Xa iintsapho zihlangana kunye, sithemba ixesha lokuzonwabisa elibonakaliswa uthando nothando, kodwa sivame ukufumana ukuba iingxabano zentsapho zenzeka ngeli xesha . Enyanisweni, kwiintsapho ezininzi, kukho iipatheni ezininzi zokusebenzisana kunye neendima abantu abadlala ngazo ngaphakathi kwezi zinto. Xa abantwana abadala behlangene kunye nosapho, bahlala befumanisa ukuba baphinde babuyele kule mikhombiso, into ehlekisayo ibizwa ngokuthi "revertigo."
Ezi zintsebenziswano zinokuthi zenzeke, kodwa xa zingenakwenzeka, zingakwazi ukuzisa uxinzelelo oluphezulu kwiintlanganiso zentsapho.
Ukuchaza oko unokulawula (Nento ongenako)
Unamaxesha amaninzi oye wafumana amava apho uyazi ukuba uza kubona intsapho yakho kwaye unokukwazi ukuxela kwangaphambili okokuthintana okanye ukuphazamiseka okungaba nako kunye namalungu entsapho, kwaye izinto zahamba ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba ubungenakukwenza? Ngaba uke wanqwenela ukuba ube nolawulo olukude kubantu, gcwalisa ngekhefu, uphinde uphinde uphinde uthule amaqhosha? Nangona ungeke ukwazi ukulawula izenzo zabanye, unokulawula impendulo yakho kwizenzo zabo, ezinokuthi zitshintshe zonke izinto ezinamandla kwaye zenze ukusebenzisana okuntle.
Enyanisweni, uDkt. Kathleen Kelley Reardon, uprofesa wase-USC Marshall School kunye nomlobi we- Comebacks emsebenzini: Ukusebenzisa ingxoxo ukuya kwi-Confrontation, uqikelele ukuba i-75% yindlela abantu abasiphatha ngayo ilawulwa yile nto.
Uyakhuthaza ukuthatha indlela eyahlukileyo ukuba ufuna ukufumana iziphumo ezitsha, ezilungileyo nakwezinye iintlobo zeengxabano kwixesha elizayo.
"Unxibelelwano lufana ne-chess apho yonke into eyenza umntu omnye enze ukuba kukhethwe ngenye indlela," kusho uReardon. Umgaqo omhle wesithupha ungayitsho into ongayithetha ngayo ngokuphendula nangaluphi na ukucaphukisa.
Ukuba udla ukuhlangabezana nomngeni nomngeni, zama ukubuza umbuzo endaweni yoko. Ukuba uvumela umntu ukuba aqhube phambili kwaye aqhubekele entliziyweni, qhagamshela into oyithethayo kwisihloko sakhe uze utshintshe kwenye. Ukuba ucinga ukuba usolwa ngokuba yinto ethile, kunokuba uphumele umva wakho, zama ukuthi, "Kukho inyaniso kuloo nto" okanye "Andizange ndiyicinge ngale ndlela kodwa ndibona ingongoma yakho." Ngamanye amazwi, senza into oqhele ngayo. Emva koko awuyi kungena kwiingxabano. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, musa ukuqikelela. Xa siqikeleleka, abo bafuna ukuphikisana banokusenza senze oko kanye. "
Indima yamaphetheni
Isisombululo sisekelwe ekuqwalaseleni ukuba ezininzi iimpikiswano zethu nabantu esizizi kakuhle zisekelwe kwimizekelo ephindaphindiweyo esiyiqhubela phambili. Singazama ukuphendula ngokuphendula ngendlela eya kusombulula ingxabano ngamaxesha onke (nangona, simele sijamelane nayo, abaninzi bethu bajolise ngakumbi ekuphumeleleni "ingxabano" kunokuba kupheliswe okanye kusombulule ingxabano, kwaye kukho umahluko). Le mpendulo iyakwazi ukugcina izinto zihamba ngendlela abadlulileyo ngayo, okungekho nto esiyifunayo.
"Zonke iintsapho kunye nabahlobo abaninzi bazisa nemithwalo yemvakalelo kwixesha elidlulileyo," kuchaza uReeardon.
"Kwi- Comebacks kwiSebenzi sichaza indlela oku kuqhubela ngayo i-URPS (iziganeko ezingaphethiyo eziphindaphindiweyo) kwingxoxo. Abaninzi bethu banqabile kule mibala engasebenziyo kwaye ixinzelelekileyo ngaphandle kokuqaphela ngenxa yokuba besibekho kwixesha elininzi ngaphambili.
"Ezinye ze-URPS eziqhelekileyo zibandakanya imiba yokuxhatshazwa kwimizalwane, iipateni nabazali abangazange bahambe, imiba yezopolitiko nakwiintsapho apho wonke umntu echaza iqela lepolitiki elifanayo, kwaye ngubani olungeleyo malunga nezihloko ezingabalulekanga."
Utshintsho olulula kwiZiphumo ezingcono
Ngokutsho kweReardon, isitshixo ekuphumeni kwezi zimo ze-URPS kukubona "iingongoma ezikhethiweyo" kwingxoxo, okanye iingongoma kwintetho apho unokutshintsha ithoni nesikhokelo esitshintshisayo, ngokutshintsha iimpendulo zakho.
Unika umzekelo olandelayo njengomzekelo:
UAlan: Le ngcamango iyisiphukuphuku.
U-Eleanor: Yintoni eyenza uhlakaniphe?
U-Alan: Andiyena umongameli kodwa ndiyazi ukuba kukho into ekhohlakeleyo.
U-Eleanor: Ukhohlisayo.
"Emva kokuba uAlan athi," Le ngcamango, "u-Eleanor wayekhethiweyo, uchaza uReardon. "Wasabela ngendlela abantu abaninzi ababeya kuyenza ngayo. Kodwa, wayenokuyitshintsha le ngxoxo. "Nantsi indlela ekubukeka ngayo:
UAlan: "Yinto engqondweni."
U-Eleanor: "Ekuqaleni, ndacinga njalo. Kodwa undive. "
Okanye u-Eleanor usenokuthi: "Iingcamango ezintsha zivakala ukuba ziyatha, kodwa uya kubona kwimizuzu ukuba kutheni lo."
"Esikhundleni sokuphendula uAlan ngokuhlaselwa, wakhetha ukugqithisa loo ndlela," uReardon ukhankanya. "Kunoko, wavumela ukuba abe nephuzu kodwa uya kucinga ngokungafaniyo xa egqibile ukuthetha.
"Kuphendula oku kunokuphendula," ushilo. "Inika omnye umntu ithuba lokuba acinge kwakhona ukuba ufuna ukuphikisa. Kuyisipho sendlela eza kwamkelwa okanye cha - enye iposenti yokukhetha yomntu. Uninzi lwabantu luyaphendula ngokuphana okunjalo kwincoko kunye nokubuyisa. "
Yintoni Ongayenza Ngoku
Ukuba ulindele ukungquzulana ngexesha elizayo xa uhlangana kunye nabantu abathile, unokufuna ukucinga ngezinto eziphambi kwexesha kwaye uqaphele iipatheni oye wazibonela ngaphambili, cinga ngamanqaku angakhetha kuzo, kwaye ujonge ezinye iindlela ozikhethayo.
Zama ukuza kunye namaqhinga ambalwa kwimeko nganye, kwaye ucinge ngezinto eziza kukuziva. Esikhundleni sokubanjelwa kwimpikiswano evamile kunye neentlungu ezenzakalayo , zama ukucinga ukuba ithini eningathanda ukuba incoko iyenze, kwaye ubone ukuba unokukhokelela ekusebenzisaneni naloo ndlela kunye nezimpendulo zakho kwiindawo ezikhethiweyo zokukhetha. Unokumangaliswa ukuba izinto zingatshintsha njani ngokukhawuleza.
Ukufunda izakhono zokusombulula iingxabano ezingcono , ukwazi ukuba ungayiphepheli kwimpikiswano, kwaye indlela yokupholisa xa uphelelwe ngumsindo kunokunceda kakhulu. Yaye xa zonke ezinye izinto zingaphumeleli, izakhono zokuphulaphula ezinamandla ziye zanceda ukunyuka kweengxabano ezininzi.