Kutheni abantwana abahlukunyezwa kakubi ngokwesondo bakhula beba nobuhlobo obushushu
Abantu ababesetyenziselwa ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesini ebuntwaneni bahlala bexhamla ubudlelwane obuhlaselayo njengabantu abadala. Basenokuzifumana ngokuphindaphindiweyo ubudlelwane obudala apho bahlushwa, emzimbeni, ngokwemvakalelo, okanye ngokwesondo. Abanye baze baxhaphaze. Kungaba nzima ukuqonda ukuba kutheni umntu oye waxhaphazwa ngokobuntwaneni ebuntwaneni wayeza kubandakanyeka kubudlelwane obuhlukumezayo kwakhona. UMaureen Canning, MA, i-LMFT, udlalwa kakubi kwabantwana, ulwaphulo lomzimba wesondo , kunye nobudlelwane bezobudlelwane, uchaza ezininzi izizathu encwadini yakhe ethi Lust, Anger, Love: Ukuqonda ukuLungiswa koSondo kunye neNdlela yokuSondeza impilo . Ezi zilishumi ezi zizathu zokuxhaphazwa ngokwesondo ngabantwana zikhula ukuba zibe nobudlelwane obuhlaselayo kubantu abadala ziquka ezi zilandelayo.
I-1 -Izizwa Ziyaziwayo
Ukuba ukuxhatshazwa phakathi kokusetyenziswa gadalala kunye "nothando" kwenziwa kwangoko ebomini, iimvakalelo zentloni kunye nentukuthelo , eyenzeka ngokwemvelo ngenxa yokusetyenziswa kakubi, kunokuxutyushwa kunye neemvakalelo zesondo, ezikhokelela ekudidaneni kumntu ojongene nokuxhatshazwa . Ezi mvakalelo zinokuthi zichazwe njengemvakalelo yothando nothando, kwaye inokukhokelela ekuvukeni kwesondo. Abantu abaxhatshazwayo abanakho ukuqonda ezinye iindlela zokuvakalelwa ngobudlelwane. Bakholelwa ukuba bathandwa okanye baziva uthando kumxhaphazi wabo, ngamanye amaxesha bacinga ukuba banxibelelana ngokuxhatshazwayo kumxhaphazi, njengoko kubamba ukuvakalelwa ngokumalunga nokusetyenziswa kakubi, okuye kwashicilelwa ekuqaleni kwexesha elidlulileyo. Ngoko xa bexhatshazwa ngokusondeleyo kulwalamano olusondeleyo, baqonda iimvakalelo eziqhelekileyo zentloni kunye nomsindo njengothando kunye nomdla.
2 - Kuzama ukuphilisa
Ngokuba ngumxhaphazi, ixhoba lokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kunokuzama ukuxhatshazwa kakubi ngokuthatha isahluko esichaphazelekayo, esibonakala sisinamandla, isikhundla. Ngokuzibandakanya nolwalamano nomnye umxhaphazi, banokuzama ukuxhamla ubuhlobo kunye nomxhaphazi wabo wangaphambili ngethemba lokuba banokukufumana ngokufanelekileyo ngeli xesha.
3 - Baziva benganelanga
Abantu abaxhatshazwayo njengabantwana banokholo, kwinqanaba elithile elinzulu elingahle likwazi ukuqonda kwabo, ukuba ayilungele ukufumana uxhamano olunyanisekileyo. Bavakalelwa kwisimo esinye-phantsi kwabanye, okwenza kube nzima ukuwamkela uthando lokwenene. Basenokuba baqinisekiswe ngumxhaphazi wabo ukuba bafanelwe ukusetyenziswa kakubi. Oku akwenzeki ukuba akukho mntu ufanele ukuphathwa kakubi.
4 - Baziva i-Grandiose
Namaqhinga nangona kubonakala ngathi, abantu abaxhaphaziweyo banokumelana neemvakalelo zokungafaneleki ngokukholelwa ukuba bangcono kunabanye. Ba nobunzima ngokuhlonipha abanye abantu abalinganayo. Bavakalelwa kwisimo esisodwa kubabanye, okwenza kube nzima ukungena ngokuthandana, nobudlelwane obuhloniphekileyo. Basenokuziva behla baye kwabanye abantu, kunye kunye nabanye, besenza ubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo ngexesha elinye baxhatshazwa ngabanye.
5 - Kuphando lweMandla kunye noLawulo
Ngokuba ngumxhaphazi, umntu oqhutywe kakubi angadlala indima yomntu onamandla ngakumbi kulwalamano kwizame zokunqoba ukungabi namandla ongenayo amandla xa bexhatshazwa. Ngelishwa, oku akusebenzi, kwaye banokulawula ngokuphindaphindiweyo abanye ngomzamo ongenalucalulo wokufumana ubuthathaka ababenabo njengexhoba.
6 - Bangabelana Ngesondo Ngokuvuswa Ngendlela Engaziphathekanga
Ukuvuswa kwezesondo ngumntu oqhelekileyo ngamava, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo ukuphendula ngokuqhelekileyo ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo. Kwezinye iimeko, ukuba amava olwabelana ngesondo ayenokubandakanya ukusetyenziswa kakubi, amaxhoba angabelana ngesondo ngokuziphatha kakubi. Oku akuthethi ukuba bafuna okanye bafuna ukuphathwa kakubi, okanye ukuba bayakuzonwabisa ngokunyanisekileyo, kwaye akubona onke amaxhoba okusetyenziswa kakubi.
7 - Baziva beshushu
Abantu abaxhatshazwayo bathatha umsindo omkhulu malunga nento eyenzekayo kunye nokuxhatshazwa kwindlela yokubonisa loo msindo. Nangona baye baqumba umsindo ngenxa yokuqonda kwabo, kunokuphuma kwiindlela ezifihlakeleyo okanye ezingabonakaliyo ngokobuhlobo obusondeleyo okanye isitayela somzali.
8 - Basenokuzama Ukulimaza Abanye Ngaphambi Kokubandezeleka
Ukuba ukuxhatshazwa nokukhathazeka kuyakukhunjulwa, abantu abaxhaphaziweyo banokubukela ubudlelwane bezocansi njengento enqabileyo kwaye bazame "ukubulala ngaphambi kokubulawa."
9 - Bafuna Ubungakanani
Xa abantwana bexhatshazwa ngokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini , banokudibanisa okanye badibanise ngamandla. Basenokutsala abantu abahlaselayo kunye nemisebenzi engozi yengozi ukuze bazive bevuya, njengoko befuna ukukhawuleza kwengozi ukuze bazive bevukile okanye bafumane i-orgasm.
10 - Ukuphila Ngamafihlakalo Aphephile Kakhulu Kunokoqobo
Ngenxa yokuba uxhatshazo lubuhlungu kakhulu, abantu abaye baxhaphazwa banokujamelana nokubuyela kwilizwe elimnandi. Oku kungabandakanya ukuchukumisa abanye ukuya kwimeko apho amaqabane ahlukumezayo abonakala njengamangalisa, okanye abanye baphathwa kakubi ngenxa yokudumala okukhulu xa bengenakukwazi ukuphilisa.