Iindaba eziBali ezivela kwi-Adult Children of Alcoholics
Utywala lunokuba luncedo kwaye luxhaphaza xa besela. Ngenxa yoko, abantwana babo ngezinye izihlandlo bakhula besaba ngabantu abanobukrakra. Nangona nje ukuchasana okanye ukuxabana kunokunyusa uxhalaba, kuba kukho ukwesaba ukuba imeko ingase iqhubekele ekugqibeleni okanye kubundlobongela.
Nangona ukwesaba abantu abanomsindo ngumgangatho oqhelekileyo wabantwana abadala abadakwa , banokuba nesiphumo kwimimandla emininzi yophuhliso, kubandakanywa nabantwana abakhuliswa ngumzali onobuthi (kodwa ongeyomnxila) (njengalezo ezineenkathazo zobuntu bentloko B) njengengxaki ye-narcissistic personality) kwaye wabhekana nokuphathwa kakubi ngokomzimba, kwengqondo, okanye ngokwesondo.
Abantwana abadala abakwi-alcoholic okanye abafihlakeleyo abazali abanetyhefu bahlala besilwa kanzima, njengoko bengenakukwazi ukuxhatshazwa ngokomzimba kunye nokuxhwaleka kwabo.
Ukuchasana nokuziphatha okukrakra kunye nokuxhaphaza njengomntwana kuthintela njani ubudlelwane bomntwana omdala xa evelele entliziyweni? Ukuqonda intsingiselo yempembelelo yakho kunokukunceda ukuba ugweme ukuziphatha kakubi okungaqhubeka kukuchaphazela ixesha elide emva kokusetyenziswa kakubi kwabantwana.
Indlela Abanxilisayo Abavakalelwa Ngayo Abantu Bomsindo nabangcolileyo
Nangona ukujikeleza abantu abanomsindo kunye neetyhefu kunokukhokelela ekuxhalabeni okukhulu kwabantwana abadala basxila, iindlela ezithile ezibonakaliswa ngazo. Ezinye zezi ziphatha zibonakala zibonakala zibala, ezifana nokungafuni ukunyuka nokumemeza, kodwa abanye, njengabantu abonwabileyo kunye nokuzicwangcisa, ayabonakali kangako nangona kungenanto inzima.
Abaninzi abantwana abakhulu banxila kunye nabazali abanetyhefu abanako ukuqonda ukuba bayaziva bekrakra ngabantu abanobukrakra kodwa baya kuxoxisana nezinye iindlela zokuzikhusela ezingezantsi eziye zathatha ukujongana noloyiko.
Ingxaki ebalulekileyo xa ezi ziphathekayo zihamba zingagxininiswa kukuba ziyakwazi ukukhokelela abantu ukuba baphumelele ubudlelwane obunobuthi kwixesha elizayo. Ngokomzekelo, ezinye zeziganeko eziqhelekileyo phakathi kwabantwana abadala abanxilisayo zingenza umbane kumntu ohlukumezayo kunye nokujoliswe lula kubaxhasi. Makhe sijonge ezinye zezi "ndlela zokuhlangabezana" ezinokuthi zibe ne-maladaptive xa ziqhubela phambili ebomini.
Isidingo Sokulungisa Izinto
Abantwana benxila kunye nabazali abanetyhefu baziva befuna imfuneko enkulu yokulungisa iingxaki, nangona xa ingxaki yabo ingayilungisi. Isidingo 'sokulungisa izinto' sinokucinywa kunye nokukhupha emoyeni, kwaye ngenxa yokuba asikwazi ukulungisa abanye abantu (kufuneka bazinyame) ngokusoloko kuphucuka.
Omnye umfazi wachaza ukuba ufuna ukulungisa izinto ngale ndlela:
Ndiyilungise! Ndiziva ndothuka xa kukho umntu onomsindo kum kwaye ndiziva ngathi kufuneka ndilungise ngokukhawuleza. Ndizibeka kwiimeko ezixhatshazelisayo okanye ndiqiniseke ukuba andifanelekanga uncedo kuba andinayo into embi njengabanye abantu. Ndiziva ndedwa kwaye ndiyingozi ngeli xesha.
Abantwana abadala bezonxila banokuphelisa kakhulu . Nangona ezinye iimbopheleleko zintle-njengokuthatha uxanduva malunga nokuziphatha kwakho-kuba yi-maladaptive xa uzibeka uxanduva lokuziphatha komnye.
Abasetyhini bachatshazelwa ngumzali onxilisayo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo kunamadoda, kwaye banakho amathuba okuba "ngabacwangcisi." Oku kunjalo ngokukodwa kwimeko yentombi endala. Isidingo 'sokulungisa izinto' sinokuqina kangangokuba abaninzi abantwana abadala bakuchaza ubunzima bokuzonwabisa emehlweni abo.
Kungathatha iminyaka emininzi (ukuba ngaba njalo) ngaphambi kokuba abantwana abadala bakwazi ukubuyela emva kwaye bazikhumbuze ukuba abaxanduva lokulungisa okanye ukulungisa imiba yomnye umntu.
Ukwenza njalo, ke, unokukhululeka kakhulu, kunye nabantwana abadala abaye basebenza ekudluleleni isidingo sabo sokulungisa izinto badla ngokuthetha malunga nokuba "baninzi" bavakalelwa njani. Ngelishwa, abantu abanetyhefu badla ngokuvuyisa kakhulu ukuvumela omnye umntu ukuba athathe iingxaki zabo. Ngamanye amagama, ukuba utshintsho luya kwenzeka, kufuneka luvela kuwe.
Ukungathembeki kokumemeza nokukhwaza
Ukuva ukukhala nokumemeza kungabandezeleka kakhulu kubantwana abadala. Abaninzi abasinda kubundlobongela kwabantwana bafumanisa ukuba banomdla kakhulu kuncoko enkulu okanye inzima, ingaba kwenzeka phakathi kwabahlobo okanye kuphela kwimiboniso yeTV.
Omnye umntu wachaza ngale ndlela:
Ndiya kuthiya ukukhala nokukhala! Akuzange kubekho ukuxhaphazwa ngokomzimba kum okanye kubantakwabo babini, kodwa kwakukho kakubi ukuthetha kakubi. Ubawo wayenokusebenzisa kakubi umama wam umzimba nangokwengqondo. Ndithiyile ukukhala kunye nokumemeza kwaye nanamhlanje asinakukwazi ukuthetha ngokukhawuleza okanye ukukhala.
Akunjalo nje kuphela iimpendulo zethu zokumemeza nokunyamezela, kodwa zingakhokelela ekuziphatheni okubi kunye nokuzihlukanisa. Unokufumanisa ukuba uyaziphepha abantu okanye imeko apho kukho ithuba lokuba kukho ukungavumelani kwamagama.
Ukuphila Ngoloyikiyo
Ukukhula njengomntwana wotywala okanye omnye umxhaphazi kunokukhokelela kwimeko yokwesaba rhoqo. Ngelishwa, ololoyiko lunokuqhubeka kwaye lubangelwa ukuhlangana okungaphantsi kwexesha elizayo.
Omnye umntu wachaza ngale ndlela:
Yonke imihla yayiyikrakra! Ndandesaba oko kwakuza kwenzeka xa utata wabuya ekhaya imihla ngemihla. Ndandisoloko ndifungela kakhulu kwaye ndithandazela ukuba akayi kumbetha umama okanye enze umcimbi omkhulu. Yonke imihla yayiyikrokrele kum, ibuya ekhaya isuka esikolweni kwaye ndicinga ukuba yayiza kwenzeka ntoni xa ubaba efika ekhaya. Ngaba uya kunxila, ngaba uya kundibetha okanye ambethe umama?
Ukuba wakhula kwindawo efana nale, kukho isizathu sokwesaba rhoqo. Nangona kunjalo abantwana abaninzi abakhulileyo bayaqhubeka beqhuba loloyiko emva kokuba umthombo wesaba uphelile.
Akukuphela nje oku kungashiya ngokwemvakalelo, kodwa sifunda ukuba imizimba yethu "igcina umkhondo." Ukuxinezeleka ngokomzwelo kubangela ukukhululwa kwama- hormone oxinzelelo , okuya kuqhubeka, kungakhokelela kwiingxaki zomzimba ngokunjalo.
I-Target elula yee-Bullies
Abantwana abadala abakhula kunye nomnxila okanye umzali onobuthi badla ngokubhekiselele kubakrolizi. Siva ngokukhawuleza malunga nokuxhatshazwa kwezikolo, kodwa ukuxhatshazwa kwintsapho kuninzi kakhulu. Xa abantwana bekhulile kunye nomntu omdala ohlukumezayo, banokufumana olunye uhlobo loloyiko nabanye abantu abadala okanye nabani na abasesikhundleni solawulo.
Omnye umntu wachaza ngale ndlela:
Ndiyicala elilula kubaxhatshazi! Ndikwesaba kakhulu abantu abanobukrakra, igunya okanye nayiphi na ingxabano, kuba lula kubaxhatshazi ukuba bahambe yonke indawo njengoko ndibonakala ngathi ndivumba 'lobubuthakathaka' kunye 'nexhoba' ukuba banokuphunga imitha.
Siva ukuba izidalwa zasendle zikwazi "ukuvumba ukwesaba" kwaye loo nto inokuthi yenzeke phakathi kwezilwanyana zabantu. Ukuba umntwana omdala wobunxilisayo ubonakala ebuthathaka okanye enengqondo yexhoba, kufana nokuba bavakalisa abantu abanomdla wokusetyenziswa kakubi ngokweziyobisi okanye izilwanyana zokuxhaphaza.
Ulwaphulo okanye ukuba kwiqela lenkxaso linokukunceda kakhulu ngale ndlela. Kwimeko ekhuselekileyo ye-in-person okanye iqela lokuxhasa i-intanethi, abantwana abadala bayakwazi ukubonisa ukuzithemba ekusebenzisaneni kwabo nabanye ngokudlala indima. Ukwenza ubudlelwane obuthembayo njengalezi ziindawo zokufunda ukuba ulwalamano lwabantu abadala lungaba lugxininisa, kwaye lubeke umntu ekulawuleni.
Impikiswano yokugwema ukuziphatha
Impikiswano yokugwema ingxabano phakathi kwabantwana abadala basezidakamizwa kunye nabanye abaxhaphazwa njengabantwana. Iimbambano ezikhunjulwayo ukusuka ebuntwaneni zibuhlungu gqitha ukuba abantu bazame ukuphepha naluphi na uhlobo lwengxabano-nokuba luhlobo oluqhelekileyo lokungquzulana oluyimfuneko kubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo.
Omnye umntu uchaza ngale ndlela:
Ndiyakuphepha naluphi na uhlobo lokulwa! ndingenakho ukuzithemba, andinakukwazi ukubonisa iimvakalelo, andizange ndiphumelele ubudlelwane. Ndandisoloko ndizama ukubamba izinto ndawonye ukuzama ukuphepha naluphi na uhlobo lwengxabano.
Nangona ukuphepha ingxabano kunokunciphisa intlungu ebuntwaneni, kunokubangela intlungu xa udala umntu ngokukhusela ingxaki kunye nokunyamezela nantoni na malunga nokuziphatha kwabanye. Ngabantu "abaqhelekileyo", kuyaqhelekile ukuba kungavumelani. Asikwazi ukufunda iingqondo zomnye! Kwaye aba bantu abanalo ingqalelo ukuba kukho into ekukukhathazayo okanye engavumelekanga kuwe ngaphandle kokuba uthethe.
Abantwana benxila bahlala beengxaki malunga nobudlelwane obusondeleyo obuvela kulokhu ukukwazi ukulungisa ingxabano.
Ngaba Abantu Abathukutheleyo Bethusa?
Ngaba abantu abathukutheleyo bayethusa? Ngaba uzifumanisa ukulwa nokulwa kunye nazo zonke iindleko? Unokuba unqwenela ukuthatha abantwana bethu abadala abadala beengxaki zokuhlola izidakamizwa ukuze babone ukuba uthintekile ngezinye iindlela kunye nokukhula njengomntwana onxilisayo okanye omnye umntu ongeyisebenzisayo.
Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba le nto ifanelekile, unokuba udidekile xa uthetha nabantu abakhulele emakhaya "aqhelekileyo". Enyanisweni, unokudandatheka xa ufunda iimem efana ne-Facebook malunga nendlela omele uyenze ngayo unyoko nonina naphezu kweziphoso zabo. Abantu abaye babhala la ma memes amnandi mhlawumbi abazange bazi ukuba kwakunjani ukukhula njengoko wenzayo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, unokuziva udidekile ngendlela abanye abakwazi ngayo ukusetha imida nokusingqongileyo. Abaninzi abaninzi bamadaka abadakileyo abazi nje ukuba ziphi na eziqhelekileyo .
Ngaphantsi kwindlela abaNxila beNxila abajamelene ngayo nabantu abanomsindo kunye noTyhefu
Ukuba uzibona nakweyiphi na indlela yokuziphatha echazwe ngasentla, kukho ithemba. Abaninzi abantwana abakhulu banxila kunye nabanye abazali abanetyhefu bayazifumana bezinye ubudlelwane nabantu abanetyhefu kwixesha elizayo, kwaye iindlela zokubhekana nokuloyika zihlala zizisekele ezi zigqibo.
Ukuba nolwazi luyindlela yokuqala kunye neyona nto ibalulekileyo ekuphuculeni ukuxhaphazwa kwabantwana (kunye nabantu abadala). Kukho izixhobo ezininzi ezikhoyo.
Abantwana abadala beentlanganiso zoNxila bangabalulekanga nje kuphela kubabantwana abadala abadakayo kodwa abantwana abadala abadala bezityhefu ngokubanzi. Amanye amaqela enkxaso afana neCodependents Anonymous ahlala ejongene neziphathamandla ezixoxwe ngazo kweli nqaku.
I-Intanethi kukho amaqela e-Facebook kubantwana abadala abazali abanetyhefu kunye nabantwana abadala abakhulayo kunye nabahlukumezayo abazali abajongene nale miba yonke imihla.
Ezi ntlanganiso azikhumbuzi nje abantwana abadala ukuba abodwa, kodwa zizinto ezintle zokufunda ukulungelelanisa iindlela zokulungisa iingxabano kunye nomsindo kwabanye.
Ngamanye amaxesha ukusebenza kunye nomphengululi kunokuba luncedo kakhulu. Akunabo bonke oogqirha abafanayo, kwaye ogqirha oqeqeshwe kwiintsholongwane zengxakini unokuxhotyiswa kangcono ukukunceda ukulungisa iidlulileyo kunye nokuqhubela phambili kwiindlela eziphilileyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ugqirha uya kuzama ukujonga ngokucophelela kubini abantu abachaphazelekayo kwimeko. Nangona kunjalo kunye nabantwana abadala bomnxila kunye nabanye abasindayo bokuxhaphazwa kwabantwana, umntwana osemdala uhlala esele ephethe isigxina kumacala omabini omba. Ukutshintsha ukutshintsha kwimeko eqhelekileyo kwaye kunokushiya abantu beziva bexakekile. Icandelo lokubuyiswa kwonyango lifunda ukuvuma ukuba umcimbi awukho nawe.
Ukusebenza ngokusebenzisa iimpawu ozifumanayo ngenxa yokukhula njengomntwana onxilisayo kubonakala kungenakulungileyo. Abasinda abadala abakhuselekiswa ngabantwana, njengeqela, abantu abafuna unyango kuba omnye umntu ufuna unyango. Kodwa ukufuna uncedo kungenza umehluko omkhulu kwixesha lakho elizayo impumelelo kunye nolonwabo. Ukuba ukholelwa ukuba ufanelane nomfanekiso esiwucwecwe apha, funani inkxaso. Uya kufunda ukuba abantu abaninzi bakhula ngaphaya kobundlobongela abaye bafumana kunye nokuziphatha abaye bafumana ukukholisa ubomi obunelisayo kunye nolonwabo.
> Imithombo:
> Hinrichs, J., DeFife, J., kunye noD. Westen. Ubuntu be-Subtypes kwi-Adolescent and Children's Adult of Alcoholics. I-Journal ye-Nervous and Mental Disease . 2011. 199 (7): 487-498.
> Huh, H., Kim, S., Yu, J., noJee. Inkathazo yabantwana kunye neengxaki zokuBambisana kwabasebenzi abadala kwiingxaki ezixinzelelekileyo kunye neengxaki zokuxhalabisa. Iingxelo zeGeneral Psychiatry . 2014. 13:26.
> Kearns-Bodkin, J., noK. Leonard. Ubudlelwane bokuSebenzisana phakathi koBantwana abaPhuzo bokuNxila. I-Journal of Studies on Alcohol and drugs . 2008. 69 (6): 941-950.