Isibilini Senkxwaleko yoxinzelelo: Unako ukusingatha!
Ukutshatyalaliswa kwabantwana beSibongane kubantwana besihloko rhoqo kwiiblogi zomzali, amanqaku, kunye neencwadi, kwaye kunomthetho ongaphezu kweyodwa. Umkhwenkwe wokubambisana akahlali ehlala ebuntwaneni, nangona kunjalo; Kwezinye iimeko, iyakhula kuphela njengoko kudlula iminyaka emashumi. Uthi, "Umama wayehlala ethanda wena!" eyaziwayo? Ukuba uziva unyanzelekile kulwalamano lwakho nentsapho yakho kuba abazali bakho bayamthanda omnye umntakwenu okanye omnye usapho lentsapho, unokumangaliswa kukufumanisa ukuba awodwa.
Nangona abaninzi abazali bebathanda abantwana babo abadala, kuyamangalisa ukuba umzali angasondeli, okanye axhase ngakumbi umntu omdala ngokugqithiseleyo kwabanye, avuselele umntakwabo.
Ngokomnye uphando olwenziwa ngabaphandi baseYunivesithi yaseConell, okubandakanya udliwano-ndlebe nabaama-275 oomama kuma-60s no-70s nabantwana abancinci ababini abadala, kunye nohlolo lwe-671 inzala yabasetyhini, oomama abangama-70% bangachaza umntwana abo baziva ku futshane. Okuthakazelisayo, kuphela i-15% yenzalo yabathengiweyo yabonwa ukuba kukho unyango olulinganayo nonina. Olunye uphando lubonisa ukuba ukuthanda kwabazali kuthintela impilo yengqondo yabo bonke abantwana kwintsapho, mhlawumbi ngokudala inzondo kubantwana abancinciweyo, uxinzelelo oluvela kubazali abaphezulu abakulindelekileyo kumntwana onomdla, ubudlelwane obudlelwane babo kunye nezinye iziphumo ezimbi. Ngoko ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba abazali bakho abathandekiyo kwaye ukuba intlungu ikuchaphazela xa usukhulile, awuyedwa.
Kuqhelekile ukuba abantu bazive ukuba umntakwenu okanye 'uye wahlala' ethandwa ngumzali, nokuba le nto ayinakuqatshelwa okanye iyavunyelwa yintsapho yonke. Nangona ibuhlungu ukuba ngumntwana ongenamncinci, kubangelwa ngabantu abathile ukuba badibene ndawonye ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukahlukeneyo, ezifana nokusondela kweendawo (udade wakho ohlala kufuphi nomama unokuqiqa ngokuchitha ixesha elingakumbi naye), izinto zobuntu ezabelwana ngazo (uyihlo kunye nomzalwana bakho bacinge ngendlela efanayo, kwaye ke uqondane ngokulula ngokulula), okanye ezinye izinto ngaphakathi okanye ngaphaya kolawulo lwakho (mhlawumbi imbono yakho yehlabathi ayihambisani nabazali bakho ngokungangoko kufana nomntakwabo, kwaye bayayikhupha, bayayiqonda okanye bengazi kakuhle).
Uphando lubonisa ukuba abazali banomdla ngokubhekiselele kubantwana abangatshatanga, abangafundanga, kunye nokwabela amanani abo. Ngelishwa, ngelixa le nto ingaba yindalo yomntu, ixhamla xa ivela kumzali, njengoko sicinga ngabazali bethu njengabantu abafanele bathande kwaye basisekele ngokungathandabuzekiyo, kwaye sinokubona njengento encinane kunabantu (a umbono oshiye ukususela ebuntwaneni).
Kungakhathaliseki isizathu, ukuba ufumanisa ukuba omnye okanye abazali abaninzi bayamthanda omnye umntakwabo phezu kwakho, nokuba ngobudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye nabantwana bakho odade, ukuqhayisa ngakumbi ngokufezekisa umntakwenu, ukunyamekela udade wakho, okanye ukuhlala uthabatha umzalwana wakho engavumelaniyo, inokubangela uxinzelelo lwentsapho oluxinzelelekileyo nemvakalelo eluhlaza enokuthi ibuhlungu kancinci. Ngaba ugugu loxinzelelo? Nazi ezinye iindlela zokuhlangabezana nokulwa nomntakwethu njengomdala.
Musa ukuyithatha
Qonda ukuba umzali wakho 'angamthandi' omnye umntakwabo, baziva besondelene okanye batyale imali ngakumbi kubomi babo, nangasiphi na isizathu. Basenokungayiqondi, kwaye baninzi abakwenzayo ukulimaza iimvakalelo zakho. (Kwaye ukuba bazama ukuzenzakalisa 'njengezohlwayo' ngenxa yokungabi mnye umntu abafuna ukuba ube nawo, mhlawumbi kungcono ukuba awusondeli.)
Fumana inkxaso kwiindawo ezithile ebomini bakho
Fumana abantu abancedisayo ebomini bakho ukubonelela uthando, ukwamkelwa, kunye nokuvunywa onokungafumaneki kubazali bakho njengoko uthanda. Ngoxa singenako ukuzalwa kwiintsapho zabantu abacinga ngathi kunye nokwabelana ngemilinganiselo yethu, baninzi abantu kwihlabathi abanganika inkxaso yokuba amalungu ethu entsapho angakwazi ukunikela. Zifumane, kwaye uchithe amandla akho khona .
Musa ukuqhubela phambili iSibling
Musa ukukhuphisana nabantakwenu, kwaye ungabagxeka ukuba uyanconywa. Nangona bephuma endleleni yabo ukuze bahlale beyintandokazi, awukwazi ukuwagxeka ngenxa yokufuna uthando lomzali wabo nokuvunywa.
Vumkela ukuba ulwalamano lwakho nabazali bakho lenu, kwaye uzame ukulugcina luhluke nobudlelwane bomntakwabo.
Yamkele iReality of Situation
Uyakuziva ulunge xa ukwamkela ukuba awufumani inkxaso kunye nokuvunywa kwabazali njengoko ufuna, kwaye kulungile. Ukuba awufiki kuzo kwindawo yokudinga, uya kuba namandla angaphezulu. Kungaba nzima ukungena kwesi sikhokelo sengcamango, kodwa uya kuziva ungcono emva kokuba wenze. Qala ngokuqaphela konke ofumanayo kubo, kwaye uqikelele oko. Kwakhona, unokwazi konke onokukufumana kwezinye iindawo zobomi bakho , kwaye uqaphele ukuba intsapho yakho yemvelaphi iyindawo enye yobomi bakho, kwaye ayifanele ibe yindawo ebalulekileyo.
Invest in Intsapho Yakho
Ekugqibeleni, ukuba unomtshato ozinikeleyo okanye usapho lwakho, unokugxila ekunikeleni oko ungathanda ukufumana kwintsapho yakho yemvelaphi. Gxininisa oko ubelana nabo, kunye nento onokuzibonela ngayo ebomini bakho, kwaye uya kuba ngcono ukufumana iifirks zomndeni.
Fumana iNkxaso eyongezelelweyo Ukuba ufuna
Ngenxa yokuba kunokuba nemiphumo emibi engapheliyo yokuthandana kwabazali kunye nomntakwabo osondeleyo ekugqibeleni ukuba ube ngumntu omdala xa uziva uxinzelelo olunzima kule meko kwaye uzive ufuna uncedo olongezelelweyo ekulawuleni lo xinzelelo, ungesabi ukufikelela kwi-professional. Kukho abaninzi abachaphazelekayo abachaphazelekayo abajongene neengxaki zentsapho ezifana nalezi, kwaye banokukunceda ngokukhawuleza. Ungakwazi kwakhona ukunyamekela ukunyanzelisa ukunyamezela umthwalo kunye nokukwenza kube lula ukujamelana.
> Imithombo:
> Jensen noWhiteeman, kunye. al. "Ubomi abuyinto efanelekileyo: Ulwahlulo lwabazali phakathi kwabazalwana abadala." Umbhalo Womtshato Nentsapho , Ngo-Apreli, 2013
> UPillemer, uKarl; Suitor, J. Jill; UPardo, uSete; Henderson, Jr., uCharles. Ukwahluka koomama kunye neempawu eziphazamisayo phakathi kwabantwana abadala. Umbhalo Womtshato Nentsapho, kuMbasa2010, Vol. 72 Isiqendu 2, p333-345
> Pillemer et. al. Ukunyaniseka kwabantwana abadala: Ukwahlukana phakathi koomama noomama. Umbhalo Womtshato Nentsapho , I-Vol 74 (5), Oktobha, 2012. iphe. 1101-1113.