Nangona ukuxolelwa kuzisa ezininzi iingenelo , ngokukhethekileyo 'kumxoleli,' ukuxolela akusoloko kulula. Enyanisweni, abantu abaninzi abanqwenela ukuyeka umsindo nokuxolela bayagxeka ngombuzo wokuxolela. Nangona wonk 'ubani enokuba nombono oyingqayizivele malunga nendlela yokuxolela, ezi ndlela zilandelayo zibonakaliswe ngempumelelo kubantu abaninzi.
Ziveze
Xa ucamngca indlela yokuxolela umntu, kunokwenzeka okanye akunakunceda ukubonisa iimvakalelo zakho komnye umntu. Ukuba ulwalamano lubalulekile kuwe kwaye ungathanda ukulugcina, lunokuba luncedo kakhulu kuwe ukuxelela omnye umntu-ngokungasongela ulwimi - ukuba izenzo zakho zithintele njani (jonga eli nqaku malunga nokulungiswa kwemibango malunga neengcebiso). Ukuba umntu akasekho ebomini bakho, ukuba ufuna ukunqumla ubudlelwane, okanye ukuba unesizathu sokukholelwa ukuba izinto ziya kuba zibi kakhulu xa ulungisa imeko ngqo, unokufuna ukubhala nje ileta uze uyidilize (okanye usitshise) kwaye uqhubeke. Kusenokukunceda ukubeka iimvakalelo zakho ngamazwi njengenxalenye yokuyeka . Abantu abayidingi ukuba uyazixolela; Uxolelo lukhulu kuwe kunomnye umntu.
Khangela i-Positive
Ukuhamba ngeemeko apho uphathwe kakubi okanye kungalunganga kunokukunceda ukuba uqhube oko kwenzekayo kwaye uqhubeke; Nangona kunjalo, indlela obhala ngayo ngayo kunye nento okhetha ukuyigxininisa ingenza konke umehluko ngendlela elula ngayo ukuxolela.
Uphando lubonisa ukuba ingxelo malunga neenzuzo ozifumene kwiimeko ezimbi - kunokuba ugxininise kwiimvakalelo ozibangele umcimbi, okanye ukubhala malunga nento engahambelaniyo-kunokukunceda ukuxolela nokuhamba ngokulula. Ngoko thabatha ipeni uze uqalise ingxelo malunga nesiliva esilandelayo xa ufumana umntu evula imvula yakho, okanye ugcine iphepha lokubonga ngokuqhubekayo kwaye uxolele incinci yonke imihla.
Hlakulela Uvelwano
Nangona akudingeki ukuba uvumelane noko omnye umntu akwenzile kuwe, xa usebenza ngendlela yokuxolela, kudla ngokukunceda uzibeke kwezinye izicathulo zomntu. Uphando lubonise ukuba uvelwano, ngokukodwa ngamadoda, ludibaniswa nokuxolelwa, kwaye lunokwenza lula inkqubo. Esikhundleni sokubona 'njengotshaba,' zama ukuqonda izinto ababejongene nazo. Ngaba babehamba ngexesha elinzima kakhulu ebomini babo? Ngaba unake wenze iimpazamo ezifanayo? Zama ukukhumbula ezinye iimpawu ezilungileyo zomntu, ucinge ukuba iinjongo zabo azizange zibangele intlungu (ngaphandle kokuba unobonakaliso obucacileyo ngenye indlela), kwaye unokufumana kulula ukuxolela.
Zikhusele kwaye Uhambe
Enye yeefowuni ezizithandayo kukuba: 'Ngethuba lokuqala, uhlazo kuwe; okwesibini, uhlazo kum. Ngamanye amaxesha kunzima ukuxolela xa uvakalelwa kukuba ukuxolelwa kushiya ukuvulela ukuphindaphinda kwexesha elizayo. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba ukuxolelwa akufani nokokuvumela ukunyusa, kwaye kulungile (kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kubalulekile) ukubandakanya izicwangciso zokuzikhusela ngekamva njengenxalenye yokuxolela kwakho. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba unomntu osebenza kunye naye ohlala eba iingcamango zakho, akugxeke phambi kweqela, okanye ukuhleba ngawe, ukuziphatha okungahambiyo okunjalo kunokukunzima ukuxolela.
Enyanisweni, ukuxolelwa ngombombo womntu ohlala ephazamisa wena akusiyo ingcamango enhle kwimpilo yakho yemvakalelo nantoni na. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba wenza isicwangciso sokujongana nokuziphatha kunye nezibonelelo zabantu, tshintshela kwelinye isebe, okanye utshintshe imisebenzi ukuze uphume kwiimeko ezimbi, ukuvumela ukuhamba kwakho nomsindo nokuzama ukuxolela kuya kuzisa iintlawulo zokuxolela ngaphandle kokuvula ukusetyenziswa kakubi. Akudingeki ukuba ubambe ingqumbo ukuze uzikhusele.
Fumana Uncedo Ukuba Unayo
Ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba nzima ukulibala malunga nexesha elidlulileyo kunye nokuxolela, ngakumbi ukuba izenzo ezimbi ziqhubeka okanye zibuhlungu.
Ukuba usenokuba nobunzima bokukwazi ukuxolela umntu owenze kakubi ngendlela ephawulekayo, unokufumana impumelelo engcono ekusebenzeni nomgqirha onokukunceda ukuba usebenze ngeemvakalelo zakho kwinqanaba elincinci kwaye unokukuxhasa ngokweenkqubo.
Xa ubuhlungu, ukucinga indlela ukuxolela ngayo kunzima. Ezi zicwangciso mazibe luncedo ekuhambeni kwakho kokuvumela ukuhamba nokukhulula uxinzelelo lwangaphambili.
Imithombo:
McCullough ME, iRoot LM, i-Cohen AD. Ukubhala malunga neenzuzo zesiphambeko esithintekayo kuququzelela ukuxolelwa. Umbhalo we-Consulting Psychology , ngo-Oktobha, 2006.
Toussaint L, Webb JR. Ulwahluko lwesini phakathi kobudlelwane phakathi kwenceba nokuxolelwa. Umbhalo we-Psychology uDisemba, 2005.