Ingqwalasela Yokuxinwa Kwangxowanxu? Iikhono zoSombululo zoSombululo!
Ingquzulwano yinto eqikelelweyo malunga nabo bonke ubudlelwane. Kungaba ngumthombo obalulekileyo wokuxinezeleka. Ngako oko, kunye neenkoliso ezininzi, kubalulekile ukufumana isigqibo. Oku kufana nesitatimende esicacileyo, kodwa abantu abaninzi banqanda umsindo okanye 'bahamba behamba.' Bacinga ukuba ngokujongana nempikiswano, badala enye, kwaye bahlale bethule xa bethuka.
Ngelishwa, oku akusilona sicwangciso esiluphi ixesha elide. Enye into, ingxabano engaxazululwanga ingakhokelela ekubeni intukuthelo kunye neengxabano ezingaphendululwanga kulwalamano. Okona kubaluleke ngakumbi, ukuxabana okuqhubekayo kunokuba nefuthe elibi kwimpilo yakho kunye nobomi obude. (Jonga esi siqwenga ngaphezulu kwiimpembelelo ezibangelwa ulwalamano lomtshato.)
Ngelishwa, ukuxazulula ingxabano kunokunyaniseka. Ukusingathwa ngokungafanelekanga, iinzame zokusombulula iingxabano zingabangela ukuba ingxabano ibe nzima. Ngokomzekelo, umphandi uJohn Gottman kunye noogxa bakhe bafunda indlela iimbambano ezilwa ngayo, kwaye ngokwenene ziyakwazi ukuba zeziphi izibini eziza kutshatyalaliswa ngokuqwalasela izakhono zabo zokusombulula iingxabano - okanye ukungabi nako. (Inqaku: Ukuba usoloko ugxeka umlingani wakho, okanye uvale ngeengxabano kunokuba usebenze ngquzulwano ngendlela efanelekileyo, inhlonipho, jonga.)
Kwabo abazange bazalwe kwintsapho apho izakhono zokulungiswa kweengxabano ezigqibeleleyo zihlanjululwa imihla ngemihla (kwaye-makhe sibhekane nazo-bangaphi bethu?), Zikho izikhokelo zokusombulula ingxabano elula kwaye ingaphantsi kwengcinezelo.
Fumana Iimvakalelo Zakho
Icandelo elibalulekileyo lokusombulula ingxabano luquka wena kuphela - ukwazi indlela ozivakalelwa ngayo nokuba kutheni uvakalelwa ngaloo ndlela. Kubonakala ngathi uyimvakalelo yakho kufuneka ibonakale kuwe, kodwa oku akunjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngamanye amaxesha sivakalelwa okanye sithukuthele, kodwa asiyazi ukuba kutheni.
Ngamanye amaxesha, sinomuzwa wokuthi omnye umntu akenzi oko akufanele ', kodwa asiyazi kakuhle into esiyifunayo kubo, okanye ukuba kuyafaneleka. Ukuhamba ngethuba lingaba yindlela efanelekileyo yokufikelela kwiimvakalelo zethu, iingcamango nokulindela ukwenzela ukuba sikwazi ukubanxibelelana nomnye umntu. Ngamanye amaxesha le nkqubo ivelisa iimeko ezinzima kakhulu, kunye ne-psychotherapy inokuba luncedo.
Hone Your Skills Listening
Xa kufikelelwe kwisisombululo esiphumeleleyo sokuxabana, indlela esiyiphulaphulayo ngayo ibaluleke ngokubalulekileyo njengendlela esizibonakalise ngayo ngempumelelo. Kubalulekile ukuqonda imbono yomnye umntu, kungekhona nje ukuba siza kusisombululo. Enyanisweni, ukunceda omnye umntu ukuba uve ukuva nokuqondwa ngamanye amaxesha kunokuhamba ixesha elide kwisigqibo sokungqubana. Ukuphulaphula kakuhle kukunceda ukuba ukwazi ukukhupha isikhala phakathi kobabini kuni, niqonde apho ukuxoxwa kwamanga, njl. Ngelishwa, ukuphulaphula ngokukodwa kuyisakhono esingaziwo wonke umntu, kwaye kuyaqhelekileyo ukuba abantu bacinge ukuba bakuphulaphule , ngelixa eentloko zabo baqulunqa impendulo yabo ezayo, becinga ngokwabo ukungalunganga komnye umntu, okanye ukwenza izinto ngaphandle kokuzama ukuqonda imbono yomnye umntu.
Kuqhelekile ukuba zikhuseleke kwaye ziqiniseke ngokwakho ngolu hlobo lokuba awukwazi ukuva ngombono womnye umntu. (Ukuba oku kukho konke oku kuvakalayo okuqhelekileyo, unokufuna ukufunda eli nqaku elincedo kwizakhono zokuphulaphula .)
Ziqhelane noNxibelelwano oluCwangcisiweyo
Ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zakho kunye neemfuno zakho ngokucacileyo yinto ebalulekileyo yokusombulula ingxabano. Njengokuba mhlawumbi uyazi, ukuthetha into engafanelekanga kunokufana nokuphosa umlilo kwi-fire, kwaye kwenza ingxabano ibe nzima. Into ebalulekileyo ukuba uyikhumbule kukuthetha engqondweni yakho ngendlela ecacileyo kwaye eqinisekisayo, ngaphandle kokutshatyalaliswa okanye ukubeka omnye umntu ngokuzikhusela.
Isicwangciso esisisombululo sokusombulula ingxabano kukubeka izinto ngokweendlela ozivakalelwa ngayo kunokuba ucinga ukuba omnye umntu wenza okungalunganga, usebenzisa iindibano zeengxelo. (Jonga eli nqaku le- training article ngokubhekiselele kule nto, kwaye uthathe le mibuzo ukuze ufumane iingcebiso malunga nokuqinisekisa.)
Funa Isixazululo
Xa uqonda indlela yomntu omnye, kwaye baqonda yakho, yithuba lokufumana isisombululo kwingxabano - isisombululo onokuhlala kuzo zombini. Ngamanye amaxesha impendulo elula kwaye ecacileyo ivela emva kokuba zombini amaqela aqonde indlela yomntu. Kwiimeko apho ingxabano isekelwe ekungaqondeni okanye ukungabikho kwengqiqo ngombono womnye, ukuxolisa okulula kunokusebenza ngokumangalisa, kwaye ingxoxo evulekileyo ingabangela ukuba abantu basondelane. Amanye amaxesha, kukho umsebenzi omncinci ofunekayo. Kwiimeko apho kukho ukungquzulana ngombandela kwaye bobabini abangavumelaniyo, unamathuba ambalwa: ngamanye amaxesha uyavuma ukuba awuvumelani, ngamanye amaxesha ungayifumana ingcamango okanye umgangatho ophakathi, kwaye kwezinye iimeko umntu ovakalelwa ngakumbi ngokukhawuleza malunga nombandela unokufumana indlela yabo, ngokuqonda ukuba baya kuvuma ngexesha elizayo. Into ebalulekileyo ukuza kwindawo yokuqonda kwaye uzama ukwenza izinto ngendlela ehlonipha bonke abandakanyekayo. (Ngolwazi oluthe vetshe, jonga eli nqaku malunga nezakhono zonxibelelwano .)
Yazi Xa Akusebenzi
Ngenxa yeendlela eziqhubekayo iingxabano ezinokuthi zivela kumntu, ngamanye amaxesha kucebisekile ukubeka umgama kumtshato, okanye ukuqhawula ngokupheleleyo. Kwiimeko zokusetyenziswa gadalala, umzekelo, iindlela zobuchule bokusombulula iingxabano ezilula ziyakuthatha nje ngoku, kwaye ukhuseleko lomntu kufuneka lube luphambili. Xa sisebenzisana namalungu entsapho ezinzima, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukongeza imida embalwa kwaye wamkela ukunciphisa komnye umntu kulwalamano kunokuzisa uxolo. Ngobudlelwane abangenasisigxina okanye obonwabisayo ngongquzulwano oluqhubekayo, ukuvumela ukuhamba kunokuba ngumthombo omkhulu wokuxinwa kwengcinezelo . Nguwe kuphela onokugqiba ukuba ulwalamano lunokuphuculwa, okanye lufanele luyeke.
Imithombo:
Newsom JT, Mahan TL, Rook KS, Krause N. I-Stable Negative Social Exchanges kunye neMpilo. I-Psychology yezeMpilo , ngoJanuwari 2008.
UGottman JM., UCarreère S. Ukuqikelela ukuqhawula umtshato phakathi kwabasandul 'ukutshatyalaliswa kwimizuzu emithathu yokuqala yokuxoxa ngengxabano yomtshato. Inkqubo Yentsapho , ukuwa kwe-1999.