Iingxelo ezingamxhasiyo ezibuhlungu kunokuba uncedo ngexesha lokutshatyalaliswa
Ngokukhawuleza okanye kamva, iintsapho kunye nabahlobo babantu abanomlingo bajongene nokufa komntu. Ukulahlekelwa isihlobo okanye umntu osondeleyo usoloko ekhuni, kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo kunzima kwaye kunzima xa kunomntu onomlutha . Izihlobo kunye nabahlobo bomntu onomlwelwe owafa bafuna ukuxhaswa ngabo bajikelezayo, kwaye ngelixa kuninzi unako ukuthetha nokukwenza oko kuya kunceda , ngokuqhelekileyo abantu bathi into ephosakeleyo, nangona bathetha kakuhle. Nazi izinto ezilishumi omele uziphephe ukuthetha kumntu olahlekelwe kwisihlobo okanye othandekayo enomlutha.
Musa ukuhlambalaza uMnxeba
Oku kubonakala kubonakala, kodwa kaninzi, abantu bayamgxeka umntu oshiywe ngasemva okanye ngokungathanga ngqo. Ukugxeka ngokuthe ngqo kube yinto enjengaleyo, "Umele umenze ukuba ayeke ukusebenzisa iziyobisi." Oku kubonisa ukungabi nalwazi lokuba ukunqoba umlutha akuyinto enokunyanzeliswa kumntu, kwaye amalungu entsapho kunye nabahlobo bahlala belahlekelwa ukwazi ukubanceda . Ukugxeka ngokungathanga ngqo kuthetha ukuba isikhalazo asifumani kakubi, umzekelo, ngokuthi, "Awuzange ukwazi ukuhlangabezana nokunyanzela kwakhe, akunjalo?" Nangona le nto ingaba yinyani, kulo mzekelo, kuyalimaza ukugxininisa isihlobo okanye umthandane ongathandangayo ngexesha abaziva bengenako ukulawula oko kwenzekile.
Musa ukuhlalutya i-Addict
Kukho izizathu ezininzi onokuziva ulingeka ukuba ugxeke umntu onomlwelwe ofileyo. Unokuziva uncedo, umzekelo, ukubonisa ukuba umntu ofile waxhaphaza umntu oshiywe ngasemva, kwaye akuyi kuba nako ukunyamezela okokusetyenziswa kakubi. Nangona kunjalo, umntu osizileyo mhlawumbi uziva egxininiswe ngeemvakalelo ezininzi eziphikisanayo, kwaye kufuneka enze uxolo kunye nolwalamano oluphelileyo. Ukukhunjuzwa ukuba umntu onomlwelwe unenkohlakalo, akanakucinga, okanye akakwazi ukujongana neengxaki zabo akuyinto engadingekile, kwinto engalunganga, kunye nokulimaza kumntu oseleyo.
Musa ukufaka i-Blame
I-blame yinto eninzi esilinga ukuyenza, kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo yinkqubo yokuzibulala. Akukona nje ukuzisa ithoni engalunganga ekusebenzisaneni, kwaye ihluleka ukuqwalasela iimeko ezininzi ezingaphezu kwelawulo lomntu, kwaye ziphazamisa umntu osizileyo ehamba kwinkqubo yakhe yentlungu. Gwema ukugxeka umntu oswelekileyo, umntu onomlwelwe ofile, ngabahlobo bomntu onomlwelwe, isikolo, umqeshi, abaxhaphazi, abathengisi beziyobisi, abafaki bemboleko, urhulumente okanye nawuphi na umntu ovakalelwa kukuba uxanduva lokufa komntu osweleyo. Ukuxhalaba yisihlandlo sokwandisa imfesane kwabanye, kwaye nangona uvakalelwa kukuba abantu babenempazamo, zikhuphe ekuboniseni lo mntu osusizi eseleyo.
Musa ukuxelela i-Griever Into "Okufunekayo" okanye "Kufanele" Ukuvakalelwa okanye Yenza
Kuninzi kulindeleke kubantu abahlobo babo abafeleyo - ukulungiselela kunye nokuya emngcwabeni, ukudlala imfudumalo kwintsapho kunye nabahlobo, ukubeka imicimbi yomntu ofileyo ngokukodwa, ukuveza intlungu kuphela malunga nokulahlekelwa kwesihlobo kunye nokufumana ngokukhawuleza. Ngenxa yeemeko, akunangqiqo ukulindela le ntsapho kunye nabahlobo bomntu onomlutha. Musa ukucinga ukuba umntu kufuneka abe nokuziva okanye ukukhathazeka ngokulahlekelwa isihlobo okanye othandekayo-kunokube nokuxhaphazwa, ukuxhaphazwa, ukugqithisa , okanye ukuzibulala ukuzama ukuhlangabezana nazo, kunye nokuhlangenwe nakho okwabelwana ngawo, uthando , ukuthandana, kwaye uzama ukufumana uncedo. Vumela ukuba bucala kunye nendawo bakwazi ukuyenza intlungu yabo ngendlela yabo.
Musa ukuxelela Umsindo Abafanele Uvuyiswe
Nangona ucinga ukuba umntu onomlutha wuphatha umhlobo wakho osizileyo, ngokuqinisekileyo unokufumana iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zeemvakalelo. Kungokwemvelo ukuhamba uluhlu lweemvakalelo emva kokufa komntu osondeleyo, kubandakanywa umsindo nentlungu. Kwakhona akunakwenzeka ukuba iingxaki zabo ziphelile, njengoko kunokuba kukho imali kunye nezinye iingxaki ezingagqitywanga. Kwaye nangona iinjongo zengqondo ziyabakhuthaza, kubalulekile ukuba umntu osiziyo angazivumeli ngeemvakalelo zabo malunga nento eyenzekayo xa umntu onomlwelwe ephilile, ngenxa yokuba umntu uhambe. Ukongeza, umntu osizileyo angaphuthelwa ekubeni neqabane, umzali, umntakwabo, umntwana okanye umngane, iimbopheleleko ezingenakuzaliswa ngumnye umntu.
Musa ukuxelela i-Griever Kufuneka "Yibangele" okanye "Yiba Ngaphezulu" Ukusetyenziswa kakubi
"Yilibale!" "Yeka ukumhlophe, ufile manje!" "Kufuneka ube phezu kwayo ngoku!"
Ezi zizo zonke iingxelo eziphazamisayo eziye zatsho ngqo kumaxhoba okusetyenziswa gadalala . Ukufa komxhaphazi akuyi kuyenza intlungu. Ukubuyiselwa ekuhlaselweni kunokuthatha ixesha, ngamanye amaxesha iminyaka. Nangona uvakalelwa kukuba isihlobo esinokuxhatshazwa okanye umthandwayo uyagxeka entlungu, inyaniso kukuba, banokubandezeleka kwe- PTSD . Ukubaxelela ukuba baxhomeke kuyo kuya kubabuhlungu baze bahlukane.
Ukuba ufumanisa oku kunzima ukuyiqonda, ubuncinane ubambe ukubonisa uluvo.
Musa ukuthetha ngentando kaThixo
Nangona abanye abantu benokholo oluqinileyo lwenkolo, abantu abaninzi abanokuphila kwabo banokuxhatshazwa yizinto ezibangelwa yinto engokomoya . Ukuthi ukufa komntu onomlutha kukuba intando kaThixo inomntu onomdla onamandla aphezulu okujoliswe kumntu onomlutha kunye / okanye isihlobo okanye othandekayo ukuba ahambe nosizi olunokuba yinxalenye yokulutha, mhlawumbi nje sohlwaya ngenxa yokungalunganga. Kwakhona kuthetha ukuba inkolelo kuThixo ingabakhusela intlungu engakumbi, kungeyona imeko. Gcina iimbono zakho zenkolo ngokwakho ngeli xesha losizi, nokuba unokwabelana ngeenkolelo zonqulo ezifana nomntu oshiye ngasemva - ngaphandle kokuba, ngokuqinisekileyo, babuza umbono wakho ngalo mbandela.
Musa ukunika isiluleko esingenziwanga
Ukuba umntu osizileyo ekucela ukuba anike iingcebiso malunga nesifundo owaziyo, qhubela phambili kwaye uyinike. Kodwa iingcebiso ezingenakunyulwa - ukuba ngubani omele adibanise naye, oko akumele akwenze, indlela yokulahla impahla yomntu ofileyo njl., Akufanele ihanjiswe. Iseluleko sinokudideka kwaye siyaphikisana, kwaye sinokuyifumana indlela yomntu ekuzicingeleni ukuba zenzeni. Kwakhona ukubeka uxinzelelo olungakumbi kumntu ocinga ukuba uyazixhalabisa njengoko kunjalo. Yaye ukuba ingcebiso yakho ibonakala ingalunganga, ingabangela iingxaki ebuhlotsheni bakho kunye nabo. Isicwangciso esilungileyo kukunikela ukuba ube khona njengomntu onokuthetha naye aze ancede njengoko kuyimfuneko, kwaye ukubonelela ngoncedo oluceliwe ukuba luceliwe.
Musa ukunikela ngotywala okanye umntu onobungozi
Unokholo lokuba umntu oshiye ngasemva wayengenayo ingxaki ngotywala okanye iziyobisi, kodwa kunokwenzeka ukuba nabo banengxaki yokuziphatha kakubi. Basenokuzama ukuphazamisa iimvakalelo zabo ngotywala okanye iziyobisi xa zikhona, okanye zikhumbule abantu abalahlekileyo ngokwenza oko benzayo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, utywala kunye neziyobisi azikho iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokulawula uxinzelelo, kwaye azinakuphucula umgangatho wokusebenza ngeemvakalelo. Endaweni yoko, mema umntu ukuba athathe inxaxheba kwenye into, okanye bameme ukuba badle isidlo sakusihlwa, kodwa banqande ukusela utywala.
Musa ukusho nto Konke
"Andizange ndiyazi ukuba ndithini ngoko ndingayifumani." Ngokuqhelekileyo, esi sizathu sinikwe ngabahlobo kunye nabahlobo bomntu olahlekelwe ngumntu onomlutha. Yaye isihlobo esilusizi okanye esithandekayo sibhekene nokuthuliswa kwesicingo sefowuni engazange ikhwele kwaye i-imeyile kuphela ukubetha umatshini ukuba ube yimithetho ehlawulwayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, kuhlazo kwaye kunzima ukuthetha. Kodwa kuninzi kakhulu buhlungu kumntu oshiywe emva kokukwazi ukuba kukho abantu abaza kubelana ngenkqubo yokuvumela ukuba bahambe, kunokuba babhekane noko kubonakala kukushiywa ngumntu wonke owaziyo. Ngoko thabatha ifowuni, ubhale ileta okanye ikhadi, thumela ezinye iintyatyambo, ubonise uvelwano lwakho, uze ubuze into abafuna ukuba wenze ngayo. Emva koko, ukuba akunangqiqo, yenze.
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Imithombo
Kulber-Ross, MD, E. Ekufeni nasekufeni . ENew York: uSchribner. 1969.
Moe, J. Ukuqonda umlutha nokubuyiselwa ngamehlo omntwana: Uncedo, ithemba, nokuphilisa intsapho . I-Deerfield Beach, FL: UkuNxibelelana kwezeMpilo. 2007.
Orford, J., Dalton, S., Hartney, E. et al. Izihlobo Ezikufutshane Zabantu Abanxilisayo Abanamandla: Iimpembelelo zokuNxila kunye nokuPhumela kwayo. " Uluhlu loPhando kunye neTheory , 10: 439-463. 2002.
Orford et al Ukujongana neengxaki zoMnxila kunye neziyobisi: Iimbono zamaLungu omNtu kwiiNtlobo ezintathu eziPhakathi . Hove: Routledge. 2005.