Abantu ababaziyo umntu olwa nomlingo bahlala bebuza indlela yokunceda umngane okanye umhlobo onomlwelwe. Isigqibo sokuzama nokufumana uncedo kumntu onomdla ngaye onomlutha akulula. Ngethamsanqa, ngenkxaso yakho, banethuba elikhulu lokunqoba umlutha wabo. Imeko nganye iyingqayizivele, kodwa kukho izikhokelo eziqhelekileyo eziza kukunceda uqalise lo msebenzi.
Lindela u bunzima
Kukho izizathu ezininzi zokuncedisa umntu onokukhathalela kunye nomlingo wakhe kunzima.
- Basenokungavumi ukuba baneengxaki.
- Basenokungafuni ukutshintsha oko bakwenzayo.
- Basenokukwesaba iziphumo, umzekelo, ukulahlekelwa ngumsebenzi wabo, ukuya entolongweni.
- Baziva benamahloni, kwaye abafuni ukuxoxa nawe.
- Basenokuvakalelwa ngokukhawuleza ngokuxoxa ngemiba yabantu kunye neengcali.
- Basenokuthi banokubambisana nokuxhatshazwa njengendlela yokuphepha ukujongana nesinye ingxaki esabakhathaza ngakumbi.
Akukho ndlela yokukhawuleza kwaye kulula ukunceda umntu onomlutha. Ukunqoba umlingo kufuna amandla amakhulu kunye nokuzimisela, ngoko ukuba abafuni ukutshintsha oko abakwenzayo, ukuzama ukubanceda ukuba bafumane uncedo akunakwenzeka ukusebenza.
Nangona kunjalo, ungathatha amanyathelo okuya kumnceda umthandayo ukuba enze utshintsho kwixesha elide kwaye uya kukunceda ukuba ujamelane nomntu omthandayo nomlutha.
Inyathelo 1: Ukuseka iTrust
Oku kunzima ukuyenza xa umntu onomlutha sele uthengisile ukuthembela kwakho. Nangona kunjalo, ukuseka ukuzithemba zombini iindlela zinyathelo lokuqala ezibalulekileyo ekubancedeni ukuba bacinge ngenguqu. Ithemba lincinci lula, nangona uzama ukukunceda.
Gwema aba bahluli bethemba:
- Ukuhlambalaza, ukugxeka nokuqeqesha umntu onomlutha.
- Ukumema, ukubiza igama kunye nokunyanisela (nangona ugxininisekile wena).
- Ukubandakanya iimpawu zokulutha, ngokwakho ngokumodareyitha (baya kucinga ukuba ungumhanahanisi).
Qaphela ukuba:
- Nangona ufuna nje ukukunceda umntu onomlutha, banokucinga ukuba uzama ukuzilawula, oko kunokubakhokelela ekusebenziseni umlutha ngakumbi.
- Mhlawumbi basebenzise ukuziphatha komlutha ubuncinci ngenxalenye njengendlela yokulawula uxinzelelo. Ukuba umoya ophakathi kwakho uxinzelelekile, baya kufuna ukwenza ukuziphatha komlutha ngaphezulu, kungabi ngaphantsi.
- Ukwakha ithemba yindlela emibini. Ithemba aliqinisekanga ngokunyamezela ukuziphatha okubi. Ukuba ungenalo ithemba kumntu wakho omthandayo kwaye ungazivakalelwa ukuba ungasungulwa okwangoku, kufuneka ufunde Isinyathelo 2.
- Abantu abanezilingo badla ngokutshintshwa kude kubekho umphumo wokuziphatha kwabo. Ungazami nzima ukukhusela umntu onomlutha kwimiphumo yezenzo zabo (ngaphandle kokuba zilimaza ngokwabo okanye kwabanye, umzekelo, ukusela nokuqhuba).
Inyathelo 2: Zuza Uncedo Okokuqala
Ukuba nolwalamano nomntu onomlutha uhlala uxinezelekile. Ukwamkela ukuba uxinzelelekileyo kwaye ufuna uncedo lokulawula le nto ibalulekileyo ekuncedeni wakho umthandayo, kunye nawe.
Inyathelo 3: Ukuthetha
Nangona unokuba uzive ulingeka ukuba uvumele umhlobo wakho azi ukuba umlutha wabo uyinkathazo kwaye kufuneka baduqule, isigqibo sokutshintsha yiyo yabo. Ziyakwazi ukuvulela ukucinga malunga noshintsho xa uthetha ngokunyanisekileyo kodwa ngendlela engasongeli umthandayo.
Inyathelo 4: Inkqubo Yonyango
Inkqubo yokwenza unyango iyahluka ngohlobo lwenyango umhlobo wakho okanye isihlobo esifumanayo.
Ukuba ubandakanyeka kunyango lomthandayo:
- Khumbula ukuqhubeka usebenza ekusekeni ukuthembela. Phinda ufunde Isinyathelo soku-1 ngaphambi kokuba ucebisi kunye nomthandayo.
- Ukunyaniseka malunga neemvakalelo zakho, oko ufuna ukukwenzeka, kunye nokuba yiyiphi into emilutha ngayo.
- Musa ukusola, ukugxeka okanye ukuhlazisa umhlobo wakho ngokucebisa. Yisho nje into efana nawe.
- Ungamangaliswa ukuba umhlobo wakho uthi izinto ozenzayo zenza ukuba banomdla. Zama ukuphulaphula ngengqondo evulekile.
- Ukuba ufuna ukuba batshintshe, mhlawumbi kufuneka utshintshe kwakhona, nangona ungenayo umlutha. Ukuba ubonisa ukuba uzimisele ukuzama, umhlobo wakho uya kuba nako ukuzama.
Ukuba wakho umthandayo unayo unyango wedwa:
- Hlonipha ubumfihlo babo kwimihla ngemihla. Musa ukwazisa abahlobo, intsapho okanye abanye ngokunyango lwakho lomthandayo .
- Hlonipha ubumfihlo babo kwiyeza. Ukuba abafuni ukuthetha ngawo, musa ukuwaxhoma ukuba bakuxelele oko kwenzeka.
- Kukho iindlela ezininzi ezahlukahlukeneyo kumngeni weendlela zokuncedisa umlutha, kodwa khumbula, utshintsho alwenzeki ngobusuku.
> Imithombo :
> Gottman Ph.D., uJohn noDeClaire, uJoan. "Ulwalamano lobudlelwane: Isikhokelo sesi-5 sokuQinisa umtshato wakho, intsapho kunye nohlobo lwabo. 2001.
> Hartney, uElizabeth, Orford, Jim, Dalton, Sue, > Ferrins > -Baza, uMaria, Kerr, uCicely noMaslin, uJenny. "Abaphuliyo abaNxilisayo: Isifundo sokuQinisekisa nokuQinisekisa kokuThomba nokuLungela ukuTshintsha." Uluhlu loPhando kunye neNkcazo 2003 11: 317-337.
> Uthando EdD, Patricia, noS Stosney, uSteven Ph.D. "Indlela Yokuphucula Umtshato Wakho Ngaphandle Kokuthetha Ngayo: Ukufumana Uthando Ngaphandle Kwamazwi." Iincwadi Zase-Broadway, eNew York. 2007.
> Orford, Jim, Dalton, Susan, Hartney, uElizabethe, > Ferrins > -Baza, uMaria, Kerr, uCicely noMaslin, uJenny. Izihlobo Ezikufutshane Zabantu Abangenakunxilisayo Abaphuziyo: IziPhulo zokuNxila kakhulu kunye neMiphumo Yalo. " Uphando lwezoMnxeba kunye neengcamango 2002 10: 439-463.
> Orford, Jim, Natera, Guillermina, Copello, Alex, Atkinson, Carol, Mora, Jazmin, Velleman, Richard, > Crundall >, Ian, Tiburcio, Marcela, Templeton, Lorna noWalley, uGwen. "Ukujongana noTywala kunye neengxaki zeDrams: Iingxelo zamaLungu omndeni kwiiNtlanga ezintathu ezahlukileyo." URoutledge: eLondon naseNew York. 2005.