Ubuninzi ubudlelwane abuqalisi ukuxhaphaza okanye ubudlova, kwaye ubuhlobo obusenyongweni abuzange buphathe kakubi nantoni na, kodwa ngelanga abaninzi baninzi.
Ngaba kukho indlela yokuxelela kwangethuba lolwalamano ukuba mhlawumbi mhlawumbi lugonyamelo? Ngaba kukho imiqondiso engakwazi ukuxela ukuba ubuhlobo obuqala ukubonakala buvuyayo kwaye buyimpilo buba nobundlobongela kwaye buyingozi?
Kule minyaka, abaphandi baye bazama ukucacisa ukuba zeziphi izinto kunye nokuziphatha okuboniswe ngethuba lobudlelwane kusenokwenzeka ukuba bekuyizinkathazo kwixesha elizayo. Izifundo ezahlukahlukeneyo ziye zachonga ezinye iinkalo zobundlelwane obunxulumene nabantu obonakala ngathi zixela ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwexesha elizayo okanye ubundlobongela.
Kwaye, oko kuvela, utywala kunye nokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi kunokuthatha indima ekubeni ubuhlobo bujika buhlukumeza okanye cha.
Utywala kunye noBundlobongela bomtshato
Ukufunda kwangaphambili, okubizwa ngokuba yi-Buffalo Newlywed Study, kugxininise ubudlelwane phakathi kobundlobongela bendoda, ingxabano yomtshato, kunye neendlela zokusela zokutshata phakathi kweminyaka emithathu yokuqala yomtshato.
Uxhaswe nguDkt. Brian M. Quigley we-Institute of Research on Addictions, uhlolisiso luhlolisise imibhangqwana engama-414 esandula kutshata ngexesha lomtshato kwaye baxoxwa malunga nokusetyenziswa kotywala kunye namava nobudlova ngaphambi komtshato, omnye unyaka emva komtshato, kunye neminyaka emithathu emva komtshato.
"Sasifuna ukubona ukuba ukusela emagqabini okuqala kuqikelela ukuba ubundlobongela buya phambili. Siyazi ukuba ukusela kusetyenziswe njengendlela yokujamelana neemvakalelo okanye uxinzelelo olubangelwa ubundlobongela, kodwa akusiyo ibali lonke," kusho uQuigley.
Ababini Abaphikisanayo Ngonyaka Wokuqala
Ababini abaphikisana kakhulu ngexesha lokuqala komtshato wabo banokuthi babe nobudlova kwiminyaka kamva ukuba indoda ingumntu oselayo kwaye umfazi akayena, abaphengululi baphetha.
"Njengoko kwavela, izibini apho indoda yayisisiphuzo kwaye umfazi wayengenazo ezisengozini yokufumana ubundlobongela," kusho uQeigley. "Oku kungaba ngumphumo weengxabano malunga nemali esetshenzisiweyo, imali esetyenziselwa utywala, iingxaki zomthetho, okanye ukungabikho kobudlelwane obusondeleyo," watsho.
Abaphandi bafumanisa ukuba ubundlobongela kunyaka wokuqala womtshato luchaze ukuba ngaba ubundlobongela buya kubakho kwiminyaka emibini ezayo.
Ukuphikisana malunga nokusela
Nangona kungekho bugqirha bwenzeke kunyaka wokuqala, ingakanani isibini esitshoyo sichaza ubungakanani bodlova kwixesha elizayo. Ulwaphulo-mthetho lwaluye lwenzeka nakwixesha lomtshato xa izibini zithandana kakhulu.
Ingakanani indoda eyayiphuza ngaphambi komtshato kwachaphazela nokuba ubundlobongela buya kwenzeka kunyaka wokuqala womtshato, kodwa umlinganiselo womyeni nomfazi owasela ngexesha lomnyaka wokuqala wachaza ubundlobongela kunyaka wesibini nowesithathu.
Impikiswano yoBudlelwane
"Kungenokwenzeka ukuba ezi ndlela zokunwa ezingafanelekanga zikhokelela kwimpikiswano emtshatweni. Ingxabano ingaba ngaphezu kokusela okanye ngokwazo iingxaki ezinxulumene nokusela, umzekelo, izithintelo, ukulahlekelwa kwemisebenzi, iingxaki zomthetho," kusho uQimigley.
Kodwa izibini ezazingavumi ukuphikisana okanye ukuxabana ngomnyaka wokuqala womtshato, zazingenakwenzeka kakhulu ukuba zinobudlova kwiminyaka kamva, nokuba umyeni wayedla okanye akayi.
Abaphandi babonisa ukuba abafazi banokuba ngabaxhatshazi kunye nolwaphulo alukho "ubangele" ubundlobongela kuba baninzi abenzi bokudlwengula basekhaya abaqinileyo.
Ukunyamekela kwabantwana
Uchungechunge lwezifundo ezintathu e-Florida Atlantic University lugxile kwiindlela zobugcisa ezisetyenziswe ngabantu ukuqhubeka nokukhusela ubudlelwane babo, izenzo ezithiwa "ukuziphatha komlingane."
Abaphandi bavavanya amadoda angama-464 avakalise ukusetyenziswa kwabo kwimiqathango yokugcina umlingani, abafazi abangama-560 abavakalisa ukuziphatha kwabo beqabane kunye nabo abangama-214 abenza imibhangqwana eyi-107 ngamnye egcina ingxelo yokuziphatha kunye nobudlova.
Izifundo, ezikhokelwa nguT Todd K. Shackelford, zifumene ukuba ezinye zezo ziphatha zingaba yi-harbinger yeengozi kwaye zibonakalise ukuba kukho ubundlobongela besikhathi esizayo.
Ogqithiseleyo, oLawulayo, kunye nosongelo
Uphononongo lufumene ukuba ukuziphatha okubangakho ubukhohlakali bexesha elizayo kubandakanya:
- Ukunyamekela kwiindawo ezihlala kuyo
- Ukunyanzelisa ngokomzwelo
- Ukulahla ngokungalindelekanga ukujonga kwiqabane
- Ukufowunelwa ukuqinisekisa ukuba iqabane liphi na apho wathi uya kuba khona
- Ukuxhomekeka kweso sikhundla somlingane
- Isongela ukubuyisela ukungathembeki
Iimpawu zobungozi ezikhethekileyo
Iziganeko zokugcina umtshato zenzelwe ukuxazulula iingxaki ezinokuguquguquka ezinjengeenkcukacha, njengokukhusela ukungathembeki komlingani kunye nokukhusela ukuxhatshazwa kubuhlobo bomtshato, "u-Shackelford wabhala. Wathi: "Ukuqapha kweso sithuba somlingani kwakukho ubuchule obuphezulu bokuqikelela ubundlobongela," watsho.
"Kwinqanaba elisebenzayo, iziphumo zezi zifundo zingasetyenziselwa ukwazisa abafazi kunye namadoda, abahlobo kunye nezihlobo, ezibonakaliso zengozi-izenzo ezithile kunye neendlela zokulondoloza umlingane obonisa ukuba ubundlobongela obuzayo kubundlelwane ukwenzela ukukhusela ngaphambi kokumiselwa, "kusho uShackelford.
Ubudlelwane Obunokufa
Ngelishwa, xa ulwalamano lugqithisa ubudlova, ubundlobongela bunokunyuka kwaye buyingozi. Njengoko ubuhlobo buba nobundlobongela, mhlawumbi ixhoba lobundlobongela lingazama ukubalekela ubuhlobo, kwaye yilapho imeko iba yingozi kakhulu.
Yilapho ingaba yingozi.
Kwisifundo esincinci malunga nokufa kwe-32 yasekhaya yaseHamilton County, eOhio, eqhutywe yi-Yunivesithi yaseCincinnati yeSikole soLuntu, abaphandi abakhokelwa nguGary Dick bafumene ukuba iipesenti ezingama-83 zamatyala ahlukeneyo okanye malunga nokuphelisa ulwalamano.
Ucwaningo lweCincinnati lwalunye lweyokuqala ukunika isayensi kwixesha elide elikholelwa ukuba ixesha eliyingozi kakhulu kulabo abachaphazelekayo ubudlelwane obuhlukumezayo xa bezama ukuhamba.
Imiyalelo yoKhuselo ayiqinisekisi ukulwa noTlobongela
Kuzo zi-32 ezichaphazelekayo ezibangelwa ulwaphulo-mthetho:
- Iipesenti ezingama-91 ezafa zazingabesifazana
- Iipesenti ezili-16 zinekhowudi yokukhusela
- 36 babenabantwana
Abaqapheli bokufa
Kwimizuzu engama-96 yamatyala, abaphandi bathi kukho izibonakaliso ezibulalayo ezikhoyo kwiimeko. Iziphumo eziphambili zolu cwaningo zibonise ezi zinto zengozi ezilandelayo (izibikezelo zokufa):
- Ulwahlukileyo - ama-83 ekhulwini
- Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi - ipesenti ezingama-68
- Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwamanani - ama-56 ekhulwini
- Iimpawu zokuziphatha - 50 ekhulwini
- Imbali yolwaphulo-mthetho - 46 pesenti
- Izisongelo zokubulala - iipesenti ezingama-43
- Intlawulo ehambelana nobudlova basekhaya - ama-36 ekhulwini
- Ukuxhaphazwa kwabantwana - iipesenti ezingama-33
- Izisongelo zokuzibulala - iipesenti ezingama-33
- Ugwenxa wengqondo yengqondo - iipesenti ezingama-31
- Umenzi wobubi wenza isixhobo - iipesenti ezingama-29
- Ukumisa - iipesenti ezingama-29
- Iisongelo ngezixhobo - iipesenti ezingama-25
- Umonakalo womhlaba - iipesenti ezingama-23
- Uphule umyalelo wokukhusela - iipesenti ezingama-23
- Ukulimala kwangaphambili kwangaphambili - iipesenti ezingama-23
- Ukuhlaselwa ngokwesondo - ama-21 ekhulwini
- Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwezilwanyana - iipesenti eziyi-8
Kwakhona sibona ukuba ukusetyenziswa kotywala kunye nokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi kunokungabi yimbangela ebalulekileyo yobundlobongela basekhaya kunye nokuxhatshazwa kodwa kuyinto. Ukuba usanda kutshatyalaliswa kumlingane oselayo okanye osebenzisa iziyobisi emva kwembali yokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi, unokuba yingozi enkulu.
Cwangcisa u kuphepha
Ukuba unobundlobongela obundlobongelayo, kubalulekile ukuphuhlisa ngokucokisekileyo iplani ekhuselekileyo yokushiya, kunokuba nje ushiye umtsalane okanye ukushisa kwesiganeko. Funda konke ongakwenza malunga neengozi zokuzama ukuhamba kunye nendlela yokuphuhlisa isicwangciso sokhuseleko.
Ukuba uyayazi umntu onobundlobongela obuxhatshazayo, qaphela ngokubanika iingcebiso, njengokuthi, "Umele uphume apho!" Funda yonke into enokuyenza ngobundlobongela basekhaya, indlela yokuqwalasela iimpawu zokuxhaphazwa , indlela yokunceda umntu ophathwa kakubi, kunye nesidingo sokuphunyuka ngokucokisekileyo nokukhuselekileyo.
Imithombo:
Dick G, et al. Izibonakaliso eziLawulayo ezibulalayo Ukudibanisa uxhatshazo lwasekhaya. INgqungquthela Yomhlaba Yezobudlova Zasekhaya 2005.
Keiley MK, et al. Iimpembelelo zobudlova ngokomzimba nangomlomo, ukuxinezeleka, kunye nokuxhalaba ngokuziphatha kotywala kwabalinganileyo abatshatileyo: ukuhlolwa kwexesha elide kunye nexesha elizayo. Ukuziphatha okubuhlungu . 2009.
Quigley BM, et al. Utywala kunye nokuqhubela phambili kweNtshukumo yomtshato wokuqala. Utywala: Uphando lwezonyango kunye noPhando. 2000.
Shackelford TK, et al. Xa sikhathaza abo sibathandayo: Ukuxela ulwaphulo-mthetho kwabasetyhini ekugcinweni komlingane wamadoda. Ubudlelwane bomntu. 2005.