Iinkolelo eziphosakeleyo ezidibaniswa noxhala kunye nokuxhalabisa
Unyango oluthile lwe-psychotherapy oluthatyathwa emva kwengcamango yokuba iingcamango zethu neenkolelo zethu zenza impilo yethu yengqondo. Ulwaphulo lweengqondo lujolise ekutshintsheni iipatheni zokucinga ezingahambiyo kunye neenkolelo ezenza ukuba ungonwabi. Kuye kwachazwa ukuba ukukhathazeka kwemizwelo kunye nokuxhalabisa , kuquka ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kunye nokudandatheka, kunempembelelo enkulu kwiingcamango ezingekhoyo kunye neenkolelo eziphosakeleyo.
Iimpawu zakho zobuqu, iingcamango kunye nezimo zengqondo zenza inkqubo yakho yenkolelo. Iingcamango zokuzikhusela zizo naziphi izimvo ezimbi ozibamba ngazo kunye nehlabathi elikujikelezayo. Eyaziwayo njengeenkolelo eziphosakeleyo okanye eziphosakeleyo, ezi mbono zichaphazela ukuzithemba kwakho, iimvakalelo ozenzayo malunga nobuchule bakho, kunye nolwalamano lwakho nabanye.
Iinkolelo zokuzikhusela zikwahlukileyo njengokuba zingabonakali ngombono onakho okanye zakho iinkolelo ozithandayo malunga nobudlelwane bakho nabanye. Enoba zezi ntlobo zeenkolelo ezithintelayo zingabangela ukuba uxhaphaze kunye neengxaki zokutya . Oku kulandelayo kuchaza isishwankathelo seenkolelo ezithintelayo eziqhelekileyo phakathi kwabo bajamelana neengxaki zokuphazamiseka, ukuhlaselwa koyika , i- agoraphobia :
Perfectionism
Ngokuqhelekileyo ucinga njengengcamango enhle, ukugqibelela okunokuthi kunokukubeka ngokukhawuleza nokwehluleka. I-Perfectionism ichaza inkolelo yokuba umntu akaze alungele.
Ngokomzekelo, unokukholelwa ukuba nayiphina impazamo encinci oyenzayo okanye ukungapheleli okwenza ube ngumntu ongenamkelekanga. Unokuyeka ukugqiba imisebenzi, ukwesaba ukuba awusoze wakwazi ukuwagqiba kunye nokuthanda kwakho. Abantu abambe inkolelo yokuzikhusela ngokugqibeleleyo baninzi becinga ukuba abanye abayi kwamkela ukuba ngubani ngokwenene.
Ukutshatyalaliswa kwempilo kunokuchaphazela yonke inkqubo yakho yenkolelo kwaye kudla ngokubonakala ngokuzithetha kwakho kunye nokucinga. Ngokomzekelo, " ukuba iiferenti " zihlobo lombono wokucinga ongafanelekanga odla ukuxhomekeke ekupheleleni. Omnye umzekelo unokucinga ukuba "unokukwazi ukulawula ukuxhalaba kwakho." Ukuphelelwa komzimba kudla rhoqo kuthatha uhlobo lokuzibamba , njengokukholelwa ukuba "ufanele ubenze" ukuze uhlasele. Ukuzigxeka okunjalo kuphazamisa ukuzinyanya kwakho kwaye kunokunciphisa imizamo yakho yokujongana nemeko yakho.
Iingcamango eziphosakeleyo zokuphelela ukugqibelela zinokuchaphazela kakhulu ubudlelwane bomntu kunye nesigqibo sokuxelela abanye ngeengxaki zabo zokuphazamiseka. Ngokomzekelo, ukugqibelela kunokukwenza ukuba ukholelwe ukuba abanye abayi kwamkela imeko yakho. Ukutshatyalaliswa kwento kunokukuchaphazela kwindawo yokusebenzela, njengoko unokukholelwa ukuba osebenza nabo baya kukuhlambalaza umsebenzi wakho okanye bakuphephe ukuba ubonisa nayiphi na into yokuxhalabisa okanye ukuxhatshazwa. Iinkolelo ezinjalo zingongeza kwiimvakalelo zodwa kunye nokuzihlukanisa eziqhelekileyo kubantu abaneengxaki zokuphazamiseka.
Isidingo sokuphumelela
Abantu abaninzi baneenjongo zabo siqu abazithemba ukufezekisa. Ezi njongo zixhomekeke kwiingqungquthela zempilo, ubudlelwane, okanye umsebenzi.
Ukufezekisa iinjongo zakho kufuneka kukunike iqondo lokuzikhukhumeza nokuzaliseka. Nangona kunjalo, abantu abaninzi abanenkxalabo kunye / okanye ukudandatheka ngokukhohlisa bakholelwa ukuba ukufezekisa kwabo kwenza ukuba bazuze. Unokholo lokuba ubuncwane bakho bunokufumaneka kuphela ngobutyebi bakho, isimo, ingqondo, okanye impumelelo. Abantu abawela kuloluhlelo lwenkolelo yokuzikhusela abanakuze baneliseke ngokwabo okanye bazalisekise ebomini.
Isisidingo soNcedo soNyaka
Uninzi lwabantu lufuna ukuthandwa ngabanye. Nangona kunjalo, lo mnqweno unokuzikhupha xa ukuzithemba kwakho kuxhomekeke ekuvunyweni kwabanye.
Isidingo esihlala sisisigxina sokuvunywa kwabanye singashiya intlungu enye, ixhala okanye inomsindo. Inyaniso kukuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba ungubani, kungekhona wonke umntu oya kukuthanda. Khumbula ukuba ungumntu ofanelekileyo ukuba umntu uyavuma okanye uyavuma.
Abo balinganisela ukubaluleka kwabo ngobuninzi babathandwa ngabanye baya kuthukuthela lula nangaluphina uhlobo lokugxekwa okanye ukungafani kwimbono. Iingcebiso ezilula zabanye zingabangela ukuba bazive benqabile kwaye bazikhusele. Okumangalisa kukuba, ukufunwa kwamanye amaxesha kunokuvunywa ngabantu kungabangela abantu ukuba bahambe. Ukuba ulwa nemfuno yokwamukelwa, gcinani engqondweni ukuba abanye bangakuvuma njengomntu kwaye banikezela ngcebiso kunye nezinye iingcamango ukuba zincede okanye zibandakanye kwingxoxo. Zama ukuvulela iziphakamiso zabanye uze uqhubeke nokwakha kwinethiwekhi yakho yokuxhasa .
Ukulwa neenkolelo zokuzikhusela
Inkqubo yethu yenkolelo isoloko kuthi, idala izimvo zethu nezimo zengqondo malunga nathi kunye nehlabathi elisijikelezayo. Ngamanye amaxesha siwela ezinkolelweni zokuzikhusela ezithintela ubomi bethu. Ngethamsanqa, kukho iindlela zokunqoba ukucinga okungalunganga kunye neenkolelo eziphosakeleyo.
Ukutshintsha inkqubo yethu yokukholisa inkohlakalo kuqala ngokuqonda indima yayo ebomini bethu. Hlola olu uluhlu lweenkolelo eziphosakeleyo uze uqaphele xa zivela ebomini bakho. Emva kokuba sele uqalile ukufumanisa iinkolelo zakho ezingaqhelekanga, uya kuqaphela ukuba zeziphi iimeko ezibonakala zikunceda kakhulu. Olu lwazi lunikeza ithuba lokutshintsha inkqubo yakho yenkolelo.
Qala ukuvavanya iingcamango zakho zokuzibulala ngokuzihlola ukuba kukho inyaniso eninzi kwiimbono zakho. Ngokomzekelo, ngaba abantu bayakukhanyela ngenxa yokungapheleli kwakho? Ingaba abaninzi bakho abathandekayo banokukhathalela ngawe ukuba awuzukukhuthazwa emsebenzini, fi kelela ubunzima bakho obufunayo, okanye wenze imali ethile? Ngaba umntu uyanikela icebiso ngenxa yokuba abavumelani nawe okanye ingenxa yokuba bayakhathalela impilo yakho? Ngokuqhubeka ujamelana neenkolelo zakho eziphosakeleyo, ungaqala ukuphuhlisa ezintsha izinto ezinokubangela ukuxhalabisa.
Umthombo:
Burns, DD (2006). Xa uhlaselwa yintlanzi: Ulwaphulo olutsha olungenazo iziyobisi olungatshintsha ubomi bakho. NY: Broadway Books.