Ukufunda ukuthetha nawe njengokuba uza kuba ngumhlobo
Xa kuziwa kuphuhliso lomntu, isiqhelo sethu sivame ukubhiyozela abo baqiniseke okanye bazithemba. Kodwa uphando olutsha lubonisa ukuba ukuzithemba-yintliziyo kukuba yindlela engcono yokufikelela kwimpumelelo kunye nophuhliso lomntu. Ngokomzekelo, ukuzithemba kukukwenza uzive ungcono malunga nobuchule bakho, ngoxa uvelwano lukukhuthaza ukuba uvume iimpazamo zakho kunye nemingcele.
Kwaye emva kokuba uvuma kwaye uyamkela iimpazamo zakho, unokukwazi ukuwajonga ngokuchanekileyo nangokuchanekileyo. Oku, kunokubangela ukuba utshintsho oluhle ebomini bakho.
Ukuqonda Ukuzithoba
Eboniswe kwi-Psychologist, i-self-compassion ayifani nokuzithemba okanye ukuzithemba. Endaweni yendlela yokucinga ngawe, yindlela yokuba, okanye indlela yokuziphathisa. Enyanisweni, ngokutsho kukaDkt. Kristin Neff, uprofesa wezesayensi kwiYunivesithi yaseTexas, uvelwano luquka ukuziphatha njengokuba uza kubaphatha abahlobo bakho okanye amalungu entsapho, nangona xa behluleka okanye baqhube. Ngokuqhelekileyo, uvelwano luquka ukuvuma ukuba ungumntu kwaye wenze iimpazamo. Kwakhona kuthetha ukuba awuhlali kuzo ezo mpazamo okanye uzibethe ngenxa yokuzenza.
UDkt. Neff wayengowokuqala ukulinganisa nokucacisa imfesane, kwaye unikezela ngenani leengcamango ezingasetyenziselwa ukuphucula izakhono zakho zobubele.
Ngokomzekelo, naye unikezela ezininzi iimfesane zokuzibonisa ububele onokuzibandakanya kubandakanya ukuphefumula okunothando nokucamngisa inceba .
Iimpawu eziPhambili zeNzentlalo
Xa kuziwa ekuziphatheni inceba, kukho iinkalo eziliqela eziphambili eziyimfuneko ekuphumeleleni kwayo.
Ezi ziquka ukuba nomusa kuwe, njengokuba uza kuba ngumhlobo; ukukhumbula ukuba ungubani na, unesiphako kunye nabo bonke; kwaye, ukuvumela inkululeko yokungapheleli. Nantsi ingqamaniso yezinto eziphambili zentembelo.
Ububele
Xa uzenza ububele, uyaqonda ukuba bonke abantu abafezekanga kwaye bonke abantu banokungafezekanga. Kwaye uyaba nomusa kuwe xa izinto zihamba kakuhle endaweni yokugxeka. Ngokomzekelo, xa kukho into engalunganga, uDkt. Neff uthi ukusabela kwakho kokuqala kunokucinga ukuba "akufanele kwenzeke oku." Okanye, unokucinga ukuba: "Andifanele ndibe nalo mbuzo ebomini bam. Bonke abantu bahlala bevuya ngokufanelekileyo, ubomi obuqhelekileyo." Ngolu hlobo lwesicatshulwa esibi okanye esingenabubele, unokufumana ubunzima obungakumbi ngenxa yoko kukukwenza uzive ukhululekile, wedwa kwaye uhlukile kwabanye.
Kodwa ngobubele, endaweni yokucinga ukuba "ndihluphekile," ucinga ukuba "wonke umntu uyaphumelela ngokukhawuleza." Uyavuma ukuba wonke umntu unemiba kwaye uyalwela kuba oku kuthetha ukuba ngumntu. Xa uqala ukucinga ngaloo ndlela, utshintsha indlela ojonga ngayo iingxaki zobomi kunye nobunzima. Okuvula umnyango ukuba ukhule ukusuka kumava.
Kodwa ukuba unomuzwa wokuthi awuqhelekanga okanye ukuba akufanele kwenzeke, ngoko uqala ukuzibandakanya.
Ingqiqo
Elinye iqela lokuzibonisa inceba lento engqondweni. Xa ukhumbule, kufuneka uzimisele ukujamelana nentlungu kunye nokuhlupheka kwaye uyayivuma. Uninzi lwabantu alufuni ukwenza oko. Enyanisweni, bahlala befuna ukuwuphepha. Bafuna ukuphepha intlungu kwaye baqonde ngqo ekuxazululeni iingxaki. Kodwa xa ubomi bukulahla ibhola le-curve, kubalulekile ukuba uthathe ixesha lokukhumbula indlela ezo zihlukumezo okanye ukungaphumeleli okukwenza uzive ngayo nokuba kutheni kwenzeka. Xa unako ukwenza oko, unako ukukhula kwaye ufunde kwimeko.
Enye into omele uyikhumbule ngayo umgxeka wakho wangaphakathi. Ukuzigxekisa kunokutshatyalaliswa kwaye kudlalwa ngokuphindaphinda kwiingqondo zethu. Kodwa ukukhumbula kukuvumela ukuba uqaphele iimpazamo zakho ngaphandle kokugweba kuwe. Isiphumo kukuba uya kubona apho ufuna khona ukuphuculwa ngaphandle kwengcinezelo yokuba ungaphezu komntu.
Ukungapheleli
Emva kokuba unokwamkela ukuba akunakulindela ukulindela ukuphelela, kuya kuziva ukuba isisindo esikhulu siphakanyisiwe kumahlombe akho. Kukunceda ukuba uqaphele ukuba izinto ezijongene nazo ziqhelekileyo kunye nabantu, kwaye akufanele uzive ungalunganga ngazo. Ukongezelela, ukuqonda ukungapheleli kwakho kunokukunceda uzive unxulumene nabanye kuba uqaphela ukuba wonke umntu ufumana ubunzima kunye nobunzima.
Khumbula, inceba yakho kukuba nomusa kuwe kwaye uqaphela ukuba abantu abafezekanga, kuquka nawe. Oku kufuna ukuvuma ukuba kulungile ukungafezekanga. Iintsilelo zakho kunye nokuphazamiseka kufuneka kukuncedise ukuba uziqonde kangcono, ungenzi ugxininise okanye uzive kakubi malunga nokuba ungubani.
Iinzuzo zobubele
Ngokubanzi, uvelwano luquka ukuqonda umahluko phakathi kokwenza ukhetho olubi nokuba ngumntu omubi. Xa uzenza uvelwano, uyaqonda ukuba ukwenza izigqibo ezimbi akuzenzeli mntu obi. Kunoko, uyaqaphela ukuba ixabiso lakho kwaye lixabisa lingenammiselo. Enyanisweni, uphando luye lwabonisa rhoqo uxhulumano olufanelekileyo phakathi kweentlonelo kunye ne-bing. Ukongezelela, uvelwano lunikeza umqondo wokuzixabisa. Kodwa kungekho ngendlela ebonisa ukuzithemba ngamanye amaxesha.
Ngaphezu koko, abantu abazenzayo-mfesane nabo banxibelelwano oluninzi lwentlalo, ingqondo ephakamileyo yeengqondo, kunye nolwaneliseko olungakumbi ngobomi. Baye banenkathalo, bancedisa kwaye banesihe.
Okwangoku, uphando lubonisa ukuba abantu bazinzondelelo banenkxalabo encinci, ukuxinezeleka, kunye nokwesaba ukungaphumeleli. Uphando lubonisa ukuba inzondelelo ingabangela ukuba abantu baphucule iimpazamo zabo, ukungaphumeleli okanye ukungaphumeleli ngenxa yokuba bajonge ngakumbi.
ILizwi
Xa kuziwa ekuziphatheni inceba, into yokuqala okufuneka uyiqwalasele yilelizwi entloko yakho ehlala ikugxekayo. Amaninzi amaninzi, elo lizwi lendlela kakhulu. Umzekelo, unokuzibethela ngenxa yephutha elincinane. Ukuze ube novelwano ngokwengeziwe, kufuneka uqaphele elo lizwi kwaye ulilungise xa livala inkambo. Oko akuthethi ukuba uzixelele ukuba ungakanani. Kunoko, uthetha ngokwakho ngobubele, ngendlela engenamgwebo-ngendlela efanayo ukukhuthaza umthandayo. Yaye xa usenza, ubomi buya kuthotywa ngokubanzi.