Awukwazi ukubuyisela igama le-D xa usithi
Umtshato unzima kwaye iingxabano zingenakugwema. Ingxabano encinci inokunyuka kwinqanaba elipheleleyo ngokuxhomekeka kwisihloko. Wonke umntu uneziphumo zakhe. Amaqabane ethu athambekele ekuzileni ukuba ziphi kwaye anokukwazi ukusibeka ngendlela engakho omnye umntu onako.
Xa uhlungu okanye unomsindo, unokuthi ungene ngaphakathi kwi-arsenal yakho ukumba ukuba "isixhobo sokubhubhisa ubuninzi" ukwenza iqondo lakho, ukuva okanye uzame ukufumana iqabane lakho ukuqonda indlela othukutheleyo ngayo.
Oku kudla ngohlobo lomtshato osongelayo, mhlawumbi eyaziwa ngokuba yi-D-word.
Ngokomphando, iingcamango zomtshato ziqhelekile kwixesha lomtshato. Izibini ezininzi zibambane kwaye zihamba phakathi kobudlelwane babo kodwa zikwazi ukubamba izinto ndawonye. Abanye bahlala bevuyiswa ngokuzonwabisa xa abanye bexhomekeke ngumtya. Kukho, kunjalo, yonke into ephakathi kwezi zigqithisi. Nangona kunjalo, ukucinga ngokuqhawula umtshato kwaye uthi izinto ezimbini ezifani kakhulu.
Eminye imitshato ayinakukwazi ukulungisa kunye nokuqhawula umtshato ingenakupheka. Ngoko, kwiimeko apho udibanisa "umtshato," ucetyiswa ukuba uthetha oko, kwaye akunjalo nje ingozi. "Ngethuba lempikiswano, iimvakalelo ziyaqhubeka zasendle, kwaye kukho izinto ezininzi ezitshoyo 'ekutshweni komzuzwana,' kodwa ingozi yokuqhawula umtshato akumele yatsho," kucetyiswa uDkt. Karen Sherman, isazi sezengqondo kunye nomlobi. "Ngokucacileyo, imbono yokuqhawula umtshato iyona nto ilahlekileyo kwaye iya kwi-core yezinto ezinxulumene nabantu.
Ngoko ke, nangona kungoku nje kuphela kwaye akukho nto ithetha ngayo, usongelo lubekwe ngaphandle kwaye luloyiko "uyachaza. UDkt. Sherman ukholelwa ukuba kuyaphumelela ukutsho into ethile kunoko, "Ndivutha ngumsindo (inceba okanye inzakala) ukuba inxalenye yam iyasivakalelwa kukuba nangona andizange ndiyenze, andifuni ukuba nani kwakhona. " Uthi le nto iya kumvumela ukuba iqabane lakho likwazi ukuba ivakalelo ludlulileyo.
UDkt. Paul DePompo, ibhodi eqinisekisiweyo yokuziphatha kwengqondo kunye nomlobi ubonisa ukuba, "Umlingani akafanele asebenzise i-D ngexesha lempikiswano ngaphandle kokuba le nto ingqwalasela kwaye ingatsho ngomsindo. Isizathu sokuba kutheni ukuba kuvule umnyango wokuqhawula umtshato ukuba ube etafileni. "Uyaqhubeka athi," Oku kuphazamisayo ngandlela-thile kuba kuzisa ubuhlobo kumntu othembisa de kube sekufeni - ngoku ukuba esithi, mhlawumbi akunjalo-njalo-ke. "UDkt. DePompo uphinde ugxininise ukuba le nto inokukhupha" indlela yokukhusela "kunokuba" indlela yokulungisa ingxaki. "Ukhuthaza ukuba izibini zitshatyalaliswe endaweni yokuzikhusela ngokujolisa "Ukhathazeka ngokwenene okanye ukwesaba ukuba baziva befihla phantsi komsindo wabo." Ngokomzekelo, ucebisa ukuthetha into enje, "Ndibuhlungu ngenxa yokuba ndiva ngathi awuphulaphuli ngokwenene into endiyithethayo, kwaye oku kuqhubeka , kwaye ndiqala ukuziva ndedwa, "okanye" Ndiyatsho ukuba xa singenako ukujongana nale ngxaki, asiyi kuba nolwalamano esinalo. "
UDenise Limongello, umntu waseManhattan onikwe i-psychotherapist kunye neengcali zengcali. Uthi "usongelo loqhawulo-mtshato ngexesha lokuxabana lunokuphazamisa ukuva." Ngokombono wakhe, izibini ezonwabileyo azibona "ziphephe ukusebenzisa lelo gama ngexesha leengxabano, njengoko kunokukwenza kubonakale ukuba umtshato usenokwenzeka." Unalo Iingcebiso zeziphi izibini ezithandwayo ukuba zenze ntoni kunoko, "ukudala umgaqo-mhlaba kunye neqabane lakho elivala igama le-D kwisigama sakho lingaba yindlela enkulu yokukhupha ukhuseleko kunye nomlingane wakho." U-Limongello uthi, "ukwenza imithetho , nangaluphina uhlobo, onokubambelela kuyo, lunokuba luncedo ekwakheni ukuthembela phakathi kobudlelwane bakho. "Ucebisa ngelithi" Musa ukutshitshiswa njengoko uphando lubonisa ukuba oku kukhokelela kumanqanaba aphakamileyo okudakumba kunye nokuxhalaba, kwaye unokuchaphazela Amanqanaba oxinzelelo lwegazi. "Ukholelwa ukuba ukwenza izinto ezisongelayo azikho ukuziphatha okusemgangathweni ubudlelwane obunothando, kwaye kukho iindlela ezakhayo zokufumana iimfuno zakho.
"Nanini na xa usebenzisa iD-igama kwingxabano ususa ukhuseleko, ukhuseleko, kwaye uthembele kulwalamano, eziyimfuno zabantu ezisisiseko." ~ UChris Armstrong, uqeqesho lomtshato
Kukho izizathu ezinzulu ukuba umlingani akafanele asebenzise igama le-D ngexesha lempikiswano ngokomqeqeshi odibeneyo, uChris Armstrong. Okokuqala kwaye phambili, umyalezo ulahleka. "Xa umlingane echaza iD-word eyikayiyo, oko kwakuthethwa ngaphambili okanye emva koko kunokuthi kuphelelwe umva kwi-background." Uxubusha indlela umlingane ova ngayo oku kukhulula ngayo. Emva koko kwenzeka, u-Armstrong uthi "nayiphi na isiphumo efunwa ngumlingane owakuthethayo asiyi kufezwa." Ukholelwa ukuba xa ufumana iqabane elivuthayo, unokuthi "wabiza i-bluff yakho."
Ngaphandle koko, u-Armstrong uncoma icebo lokuqeqesha elibizwa ngokuthi "i-WAIT Principle" encedisa iqabane elinqwenela ukulahla igama le-D lihlale endleleni kunye nento ezama ngokwenene ukuhanjiswa. Aba bafazi bafanele bazibuze: Kutheni ndithetha? Yiyiphi imiphumo efunwayo yokubeka i-D eyoyikayo etafileni? Ngaba kuya kunceda ndifike kwisiphumo sam esinqwenelayo? Ngaba ndijonge indlela eya kuhlala ngayo kwiqabane lam? Ugxininisa le ndlela kuba "Nanini na xa usebenzisa iD-igama kwingxabano ususa ukhuseleko, ukhuseleko kunye nokuthembela kulwalamano, eziyimfuno zabantu ezisisiseko. Ngaphandle koko kuchazwe, uxelela lakho iqabane ukuba ayikho indawo ekhuselekileyo ukuba ibe okanye ukuba ubudlelwane bubuhlungu kwaye abukwazi ukujamelana noxinzelelo okanye uxinzelelo. "
UDkt. Heather M Ehinger, umtshato kunye noMtsapho wezobuchwephesha ogqithiseleyo ubudlelwane obuphambili obukhohlakeleyo ukholelwa ukuba ezi zibini zizama ukufumana iimfuno zabo zidibene ngendlela engafanelekanga. "Uvakalelwa njengendlela yokufumana omnye umntu ukuba aqaphele ukuba unobungakanani obukhulu. Ngelishwa, nje ngebali likaPeter kunye neWolf, zonke izinto ezisongelayo ekugqibeleni zihlala umhlaba ezindlebeni ezingezithulu. "Ucebisa iingqabane ukuba" uthathe uxanduva lwakho kwaye uhlolisise into oyifunayo ukuba awufumani. "Uyaqhubeka athi Ukuba awunakulungele ukwenza ingxaki yokuqhawula umtshato, ke uyeke ukwenza ukuba "umtshato uqhawule umtshato, usongelo luya kukutyeshela. UPeter wafumanisa indlela enzima, musa ukufana noPetros! ""
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