Uninzi lwethu luxabisa uxhulumano nabanye, ngokukodwa kwintsebenziswano yethu yothando. Enyanisweni, siyazibandakanya ukuxhamla kwaye kusenza sikwazi ukudala ubudlelwane kunye nolwalamano nosapho. Impumelelo yobudlelwane besikhathi eside ixhomekeke kakhulu kumgangatho woxhumo lwethu lomzwelo. Xa sicinga ngobuhlobo bethu obuhle sihlala sicinga ngobuhlobo obuhle, obusondeleyo, obusondeleyo kunye nomntu wethu obaluleke kakhulu.
Ngoko, sakha njani olo hlobo lolwalamano? Ubundlobongela obukhuseleyo, obukhuselekileyo, obude kunye nomntu esaziyo unomqolo wexesha elide? Ulwalamano olusinika inkululeko yokuzimela, oluxhasa ukukhula kwethu kwaye lusivumela ukuba sibe nokuguquguqulelana?
Kuxhomekeke kuphi?
Ukuxhasana kubonisa ukuba amaqabane aqonda kwaye axabisa ukubaluleka kwesibophelelo sengqondo abawabelana ngayo ngelixa begcina ingqiqo ebonakalayo phakathi kobudlelwane obunamandla. Umntu othembekileyo uyaziqonda ukubaluleka kokubandezeleka, ukukwazi ukujika kumlingane wakhe ngendlela ezenzakalayo zokudala ubudlelwane obusondeleyo. Baphinda baxabise umqondo wokuzimela owamvumelayo kunye neqabane labo ukuba babe ngabanye ngaphandle kwesidingo sokunciphisa ukuba ngubani okanye i-system values.
Ukuxhomekeka komnye umntu kunokuvakala ukwethusa okanye kungenasifo. Ukukhula, sisoloko sifundiswa ukubaluleka kokuzimela , ukuba yinto ebonakalayo, kunye nexabiso eliphezulu elibekwe ngaphandle kokufuna abanye inkxaso yemoya.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo njengokuba nomqondo wokuzimela, uthathe ngokungathandabuzekiyo, oku kunako ukufumana indlela yokuba sikwazi ukudibanisa ngokomzwelo nabanye ngendlela enenjongo. Ubuhlobo obusondeleyo nomoya kunye nomlingane kunokuba nzima ukufezekisa, nokuba kukhwankqiswa okanye kungabonakali njengobaluleke ngakumbi kubundlelwane, kulabo abanengqondo engavamile yokuzimela.
Ukunganyaniseki akuyikho iCodependence
Ukungathembeki akukona into efana neyommeli. Umntu omeleyo uhlala ethembela kwabanye ngenxa yokuzimela kunye nokuphila kakuhle. Akukho buchule baloo mntu ukuba ahlule apho baphela khona kunye neqabane labo liqala, kukho umthwalo onoxanduva lomnye umntu ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zabo kunye / okanye ukuba iqabane labo lihlangabezane nazo zonke iimfuno zabo ukuze bazive kakuhle .
Impawu yobudlelwane obunxulumeneyo ziquka izinto ezinjenge:
- Iingekho / akukho mida
- Abantu abathandekayo ukuziphatha
- Reactivity
- Ukungcolileyo, ukuthetha ngokungafanelekanga
- Ukunyanzelisa
- Ubunzima ngokusondelana ngokomzwelo
- Ukulawula ukuziphatha
- Ukugxeka omnye
- Ukuzithoba komntu omnye okanye bobabini abalingani
- Akukho mfuno okanye iinjongo zomntu ngaphandle kobudlelwane
Ulwalamano oluxhasayo aluphilisanga kwaye aluvumeli igumbi lesiganeko ukuba libe ngokwawo, likhule kwaye lizimelele. Ubu budlelwane obubi bubandakanya umlingane omnye, okanye zombini, ukuxhomekeka kakhulu kolunye kunye nolwalamano lwabo ngokwabo, iimvakalelo zokufaneleka kunye nenhlalakahle yempilo. Kukho rhoqo ukuziva unetyala kunye neentloni kumntu omnye okanye bobabini abalingani xa ubuhlobo bungahambi kakuhle.
Njengomgqirha kunye neengcali ze-codependency, uDarlene Lancer, i-JD, i-LMFT ichaza, i-codependency iquka "umntu olahlekelwe ingqondo yakhe, ukuze ukucinga kunye nokuziphatha kwakhe kubhekisele kumntu okanye into yangaphandle, kuquka umntu, into okanye umsebenzi, ofana nesondo okanye ukugembula. "
Kutheni ukuxhasana kukuphilisane nobudlelwane
Ukuxhomekeka kubandakanya ukulinganisela kokunye kunye nolunye phakathi kobudlelwane, ngokuqonda ukuba zombini amaqabane asebenzayo ukuba abekhona kwaye ahlangabezane neemfuno zomzimba kunye neemvakalelo kwiindlela ezifanelekileyo neenjongo. Abalingani abaxineli omnye nomnye kwaye ababukeli kumlingane wabo ukuze bazive befanelekile. Oku kunika ithuba ngalinye lomlingani ukugcina ingqiqo, igumbi lokuya kwelinye ixesha ngexesha leemfuno kunye nenkululeko yokwenza ezi zigqibo ngaphandle kokwesaba oko kuza kwenzeka kulwalamano.
Iziganeko zobudlelwane obungapheliyo
Ubuhlobo obunempilo, obungathembekiyo buya kuqatshelwa ngamanye alandelayo:
- Imida ephilileyo
- Ukuphulaphula ngokukhawuleza
- Isihlandlo somdla
- Ukucoca ngokucacileyo
- Ukuthatha uxanduva lomntu ngokuziphatha
- Ukudala ukhuseleko omnye komnye ukuba abe sisengozini
- Ukubandakanya nokuphendula omnye komnye
- Ukuzithemba
- Ukuvuleka kunye nofikeleleke omnye nomnye
Xa amaqabane aziva exabiseke kwaye axabiseke, ubudlelwane buba yindawo ephephile kunye nendawo apho isibini sinokubambisana. Oku kuthetha ukuba bayaqonda ukuba abodwa bodwa kulwalamano, banokuphendulela omnye nomnye ngokukhuselekileyo ngexesha leemfuno baze bazive bekhuselekile ukuba iqabane labo liya kuba khona.
Indlela yokwakha ubudlelwane obungapheliyo
Isitshixo sokwakha ubudlelwane obudibeneyo kukukhumbula ukuba ungubani kwasekuqaleni. Ngamaxesha amaninzi abantu bafuna, okanye bangena, ubudlelwane nje ukuphepha ukuziva bebodwa, bengabonakali ngabani ukuba bangubani, baxabisa ntoni kunye neenjongo zabo zobudlelwane. Ukuthatha ixesha lohlobo oluthile lokucamngca kwakho kukuvumela ukuba ufake ubuhlobo obutsha kunye nolwazi oluthile olubalulekileyo ekumiseni ubudlelwane obudibeneyo.
Njengengqondo ye-psychotherapist uSharon Martin, i-LCSW ibonisa, kubalulekile ukugcina isimo sengqondo sobuhlobo bethu obusondeleyo. Ucebisa iindlela ezilandelayo ukugcina ingqiqo:
- Ukwazi oko uthanda nento ebalulekileyo kuwe
- Ungesabi ukucela oko ufuna
- Sebenzisa ixesha kunye nabahlobo kunye nosapho
- Qhubeka uphishekela iinjongo zakho
- Yikhumbule ixabiso lakho
- Yenza ixesha lokuzonwabisa kunye neminqweno
- Ungesabi ukuthi "hayi"
- Musa ukuzigcina uncinci okanye ufihlakele ukukholisa abanye
Ukuvumela igumbi lakho lomlingane kunye nethuba lokwenza ezi zinto ziza kuba sisisitshixo sokuseka ubudlelwane obuphilileyo, obudibeneyo. Ukuqala ulwalamano lwakho ngale ndlela kunokuvumela ukuphuhliswa kwendawo ekhuselekileyo yabalingani bobabini ukuba bafunde indlela yokujika ngokukhawuleza ngaphandle kokwesaba ukuzilahleka okanye ukulawulwa okanye ukulawulwa. Ulwalamano olungathembekiyo alushiyi abantu banetyala okanye besaba iqabane labo okanye ubudlelwane babo, kodwa bashiya bazive bekhuselekile kunye neqabane labo.
Thatha ixesha lokucamngca malunga nokuba ungubani kunye nento ofuna ngayo ubuhlobo bakho obaluleke kakhulu. Ukukhumbula oku kwindlela yokuthandana kunokunceda uqinisekise ukuba ulwalamano lwakho luya kuphila kwaye lube luqinile kwixesha elide.