Xa udibana nomntu omtsha, ngaba ungomnye walabo bantu bavele babelane ngokukhawuleza kunye neenkcukacha zobomi bakho? Okanye ingaba ungumntu obambezela ulwazi olunjalo kwaye wabelane ngezinto ezizimeleyo ngokuzimeleyo ngokukhetha ezimbalwa? Oku kwabelana ngolwazi lwakho ngobomi bakho-iimvakalelo zakho, iingcamango, iinkumbulo kunye nezinye izinto ezinjalo-zibhekiswa njengento yokuzichaza.
Ukuba udla ukuhlanganyela ngokukhawuleza, ngoko unokuba nezinga eliphezulu lokuzichaza. Ukuba ugcinwe ngezinto ezinjalo, ngoko unamazinga aphantsi okubhengezwa.
Kodwa oku kuveza oko kukubandakanya ngaphezu kokuba uzimisele kangakanani ukuxelela abanye ngawe; Kwakhona ibalulekileyo yokwakha isondlo kwaye kubaluleke kakhulu kwiintlobo ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwano boluntu. Emva kwakho konke, ubude buya kuthatha ixesha elingakanani xa ungakhange uzimisele ukwabelana ngeengcamango zakho namava kunye neqabane lakho?
Nika i-Mutual Give-and-Take
Ukwakha ubudlelwane obuyimpumelelo kubandakanya ukunikezela kunye nokuthabatha phakathi kwamalingani. Ukuzichaza ngokwabo kungancinci kumanyathelo okuqala olwalamano olutsha, kodwa inxalenye yezizathu zokuba abantu bakhule ngakumbi kwaye babandakanyeke ngokukodwa kukuba baqhubeka bevulekile ngakumbi ukwabelana kunye neqabane labo. Ukuze sakhe ubuhlobo obunzulu noluthembayo, enye inqanaba lokuziveza ngokubalulekayo liyimfuneko kwaye ulwalamano olusenyongweni ngakumbi, luya kuba lukhulu lo mboniso.
Ukuzibhengeza ngamanye amaxesha kunokuhamba kakuhle-kunokukhokelela ekubudlelwaneni obusondeleyo kunye nokuqonda okwabelwana ngokuhle kunye nabantu odibene nabo ngosuku ngalunye. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha iimpawu ezizenzekelayo azihambanga njengoko zicetywayo. Ngaba uke wathetha kancinci ngexesha lodliwano-ndlebe? Okanye uthumele into encinane kakhulu kwi-Facebook?
Ukungazi kakuhle okanye ukungazixeli ngexesha elifanelekileyo kungakhokelela ekuhlazweni kwaye kungonakalise ubuhlobo. Ukuzithengisa ngokuzimeleyo kukuxhamla kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo, kubandakanywa uhlobo lolwalamano lwabantu abababelana ngalo, indlela ebekwa ngayo le ngcaciso, kunye nenqanaba langoku lolwalamano olusabelana nabo babandakanyekayo.
Njengoko Ubudlelwane bukhula ngokuSondeza, ngoko-ke ukuzichaza
Ngoko abantu banqume njani ukuba baxelele ngokwabo kwaye nini? Ngokweengcamango zokungena kwezentlalo, inkqubo yokumazi omnye umntu ibonakaliswe ngokukwabelana ngokuchanekileyo ngolwazi lomntu siqu. Ukuzibonakalisa kwangaphambili nangaphandle kukuchaphazela indlela ulwalamano olwenzeka ngayo, kubandakanyeka ngokukhawuleza ulwalamano lwentlobo kunye nendlela esondele ngayo ubudlelwane.
Kwimigangatho yokuqala yobudlelwane, abantu bavame ukuba banolwazi malunga nokuba bangabelana kangakanani nabanye. Ingaba uhlala kumanyathelo okuqala olwalamano, usebenziswano olusebenzayo, okanye intsebenziswano yothando, mhlawumbi uya kuba nexhala xa uxelela abanye ngeemvakalelo zakho, ithemba, iingcamango, amaphupha, ukwesaba kunye neenkumbulo. Njengoko ulwalamano lusondela, njengoko uqala ukwabelana ngokubanzi kunye nomnye umntu, izinga lakho lokuzichazela liyakwandisa kwakhona.
Abantu bathambekele ekunikeziseni ngakumbi xa abanye babelana ngokuQala
Xa umntu ekutshela into ethile ngokukhethekileyo, ngaba uziva uphoqelekile ukuba wabelane ngeenkcukacha ezifanayo ebomini bakho? Yinto eyaziwa njengesiqhelo sokuphindaphindiweyo esivame ukuba sisenokunyanzeliswa ukuba sihlanganyele nabanye abantu abaye batyhila into ethile malunga nokuphila kwabo neemvakalelo zethu. Ukuba umntu ekutshela indlela abaziva ngayo emva kokufunda incwadi, ngoko unokuziva unesidingo sokuphindaphinda uze uchaze indlela le ncwadi eyenza uzive ngayo. Ukuba umntu unokwabelana ngamava abuhlungu kwixesha elidlulileyo, ungase uzive unesidingo sokuchaza ubunzima obufanayo obujamelene nayo ebomini bakho.
Kutheni siziva sisidingo sokuphindaphinda kwiimeko ezinjalo? Xa umntu ekwabelana ngezinto ezintle, kudala uhlobo lokungalingani. Ngokukhawuleza uyazi into eninzi malunga nalo mntu mntu, kodwa mhlawumbi abanokungazi kangako ngawe. Ukuze ufumane oku kungalingani, ungakhetha ukwabelana ngento enokukunceda nakwizinga lokukwabelana ngolwazi phakathi kwakho kunye nomnye umntu.
Izinto ezithintela ukuZityhila
Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukuba iinkalo ezahlukeneyo zingaba nefuthe ekuzivezeni. Ubuntu obuninzi bunokudlala indima ebalulekileyo. Abantu abahlala bemvelo kunye nabani na ixesha elilula ukudala ubudlelwane nabanye, banakho amathuba okuzichaza ngokukhawuleza xa besondele. Abantu abanokwemvelo abangenayo okanye abagcinwayo bavame ukuthatha ixesha elide ukuba baqonde abanye abantu, odla ngokuthintela ukutyekela kwabo ukuchazela izinto malunga nabo. Aba bantu bazinikezela kuphela abantu ababaziyo kakuhle, kodwa ukungabikho kokuziveza ngokwabo kunokukwenza kube nzima kwabanye abantu ukuba bazi kakuhle.
Imoya enye into echaphazela ukuba ulwazi olunjani lwabantu olukhethayo ukwabelana nabanye. Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukuba abantu abanesimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo banokukwazi ukuzityhila ngokwabo kunokuba bahlaselwe. Ngoba? Kungenxa yokuba ekubeni nesimo esihle sengqondo kubangela ukuba abantu babe nethemba kwaye banokuzithemba xa besesimo sengqondo esenza abantu bazive bekhuselekile kwaye beqaphele.
Abantu abanesizungu nabo bathambekele ekuzibonakaliseni abantu abangaphantsi. Oku kunqongophala kokuzichazela, ngelishwa, kungenza kube nzima ukuba abantu bazi ukuba banesizungu , oko kungenza kube nzima ukuvakalelwa. Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukuba maxa wambi imeko apho abantu bakhathazekile okanye besaba into ethile banokunyusa indlela ababelana ngayo nabanye, ngokuqhelekileyo njengendlela yokufumana inkxaso kunye nokunciphisa ukwesaba.
Indlela esiziqhathanisa ngayo nabanye abantu sinokuchaphazela ukuba sinokuzikhethela kangakanani ukuzityhila. Ngokutsho kwenkqubo yentanantlalo yentlalo , abantu bathambekele ukuzigweba ngokwabo ngokusekelwe kwindlela abalinganisa ngayo nabanye abantu. Ukuba uvakalelwa ukuba uthelekisa kakuhle nalabo abakujikelezile, unako ukucacisa izakhono zakho, ulwazi, ubuchule kunye neetalente. Ukuba unomuzwa wokuthi abanye abantu baphakamileyo kuwe kule mimandla, mhlawumbi uya kuba lula ukubonakalisa le miba yakho.
Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukuba inkxalabo malunga nokuzichazela ngenye yezizathu eziqhelekileyo zokuba abantu behluleka ukufuna unyango xa befuna uncedo. Ulwaphulo luquka ngokucacileyo ininzi yokuzichazela, kwaye abaxumi bezonyango badinga ukuba baxelele ezinye zezona nkcukacha ezithandanayo kunye nezixhalabayo malunga nabo kunye neengcali zabo. Kulabo abangenakunqabisa ukuzityhila, le nto ingaba ngumsebenzi onzima owenza ukuba bancinci ukufuna uncedo xa bawufuna ngokwenene.
Iingcamango Zokugqibela
Ukuziveza ngokuzenzekelayo yinkqubo enxibelelwano ngokukrakra ngokuphawulekayo enempembelelo enamandla kwindlela ulwalamano lwethu nabanye lubumba ngayo, inkqubela phambili kunye nokunyamezela. Indlela esabelana ngayo, oko sinawo, kwaye xa sabelo sinezinto ezimbalwa zezinto ezinokuthi zithinte ukuba ngaba ukuzityhila kwethu kusebenza kwaye kulungile.
> Imithombo:
> Forgas, JP (2011). Iimpembelelo zempembelelo ekuzibonakaliseni ngokwabo: Iimpembelelo zemoya kulwalamano kunye nokulungelelaniswa kokudalula ulwazi lomntu siqu. Umbhalo woBuntu kunye neNzululwazi yeNtlalo 100 (3): 449-461. i-doi: 10.1037 / a0021129
> Ignatius, E., & Kokkonen, M. (2007). Izinto ezibangela ukuzityhila ngomlomo. Nordic Psychology, 59 (4): 362-391. i-doi: 10.1027 / 1901-2276.59.4.362
> Palmer, A. (2003). Ukuziveza ngokuzimela kukukhokelela ekungafuneki unyango. Ukujonga kwi-Psychology, 34 (8), 16. Ukufunyanwa kwi-http: //www.apa.org/monitor/sep03/factor.aspx