Indlela Yokuma Uhlala Uqhathanisa Nabanye
Uthelekiso lwentlalo ngumntu oqhekezayo oqhelekileyo oqala ukubuyisela ikhanda xa abantwana bebancinci, ngemihla yabantwana abaselula abafuna into yokudlala esezandleni zebhokhwe ecaleni kwabo. Izuza ngokukhawuleza esikolweni esiprayimari xa abantwana belandela iifayili, kwaye kuyaphawuleka xa umntu engaboni imibukiso efanayo okanye edlala imidlalo efanayo nayo yonke into.
Isikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, umhlaba wegama lomnxeba, umculo odlawayo, ii-cliques kunye "nokwesaba ukulahleka" kukuba xa kuqhathaniswa nokuxhatshazwa kweentlalo, kwaye akukaze ihambe njengoko abantu bejolise ekufikeleleni kwiikholeji ezibhetele, ukufumana imisebenzi engcono, ukutshata umntu obahlobo bakhe unokuba nomona, kunye nokwakha ubomi obugqibeleleyo kunye nabo. Xa sinezingane, sifunda kwakhona umjikelezo kubo.
Njengabantu abadala, sijamelana neengxaki ezinxulumene nentlalo kunye nentsha enye: ukuthelekisa ubukeka bethu, isimo sethu senhlalakahle, izinto zethu eziphathekayo, nobudlelwane bethu. Oku kuyindlela yokuziphatha yabantu, kwaye yenzelwe ukusinceda siphila kunye njengeqela elihlangeneyo, ukusinceda sifunde omnye komnye, kwaye kusenze singabi nakwehla emva kwethu. Kwakhona kusinceda sizenzele, ukulinganisa indlela esenza ngayo kwimimandla eyahlukeneyo yobomi esekelwe kwinto ebonakala ngathi iyinokwenzeka, kwaye sinokubonakala ngathi isinceda sizive ngcono nakwiimeko ezininzi.
Kananjalo kunokubangela uxinzelelo, nangona kunjalo, kwaye kunokusenza sibe nokukhuphisana ngakumbi kunokuba sifanele sibe.
Yithini uphando malunga nokuthelekiswa koLuntu
Abaphandi baye bafumanisa iintlobo ezimbini zokuthelekiswa koluntu : ukuthelekiswa kwentlalo, apho sijonga abantu esiziva ngathi bangcono kunokuba sizama ukuphefumlelwa kunye nokuthembela, kunye nokuthelekiswa kwentlalo, apho sijonga abantu esibavakalelwa kukuba zibi ngakumbi kunathi, ngokwenzame yokuziva sizibhetele ngakumbi ngathi nakwiimeko zethu.
Oku kuthelekiswayo akusoloko kuyingozi kuthi, kodwa ngezinye iimeko banokuba luncedo kunokuba sicinga ukuba baya kuba, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha bayabonakele ngokwenene kwinqanaba lethu lonwabo kunye noxinzelelo. Eminye yezinto ezichaphazela ukuba ukuthelekiswa kwentlalo kunceda okanye kukulimaza ukuzithemba kwethu, uxinzelelo esele sinobubomi bethu, nokuba senza ukuthelekiswa kokuhlaselwa kwabantu.
Abantu abanokuzithemba okuphezulu kunye noxinzelelo oluncinci ebomini babo bahlala bebhetele ngakumbi xa kuthelekiswa nentlalo. Ngokomzekelo, ngokuqhelekileyo uthetha, xa senza ukuthelekiswa kwentlalo kunye nokuzithelekisa nakwabo ababencinci, ngokuqhelekileyo kusenza sizive singcono. Nangona kunjalo, abo sele bephakamileyo kwi-self-esitifiketi bafumana i-bump enkulu. Abo bangaphantsi kokuzithemba okanye bafumana ingxaki enkulu okanye uxinzelelo ebomini babo bavame ukusebenzisa ukuthelekiswa okuthe gqolo kwaye oku kuya kuphakamisa imizwa yabo, kodwa kungabi nakubonakalayo kwindlela abaye benza ngcono kule mimandla.
Ukuqhathaniswa kokuphakanyiswa kwentlalo-ukuthelekisa nakwabo kubantu abaphucukileyo njengendlela yokuphefumlelwa-kunokusenza sizive nje: ziphefumlelwe. Abo bahamba kwizidlo bangasebenzisa imifanekiso yabantu abafaka iinjongo zabo zomzimba baze bazive benokukhuthaza.
Abo basebenza nzima kwizoshishino banokuba nomzekelo omele bazama ukuwusebenzisa, baze bazive becacile endleleni yabo. Nangona kunjalo, abo banesidima esincinane okanye abasandul 'ukubuyisela, banokuziva becala xa bezama ukuthelekisa intlalo, bobabini bafumana ukunyuka kweemeko kwaye kaninzi ukwanda koxinzelelo.
Indlela Esixinezela Ngayo Ngokuthelekisa
Uthelekiso lwezentlalo luvela kwiindlela ezininzi. Ngokuyinene, nanini na ukuba abantu baqokelele, sinesiqhelo sokuthelekisa thina kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo siba uhlobo oluthile lolawulo oluphezulu, olusesikweni okanye olungabonakaliyo. Iiklabhu zinamagosa atyunjweyo kunye namabhaso anikwe abo bagqwesileyo, kwaye abaninzi abantu bayazi ngamalungu amaninzi afanelekileyo.
Amaqela kaMom 'athelekisa amantombazana abo kunye neentsebenziswano zabo zombini ekuzameni ukuqinisekisa ukuba abantwana babo bayaqhubeka kwaye bavalele impumelelo yabo njengamaMama. Ukususela kwimpumelelo ephezulu kulabo abafuna abahlobo kunye nokuzonwabisa, siyakulinganisa.
Oku kuthelekiswa kunokusicinezela, nangona kunjalo, njengoko singasifumana xa sisenza ukuzithelekiswa kwentlalo, kwaye sinokuzithengisa okanye sikhuphisane xa senza ukuthelekiswa kwentlalo, nto leyo inokudala uxinzelelo phakathi kobudlelwane bethu.
Iindaba ezentlalo zentlalo zithathile ukuthelekisa uluntu kwinqanaba elitsha kule minyaka embalwa edluleyo. Sibona ngubani owenza oko asikho, kwaye sinokubandezeleka xa sisenza ngokwaneleyo, sithola ngokwaneleyo, sinandipha ubomi obaneleyo. Siqhathanisa ubomi bethu obuqhelekileyo kunye nabanye abantu abakhumbulweyo okukhumbulayo, abangazi ukuba ngaba bathumela izinto zabo ezigqwesileyo kunye neefoto ezilungileyo kunabo bonke, okanye ukuba babelana ngeziganeko ezingaqhelekanga kunye neziganeko eziqhelekileyo njengoko kwenzeka. Ngayiphi na indlela, abaninzi abantu bafumana ukuba iindaba zoluntu ziyanciphisa ukuthelekiswa koluntu kuzo zonke iindlela ezimbi kakhulu, okwenza abaninzi bethu bazive bebuhlungu ngakumbi ngathi, kwaye uphando lubonakala lukhuphe oku.
Oku kwenzeka kwiimeko eziqhelekileyo, kwimeko yangempela-bomi, nangona kunjalo. Uzibonele uzivuyayo ngomhlobo xa uva iindaba ezilungileyo, kodwa udidekile ngenxa yakho yokuba awunayo inzuzo efanayo? Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngaba ufumene unesiva esincinci sokwaneliseka xa uva omnye umntu ewa phantsi, efumana ubunzima obubangela ukuba uzive ukhululekile xa uthelekisa? Ezi zihlandlo ngamanye amaxesha zinokuthi zizenzeke ngokuzenzekelayo, kwaye sifunjwe ngale ndlela ngeendlela ezithile, kodwa asiyidingi ukuvumela ukuba izilwanyana zethu zibhekiselele ekuhlalekeleni intlalo ziba yingxenye ebalulekileyo kubani thina; sinokunciphisa ukutyeba nokuzikhanyela ngomgudu omncinci, kwaye sizive singagxininiswe ngaphantsi kwazo ngenxa yoko. Isinyathelo sokuqala, nangona kunjalo, siyazi ukuba kuthelekiswa koluntu nakwezinye.
Indlela esixinezele ngayo ngabahlobo abaKhuphiswano
Abahlobo bezokhuphiswano banokusebenza ngokusondelana nabo kunye nokusixhasa ukukhuphisana nathi, okanye ukuba badlala ngokusichukumisa ukuba sifinyelele ukufikelela kwethu kodwa singaphumeleli ukwenza ukuba sizive sizikhathalele ngokweendlela ezininzi ezithandwa ngabahlobo sitsho ukuzithemba kwethu. Ukuba uziva ugwetywe, ukuba uziva ukuba umhlobo wakho uyacaphukisa xa uyaphumelela kwaye uyonwabile xa uyaphula, okanye ukuba uziva unqunyanyiswe kakhulu, oku akusibuhlobo obunokukhuphisana ngendlela ephilileyo.
Kucacile, kukuhle ukuba nabahlobo (kwaye ube ngabahlobo) abonwabileyo ngempumelelo yomnye, nokuba banike inkxaso ngaphandle kokufuna ukuphakama kobuqhetseba xa abahlobo banamava. Oku kungathatha umgudu omncinci, kodwa kuxabiseke ngokwemigudu yokuzixinzelela esizigcinelayo ngokuphelisa ukhuphiswano nokuyifakela ngokubambisana.
I-Upside of Competitiveness and Comparison
Kukho umbandela omhle wokuncintisana nokuthelekiswa kwentlalo, kunjalo. Xa abahlobo bethu benza konke okulungileyo, basishukumisela ukuba sibe yinto engcono kakhulu, yinto ephakamileyo yokuthelekiswa kwentlalo. (Oku kunyanisekileyo xa babelana ngeemfihlelo zempumelelo yabo.)
Kwaye xa sizithelekisa kwabanye abanobubi kunathi, siyakuthanda ukuqonda oko esinakho. Siyaqonda ukuba sinokuba sesikhundleni esibi. Siziva sinombulelo kwaye sihlala sivakalelwa ngakumbi.
Sisoloko senza ngcono xa sizama ukuqhubeka nomzekelo okanye umhlobo ophumelelayo, kwaye sinokuzicwangcisa ngokuxhasa abanye. Nokuba umnqweno wokuphepha ukuphoxeka kokungaphumeleli unokuba ngumgqugquzeli omhle. Uhlobo oluphambili kumncintiswano wobungane kunye nokhuphiswano lwe "frenemies" yinkxaso yokuxhasa: Abahlobo bokwenene banokunceda ukukhuthazana ukuba baphumelele, kodwa bayazi ukuba akukho ntloni ekuhleni kweempawu. Iintlanzi zibonakala zixhamla ngokukodwa kunye nokuhluleka kwabanye, ngoxa abahlobo bokwenene bengenelisekile ngokupheleleyo kwimpumelelo yabo xa abahlobo babo bekhona kungekho ndawo phambi kwabo, benza kakuhle; Oku kusishukumisela ukuba sincede abahlobo bethu baphumelele, bavuyiswe yimpumelelo yabo, kwaye bancede baqhubeke behamba ngamaxesha amanzima, okulungileyo kuwo wonke umntu.
Indlela yokuzikhulula
Ukuba ufumana kwisicandeco sokuqhathaniswa kweentlalo, uzive uvakalelwa kwiimvakalelo zokuphakanyiswa kweentlalo okanye ukuzithela xa wenza ukuthelekiswa kwentlalo, kubalulekile ukuphuma kulo mgibe wengqondo. Nazi ezinye iindlela ezilula ongaqeqesha ubuchopho bakho ukuba unakekele ngaphantsi malunga noko abanye abakwenzayo okanye ukucinga:
- Fumana imodeli: Ukuba usebenza ukuqhubeka kunye neendlela zokuba umzekelo, unako ukufumana iziphumo zempumelelo yazo (ukukhuthazwa kwakho, ukubona oko kubasebenzelayo, njl.) Ngaphandle kokongeza into yokukhuphisana kubamano bakho. Kulula ukufunda kumzekelo onjenge-Oprah Winfrey okanye uElon Musk kunokuba ufunde kumhlobo Wakho ebomini ngaphandle kokugqibela uvakalelwa "ngaphantsi kwexesha" xa behlala befezekisa ngakumbi.
- Yenza isangqa senkxaso: Kulula ukuphepha abahlobo abaphandanayo, okanye iinqaba, ukuba wenza isangqa sabantu abancedisayo kwaye ugxila kubo. Le nto ingaba iqela labahlobo ababelana ngesinjongo esifanayo. Unokuqala iqela lokutya, iqela lokuzilolonga, okanye elinye iqela elakhiweyo malunga nomgomo osesikweni okanye ongacwangciswanga, okanye ujoyine iqela elakhiweyo ojoyina kuyo, njengabalingisi bePaight okanye iqela loqeqesho kwindawo yokuzivocavoca.
- Umlingane phezulu: Unokufumana "umhlobo" ukuba wabelane ngesishukumiso. Esikhundleni seqela, wena kunye "nomnqweno wakho" unokujonga phakathi kwakho kwiinjongo zakho, ugubha kunye kunye kwaye uncedisane ukuba uzinamathele kwisicwangciso. Oku kunceda kakhulu kuba kunika bobabini ngokuxhaswa ngokuziphatha komntu ngamnye, umthwalo wenkxaso eyongeziweyo yokunamathela kwisicwangciso (okanye uya kuvumela iqabane lakho kunye nawe phantsi), kwaye lugubha ukunqoba okuncinci kumnandi ngakumbi.
- Bala iintsikelelo zakho: Xa ufumana ukuthelekisa, zama "ngisho namanqaku" entloko yakho. Ukuba unomona ngomnqweno womnye umntu, zikhumbuze zakho iintetho kunye namandla. Ukuba uziva uzigweba, zikhumbuze ngamandla omnye umntu kunye nezinto ezizodwa ezizisayo kwitafile. Kwakhona kunceda uhlale unombulelo ohambayo ukuze uhlale kwisimo sengqondo sokubala iintsikelelo zakho kunokuba ungenako. Oku kukukunceda ukuba uhlale ugxile ebomini bakho kwaye kungekhona ubomi babanye.
- Hlakulela ukuphazamiseka kwezinto: Zininzi iinzuzo zokwenza izinto ezinqabileyo , ngoko ukuhlakulela njengendlela yokucinga ingasilungele ngakumbi kunabo bazuzayo ngobubele bakho. Bona izinto ezincinci ongazenzayo kubahlobo bakho nabangamaziyo. Zenzele ukucamngca inceba. Yiba ngumntu ongcono kakhulu kwaye awuyi kuva ngathi ulungele ukuthelekisa.
- Gwema iinjengezi: Ukuba unabantu abasemgangathweni bakho abonakala behlala begweba kwaye baqhathanise, kulungile (kunye nokuba kukhethwa) ukuwaphepha. Akunakukwazi ukunqumla ebomini bakho ngokupheleleyo, kodwa unganciphisa umnxibelelwano uze uqhube ingxoxo kwimibandela engathathi hlangothi xa ubona. Unokunciphisa ukuncintisana ngokuzithengisa ngaphakathi kwakho, kwaye zilandele ngohlobo.
> Imithombo:
> Aspinwall, LG; Taylor, SE "Iimpembelelo zoqhathaniso lwentlalo, isongelo kunye nokuzithemba ngokuchaphazela, ukuvavanya, nokuphumelela okulindelekileyo.". Umbhalo woBuntu kunye neNzululwazi yeNtlalo. 64 (5): 708-722.
> Chen, P. & Garcia, SM (manuscript) "I-Yin neYing Theory of Competition: Ukuqhathaniswa kweNtlalo kunye nokuVavanya Ukuqonda Ukulungelelaniswa ngokuKhutshwa kweMidlalo".
> Collins, RL "Kungcono okanye kumbi kakhulu: Impembelelo yokuphakanyiswa kokuphakanyiswa kwentlalo ngokuzihlola.". I-Psychological Bulletin. 119 (1): 51-69.