke zenzeke kuthi.
Ngoxa uvelwano lungahle lwenzeke ngethuba ngamanye amaxesha, abaninzi abantu bayakwazi ukuvakalela abanye ngeemeko ezahlukeneyo. Ukukwazi ukubona izinto kumbono womnye umntu kunye novelwano nemvakalelo yomnye kudlala indima ebalulekileyo kwimpilo yethu yentlalo. Imfesane ivumela ukuba siqonde abanye kwaye, ngokuthe rhoqo, siyanchukumisa ukuba sithathe isenzo ukuze sikhuphe intlungu yomnye umntu.
> Imithombo:
> Davis, MH (1994). Imfesane: Indlela yokuPhatha kwezeNtlalo. Madison, Wisconson: Westview Press, Inc.
> Epley, N. (2014). Ngengqiqo: Indlela esiyiqonda ngayo oko abanye bacinga, ukukholelwa, ukuziva, nokufuna . Uhlobo.
> Hoffman, ML (1987). Igalelo leNzengoma yoBulungisa kunye noMgwebo wokuziphatha. Ku-N. > Eisenbert > noJ Strayer (u-Eds.), Uvelwano kunye noPhuhliso lwayo. I-New York: I-Cambridge University Press.
> Stotland, E. (1969). I-Psychology of Hope. Jossey-Bass.
> Wispe, L. (1986). Ukwahlukana Phakathi Kobubele Nevelwano: Ukufowunela IQhinga, kufuneka iLizwi. Umbhalo woBuntu kunye neNzululwazi yeNtlalo, 50 (2) , 314-321.