Ingxabano yobudlelwane ingaba ngumthombo obalulekileyo woxinzelelo. Ingaba ingxabano inomlingane, isihlobo esinzima, okanye umhlobo, ukuxabana kobudlelane, ngokukodwa ingxabano eqhubekayo, kunokubangela ubunzima beengxaki ezinobungozi obubi kwiindlela eziliqela. Ezi zilandelayo zimbalwa zezindlela ezibalulekileyo ezibangelwa ngxabano kunye noxinzelelo lwangalo.
Ingquzulwano inokuchaphazela impilo yakho
Ingxabano yobudlelwane inokuchaphazela impilo yakho ngeendlela ezininzi. Isiko seYunivesithi yasePortland State ngokuguga kwafunda abantu abadala abangaphezu kwama-650 ngaphezu kwexesha leminyaka emibili kwaye bafumanisa ukuba 'ukutshintshiselana kwezentlalo ezintle' (ngamanye amazwi, ukuphikisana okuphindaphindiweyo okanye ixesha elide) kwakuxhomekeke kakhulu kumgangatho ophantsi wezempilo, inani eliphezulu lempilo. Oku kungakho ngenxa yempembelelo yokuba uxinzelelo lukhuselekile (ukucinezeleka kunokunciphisa isistim somzimba wakho wokuzivikela), kunye nezinye izinto. Into ebalulekileyo ukuba uyikhumbule kukuba ukungquzulwano oluqhubekayo kunokuthi kuthathe umthwalo kwizempilo yakho.
Ulwalamano lwentsapho aluqhelekanga
Ukuba ufumana ukungquzulana phakathi kwamalungu entsapho yakho, kunokukuthuthuzela ukwazi ukuba awodwa; Ingxabano yosapho ingaba yinto eqhelekileyo kunokuba ucinge. Abaninzi bayagxininiswa kwiintlanganiso zentsapho ngenxa yezihlobo ezinzima.
Indlela endiyibonayo kukuba akukho ntlupheko yothando (okanye iintsapho aziyi kubuthana kwindawo yokuqala), kodwa kukho ukungabikho kwenduduzo ekujonganeni neengxabano phakathi kwamalungu entsapho. Ingaba kukho ingxabano evulekile kwitheyibhile lesidlo okanye isifo esibuhlungu esingaphantsi kwayo, ukungqubuzana kwentsapho kubangele ukuba kubangele uxinzelelo oluninzi ngabantu abaninzi.
Ulwaphulo olunokuthi lube lubuhlungu emzimbeni
Zonke ezo iingoma zelizwe malunga nentlungu yentliziyo ephukileyo ingaxhaswa yisayensi. Uphando malunga nokukhutshwa kweentlalo kubonisa ukuba intlungu yedwa kunye nokulahlwa kwentlalontle kuqhutyelwa yindawo enye yengqondo eqhuba intlungu. Oku kuchaza ukuba kutheni ukuvalelwa ngumntu ondibathandayo kunokuba buhlungu ngokwenene. Ukuba ubandakanyekile kulwalamano olubandakanya ukungqubuzana okukhulu kunye nokuvakalelwa okuphindaphindiweyo, mhlawumbi sele usasazi ukuba unaso ubuhlungu bomzimba rhoqo.
Ingxabano engayifumananga isenokuthi ibuhlungu
Ubudlelwane apho abantu 'abangazange balwe' akusoloko bevuyisa njengoko kubonakala ngathi. Ubomi bwenene, ingxabano ayinakugwemeka, kwaye ukusombulula ngokufanelekileyo ngokuqhelekileyo kuyindlela yokuqonda ngakumbi phakathi kwabantu ababini, kubasondeza. Ubudlelwane obuncitshiswa ngumsindo kunye nolunye ulwalamano olubodwa lunokuthi lube lubi - ngokwenene. Uphando lufumene ukuba kwiibini ezithandana nomnye umntu oqhelana nomsindo, amaqabane afana nokufa; imibhangqwana ebudlelwaneni apho bobabini abalingani abathintela umsindo babenokuphila ixesha elibi kunabo bonke.
UkuPhathwa kakubi kweMpikiswano yeMpikiswano kwimpikiswano engakumbi
Ukwazi ukuba ingxabano engaxazululwayo inokuba neengozi ezinjalo zingenza kube nzima ukuvutha umsindo esawufumanayo, mhlawumbi sifuna, kodwa oko akusoloko kuyindlela efanelekileyo, nokuba kunjalo.
Indlela osombulula ngayo ukungquzulana kobudlelwane bakho inokwenza okanye ukuwaphula, ukushiya ngobomi bodwa, okanye ucebile ngenkxaso yoluntu nothando. Ezi zakhono zokusombulula iingxabano zingakunceda ukusingatha uxhatano lwezobudlelwane ngendlela ephilileyo ukwenzela ukuba ufumane uninzi lwabo ubudlelwane bakho, ngaphandle kokuba ubavumele ukuba bakhuphe. Kwaye kwiimeko zokungquzulana okugqithiseleyo, ukucebisa iingcebiso kunye neengqondo ezithile kunokunceda ngokumangalisayo.
> Imithombo:
> Harburg, E .; Kaciroti, N; Gleiberman, L .; Schork, MA; UJulius, uM. Marital Pair Intukuthelo Yokubamba Iintlobo Unokuthi wenze njengeCandelo elichaphazela ukufa: Ukufundwa kwangaphambili kwiSifundo esiPhambili. Umbhalo woNxibelelwano loLuntu, ngoJanuwari 2008.
Newsom JT, Mahan TL, Rook KS, Krause N. I-Stable Negative Social Exchanges, kunye neMpilo. I-Psychology yezeMpilo , ngoJanuwari 2008.
I-Panksepp J. Neuroscience. Ukuva intlungu yentlupheko yentlalo. Sayensi , ngoOktobha 2003.