Luyinto eqhelekileyo, kodwa akukho nto elowo wonke umntu othetha ngayo: ube nolwalamano olungathandabuzekiyo ngaphambi kokutshata kwaye unalo ubudlelwane obunothando emva kokutshata. Emva koko ungeze abantwana kumxube kwaye yonke into ixineke ngakumbi, ingathandana, kwaye inganelisekanga kumtshato wakho.
Eli thuba liqhelekile kangangokuba liqhelekileyo kwihlabathi jikelele, kodwa akuxutywanga ngokuqhelekileyo xa abantu bethetha ngokuba nabantwana.
Enyanisweni, izibini ezininzi zilindele ukuba ukongeza abantwana kumxube kuza kubasondeza kunye, kwaye oko kwenzeka ngeendlela ezithile, kodwa kaninzi kungekho ngeendlela ezilindelekileyo isibini. Nantsi oko uphando lufumene.
Uxinzelelo lwabantwana
Ngelixa sifuna ukuba oku kuyenyani, inani elikhulu labantu lifumanisa ukuba abantwana badala uxinzelelo olunzulu lwabo ubudlelwane, ingakumbi xa abantwana bebancinci. Ngokomphandi uMatthew Johnson waseYunivesithi yaseBinghamton encwadini yakhe, "Intsomi Enkulu Yobudlelwane Obusondeleyo: Ukutshata, Ubulili, Nomtshato," uphando lubonisa ukuba oku kuqhelekileyo kwaye kukho ukuncipha kobudlelwane bokwanela emva kokuzalwa komntwana wokuqala . Ukudibanisa ngenjabulo akushiyi kude kube yilapho abantwana bephuma kwidleke, kwaye ngelo xesha, ezininzi izibini zitshatile okanye zahlukana. Nazi ezinye iinkcukacha ezicacileyo:
- Abantwana bongeza uxinzelelo kumtshato kwaye ukunyeliseka komtshato kunciphisa ngokukhawuleza xa abantwana beyingxenye yobudlelwane. Okuthakazelisayo, oku kuyenzeka nakwizibini ezingatshatanga, ngoko umtshato ngokwawo awusona ulwalamano olwalamano oluya kwi-stale.
- Abantwana babangela uxinzelelo kubazali njengabantu ngabanye, kunye ne sibini njengeyunithi. Mhlawumbi akumangalisi, oomama bathatha inxaxheba yengonyama yokunakekelwa kwabantwana kwiintsebenziswano ezininzi. Akumangalisi kukuba, lo xinzelelo luhlasela oomama ngokukodwa kunzima kakhulu. Ubudlelwane obuninzi lwabafazi besweleka kwizinga lokuba ubophelelo babo kunye nabantwana babo lukhula ngakumbi.
- Uxinzelelo lwabantwana luphela. Ayithethi kwiinkalo ezithile zentlalo okanye nakumazwe athile okanye kwimimandla yehlabathi.
Izinto Edala Ukucindezeleka
Kukho izinto ezininzi eziya kule ngcikivo enelisekile, kwaye azinjalo kuwo wonke umntu. Nangona kunjalo, uxinzelelo oluthile lubachaphazela abazali abaninzi ngokukodwa ukunyanzelisa ubuhlobo kunye nomntu. Ezi zilandelayo zixinzeleleko.
Isikhathi esincinane kunye: Xa izibini zinezingane, zivame ukutshatyalaliswa ngumyinge womsebenzi owenzayo ukukhulisa umntwana, kwaye iminyaka emncinci iyasebenza kakhulu. Ngenxa yokunyamekela okunyanzelisiweyo kwaye ukuba nayiphi na ixesha eliye lenzeke ngexesha lokuvuka kweentsana kufuna ukuba kusetyenziswe i-sitter, izibini ngokuqhelekileyo zifumana ixesha elincinane lokuchitha kunye kunye kwaye zingaphantsi kwamandla okuzinikela xa zenza fumana ixesha. Oku kunokwenzeka ukuba kuthathe umthwalo kwixhumo abavakalelwa kukuba bengenasiphelo ukukhawuleza, okanye banandipha kunye neentsuku zokuzilibazisa kunye, ngeeveki.
Isikhathi esincinci sokuba wena: Xa abazali bengenalo ukulala kakhulu kwaye baninzi ixesha lokunyamekela zabo iimfuno (njengokuba zenzeka rhoqo ngunyana okanye iintswelo eziphezulu), banokugxininiswa ngakumbi kwaye kunzima ukuba bajikeleze.
Xa elinye iqabane okanye bobabini abalingani bengasebenzi kumsebenzi wabo, ingakumbi ukuba le nto ihlala ixesha elide elide, lingathatha umlinganiselo kwintsebenziswano.
Izidingo eziphezulu ezibekwe kubambiswano: Xa umntwana engena kulwalamano, izibini zifuna ukwahlula uxanduva ekunakekeleni, nangona bobabini bevuma ukuba ubuninzi bomsebenzi kufuneka bawele kumagxa omzali omnye ngelixa elinye lijolise ngakumbi ekufumaneni imali. Oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni unomdla obuninzi obambisene nomsebenzi kunokubambisana ngokuthandana njengoko izibini ziqala ukuziva zinjengeendawo zokuhlala kunye nabahlala nabo.
Ngenxa yezi mfuno ezongezelelweyo kunye nothethwano olufunekayo, kukho ithuba elikhulu lokungqubana.
Iimbopheleleko ezahlukeneyo kunye nokulindela okuhlukeneyo: Ukongezelela, xa amaqabane aneemfanelo ezahlukileyo, kunokwenzeka ukuba omnye okanye omnye uziva ecinezelekile xa beziva besebenza nzima; ngaphandle kwesakhelo sokubambisana nento enye iqabane elijongene nayo, kulula ukuba abazali abatsha bazive ukuba kufuneka bajongane nezinto ezahlukeneyo kwaye bazive bexhalabile ngenxa yoko.
Izinto ezenza Uxinzelelo olongezelelweyo
Akubona wonke umntu ohlangabezana nale mingeni elandelayo, kodwa banokubeka ingxaki ethile kwiintsapho. Kwakhona akukho konke oku kwachaphazela abantu okufanayo, kodwa ezi zilandelayo ziimeko ezizodwa ezibangela uxinzelelo olongezelelweyo olungakumbi:
- Iimfuno eziphakamileyo
- Imingeni yempilo, kubandakanywa nemiba yempilo kunye yengqondo
- Uxinzelelo lwemali olunzulu
- Ukungabikho kwenkxaso ebonakalayo
Iindaba Ezilungileyo
Iindaba ezilungileyo kukuba, nangona ezinye iingxelo zibonisa ukuba ukwaneliseka komtshato akuyi kunyuka kakhulu kwaze kwaba yilapho abantwana beshiya isidleke, ukuba nabantwana banelungelo leminye indlela.
Abantwana bathuthukisa ukuphazamiseka kwethu: Olunye uphando lubonisa ukuba ukunika abanye nokubonakalisa ukunyaniseka kuyinzuzo ekusebenzeni kwethu konke, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo abantwana banamathuba okubonelela.
Abantwana bancitshisa amathuba okuqhawula umtshato: Nangona abazali abatsha banokuziva bengonwabi, banako ukuhlukana ngokulandela abantwana. Oku kunokuba kuba banomdla wokugcina ubudlelwane babo ndawonye ngenxa yabantwana babo, kodwa ukuzibophelela okwandisiweyo kunokubanceda bajongane nemingeni abajamelana nayo kwaye bahlale bexhulumaniso baze bavuke ngokuphindaphindiweyo.
Abazali ngokwabo bathi bayakuxabisa: Nangona le mingeni ingaba nzima ukuba isibini sibhekane nabo, phantse bonke abazali bathi ukuzinikela abakwenzayo bafanelekile kwaye abanako (okanye bengenakufuna) bacinga ubomi babo ngaphandle kwezingane zabo. Bathi abantwana babo bazisa ubomi babo obunentsingiselo. Oku kungenza izibonelelo ezinjengoko uphando lubonisa ukuba abo banentsingiselo ebomini babo bavame ukuvuya ngakumbi.
Sekunjalo, Nantsi into onokuyenza ukulawula uxinzelelo
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba, ukuba ubhekane nemingeni njengabazali, awunabo. Enyanisweni, eli nqaku lisetyenziswe kukubeka ngokukhululekile: ukuba uziva uxinekile okanye ukuba kukho ulwalamano olusenyongweni lwakho ngenxa yemisebenzi emininzi yomzali, awunabo kunye kwaye awunakwenza into engalunganga . Oku kuthethi, kukho izinto ezininzi onokuzenza kwaye ufanele uyenze ukugcina ulonwabo lwakho kunye nokuxhamla kwakho kumlingani wakho kwilamano lwakho. Ukulawula uxinzelelo ojamelana nawo njengoko abazali banokukunceda ulondoloze ulonwabo oye waba nawo, nokwakha iimvakalelo ezihle kunye namava avela apha. Awudingi ukulinda ade abantwana bakho bahambe ekhaya ukuze ukhulise iimvakalelo zakho zomtshato; la macebiso alandelayo anokunceda kakhulu.
Fumana iNkxaso yeNtlalo
Umlingani wakho akayena kuphela onokukunceda ukwandisa ubudlelwane bakho. Amalungu entsapho, abahlobo, kunye nabantu oqeshisayo banokukunceda ugxininise ngakumbi kwaye ujonge ixesha lakho kunye. Nazi ezinye iimbono zokugcina izinto zivuya.
- Ukukhulisa ulwalamano lwakho kunye neqabane lakho
- Yenza isangqa senkxaso yabantu abangakunceda, ukuba kunokwenzeka
- Yenza inkqubo yokuxhasa imvakalelo
- Fumana iindlela zokunciphisa uxinzelelo loluntu: umama okhuphisanayo, iingcebiso ezingaceliweyo, ukunyamekela kwakho ukuthelekiswa kwentlalo
- Ukuphelisa imeko ezinobuthi xa kunokwenzeka
Ziqhelise ngokunyamekela
Kubalulekile ukuba uzinakekele zakho kunye neemfuno zakho, kwaye kungekhona nje kubantwana bakho. Into enokuziva ngathi "ukuzinyamekela" inokuthi ithathwa njengento eqhelekileyo yokuzinakekela umntu ongenabantwana kuye kuxhomekeke kubo ngokunyamekela. Nantoni na into oyibizayo, kubalulekile ukugcina umzimba wakho ube yinto enhle ukuze ube namandla okuziphathekayo kunye nokuvakalelwa ukwenza okufunekayo kwenziwe.
- Thola ukulala ngokwaneleyo
- Yidla ukutya okulinganiselayo
- Fumana ixesha lakho xa kunokwenzeka-cwangcisa ixesha lokungenzi nto ukuba unako, kodwa neemeko zodwa ziyakunceda
Gxininisa ekugcineni ukulingana
Kukho intetho eninzi malunga " nokulinganisela ," kodwa kuba kubaluleke kakhulu ukulawula uxinzelelo. Oko kuthetha ukugcina ukulinganisela kuzo zonke iindawo: ukulinganisa umsebenzi kunye nomdlalo, ukulinganisa ukudibanisa iimfuno zakho kunye neemfuno zezingane zakho kunye neemfuno zeqabane lakho, ukulinganisa ixesha elichithwe kude nekhaya kunye nexesha elichithwe kunye nosapho, kunye nezinye izilinganiso. Nazi ezinye iindlela ezibalulekileyo zokulinganisela ukugxila.
- Yenza ibhalansi yemisebenzi yezingane, imisebenzi yakho, ixesha lokuphumula kunye nexesha lokulala
- Yenza izinto ezaneleyo zokuzonwabisa ukwenzela ukudala imemori, kodwa kungekho nto enokuziva ukhululekile-zinyaniseka nawe malunga nokuba ungaphi
- Ukuphelisa ukunyamezela xa kunokwenzeka, fumana uncedo xa kunokwenzeka, kwaye ube khona xa kunokwenzeka
Gxininisa ekufumaneni i-Frame Frame of Mind
Indlela obheka ngayo izinto kunokuchaphazela kakhulu ulwalamano lwakho kunye nolonwabo lwakho jikelele. Kule meko, kukho iindlela ezininzi ongagxininisa ekugcineni isimo esifanelekileyo sengqondo. Naliphi na le ndelayo inokuphakamisa izinga lakho lolonwabo.
- Jabulela yonke iminithi (xa amaxesha amnandi)
- Khumbula ukuba oku kuza kudlula (xa amaxesha anzima)
- Zolisa amava amahle
- Gxi ninisa u mbulelo
- Gxininisa oko ufundayo kubantwana bakho nazo zonke iindlela abacebisa ngayo ubomi bakho
- Yazi ukuba ukunciphisa ukutshatyalaliswa komtshato kuyinto eqhelekileyo-kwaye akusiyo iphoso lakho okanye iqabane lakho-kodwa ukuba kukho izinto ezininzi ongayenza ukwandisa ukwaneliseka kunye
- Gcina ubusuku busuku
- Fumana ihlazo kwimingeni
- Yiba nomonde kuwe, iqabane lakho kunye nezingane zakho
- Yonwabe njengentsapho
- Gcina ubuhlobo kunye nezinye iintsapho kwaye uhlale usondelene nentsapho yakho (ukuba olu lwalamano luphilile)
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukufumana uncedo ukuba uyayidinga. Olu luncedo lunokuthabatha uhlobo lomcebisi womtshato, umntu onguchwephesha, okanye nokuba ngumntwana onokumncedisa onokukunceda ukuthabatha uxinzelelo kunye nokuvumela ukuba ube ngumntu wakho omdala kwakhona.
Qiniseka ukuba ujabulele zonke izinto okulindele kuzo xa ukhangele phambili kubantwana, kwaye ukhumbuze ukuba kunokubakho ukuzincama, kodwa kulungele umzamo. Ukulondoloza amaxesha akho amahle kunye nomlingane wakho kunye nabantwana yindlela efanelekileyo yokuqinisekisa ukuba imingeni kunye neengcinezelo azixineli ulwalamano lwakho. Ekugqibeleni, ulwalamano lwakho nobomi bakho yinto oyenzayo kubo.
> Umthombo:
> Johnson, M. Intsomi Ezinkulu zobudlelwane obusondeleyo: Ukutshata, ukuSondo, kunye nomtshato. Wiley-Blackwell, ngo-2016.