Ndiyamthanda umyeni wam, kwaye ngeendlela ezininzi, sinalo ubudlelwane obukhulu. Sinobabini sinandipha ukusela ngasekupheleni kweveki, kodwa ngomnye ngoMgqibelo ebusuku, umyeni wam undibetha. Ndacinga ukuba kwakungeke kwenzeke kwakhona, ngoko ndikuvumela ukuba ihambe, kodwa ukususela ngelo xesha, izinto ngezinye iinkhathi zingaphumelela ukulawula kwaye silwa. Ngokuphindaphindiweyo, umyeni wam undibetha xa eselwa. Ndiya kuvuswa ngeCawa ngeemvalo ebusweni nasemzimbeni. Umyeni wam ubumnandi kakhulu kwixesha ngoko andifuni ukumshiya. Ngaba ndifuna uncedo?
Ukuba kukho konke oku kuvakalayo okuqhelekileyo, funda.
AWUKHO wedwa
Abaninzi abasetyhini kunye namadoda bafumana umzabalazo ofanayo. Uphando kumazwe ahlukeneyo nakwezinye iinkcubeko lubonise ubudlelwane obuqili phakathi kokusela utywala kunye nogonyamelo kubalingani obusondeleyo, nokuba ngaba batshatile, bahlala kunye, badibana, okanye badibana nabo, nokuba ngaba amaqabane abo balala ngesondo, bafana nabasetyhini, besini nababesini. Bobabini abesilisa nabasetyhini banokuba ngamaxhoba okanye abenzi bokumbi, kodwa uninzi lwabasehlakalweni kunye nokuhlaselwa kwabantu abaqhutyelwa ngamadoda kubafazi.
Njengabo bonke abantu abaneqabane elinobudlova, awuyikusola into eyenzekayo kuwe, kodwa akunakwenzeka ukuba ufumane uncedo ngaphandle kokuba uthathe isinyathelo ngokwakho ukukhusela kakubi ukusetyenziswa kakubi. Nguwe kuphela onokugqiba ukuba wenze ntoni kule meko, kodwa unyanzelekile ukuba ufune uncedo lwezakhono ngokukhawuleza.
Ukuxhamla phakathi kokusela kunye nobudlelwane obundlobongela obusondeleyo
Ukusela utywala kunxulumene nokuba ngumenzi wobubi kunye nexhoba lobundlobongela phakathi kwezibini ezitshatileyo.
Cinga malunga nokuba uninzi lwaphuza unayo xa uhlala kunye nomlingane wakho-xa uphuza kakhulu, kunye nokusela kwakho amaninzi, umngcipheko omkhulu wokuba uya kuba nogonyamelo kuwe.
Utywala ngokuqhelekileyo ubandakanyeka kwiimeko ezinzima kakhulu zobundlobongela kubalingane. Ubudlelwane phakathi kokusetyenziswa kotywala kunye nolwalamano olusenyongweni olusondeleyo lufana neenkcubeko ezahlukeneyo kunye neendlela zokusela.
Nangona usenokuba neengxaki zodwa ukuya kwili nqanaba, amaqabane amaninzi, ngokukodwa abasetyhini, abafakwe esibhedlele kwaye afe ngamnye ngonyaka ngenxa yobundlobongela kumlingane onxila, ngoko kubalulekile ukuba ujongane nale nto ngoku.
Uphando lubonisa ukuba kukho unxibelelwano oludibeneyo phakathi kwenani leziselo ezisetyenziswe ngethuba lize libandakanye nobudlobongela beqabane, libonisa ukuba kutywala utywala kunokuba nje ukusetyenziswa kotywala okudala imeko apho ubundlobongela buba khona. Enye yezinto zokuqala ongayenza kukulawula ukusela kwakho ngokubeka umda wendlela oza kusela ngayo kunye neqabane lakho. Iziphuzo ezintlanu okanye ngaphezulu zikhuselekanga ngokunyusa umngcipheko wobundlobongela, ngoko umlinganiselo wesiphuzo ezintathu ukuya kwezine kufuneka ube ngowona mkhulu.
Nangona ungafuni ukuxoxa ngokusela naye kunye naye, unokulawula ukusela kwakho ngokukhawuleza, okuya kunciphisa umngcipheko wokutshatyalaliswa kwakhona kwinqanaba elithile.
Ewe, Ufuna Uncedo-Kanjalo Uthi Umlingani Wakho
Uyakuthanda umlingane wakho kwaye unokuba nomusa kwixesha elininzi. Nangona kunjalo, ngokugqithiseleyo ukuwela umgca ukubetha okanye ukuhlaselwa nabani na. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, zama ukuthetha nomlingane wakho xa kungekho mntu uphantsi kwefuthe kwaye ubone ukuba unokuza kunye nesicwangciso kunye malunga nendlela yokufumana uncedo.
Bobabini kunye neqabane lakho nifuna uncedo ngaphandle kwimeko. Nangona abanye abantu abanobudlova kumaqabane abo bangafunda iindlela ezisebenzayo zokuphatha, ukuba zishiywa zingakhange zihlolwe, unokufumana uphila ngokwesaba, ekugqibeleni unokuxhatshazwa okanye ulimale. Ngokufanelekileyo, ukuba iqabane lakho likulungele ukuza kunikwa iingcebiso, kufuneka ufumane iingcebiso zesibini ekujonganeni neengxaki eziphantsi kobudlelwane bakho. Kufuneka ukuba bobabini babe neengcebiso malunga nokusela kwakho (ngaphandle kokuba nonke nikulungele kwaye nikwazi ukuyeka, kwaye musa ukusela ixesha elininzi), kwaye iqabane lakho kufuneka lithole uncedo olongezelelweyo lokujongana nokuziphatha kwakhe nogonyamelo.
Ezinye izixhobo zoNcedo
Ukuba iqabane lakho liphinda linobudlova kwakhona, ungabiza u-911 uze ucele amapolisa kunye ne-ambulensi ukuba ufuna uncedo lwezokwelapha. Amapolisa angakunceda ukudibanisa neenkonzo kwindawo yakho yabalingani abasebenzisayo. Unokufumana olu luncedo ngesikhungo sakho sasekuhlaleni okanye esibhedlele.
Imithombo:
I-Graham K, uBernards S, uMunne M, Wilsnack S. Iiyure ezingonwabi : Utywala kunye nobudlelwane bezakwabo eMerika (Ukupapashwa kwezesayensi nezobugcisa 631). I-Pan American Health Organization. 2009.
> Testa M, Kubiak A, Quigley BM, et al. Umyeni nomfazi Ukusetyenziswa kotywala njengama-Independent or Interactive Predictors of Violence of Partner Violence Journal of Studies on Alcohol and drugs . 2012; 73 (2): 268-276.