Uninzi lwabantu lucinga ngokuzibonisa ububele njengobubele kuwe. Nangona oko ngokuqinisekileyo kuyincenye yengqiqo, inzondelelo iquka indlela yokuthetha nawe ngendlela evumela ukuba ube nemimoya eguquguqukayo, unokukwazi ukujonga iimvakalelo ezinzima, nokuphucula uxhulumaniso lwakho kunye nabanye. Ubuchule bokuzibandakanya ngokwethu ngendlela enovelwano kunokuvakala lula lula kodwa, enyanisweni, kunokuba nzima kakhulu.
Unokufumana kulula ukuba novelwano kumhlobo okanye othandekayo xa beza kuwe benomzabalazo okanye umceli mngeni. Impendulo yakho kubo ingaba yinye yokuqonda, ithemba, ukhokelo kunye nokukhuthaza.
Nangona kunjalo, xa sibhekene nemingeni yethu yobomi, siba nesicatshulwa okanye sizigxeka. Sihlolisisa iingcamango zethu nokuziphatha ngendlela engasishiya siziva singafanelekanga, sineentloni kwaye sizikhungatheke. Ngomgudu wokuqhubeka phambili, sinokuzixelela ukuba "siphumelele," okanye "siphumelele." Nangona injongo kukunceda siqhube phambili kwiimeko zengxaki yomzwelo, le ndlela yokuzibandakanya yona inokudala ubunzima obungaphethekiyo kwaye ibe ngumqobo omkhulu ekwenzeni kwethu uvuyo phakathi kwethu nakwabanye.
Iintlobo Zintathu Zesiqhelo
UDkt. Kristin Neff, isazi sezengqondo kunye nomphandi ophayona kwimeko yokuzibonisa inceba, uchaza izinto ezintathu zokuzibonisa ububele:
- Ubumnene: Xa abantu abazenzayo imfesane bazifumana kwiimeko ezicelomngeni, bayaqonda ukuba ukungapheleli okanye ukuwa ngamaxesha athile kuyingxenye yokuphila. Ukukwazi ukujonga oku kumava ngaphandle kokuba uzibeke phantsi yinto yokwenza uvelwano.
- Ubuntu obuqhelekileyo: Xa sibhekene nemingeni, kunokuba lula ukuziva sisodwa kumava ethu, njengokungathi abanye abanako ukukwazi ukuxhamla nantoni na. Abantu abazenzayo imfesane baqonda ukuba ezinye zezi mingeni ziyinxalenye yamava ekwabelwana ngawo.
- Ingqiqo : Ukuzibonisa ububele kubandakanya ukukwazi ukujonga iimvakalelo zethu ezingenakuzixhamla ngaphandle kokuziqhelanisa okanye ukuzinyamekela. Lo mgangatho oqiqayo kunye olinganiselayo usinceda ukuba singabi sisisiseko sengqondo.
Indlela Yokuzibonakalisa Ukuba Nenceba
Kukho iintlobo ezahlukeneyo ezenziwa nguDkt. Neff kunokusinceda sifunde indlela yokuzithethelela:
- Khawucinge ngendlela onokuthetha ngayo nomhlobo. Siyakwazi ukuvelisa amagama anomlomo, ithemba kunye nokukhuthazwa kubahlobo okanye bathandekayo. Xa uhamba ngexesha elilukhuni, thabatha umzuzu ukuqwalasela indlela ongasabela ngayo kumhlobo osondeleyo ukuba bahamba kwimeko efanayo.
- Yiba ngumbonisi. Ngexesha lexesha xa siziva sisinselele okanye sibuhlungu ngokomzwelo, sinokuvakalelwa ngathi sisabela nje kwaye sizama ukunyamekela umzuzwana. Ngokunciphisa, singathatha isinyathelo esincinane ukuze sijonge amava ethu. Ukujonga umfanekiso omkhulu kunokusinceda sigcine izinto ngendlela ebonakalayo kwaye sincede sibone ulwazi olubalulekileyo olungenakuphulwa ngenye indlela.
- Tshintsha ukuzithetha kwakho. Phawula indlela othetha ngayo ngeemeko xa ufumana iimvakalelo ezimbi. Sebenza ukuze uhlaziye zakho izitatimende ezizimeleyo ngendlela engcono, yokukhusela. Ithenda entsha inokuvakala ngakumbi njengomcebisi okanye ummeli, kunokuba ugxeke okanye ijaji.
- Gcina incwadi kwaye uyibhale. Thatha ixesha ngalunye suku ukuze ubhale ezinye zeengxaki ezijongene nazo. Qaphela ixesha njengoko ingqondo yakho ijikeleza kwiingxelo ezibalulekileyo okanye uqala ukuzivakalela wedwa kumava akho. Njengoko uthanda ngokuzithetha, ngenjongo yokuphinda uhlaziye ngokucacileyo nayiphi na ingxelo ebalulekileyo nge-softer, ukuqonda ngakumbi itoni ukuze ubone ukuba ingazive njani.
- Yicacile malunga noko ufuna. Njengoko usebenzisa iindlela zokuhlaziya iingcamango ezigxekayo ekuzikhululeni ngokwakho, ungaqala ukufumanisa iinkcukacha malunga noko ufuna kunye nokufunayo. Thatha isikhashana ukuqwalasela okufunayo, kufuneka okanye ulinde ubomi bakho. Ukucacisa ezi zidingo kuya kunceda ugxininise apho ufuna ukuhamba nento osebenza kuyo, uncedise ukwandisa izizathu kunye nolonwabo.
- Zinakekele. Ngamanye amaxesha sinyamekela abanye kwaye singaziboni, okanye siyihoye ngokupheleleyo, imfuneko yokuzinyamekela . Xa uziqhelana nokuqonda, uyaqonda ukuba kufuneka udibana kunye kwaye ufanelekile ukubandakanyeka kwezo zenzo zokuzinakekela. Ikhono lokwenza imisebenzi yokuzinyamekela kunokunceda ukunciphisa umnqweno wokubandakanyeka ekuziphatheni kakubi xa ujongene nemingeni kunye noxinzelelo.
Uncedo lokunciphisa imizwa engathandekiyo
Inkqubo yokuzibonakalisa imfesane-ingcamango ekhethekileyo-sele ifunyenwe ukuvelisa utshintsho lweengqondo kwiingxaki ezimbi . Ukusebenzisa ubugcisa bokuba nobubele kunokunceda uhlaziye amava ombi kwaye uvumele abantu ukuba bakhumbule ukuba abawodwa kwintlungu yabo, intlungu kunye nokulahleka. Ngokwenza ingxelo yeenceba nokuphononongwa kwakhona, ukuvakalelwa kwemizwa ephazamisayo kunokuziva uzinzile, ubenze ithuba lokuqwalasela ngokucokisekileyo kunye nokwenza izigqibo ezinempilo. Ukuzibandakanya ukuvelana novelwano kunokuvumela ukuba kuvezwe ubuchule kunye nokukhuthaza.
Uncedo lokunyusa imizwa entle
Ukuzithembela kuye kwafunyanwa ukukhuthaza imvakalelo emihle, ngokukodwa, ukufudumala, ukufudumala nokukhuselekileyo iimvakalelo. Nangona oku kunokunceda ngexesha loxinzelelo, kunokuba luncedo kwimpilo yethu yemihla ngemihla. Sinobudlelwane bemihla ngemihla ebomini bethu, emsebenzini, okanye nakwabanye abantu abangaziwayo, ezinokukwazi ukuphendula iimvakalelo zengqondo. Ukusebenzisa ubuchule bokuzibonisa ububele kunokusenza sikwazi ukucinga ngakumbi kunye nokwenza izigqibo, okubangele ukusebenzisana okuthe ngqo kunye nabanye.
ILizwi
Njengoko uDkt. Neff uchaza, indlela yokuzibonisa ububele inokuba yinto ehluke kakhulu kunanoma yintoni oyenzile ngaphambili. Nangona izixhobo zisetyenziselwe ukusinceda sizichaze ngakumbi thina kwaye siphumelele ngakumbi kwiimvakalelo ezinzima zamava, kunokuvakalelwa kukuba awunakukhathazeka njengoko uqala ukwenza ezinye zezi ndlela. Yiba nesineke kwaye ukhumbule ukuba asikwazi ukulawula zonke iinkalo zobomi bethu, kubandakanywa ngokukhawuleza sikwazi ukuguqula umdala, ukuzigxeka, imikhwa ibe yindlela emitsha, enempilo kunye nemfesane.
Ukuphishekela ulonwabo olukhulu ngokwendlela yokuzihlonela isipho kuwe nakwabakujikelezile. Xa uyenza inzondelelo, unokufumanisa ukuba ukusebenzisana nabanye kubambezela kwaye kungabikho komsebenzi ongaphantsi, unokufumana uzimisele ukuqhubela phambili kwindawo owake waziva ngayo. Enyanisweni, unokuqala ukufumana ulonwabo njengoko ufuna ezintsha, iindlela zokuphila eziphilileyo kunye nokuzibandakanya nawe.
> Imithombo:
> Kohki, A. & Hoffman, S. (2015). Iimpembelelo zokucinga ngenceba kwiimvakalelo ezimbi. Umbhalo weCognition and Feelings.
> Neff, K. (2017). Izinto ezintathu zokuzithanda. Ukubuyiselwa ngoFebruwari 26, 2017 ukusuka http://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/#3elements