Xa ucinga ngobomi bakho, kunokwenzeka ukuba ingqondo yakho idlala kuwe ingakwazi ukuphazamisa umbono wakho. Ukuphazamiseka kwengcamango - apho ingqondo yakho ibeka 'i-spin' kwiziganeko ozibonayo kwaye idibanisa ingcaciso engekho-njongo kwizinto ozifumanayo-zenzeka ngexesha lonke. Zixhaphake ngakumbi kubantu abanexinzelelo kunye nezinye izifo zengqondo.
I-Psychologist uAaron T. Beck ekuqaleni yayiza kunye neengcamango zokuphazamiseka kwengqondo kwiminyaka yama-1960, kwaye abaninzi abaphengululi baye baye banceda abaxhasi baphila ubomi obuhle ngokuzingela ukuphazamiseka kwabo kwengqiqo nokuzilungisa. (Ngenye yezinto eziphambili zendlela yokusebenza yonyango ebizwa ngokuba yi- cognitive therapy .)
Xa uyayazi into ekumele uyikhangele kuyo, kuba lula ukubona ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kwabanye. Kungaba ngumngeni omncinane ukuba uzibonele wena, kodwa kunokwenzeka. Ukwenza njalo kuzisa utshintsho oluhlala njalo kwiindlela ozifumana ngayo uxinzelelo ebomini bakho.
Into enomdla ukuba uqaphele kukuba ukuphazamiseka kwamanani amaninzi okunokwenene kunokusebenza kakuhle. Isitshixo siyazi ukuba nini kwaye njani ukwenza njalo.
Nazi ezi 10 eziqhelekileyo (kwaye ziyaqatshelwa ngokusemthethweni) ukuphazamiseka kwengcamango, kunye nemizekelo yendlela abahambelana ngayo noxinzelelo. Unokufumana uthabatheka njengoko uqaphela enye okanye ezimbini nje ngokuba "abahlobo" abaqhelekileyo. Ukuba kwiintsuku ezizayo, uzijonga kwaye uzilungise kakuhle, uya kuhamba ngendlela yakho ekunciphiseni ukusetyenzwa kwakho kwixinzelelo ebomini bakho.
Yonke-okanye-Akukho Nicinga
Olu hlobo lokuphazamiseka luyiphulo xa abantu becinga ngokugqithiseleyo, bengenazo ndawo ezimpunga okanye kwindawo ephakathi. Bonke abantu-okanye akukho ncamango bacinga ukusebenzisa amagama anjenge "njalo" kwaye "akakho" xa echaza izinto. "Ndihlala ndihlangene ngendlela!" "Abaqeshi bam abazange bandiphulaphule!" Olu hlobo lokucinga lunokuphakamisa abaxinzelelekileyo ebomini bakho, okwenza kubonakale njengeengxaki ezinkulu kunazo zonke.
Ukugqithisa
Abo bafuna ukuqhubela phambili bavame ukuthatha iziganeko ezizimeleyo baze bacinge ukuba zonke iimeko ezizayo ziya kuba zifanayo. Ngokomzekelo, u-overgeneralizer ojongene nomabhalane wokuthengisa ongaqaliyo unokuqala ukukholelwa ukuba onke amabhalana athengisa ayenzihlazo kwaye ukuthengwa kuya kuba ngamava okukhathazayo.
Isihlungi sengqondo
Abo bathambekele ekuhlanjuleni kwengqondo banokugubungela iziganeko ezintle kwaye babambe igalazi ephakamileyo. Izinto ezilishumi zingahamba ngokufanelekileyo, kodwa umntu osebenza phantsi kwefuthe lokuhlunga kwengqondo angaqaphela kuphela into ehambayo. (Hlanganisa ubuncinane kunye nento-okanye akukho nto icinga ukulingana, kwaye unayo iresiphi yokuxinzelela.)
Ukungafanelekanga okulungileyo
Ngokufana nokuhlunga kwengqondo, abo bangakwazi ukunyanzelisa i-positive bahlala bephethe iziganeko ezintle ezifana neentsholongwane, ngoko ke banamathela kwizinto ezibonakalayo ezingabonakaliyo kunye nokusetyenzwa kwezinto ezilindelekileyo kwixesha elizayo. Ngaba wakha wazama ukumnceda umngane ukuba asombulule ingxaki, kuphela ukuba ube nesisombululo osibetha kuso "Ewe kodwa ..." impendulo? Ubone ubungqina bokuphazamiseka kwengqondo.
Ukujikela kwizigqibo
Abantu bakwenza oku njalo ngamaxesha onke. Esikhundleni sokuvumela ubungqina kubangele baphumelele kwisigqibo esinengqiqo, babeka izinto zabo kwisigqibo (ngokuthe tye) kwaye bafune ubungqina bokuyibuyisela phantsi, bengakuhoyi ubungqina obuchasene noko.
Ingane ethatha isigqibo sokuba wonke umntu eklasini yakhe entsha uya kumthiya, kwaye 'uyazi' ukuba ayenze kakuhle kuye ukuze agweme ukugwetywa, uyagxuma kwizigqibo. Isiphetho-abaxhamli bahlala bexhoba ukukhumbula ukufunda (apho bakholelwa ukuba bayazi injongo zabanye ngaphandle kokuthetha nabo) kunye nokuxoxwa kwenhlanhla (ukuqikelela indlela izinto eziza kubakho kwixesha elizayo kwaye zikholelwe ukuba ezi zibikezelo zibe yi nyaniso). Ngaba unokucinga ngemimangaliso yabantu abadala owaziyo ukwenza oku? Ndiyibheja wena.
Ukumiswa kunye nokuncitshiswa
Ngokufana nokuhlunga kwengqondo nokukhubaza okulungileyo, ukuphazamiseka kwengcamango kukubandakanya ukugxininisa ngakumbi kwiimeko ezimbi kunye nokuhlaziya izinto ezintle.
Ummeli wenkonzo yabathengi oqaphele kuphela izikhalazo zabathengi kwaye ehluleka ukubona ukusebenzisana okulungileyo kukuxhoba lokukhulisa nokunciphisa. Enye ifom yezinto eziphazamisayo ziyaziwa njengezinto eziphazamisayo , apho umntu ucinga kwaye emva koko ulindele imeko engcono kakhulu. Ingakhokelela ekubeni uxinzelelo oluninzi.
Ukuqiqa Ngokomzwelo
Lo ngumhlobo osondeleyo wokungena kwiigqibo kuba oko kukubandakanya ukungahoyi into ethile xa usenza izigqibo. Izizathu zengqondo ziya kuqwalasela iimvakalelo zabo malunga nemeko njengobungqina kunokuba zikhangele ngenyameko kwiinyani. Ngoko ndiziva ndikhululekile, ngoko ke, iingxaki zam kufuneka zingaphaya kwam ukukwazi ukuzisombulula, "okanye," Ndithukuthelele; Ngoko ke, kufuneka ube nephutha apha, "zombini imizekelo yeengcinga eziphosakeleyo ezingqondweni. Ukusebenza kwezi nkolelo njengokuba inyaniso, kunengqiqo, igalelo kwiinkathazo ezingakumbi.
Ngaba maNkcazo
Abo baxhomekeke ku-'imfuneko yeengxelo 'bathambekele ekubeni nemithetho eqinile, ebekwe ngabanye okanye kwabanye, okufuneka kulandelwe rhoqo - ubuncinane engqondweni yabo. Ababonanga ukulungelelanisa kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo, kwaye bazibeka phantsi kwengcinezelo enkulu ezama ukuphilela ezi zinto ezizimeleyo. Ukuba ingxoxo yakho yangaphakathi iquka inani elikhulu 'lamagxa,' unokuba ngaphantsi kwefuthe lale mpazamo yokuqonda.
Ukubhalwa kunye nokuLawula
Abo batyhawula okanye abalahlayo baya kubeka iilebhile eziqhelekanga okanye ezingalunganga kubo nakwabanye. "Uyi-whiner." "Uyi-phony." "Ndingumkhuzi ongenamsebenzi." La mabhalisi athambekele ekuchazeni abantu kwaye abe negalelo kumbono owodwa-mbono kubo, evula indlela yokugqithisa ukuhamba. abantu baye kwiindima ezingasetyenziswa rhoqo kwaye zisithinte ukuba singaboni abantu (nathi siquka) njengokuba sisenene. Kwakhona lukhulu olukhulu-no- nobudlelwane obudibeneyo .
Ukwenziwa komntu
Abo baphatha ngokunyanisekileyo abaxinzelelo babo bavame ukuzitshoyisa ngokwabo okanye kwabanye ngenxa yezinto abangenakho ukulawula, ukudala uxinzelelo apho akufuneki khona. Abo baxhomekeke kumntu baqhele ukuzitshintsha ngokwabo izenzo zabanye okanye bagxeke abanye ngeemvakalelo zabo.
Ukuba kukho nantoni yezi zivakale kakhulu, yinto enhle: ukuqonda ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuhamba phambili .
> Umthombo:
Ukushisa, UDavid, MD Ukuziva Ulunge: Ulwaphulo olutsha lweMaod. Avon Iincwadi >: eNtsha > York, NY, 1992.