Yiyiphi eya kuqala, inkukhu okanye iqanda? Yiyiphi eya kuqala, iimpawu zokudandatheka okanye iingcamango ezingathembekiyo ?
Kwiimeko ezininzi, ukuxinezeleka ngokwenene kubangelwa yimicabango engathandabuzekiyo, ebizwa ngokuba yimpembelelo engqondweni. Xa izinto ezimbi zenzeke, siqala ukuzibetha ngeengcamango ezinjengokuthi andiyiyo , ndiyihluleka ngokupheleleyo okanye akukho nto ihamba ngayo .
Iimvakalelo zethu zilandela into esiyicinga ngayo, kwaye iingcamango ezintle ezifana nalezi zingasithumela ekuhlaleni.
Le ngongoma ngumgaqo okhokelayo kwindlela yokwelapha kwengqondo , uhlobo oluthile lwe-psychotherapy olusungulwa ngumfoli-zengqondo u- Aaron T. Beck ngawo-1960. Ukuba sicinga into esoloko yaneleyo, siqala ukukholelwa yinyani kwaye iimvakalelo zethu zifanisana noko sicinga ngako ngathi. Ukuze sinqobe ukudandatheka , kufuneka simise ezo zicamango ezingekho phantsi kokuzenzekelayo kwaye zithathele indawo ezintle, ezinyanisekileyo. Ngokufaka ezi ngcamango kwi-bud, sinokunqanda ukudandatheka ngaphambi kokuqala.
Ulwaphulo lweengqondo lujoliswe kwiindlela ezili-10 eziqhelekileyo zokuphazamiseka, okanye iindlela zokucinga eziphosakeleyo, ezithumela ekudakaleni. Khangela ukuba uyazibona naziphi na ezi.
Yonke-okanye-Akukho Nicinga
UJohn usanda kufaka isicelo sokuphakanyiswa kwenkampani yakhe. Umsebenzi waya komnye umqeshwa onamava amaninzi. UJohn wayefuna lo msebenzi kakubi kwaye ngoku uvakalelwa kukuba akaze aphakanyiswe.
Uvakalelwa kukuba ulwahluleka ngokupheleleyo kumsebenzi wakhe.
Ukugqithisa
ULinda unesizungu kwaye kaninzi uchitha ixesha lakhe ekhaya. Ngamanye amaxesha abahlobo bakhe bamcela ukuba aphume isidlo kwaye adibane nabantu abatsha. ULinda uvakalelwa kukuba oko akunakuncedo ukuzama ukudibana nabantu. Akukho mntu uyamthanda. Abantu bathetha konke kwaye bangenasiphelo.
Isihlungi sengqondo
UMariya unemihla embi. Njengoko eqhuba ekhaya, umnene onomusa ugxuma ukuba ahambe phambi kwakhe njengoko edibanisa kwisithuthi. Kamva ekuhambeni kwakhe, omnye umqhubi uyamnqumla. Uyaziqhayisa ukuba akukho nto ngaphandle kwabantu abangenangqondo nabangenakukhathazeka kwisixeko sakhe.
Ukungafanelekanga okulungileyo
U-Rhonda wayenomfanekiso wakhe. Umhlobo wakhe umxelela indlela enhle ekhangele ngayo. I-Rhonda ibhuqa ngaphandle kokuncoma ngokuthi umfoto-mfanekiso kufuneka ukuba wayichukumise umfanekiso. Akaze abuke okulungileyo ebomini bokwenene, ucinga.
Ukujikela kwizigqibo
UChuck ulindele usuku lwakhe kwindawo yokutyela. Kule mizuzu engama-20 ngokukhawuleza. UChuck uzilalela ukuba kufuneka ukuba wenze into engalunganga kwaye ngoku uye wammisa. Okwangoku, edolophini, umhla wakhe unamathele kwindlela.
Ukumiswa kunye nokuncitshiswa
UScott udlala ibhola. Uqhawula umdlalo asebenzele iiveki. Kamva ubala amanqaku okuphumelela. Abadlali beqela lakhe bayamncoma. Ubaxelela ukuba wayedlala kangcono; i-touchdown yayingumntu onothambile.
Ukuqiqa Ngokomzwelo
ULaura ukhangelelene nomzi wakhe ongenasiphako kwaye uziva ephazamiseke ngethemba lokucoca. Uvakalelwa kukuba akukho nethuba lokuzama ukucoca.
Ngaba maNkcazo
UDavid uhleli egumbini lakhe lokulinda. Ugqirha wakhe usebenza ngokukhawuleza. UDavid uhleli phantsi, ecinga, "Ngokuba ndihlawula phi, kufuneka abe ngexesha. Uphelelwa ngumvandedwa kwaye unomsindo.
Ukubhalwa kunye nokuLawula
UDonna wayekukhohlisa ekudleni kwakhe. Ndingumnqatha, ingulube enobucebe , ucinga.
Ukwenziwa komntu
Unyana kaJean wenza kakubi esikolweni. Uziva ukuba kufuneka abe ngumama omubi. Uvakalelwa kukuba yonke into ayifuniyo ukuyifunda.
Ukuba uyayibona nayiphi na yale migaqo ngaphakathi kwakho, ngoko uhlala khona. Nantsi umsebenzi owenziwa ekhaya: Kule iveki ezimbalwa ezalandelayo, jonga iindlela zokuzikhusela ekuphenduleni kwiimeko.
Ziqhelise ukuqonda iimpendulo zakho ezizenzekelayo. Ngoku siza kuthatha ukuphazamiseka kweengcamango ezingenhla kwaye sixoxe ngamanye amaqhinga anamandla anokubangela ukukhupha i-blues ngaphambi kokuqala.
Yonke-okanye-Akukho Nicinga
Olu hlobo lokucinga lubonakaliswe ngokungagqibekanga njengoko kunjalo , akusoloko , naphakade . Zimbalwa iimeko ezize zenzeke. Kukho imimandla ebomvu. Inkqubo omele uyenze apha ukuphelisa le migaqo ecacileyo kwisigama sakho, ngaphandle kweemeko apho zisetyenziswa khona ngokwenene. Khangela inkcazelo echanekileyo yimeko. Nasi umzekelo wokuzimela-ndlela uYohane angasetyenziswa ukujamelana nokungafumani olo phuhliso: "Ndiyifunayo lo msebenzi, kodwa waya kumntu onamava amaninzi. Oku kudidekayo kum, kodwa akuthethi ukuba Andiyena umqeshwa omhle.Amanye amathuba aya kufumaneka kwixesha elizayo.Uya kuhlala ndisebenza kwizakhono zam ukuze ndibe ngabalungele xa befika. Ndiye ndaphuma emsebenzini wam. "
Ukugqithisa
Xa umntu engaphezu kwe-overgeneralizes, omnye uthatha ityala elide okanye amatyala kwaye uthatha ukuba zonke ezinye ziyafana. Ngaba ngokwenene abantu bayathetha kwaye bangenakuyithanda? Kuthiwani ngabahlobo bakhe abazama ukumenza aphume? Kucacile ukuba unomntu omkhathalelayo. Ngexesha elizayo xa uzibamba ngokweqile, khumbuza ukuba nangona iqela labantu lingabelana ngolunye into efanayo, bahlukeneyo kwaye bahlukile. Akukho bantu ababini bafana ngokufanayo. Kukho abantu abanentsingiselo nabangenangqiqo kweli hlabathi. Ku nokuba kukho nabantu abangakuthandiyo. Kodwa, kungekhona wonke umntu oya kufumana le nkcazo. Ngokucinga ukuba wonke umntu akayithandi, uyakha udonga oluza kukuthintela ukuba ube nesifiso sokwenene.
Isihlungi sengqondo
Xa umntu ehlaselwa yicandelo lokuhlunga ngengqondo, afuna ukukhupha iziganeko ezimbi ebomini babo kunye nokujonga izinto ezintle. Funda ukujonga ukuba isilivere idibene kuyo yonke ifu. Konke malunga nendlela okhetha ngayo ukuvumela ukuba iziganeko zichaphazele. UMariya wayenokuziphendulela yonke imihla xa wayelumkele loo ndoda enhle eyayiphuma indlela yokumnceda.
Ukungafanelekanga okulungileyo
Thina sihlaziyileyo sinamakhosi xa sithatha into elungileyo kwimeko size siyiphendule. Ingxenye yale nto ivela kwisitya sokuba ne- self-esteem . Siziva ngathi asifanelekanga. Indlela yokuguqula le nto ilula. Ngexesha elizayo xa umntu eyancoma, xhathisa ilizwi elincinci elingaphakathi elithi ungakufanelanga. Yithi nje "mbulela" kwaye umomotheka. Ukwenza oku ngakumbi, kuya kuba lula.
Ukujikela kwizigqibo
Kwakhona, siba sisisulu sezinto zethu zokungaqiniseki. Siyilindele ngakumbi kwaye siqale ukulungiselela ukuphoxeka kwangethuba. Ngelo xesha sithola ukuba konke ukwesaba kwethu kwakungenasiseko, siye sazisebenzisela ekubhokoxeni kunye nento? Ngexesha elilandelayo yenza oku: Mnike umntu inzuzo yokungathandabuzeki . Uya kuzigcina ubuninzi bokukhathazeka okungadingekile. Ukuba ukwesaba kwakho kunokwakheka ngokoqobo, ke ke, ukulahla loo mntu ebomini bakho njengezambane ezishisayo.
Ukumiswa kunye nokuncitshiswa
Ngaba uke wakhangela i-telescope ekhokelo olungalunganga? Yonke into ibonakala ilona kuneyona nto ingakumbi. Xa ukhangela kwelinye siphelo, yonke into ibonakala ikhulu. Abantu abawela kumgca wokuphakanyiswa / ukunciphisa ukujonga zonke iimpumelelo zabo ngokuphela kokungahambi kakuhle kwe-telescope kunye nokusilela kwabo ngenye indlela.
Yintoni ongayenza ukuze uhlale kude nale mpazamo kwaye unqande iingcamango zakho ezimbi? Khumbula ilizwi elidala, "Akakwazi ukubona ihlathi ngemithi?" Xa siphutha iibhugi, siyakulibala ukujonga umfanekiso wonke. Phindela emva kwaye ujonge ehlathini ngoku kwaye. Ngokubanzi, uScott wadlala umdlalo omhle. Kuthekani ukuba wenza i mpazamo?
Ukuqiqa Ngokomzwelo
U-Laura usekele ukuhlola kwakhe kwimeko malunga nendlela eyenza ukuba azive ukuba akunjani ngokwenene. Kungamenza azive engalunganga ukuba acinge ngomsebenzi omkhulu ozayo phambi kwayo, kodwa ingenalo ithemba? Enyanisweni, ukucoca indlu yakhe yinto enokuyenza. Akayikuziva nje. Ufikelele kwisigqibo sokuba akunamsebenzi ukuzama ukusekelwe kwinto yokuba uyangqina.
Xa imeko ivakalelwa kakhulu, zama le nto ukuyeka iingcamango zakho ezimbi: Gweba umsebenzi ukuya kwiincinci. Emva koko phawula oko kubaluleke kakhulu kuwe. Ngoku, yenza umsebenzi wokuqala oluhlu lwakho. Kholwa okanye cha, uya kuqala ukuziziva ulungele kwaye ulungele ukufumana ngaphezulu. Into ebalulekileyo kukuba nje wenze into ekujoliswe kuyo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba luncinane kangakanani, luqala kwaye luya kukuphazamisa ngaphandle kokuziva uncedo.
Ngaba maNkcazo
Sonke sicinga ukuba izinto kufanele zibe yindlela ethile, kodwa makhe sijamelane nazo, azinjalo. Gxininisa into ongayitshintsha kwaye ukuba awukwazi ukuyitshintsha, yamkele njengenxalenye yobomi uze uqhubeke. Impilo yakho yengqondo ibaluleke ngaphezu kweendlela "izinto ezifunekayo."
Ukubhalwa kunye nokuLawula
Yintoni eyenziwe nguDonna kumzekelo wethu iilebula ngokwayo ivila kwaye ingenathemba. Ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuqiqa ukuba ekubeni engakwazi ukunciphisa umzimba, unokutya. Ngoku sele ngokuzibethelela ngokuphila ngokubhekiselele kwileyibhile ayifake kuyo. Xa sizithelekisa, sizibeka ukuba sibe yinto enoba iileyibhile iquka. Oku kunokusebenza ngokulula kumsebenzi wethu.
Nantsi oko uDonna wayenokwenza ukuze enze umsebenzi wokubhaliweyo. Wayenokuqwalasela into yokuba kude kube ngoku uye waqina. Wayenokuzixolela nje ngokuba ngumntu kwaye aqonde ukuba usebenze kanzima ukuze alahlekelwe isisindo kwaye uphumelele. Oku kuyimpendulo yesikhashana engokuyinqoba. Ngokubanzi, ungumntu oqinileyo kwaye uqinisekisile ngokulahlekelwa kwindleko yakhe ephumelelayo. Ngolu hlobo lokucinga okulungileyo, uDonna uya kuziva ephucukileyo kwaye aphinde asebenze kwiinjongo zakhe zokulahlekelwa kwesisindo ngaphandle kwexesha.
Ukwenziwa komntu
Ngokomzekelo wethu, uJean uthatha yonke imbopheleleko yokuba indodana yakhe yenza njani esikolweni. Ukwahluleka ukuba acinge ukuba unyana wakhe ngumntu ekugqibeleni nguye uxanduva lwakhe. Unako ukwenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuba amkhokele, kodwa ekugqibeleni ulawula izenzo zakhe. Ngexesha elizayo xa uzithola uzenza oku, zibuze, "Ngaba ndiza kuthatha ikhredithi ukuba lo mntu wenza into ethile edunyiswayo?" Unokuthi, "Hayi, wafeza oko ngokwakhe." Ngoko kutheni uzigxeka xa wenza into engavunyelwanga ngayo? Ukubetha kwakho akuyi kutshintsha indlela yakhe yokuziphatha. Nguye kuphela onokukwenza.
Izisombululo endazibonise apha zizinye zeemeko eziqhelekileyo esizifumanayo. Thatha le mizekelo uze wenze izicwangciso zakho ezilungileyo kwiingcamango zakho ezimbi. Ukuqaphela ukuba uyayenza inyathelo lokuqala. Emva koko udlale ummeli womtyholi kwaye ucelomngeni ngokwakho ukufumana okulungileyo. Phendulela iingcamango zakho kwaye imizwa yakho iya kulandela. Khumbula, nguwe ocinga ngako!
> Umthombo:
> Ukutshisa, uDavid D. Ukuziva okulungileyo: Ulwaphulo olutsha lweMaod . Avon > Iincwadi: > eNew York, NY, 1999.