Umtshato Ovuyayo unokusebenzisa i-Eustress encinane!
Ngaba maxa wambi uvakalelwa kukuba ubuhlobo bakho bubuhlungu? Uninzi lwethu silwela ukugcina amanqanaba omdlalo ophantsi kolwalamano lwethu, kodwa asifuni ukuphelisa yonke idrama - ukunyamezela kunye nokungabikho kokuxhamla kungabangela iingxaki ngokwabo. Uphando malunga nolwaneliseko lomtshato ligxininisa ukubaluleka kokuzonwabisa kumtshato. Abaphandi bezeSyunivesithi zezeNtlalo zeSyunivesithi u-Irene Tsapelas no-Arthur Aron, kunye nomphandi waseYunivesithi waseMinnesota uTerri Orbuch, udliwano-ndlebe nommeli waseMelika wase-US wabalingani abatshatileyo aba-7 ubudala emtshatweni wabo, kwaye emva koko, iminyaka engama-9 emva kweminyaka engama-16, kwaye wafumanisa ukuba abo baziva bexhalabile emtshatweni wabo kwiminyaka engama-7 babenokuba banokuziva becinekile kwaye baneliseke emva kweminyaka eyi-16 yomtshato.
Abaphandi babuza imibuzo ebinibini efana nale, "Ngenyanga edlulileyo, ngaba uvakalelwa kaninzi kangakanani ukuba umtshato wakho uphezulu (okanye ungena kwi-rut), ukuba wenze into efanayo ngexesha lonke kwaye ungafaneki ukwenza izinto ezinomdla kunye njengesibini? "Kwafunyaniswa ukuba ukunyamezela kwiminyaka engama-7 kwakunxulumene nokunyuka kwebhola kwaneeminyaka engama-9 kamva.
Enye into ebalulekileyo ekufumaneni apha kukuba ukuxhatshazwa, okanye ukukrakra ubudlelwane, kwakhokelela ekungqineleni okufutshane, okwabangelwa ukwaneliseka kumtshato. Abantu bahlala becinga ukuba iibini ezithandwayo 'ezingalweli' zivuya kakhulu; Ezi ziphumo zibonisa ukuba umtshato ovuyayo uquka okungaphezulu kokungabikho kwengxabano (nangona ukwazi indlela yokusebenza ngeengxaki ngendlela ehloniphekileyo kubalulekile).
Kwakhona kusikhumbuza ukuba sibhekene nemingeni njengendoda esibini (ukususela kwimixinzelelo yobomi bemihla ngemihla esiye sincedisana ngayo, kwiimeko ezinzima esixhasana ngazo) akuyona into embi, kwaye inokubangela ukuba izibini zisondele.
Nangona iingxaki ezinkulu zinokuthi zithinte umtshato, oku kukukhumbuza ukuba ukunyamezela okufanayo kunye nokuqhelekileyo akuyona into efanelekileyo, nokuba, nokuba imingeni esimele sijongane nayo ingenempembelelo entle, nayo. (Ngaphezulu koku, funda malunga ne- eustress .)
U-Aron wenze uphando oludlulileyo kwiibini ezibonisa ukuba xa izibini zihamba ngamava kunye nemingeni emitsha kunye, ukwaneliseka komtshato kuya kwanda.
"Akwanele ukuba izibini zitshatile zikhululekile iingxaki kunye neengxabano," kuchaza uAron kwisikhululo sokushicilela. Umyalezo osisigxina solu phando kukuba ukugcina izinga eliphezulu lomtshato emva kwexesha, izibini zifuna ukuba ubomi babo budibanise. "
Ngoko unokuzigcina njani izinto ezinomdla emshadweni - ingakumbi xa ubomi buqala kwaye unembopheleleko yangempela? Isibalulekileyo kukuba singaboniswanga kuphela kwaye sisebenze ngquzulwano kwiindlela eziphilileyo kodwa yenza izinto kunye kunye ezintsha kunye nentshisekelo. Nazi ezinye iindlela zokwenza oko, kwaye ugcine umtshato ovuyisayo:
- Yiba nobusuku obusuku kanye ngeveki. Umyeni wam nowe ndaqalisa ukwenza le minyaka edlulileyo, kwaye yatshintshela umtshato wethu. Sasiwele ebudeni bokuba ngabazali kunye nabasebenzi abasanda kutshintshana amabali malunga nosuku ngalunye ubusuku, kwaye oku kusinceda sibe namava amatsha amaninzi kunye apho sakwazi khona ukuba "nathi" kwaye sihlekise! (Qaphela: ukuba ukuqeshisa i-sitter akupheli kumbuzo wezezimali, khangela ukuba unokutshintshisa umntwana kunye nolunye usapho; ke abantwana baya kudlala kwaye abadala bafumana ikhefu rhoqo.
- Zama izinto ezintsha-rhoqo! Xa usemihla yakho, musa ukwenza izinto ezifanayo zonke ixesha. Hamba ubone ukuhlaziywa komdlalo, hamba ukuhamba, ugibele ihashe, ubone umculo ophilayo, zama ukutya okutsha kunye nokungaqhelekanga, uthathe iiklasi zokudanisa kunye. Yenza into ongayenza ngaphambili! Oku kunceda ukukhulula uxinzelelo kunye nokunyameka ebomini kwaye kukuvumela ukuba ukhule ndawonye ngexesha elinye.
- Ukuthatha inxaxheba kwimpilo yomnye nomnye. Bandakanyeka kwinto eyenziwa ngumlingane wakho, kwaye umema ukuthatha inxaxheba ebomini bakho. Imingeni yakho ke ibe ngamava okwabelwana ngawo, nonke niluncedo kwinkxaso, kwaye izixinzelelo zivakalelwa nzima. Ukuba ngaba ngabazali, oku kubandakanyeka bobabini ukuba nibandakanyeke ngokunyanisekileyo kwimpilo yabantwana bakho kwaye nibhekene nemingeni njengeqela. (Oku kungathi kunikwe, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha izikhumbuzo zinceda.)
- Yenza Okunye Okuzonwabisa. Ngamanye amaxesha kunjalo nje kulula - funani ukuzonwabisa, kwaye ube yingxenye yobudlelwane bakho. Oku kunokuba kulula njengoko kugcinwa umva , okanye kunokubandakanya ukuthatha amanyathelo athile ekunandipha rhoqo. Musa ukuvumela uxanduva kunye noxinzelelo kukuthintele ukutshatyalaliswa komtshato kunye nokuzonwabisa kumpilo - wena ufanelwe ngcono! (Jonga ezi ngcebiso malunga nokuzonwabisa .)
Uku landela le nyathelo kunokukunceda ufumane ubomi obuninzi, uzive ungagxininisekanga, kwaye unamava amaninzi okwaneliseka komtshato. Izandi "ukuphumelela", akunjalo?
Umthombo:
Aron, A., Norman, CC, Aron, EN, McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. (2000). Ukubamba iqhaza kwabatshatileyo kwimisebenzi yamanqaku kunye nokuvuselela ubuhlobo bomtshato. Umbhalo woBuntu kunye neNzululwazi yeNtlalo, 78, 273-283.
Tsapelas, I., Aron, A. Ukunyameka komtshato ngoku kuqikelela ukuba kunelisekile kuncinci kwiminyaka kamva. I-Psychological Science , ngo-Aprili 14, 2009.