Intukuthelo ngokwayo ayilona ingxaki. Intukuthelo inokuphilisa ukuba ayikwazi ukusiqaphela kuphela kwimicimbi esingafuneka siyitshintshe ebomini bethu, kodwa ingasishukumisela ukuba senze ezi nguqulelo.
Ukuqhagamshelana phakathi kobushushu noxinzelelo
Xa siziva sisicinezelekile kakhulu, sinokuthi sithandeke ngakumbi, kwaye kulo mhlaba, bobabini umsindo kunye noxinzelelo kunokuba nzima ngakumbi ukulawula.
Xa ukulwa okanye iimpendulo zendiza zishukunyiswa kwaye sivuselwa ngokomzimba ngenxa yoko, sinokuzifumanisa ngokulula. Nazi ezinye zezizathu zoku:
- Xa sigxininisekile, sinokubona ukuba imeko iyingozi, kwaye oku kunokubangela ukuba lula umsindo.
- Xa ukulwa okanye impendulo yendiza ikhutshwe, asinokuba sicinga ngokucacileyo okanye ngokwemigaqo, nto leyo ingasishiya sinomuva ongenako ukujamelana.
- Xa umzimba uphakanyiswa yimpendulo yomzimba, iimvakalelo zinokunyuka ngokukhawuleza, ezinokubangela ukukhawuleza.
- Izinto ezibangela ukuxinezeleka, njengosongelo lokuma kwezentlalo, ukukhathazeka ngokwemvakalelo, okanye iimfuno ezininzi, zingakhokelela ekudleni.
- Intukuthelo kunye noxinzelelo kunokusondla komnye nomnye, apho sinokuba lula xa sicinezelekile, kwaye ukuphendula kakubi komsindo kunokudala uxinzelelo.
Iingxaki eziyiphumela kwi-Outragedly Managed Anger
Njengengcinezelo engaphelelanga kakuhle, umsindo ongalawulwa ngendlela enempilo ayikwazi ukusikhathaza kodwa ingonakalise impilo kunye nobomi bomntu.
Oku, okunokwenzeka, kunokukhokelela kumanqanaba amakhulu okuxinezeleka kunye nomsindo. Cinga olu lulandelayo uphando ngomsindo:
- Olunye uphando oluvela kwiYunivesithi yaseWashington School of Nursing lwafunda iingxaki zomsindo kumadoda nabafazi. Abaphandi bacacise ubungqina bonyaka bokuqala ukuba iingxaki zomsindo kunye neempawu ezixinzelelekileyo ziye zadibaniswa kuzo zonke izizathu ezibangela ukufa kodwa zafumanisa ukuba abafazi bafumene umhlobo omkhulu phakathi komsindo kunye neempawu zokudakumba, ngelixa amadoda ayefuna ukufumana unxulumano phakathi kwengqumbo neengxaki zempilo.
- Ngokutsho kwesifundo esivela kwiYunivesithi yase-Ohio State, abo babengenakulawula ukulawula umsindo wabo babenokuphulukisa ngokunyuka kwinqanaba. Abaphengululi banikezela i-blisters kwabathathi-nxaxheba abangama-98 baza bafumanisa ukuba, emva kweentsuku ezili-8, abo babengenalo ukulawula okungaphantsi komsindo wabo nabo babezama ukuphucula abantu. Ukongeza, abo bathathi-nxaxheba babe nethuba lokufumana i- cortisol engaphezulu (i-hormone yokuxinwa) kwinkqubo yabo ngexesha lokutshatyalaliswa, ebonisa ukuba banokugxininiswa ngakumbi kwiimeko ezinzima.
- Olunye uphando oluvela kwiHarvard School of Public Health lwafunda ulwalamano kumadoda kwaye lwafumanisa ukuba abo abanamazinga aphezulu abanobutshaba bafumana iipilomali ezihluphekileyo kuphela (ukuphefumula iingxaki) kodwa bafumana amanqanaba aphezulu ekunciphiseni njengoko bekhulile.
- Uphando kunye nabantwana kunye nolutsha lubonisa ukuba ulawulo lomsindo lubaluleka kumiselwe omncinane. Iziphumo zibonisa ukuba ulutsha olujamelana nokungahambisani nomsindo wabo lunomngcipheko omkhulu wobudlelwane obuthathaka. Impilo yabo isengozini; abo bajamelana nomsindo ngokugqithiseleyo banamathuba amaninzi amaninzi xa kufikelele kwimpilo yengqondo kunye jikelele. Oku kugxininisa into yokuba ulawulo lomsindo lubuchule obubalulekileyo bokufunda ekuqaleni.
Ezi zimbalwa zezifundo ezininzi ezidibanisa umsindo kwimpilo yengqondo nangokomzwelo, ukususela ngokucacileyo ukuya kungalindelekanga. Ngenxa yokuba umsindo olawulwa kakubi ungabangela ingxaki ebalulekileyo kwiindawo ezininzi zobomi, kubalulekile ukuthatha amanyathelo ekufundeni nasekusebenziseni ubuchule bokulawula umsindo wemihla ngemihla, kunye neendlela zokulawula uxinzelelo.
Ukulawula Kunokuba Uthobele Ubushushu
Intukuthelo imele ilawulwe kunokuba igxothwe okanye inganyanzelwanga kuba ingasinika ulwazi malunga noko sifuna, into esingafuniyo, kunye noko kufuneka sikwenze ngokulandelayo. Xa kubonwa njengombonakaliso wokuphulaphula kunokuba ube nemvakalelo yokungahoyi okanye ukuyihlazisa, umsindo ungaba luncedo.
Ukuphulaphula umsindo njengombonakalo, oko kuthetha ukuba ukholelwa kwaye senza yonke ingcamango esichukumisayo esinayo okanye esiyichukumisayo xa sinomsindo, ngokucacileyo. Umsindo ongalawulwayo ungakhokelela kwiingxaki ezinkulu kunezinto ezibangele umsindo ekuqaleni. Kubalulekile ukubhala ingqalelo yengqumbo xa bebubele, bavavanye apho bavela khona, banqume ngendlela engqiqweni kwindlela efanelekileyo yokuthatha inzame ukulawula umsindo kunye neemeko ezibangele umsindo. Oku kungenziwa lula kunokuthi kwenziwe, nangona kunjalo.
Nazi ezinye izinto okumele uzikhumbule xa ulawula umsindo.
Unqabise Umzimba Wakho: Xa umsindo wethu ukhanyiswa, kunokuba lula ukuphendula ngendlela eyenza izinto zibe zibi nakakhulu, nokuba oko kuthetha ukuthetha izinto esizozisola ngazo okanye sithathe izenzo ezinokuthi zingabandakanyi zonke iinkalo zengxaki. Kungcono ukuphendula kwindawo yokuzola kunokuba usabele kwiindawo zokukrakra. Kungako kuthambisa umzimba wakho nengqondo ibalulekileyo lokuqala ekulawuleni umsindo, ukuba kunokwenzeka. Amasu amaninzi asetyenziswa ekulawuleni uxinzelelo anokunceda apha, njengokusebenzisa ukuphefumula, ukuzivocavoca ngokukhawuleza, okanye ukutshintsha ukugxilwa kweminye imizuzu embalwa ukufumana umgama kwisiganeko esishukumisayo (okokuba kutheni ukubalwa ukuya kwishumi kukhuthazwe kule minyaka Isinyathelo sokuqala ngaphambi kokuphendula xa unomsindo).
Ukuchonga Isizathu Sentukuthelo Yakho: Izihlandlo ngokukhawuleza siyazi oko kusenze sithukuthele, kodwa kungekho njalo. Xa siziva sithukuthele, ngamanye amaxesha sithukuthele ngenye into kwaye ithagethi esiyifumeneyo ikhuselekile kunokuba yenze ukuba sithukuthele (njengokuba xa sikhathazeke nomntu onokusilimaza, ngoko sithatha umsindo kumntu osongela phantsi). Ngamanye amaxesha kukho izinto ezininzi eziye zazakhela, kwaye ukuqala komsindo wethu kukuphela komququ wokugqibela owawuqhekeza umqolo wekamela. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha isiganeko esichukumisayo sitshitshise kwenye ingqumbo engaphenduliyo esiye sihlala kuyo; Oku kudla njalo xa impendulo yethu ibonakala ingavumelekanga kwisiganeko esichukumisayo, ngakumbi xa ezinye iingcinezelo kunye neziphumo zingabandakanyekanga.
Ukukunceda ukufumanisa imbangela yengqumbo yakho, kunokunceda ukubhala ngeemvakalelo zakho kwiphepha de uze uzive ucacile, uthetha nomhlobo osondeleyo ngeemvakalelo zakho uze uvumele ukuba zikuncede ukucwangcisa iingcamango zakho, okanye ucele uncedo lwezinto ezilungileyo ngcali. (Unokuzama ukudibanisa bonke abathathu.) Le mi sebenzi inokukunceda ekulawuleni uxinzelelo, kwakhona, ngoko kukuphinda kabini.
Gqiba kwiNkqubo yezenzo: Kwakhona, unokucela inkxaso yenkcazelo, umhlobo, okanye uphando ngolu hlobo. Izakhono zokulawula uxinzelelo nazo zingafumaneka apha apha. Iinkqubo ezinceda ukuguquka kwimiba, njengokwenkcenkceshelwa kwengqondo, kunokukunceda ukhangele izinto ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo kwaye mhlawumbi ubone into eyenza ungabi nomsindo ngolu hlobo, okanye ubone izisombululo ongazange uzibonise ekuqaleni. Ukukhangela ezinye iimbono zabantu kungabanceda kuzo zombini ukubonelela ngeengcamango zamanye amanyathelo azithathayo, kunye neminye imibono yokujonga ukujonga imeko leyo, mhlawumbi ngendlela evakalelwa yinkxalabo encinci. Ukongezelela, ukusebenzisa iindlela zokulawula uxinzelelo lokuqinisa uxinzelelo kunokukunceda ukuba uqiniseke ukunyamezeka kwengqondo onokukunceda nomsindo.
Yazi ixesha lokufuna inkxaso: Abanye abantu banemiba engapheliyo, kwaye abanye abantu banokuzifumana kwiimeko ezithile ezibangalisa iimvakalelo ezinzima. Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba unokusebenzisa inkxaso engakumbi ngokulawula umsindo , ukuxubusha iingcamango zakho neemvakalelo zakho ngeyona ngcali kunokunceda kakhulu, kungekhona nje ekujonganeni nemiba ethile eyenza umsindo kodwa udale isicwangciso sokulawula umsindo kunye noxinzelelo ngendlela ephilileyo ngelixa elizayo. Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba ufuna inkxaso eyongezelelweyo ekulawuleni umsindo, ungesabi ukufuna le nkxaso.
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