1 - Oko Okufuneka Ukwazi NgezoMoya
Imvakalelo yeemvakalelo ngokuqhelekileyo iqala ngokungahambi kakuhle njengobungane.
Nantsi inkcazelo malunga nento enemvakalelo engqondweni, indlela enemvakalelo yomntu eyahlukileyo ngayo eyahlukileyo kunye nobuhlobo be-platonic, iimpawu zokulumkisa zesimo sengqondo, indlela yokuzikhusela kwisimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo, njl njl.
Ngokutyalwa kwamandla kunye nexesha lomnye nomnye ngaphandle komtshato, ubuhlobo bokuqala be-platonic buya kuqala ukudala uxhamlo olusisiseko olubuhlungu ubudlelwane obusenyongweni.
Nangona kukho abo bakholelwa ukuba into ephazamisekayo ayiyingozi, iingcali ezininzi zomtshato zijonga izinto ezinomdla njengokuba ukukopela ngaphandle kokwabelana ngesondo.
Imiba engokomzwelo isoloko imicimbi ekhokelela ekungathembeki ngokwesini.
"Phantse isiqingatha sezinto ezinjalo ezichaphazelekayo ekugqibeleni ziba yimicimbi epheleleyo, isondo kunye nabo bonke."
Umthombo: MSNBC
Kwabanye abantu, iimpembelelo ezibuhlungu kunye nezibuhlungu zengxaki yomzwelo ngumqondo wokukhohliswa, ukutyhilwa, nokuxoxwa. Naliphina inxalenye yobomi bomntu egcinwe imfihlelo evela kumlingani kuyingozi kwithemba phakathi kwabatshatileyo.
2 - Yintoni i-Affair Affair?
Imvakalelo yeemvakalelo kukuba xa umntu engagcini nje amandla amaninzi angaphandle komtshato wawo, kodwa ufumana inkxaso nenkxaso kunye nobuhlobo obutsha. Kwiimeko ezixhalabileyo, umntu uziva ecaleni kwelinye iqela kwaye unokufumana ukwanda kwezesondo okanye i-chemistry.
Ukuba ukholelwa ukuba amandla omntu aphelelanga, kwaye ukuba lakho iqabane lixelela abanye ngengcamango kunye nemvakalelo, isifo sengqondo siphumelele.
Nangona abaphangi bahlala bengenacala-ntliziyo ngenxa yokuba bengabandakanyeli ngesondo, abafazi babo bavame ukujonga into enomvakalelo njengobungozi besondo.
Ininzi yentlungu kunye nobuhlungu obuvela kwintlungu yomzwelo ngenxa yokukhohlisa, ubuxoki kunye neemvakalelo zokungcatshiswa.
3 - njani Ubumnene Bemizwelo obuhlukileyo kubuhlobo bukaPlato?
Ubuhlobo be-platonic buya kuba yinto echaphazelekayo xa utyalo-mali lweenkcukacha ezithandwayo ziwela imida ebekwe ngumtshato wesibini esitshatileyo. Imvakalelo yeemeko ivula umnyango omele uhlale uvaliwe. Enye yeentlukwano phakathi kobudlelwane be-platonic kunye neemeko zengqondo kukuba imvakalelo yeemvakalelo igcinwa yimfihlo. Olunye uqobo oluphambili kukuba abantu abachaphazelekayo kwimvakalelo yeemvakalelo bavame ukuvakalelwa. Ngamanye amaxesha ukukhangwa kwesondo kuyavuma kwaye ngamanye amaxesha akunjalo.
4 - Iingxelo ezivela kwiForam yoMtshato kwimicimbi yemoya
Amalungu kwimibutho yethu yomtshato yangaphambili sele exoxa ngemicimbi yemoya. Nazi ezinye zeembono ezivela kwimicu.
~ From B .: "Ulwalamano kunye nelungu lesini esahlukileyo apho ungaziva ukhululekile kunye neqabane lakho uyazi zonke iinkcukacha."~ ~ Ukususela kuJ: "Yilinye ixesha endingayisebenzisa ukuze ndichaze umtshato ongaphezulu okanye owenziwe ngokungekho komzimba ongakhange unyuke kwisini somzimba."
~ ~ Ukusuka kum: "Ndiyicingela kakhulu into enzima kwaye ibuhlungu ixesha elidala ingxabano kunokuba inokunceda ukunqumla ..."
~ Ukusuka kuNdikhoyo: "Kodwa ukuba umntu otshatileyo udla nje isidlo sasemini nomhlobo wesini esahlukileyo, ukuxoxa ngezinto ezingafanelekanga, kwaye ngoku kwaye ubambe i-movie kunye nomhlobo - ngokufanayo usebenza ngokufanayo kunye nalo mhlobo ngokufanayo abahlobo besini - ngoko ke unokukwazi ukwenza into enomvakalelo xa umlingani wakhe engathandi abantu besilisa nabesifazane abaxhomekeke kunye kunye. "U
5 - Izibonakaliso Zesixwayiso Ukuba Unokuba Nento Yomzwelo
Nazi izibonakaliso ezimbalwa zezilumkiso onokuthi ube neengxaki zomzwelo:
- Uhoxisa kwiqabane lakho.
- Uxakekile kwaye uhamba phambili ngomhlobo wakho ngaphezulu nangaphezulu.
- Awunomdla wokuba usondelene neqabane lakho, mhlawumbi ngokwemvakalelo okanye ngesondo.
- Isixa sexesha wena kunye neqabane lakho nichitha kunye kunye ncinane.
- Xa ujongene nokubonakala kwintlungu, usabela, "Sihlobo nje."
- Uzifumana ulindele xa unganxibelelana okanye ube nomhlobo wakho kwakhona. Ngexesha elilodwa kubalulekile kuwe.
- Ukwabelana ngeengcamango zakho, iimvakalelo kunye neengxaki kumhlobo wakho endaweni yeqabane lakho.
- Ufumana izizathu zokunika umhlobo wakho izipho zomntu.
- Umhlobo wakho ubonakala eqonda kangcono kunokuba wakho umlingane.
- Ugcina ubungqina bakho buyimfihlo kumlingane wakho.
I-6 - Imibuzo-Ngaba Unesimo Sengqondo?
Ukuba uphendula "yee" kwimibandela engaphezu kwe-3 yale mibuzo, unentlungu enomtshato wakho ngokuba nomntu ovakalelwa yimvakalelo.
- Ngaba ufumana ulwalamano oluphindaphindiweyo kunye nengxabano kumtshato wakho?
- Ngaba uzive umgama osuka kumlingane wakho?
- Ngaba kunzima ukuthetha nomlingane wakho?
- Ngaba uyabelana ngokubanzi nomhlobo wakho kunokuba uhlala kunye neqabane lakho?
- Ngaba ucinga ukuba umhlobo wakho uyakuqonda kangcono kunomlingane wakho?
- Unomtsalane nomhlobo wakho?
- Ingaba ibinzana elithi, "Sibahlobo nje" ukulinganisa kwakho ubuhlobo obusondeleyo?
- Ngaba lakho iqabane liyazi ngobuhlobo bakho okanye ubuhlobo bakho buyimfihlo?
- Ngaba ujonge phambili ekubeni nomhlobo wakho kunokuba ube neqabane lakho?
- Xa uthetha nomlingane wakho ngemini yakho, awubonakali ukuba uthetha ukusebenzisana kwakho nalo mhlobo
I-7 - Iimpawu Umntu oMtshatayo wakho Unomntu onomzwelo
Nazi ezinye iimpawu zokulumkisa ukuba iqabane lakho libe neengxaki zomzwelo:
- Umlingani wakho uqala ukurhoxisa kuwe okanye akugxeka.
- Iqabane lakho lifihla okanye lifihla ifowuni, likhupha phantsi kwikhompyuter kwangoko xa ujikeleze.
- Umlingani wakho ubonakala unomdla kwi-teknoloji ethile okanye izinto ezithandwayo ezibonakala ngathi ziluhlaza.
- Umlingane wakho ubonakala ehlala esebenza iiyure ezongezelelweyo kwi "projekthi" nalo mhlobo.
- Lo mhlobo womlingane wakho uthethwa kakhulu. Ubonakala uvakalelwa kakhulu malunga nale mibono yabantu (kunye neyakho ibonakala ibalwa ngaphantsi)
- Ubhulo bakho buxelela into eqhubekayo. Ngokuqhelekileyo uthembela kwaye ungabi nomona ngokukhawuleza, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo le nto ivakalelwa "kuwe".
- Xa uzama ukuxoxa ngeyiphi na le nto kunye neqabane lakho, udibana nokukhuseleka okanye wenza ukuba uzive uhla.
8 - Ukwahlukahlukana Kwendlela Yokukhusela Umtshato Wakho Ngomdla Wemvakalelo
Nangona kukho imibono eyahlukileyo malunga nendlela yokukhusela umtshato wakho ukuba ungenzakaliswa yintlungu yomzwelo, sicinga ukuba umtshato wakho ukhuseleke kakhulu kwiimeko ezixhalabileyo kunye nababini osebenza kunye ukuze umtshato owakhiwe kwisiseko esiqinileyo sobuhlobo kunye nokwethemba .
Abanye bangavumelana okanye bavumelani nesikhokelo esenziwa rhoqo ukuba sinciphise ubuhlobo bakho okanye ubungane bakho.
Incwadi kaM.Gary Neuman, Ukungathembeki Kwimizwelo: Indlela Yokuba Neengxaki-Ubungqina Bomtshato Wakho kunye nezinye iimfihlelo zobudlelwane obukhulu , wenza iingxelo eziphikisanayo: "Gxininisa nokukhusela umtshato wakho ngokungathembeki ngokomzwelo ngokugwema ubuhlobo namalungu esini esahlukileyo . " U-Neuman ukholelwa ukuba ukunciphisa ubuhlobo / ubuhlobo bakho "yinto ebaluleke kakhulu ongayenza umtshato wakho."
Esinye sezizathu zokuba abanye abantu babuze le ngcebiso ukuze banciphise ubuhlobo abathile kukuba kungabangela umqondo wokuzihlukanisa izibini. Ukuqhawula umlingane kubangane kungenye yezibonakaliso zokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni. Umlingane akanalo ilungelo elikhethekileyo, amalungelo e-100 ekhulwini malunga nobuhlobo bomlingane, iimfuno kunye nokuqonda kwendawo kunye nobumfihlo .
Ezinye iziphakamiso ze-Neuman zokukhusela umtshato wakho kwiimeko ezinomzwelo ezamkelekileyo kwaye zibandakanya:
- Ukuthintana ngokuphindaphindiweyo mahlanu ngosuku.
- Yiba nomhla weveki.
- Ncokola ngokude kunye omnye ngeveki.
- Cwangcisa ubusuku bonke obuthandanayo bokuthanda uthando kanye ngenyanga.
I-9 - Ukubonisa ubungqina bakho ngomtshato wakho
Unokubambisana nomtshato wakho ngokusebenzisana ukuze ube nolwalamano olusekelwe kubuhlobo kunye nokholo.
Nazi ezinye iziphakamiso malunga nendlela yokwakha isiseko kunye nezitshixo zokukhusela umtshato wakho kwintlungu yomzwelo.
- Cwangcisa ukuphila ubomi obulungeleleneyo.
- Yiba nemihla kunye nomnye kwaye wenze iindlela zokuzonwabisa kunye.
- Ungavumeli ukucaphukisa ukuba kwakhiwe. Funda indlela yokufumana ingxabano enempilo emtshatweni wakho.
- Ukuthetha imihla ngemihla ngomnye nomnye. Thetha ngemicimbi efanelekileyo, izicwangciso, iziganeko kunye neemvakalelo zakho . Izinto ezincinci zokuthetha ngazo zibalulekile njengemiba emikhulu.
- Ncedani omnye nomnye.
- Bonisa intlonelo kunye nokuziphatha komnye nomnye.
- Zama uzame ukulungisa ngokukhawuleza nangokunyanisekileyo. Ukuxolisa kuqhubeka ngaphezu kokuzama ukulungela.
I-10 - Iingcaphumo NgezoMoya
Iingcali zomtshato ngokubanzi ziyavuma ukuba umonakalo onobuhlungu unomonakalo emtshatweni. Nazi ezinye iingcaphuno ezivela kwiingcali zomtshato ezifunda impembelelo yokungathembeki emtshatweni.
"Ukungathembeki kwintshahla phakathi kwabantu abangenalo ngokungazenzisiyo ukuba baxhamle ngokujulile, banxibelelana ngokuzithandela ngaphambi kokuba baqaphele ukuba baye bawela umgca ekubeni nobuhlobo be-platonic bathandane nothando. Umthombo: Shirley Glass, umbhali we "Akunjalo Abahlobo Nje: Khusela Ulwalamano Lwakho Ekungathembeki Nokuphulukisa Ingxaki Yokukhohliswa"
"Kulula ukukhanyela ukungathí sina kwengxaki yomzwelo - kodwa ingasongela umtshato." Umthombo: UDkt. Gail Saltz kwi-MSNBC
"Ukuba kukho ukusebenzisana okuqhubekayo nomntu onokunyaniseka ekuxoxiseni iingcamango zakho neemvakalelo zakho, oko kungenza ukuba ube nesiganeko sokusondelana eshukumisa ukwabelana ngokubanzi-kunye nokusondelana, kunye nokuqhubeka. kuba sisondele kakhulu kwaye udibaniso lomzwelo lukhula, lubangele umonakalo omkhulu emtshatweni-nokuba ingaba "isondo." Umthombo: DearPeggy.com
Imicimbi yeemvakalelo ayikho into engeyona nto ingaphantsi kwimiba engokwenyama. Enyanisweni, zibeka ingozi ngakumbi kuwe kunokutshatyalaliswa ngokomzimba. " Umthombo: uLena Penn kwi-YourTango.com
Izibonelelo eziNcedo xa Umtshato Wakho uphathwe ngumntu onobubele
Nanku apho ufumana uncedo lobuchwepheshe:
www.MarriageFriendlyTherapists.com
www.SmartMarriages.com
www.AAMFT.com
www.DiscernmentCounseling.com
Ukuzinceda / ukuthengwa kwi-Amazon : Emva kwe-Affair: Ukuphulukisa ubuhlungu kunye nokuThuthukiswa kweTrust Xa umlingani engathembekanga , okanye "engabuthandani nje": Ukwakha kwakhona iThente nokubuyisela ubungqina bakho emva kokungathembeki
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* I-Article ihlaziywe nguMarni Feuerman