Ukulungiswa kwakhona kweNkcazo eNgqiqweni kungabangela ukutshintshwa okuphawulekayo
Kukho ubungqina obuqinileyo bokuba indlela esiyicinga ngayo malunga nezinto ezenzekayo ebomini bethu zinokuba negalelo elikhulu ukuba ingaba siyifumana iziganeko ebomini bethu. Ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo , okanye iipatheni zokucinga okuphosakeleyo, kunokuchaphazela iingcamango zethu, ukuziphatha kunye namava oxinzelelo.
Intetho yethu yokuthetha , incoko yangaphakathi ehamba ezintloko zethu, ukutolika, ukuchaza nokugweba iimeko esijamelana nayo, okunokwenza izinto zibonakala zibhetele okanye zimbi, zisongela okanye zingasongeli, zixinzelele okanye ... kakuhle, ufumana umfanekiso.
Abanye abantu bavame ukubona izinto ngokukhanya ngakumbi, kwaye abanye bathambekele ekubukeni izinto ngokungathandekiyo, bazibeka bengenakulungeleka ebomini. (Jonga eli nqaku malunga nethemba kunye nokunyaniseka ukuze ubone indlela.) Kodwa, njengoko intetho yethu iqala ukuqala kwasebuncinaneni, umntu uhamba njani ngokuguqula le ndlela yokucinga?
Ukulungiswa kwengcamango, inkqubo yokuqonda, inselele, nokutshintsha ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kunye neendlela ezingacingiyo ezinokuthi zenziwe ngolu hlobo lonyango oluqeqeshwe ngonyango oluchanekileyo okanye unyango lokuziphatha . Nangona kunjalo, kwiziganeko ezininzi iziphumo zingaphunyezwa kwakhona ekhaya kunye nolwazi olufanelekileyo nokuzibophelela ekutshintsheni. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso eziqhelekileyo ekutshintsheni intetho yokuziphatha engalunganga . Ukufumana ezinye iingcebiso, qhubeka ufunda.
Ukwazisa Ngaba Isinyathelo sokuQala
Qaphela ukuphazamiseka kwakho kwengqondo. Isinyathelo sokuqala ekukhuliseni ukuphazamiseka kwengcamango kukuqonda. Jonga uluhlu uze ubone ukuba zeziphi izandi eziqhelekileyo. Ukuba unalo igama, kunye nemimiselo yendlela asebenza ngayo, kuba lula ukuyiqonda - okanye kunzima ukuyihoxisa! Emva kokuba uqaphele iipatheni zakho zokucinga okuphosakeleyo, unokuqala ukulucelisa ingxaki ezi ngcamango ngaphezulu: khangela izinto ngaphandle kokuba ucinga -okanye akukho ncamango; yenze iphuzu lokukhangela ubungqina kwaye uzama ukufumana izigqibo ezizezinye xa ufumana ukuxumla kwizigqibo okanye ukucinga ngokucinga .Ngexesha kunye nokusebenza, olu hlobo lokuhlengahlengiswa kwengqondo luya kuba yinto yesibini yokumelana neengxaki zakho zokucinga ezingafanelekiyo , kwaye ukufaka endaweni yazo ngeengcamango ezintle kunye nemibono kuya kuba lula.
Qaphela amandla akho
Izifundo ekutshitshisweni kubonisa ukuba abantu bathambekele ngakumbi xa beva ukuba abanalo ukhetho kwizinto ezenzekayo kubo. Kwezinye iimeko, njengokuba kungaphakathi kwimeko yomsebenzi, akukho nto inokukhetha. Nangona kunjalo, sinokwenza into engekho phantsi kwezinto ezingqondweni zethu xa sihluleka ukuqonda xa kukho ukukhetha. Namela ingqalelo yakho intetho: ngaba uthambekele ekubeni uthi 'kufuneka' okanye 'akunako ukwenza izinto ezininzi'?Ingxelo ithi, "Andikwazi ukusebenza ngenxa yokuba ndifanele ndivolontile esikolweni sabantwana," uyayigatya into yokuba zombini izinto zikhetha. Kungenxa yokuba ukhetho olulodwa alukhethiweyo aluthethi ukuba alukhethanga ukuqala. Ukutshintsha kwakho 'kufuneka ukuba' kwaye 'akunako' ukungena 'kwaye' ukhethe ukungabi '(okanye ukukhawulelana ngokukhawuleza) kunokunokukhumbuza ukuba ukhethe kwiimeko, kwaye kukunceda uzive ungacindezelekanga. "Ndingathanda ukuphuma, kodwa ndikhetha ukuzivolisa esikolweni sezingane" kunokuba uzive uncinci, kwaye unomsindo olungakumbi, akunjalo? (Ngokubanzi malunga nokuqonda ukhetho kwinyani yakho, jonga lo mthombo kwi- locus yolawulo .)
Ukufumana ezinye iingcebiso malunga nokuhlengahlengiswa kwengqondo, jonga iphepha 2 kule nxalenye.
Kwiphepha 1 yale nxalenye, sixoxe ngendlela ukucinga kakubi kunye nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo kunokuchaphazela ukunyamezela kwakho. Nantsi ukuqhubeka kwendlela yokuphucula indlela efanelekileyo yokucinga, ukunciphisa uxinzelelo kwinkqubo.
Nciphisa phantsi 'Iimfuno'
Njengoko ndandifundela ukuba ngaba ngumlawuli, ndakhe ndakuva umntu osebenza naye etshela umxhasi, "Yeka 'ukukhwaza'. Kwindlela enhle yokunceda umthengi uqaphele ukuba kaninzi wathetha njani igama elithi 'kufanele' xa wenza izicwangciso. Iyintoni ingxaki ngegama elithi 'fanele', unokubuza? Ngenye into yokuvalela ebonisa ukuba kukho enye indlela izinto ezifunekayo zenziwe, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo yindlela egunyazwe ngumntu ongeyifanelekanga imeko yakho. Inyaniso kukuba, senza izinto ngenxa yokuba sifuna (ngokuqhelekileyo, kodwa kungekho rhoqo, kuba sinesizathu esilungileyo sokufuna), kwaye ukuba ukuthetha kwethu kubonakalisa oku, kudla ngokuziva kuninzi. "Ndimele ndibize umhlobo wam" izandi kwaye uzive ngcono, "Ndingathanda ukubiza umnina wam". Kwaye ukuba akusiyo inyaniso yokwenene, unokucinga kwakhona ngesenzo.Ukugxininisa ngokuthe ngqo kwizinto ezintle
Ngokuqhelekileyo abantu babeka inqanaba elingaqhelekanga lokugxila kwizinto ezingalunganga, ukunciphisa okulungileyo, okanye ukuhluleka ukubona konke okulungileyo. Oku kubangela umbono wehlabathi onokubonakala unzima, kunye neengxaki eziziva zingenakunceda. Xa ubeka ingqwalasela kwimimiselo emihle yimeko, kwaye wenze uxolo kunye nombi, imeko iya kuba nzima kakhulu. Ukuba abantu bahlambalaze ukuba wenze imini, phuma kwindlela yakho ukuze ubone abantu abangathathi hlangothi okanye abahloniphekileyo. Ukuba izinto zibonakala zihamba kakubi emva kwesinye, yenza umgudu ukuphawula nokuqonda oko kuhamba kakuhle.Kule miqolo, abantu abaninzi bafumanisa ukuba ukugcina i- journal yebonga - i-log yemihla yezinto abazibulelayo-kunceda kakhulu ekubeni kungaboneleli nje uluhlu lweentsikelelo zokukhangela, kodwa luqeqesha ingqondo ukuba luqaphele ezi ntsikelelo kulo lonke usuku, kwaye luchaphazela lwabo lonke uxinzelelo lwamaxinzelelo.
Hlalani Kule Nantsi Naye Ngoku
Xa ujongene nengxaki, zama ukugxila kwizinto ezenzekayo kwangoku, ngaphandle kokucwangcisa kwixesha elizayo okanye ukutyhila ixesha elidlulileyo; Ikugcina ujongana nento eyenzekayo ngoku. Umzekelo, iingxabano zomntu oqhelekileyo zihlala zilukhuni ngezikhalazo ezidlulileyo, kwaye xa abantu bengagxininisi nje kuphela okwenzekayo ngoku, kodwa kwixesha elidlulileyo babecatshangelene, kunye neprojekthi kwixesha elizayo ukuba izinto aziyi kutshintsha, Intukuthelo nokukhungatheka kuya kukhula.Zama ukuhlala okwangoku, ingxaki ethile, nokufumana isisombululo esisebenza. Oku kunokukunceda ngokukhawuleza ukujongana neengxaki ezahlukeneyo ngaphandle kokuxhalabisa. (Ngaphezulu, jonga le nqaku kwizakhono zonxibelelwano .)
Kwakhona, ukuba ujongene nobunzima obunzima okanye uxinzelelo lweklinikhi, uya kubona iziphumo ezilungileyo kunye nomqeqeshi oqeqeshiwe. Nangona kunjalo, ezi zixhobo zokulungiswa kwengcamango zingakunceda ekutshintsheni iipatheni zokucinga ezingalunganga ukukhupha uxinzelelo lwemihla ngemihla ; ngokuziqhelanisa, unokubona utshintsho olunzulu kwimbono, kunye nokunciphisa amava akho oxinzelelo.
Imithombo:
Ukushisa, UDavid, MD Ukuziva Ulunge: Ulwaphulo olutsha lweMaod. Avon Books: New York, NY, 1992.
Fava GA, uRuini C, uRafanelli C, Finos L, Conti S, Grandi S. Isiphumo sonyaka weSithandathu soPhuculo lweZenzo zoKhusela ukuPhepha koPhulo oluPhindayo. I-American Journal ye-Psychiatry. Oktobha 2004.