Ukubaluleka kokuxolisa kwiNgxaki yokuXininisa kunye nokuPhathwa koBudlelwane
Kutheni ukuxolisa kubalulekile
Abantu abaninzi banzima ukuziva uxolo, kwaye kungekhona zonke iingcamango neemvakalelo zethu malunga nokuxolisa. Abanye bethu baphoqeleka ukuba baxolise njengabantwana xa sikhathaza umntu, kwaye abanye bethu baxolisa ngokukhululekile baze baziva bephucule ngokukhawuleza emva kokuba benze njalo. Abanye abantu baziva behlazekile ngokuxolisa xa abanye behlazekile baze senze njalo.
Ibhayisikobho evelele kwiminyaka eminci edlulileyo yathi "Uthando lusho ukuba ungasayi kuthetha ukuba uxolo," ngelixa ubuhlobo obuninzi beengcali zi lumkisa ukuba akuze ucele uxolo kwi-intanethi yindlela efanelekileyo yokubeka umngcipheko.
Siye safunda ngesidingo sokuxolisa xa sibuhlungu umhlobo - ngengozi okanye ngenye indlela - kodwa uyazi ukuba kutheni ukuxolisa kubaluleke kakhulu, kwaye yintoni umsebenzi owenza uxolo? Abaphengululi kunye neengqondo zeengqondo baye bachaza izizathu ezibalulekileyo zokuba uxolo luyimfuneko xa imithetho yezenzo iphulwe. Ezinye zezinto ezilungileyo ezivela ekuxoliseni ngokunyanisekileyo:
- Ukuxolisa xa usuqhelile umgaqo wokuziphatha kwentlalo - ukusuka kumgca wokuphula umthetho - kwakhona ukumisa ukuba uyazi ukuba "imigaqo" yintoni, kwaye uyavuma ukuba kufuneka ixhaswe. Oku kuvumela abanye bazive bekhuselekile bazi ukuba uyavuma ukuba ukuziphatha kakubi akulungile.
- Ukuxhaswa kwakhona ukuseka isithunzi kulabo owenzakalayo. Ukuvumela iqela elimele likwazi ukuba uyazi ukuba liphutha lakho, kungekhona labo, libanceda bazive bebhetele, kwaye kubancedisa ukugcina ubuso.
- Ukuxolisa kukunceda ukulungisa ubudlelwane ngokubuyisela abantu ukuthetha kwakhona, kwaye kwenza ukuba bazive bekhululekile omnye nomnye kwakhona.
- Ukuxolisa ngokunyanisekileyo kukuvumela ukuba abantu bazi ukuba awuziqhenyanga ngezinto ozenzileyo, kwaye akuyi kubuya ukuziphatha. Okubangela abantu bazi ukuba ungumntu onobuqili ukuba angabalimazi abanye kwaye ugxininise kwiimpawu zakho ezingcono, kunokuba wenze iiphoso zakho ezimbi kakhulu.
Izinzuzo zokuxolisa
Ubudlelwane bunokuba yimithombo eninzi yokuxinwa kwengcinezelo , kodwa ingxabano inokubangela uxinzelelo oluninzi , oluthatha inqobo. Funda ubugcisa bokuxolisa ngokufanelekileyo kwaye unokufumana ukunciphisa kakhulu kwimiphumo emibi yokungquzulana kunye noxinzelelo lwentsebenzo ngenxa yokuba uxolo lusinceda ukubeka ingxabano emva kwethu kwaye siqhubele phambili ngokulula. Kukho iintlobo ezininzi ezivela ekuxoleleni , ngokubhekiselele kwintlalo kunye nokuxinwa kwengcinezelo. Ngale ndlela, ukufumana uxolo xa uxolisa xa kufanelekile ukuzisa iingenelo eziza kulwalamano oluqinileyo, ukuxabana okunciphise kunye nokuxolelwa - kulungele umzamo!
Kutheni Ucela Ukuxolisa Kunzima - Kwabanye?
Kubantu abathile, ukuxolisa kunjenge-admission that they are insufficient - ukuba, kunokuba benze iphutha, kukho into ephosakeleyo kubo. Abanye bakholelwa ukuba ukuxolisa kokuqala emva kokungqubana kwintlawulo yecala kunye noxanduva lokuphelelana okubandakanyeka okungalunganga kwicandelo lamabini omabini; Becinga ukuba uxolo kubo luya kuvumela omnye umntu ukuba angayithatha inxaxheba kwinto yakhe kwingxabano. Ngamanye amaxesha ukuxolisa kubonakala kukubiza ngenye impazamo engafumanekanga.
Nangona kunjalo, kwiimeko ezifanelekileyo, ukuxolisa ngokufanelekileyo, ukuxolisa ngokuchanekileyo ngokuqhelekileyo kuya kuphephelwa yonke le miba, kwaye kuya kusebenza nje ukusekela kwisigqibo, ukuqinisekisile iimpawu ezabelwana ngazo, nokubuyisela iimvakalelo ezintle. Umele wazi ukuba nini kwaye njani ukuhambisa uxolo lwakho.
Xa Ukuxolisa Kungumqondo Olungileyo
Ukuba into oyenzile ibangele ubuhlungu komnye umntu, kuyinto enhle ukuxolisa, nokuba nokuba nantoni na oyenzayo yayingenasenzo. Kungenxa yokuba ukuxolisa kuvulwa iingcango zokunxibelelana, okukuvumela ukuba uxoxe kwakhona nomntu ophukileyo. Kwakhona kukuvumela ukuba uzisole ngenxa yokuba bebuhlungu, okubenza bazi ukuba uyabakhathalela ngokwenene iimvakalelo zabo; oku kunokubanceda bazive bephephile nawe kwakhona.
Kwakhona, ukuxolisa kukuvumela ukuba uxoxe ngokuthi "imimiselo" iya kuba yintoni kwixesha elizayo, ngakumbi ukuba kufuneka kwenziwe enye entsha, edlalwa yinto xa ungazange umlimaze umntu ngomnqweno. (Ukudala imithetho emitsha yolwalamano kunokukunceda ukhuselwe ukuba ungakhuseli kwixesha elizayo ngokunjalo.) Ngokwenene, ukuba unomdla ngomnye umntu kunye nolwalamano, kwaye unokuphepha ukuziphatha kakubi kwixesha elizayo, ukuxolisa kudla ngileyo.
Oku akuthethi ukuba ufanele uthwale uxanduva lwezinto ezingekho iphoso lakho. Ngokomzekelo, unokuzisola ngokungazibongozi iimvakalelo zomntu, kodwa akudingeki ukuba uthi "kufuneka ube nolwazi olungcono" ukuba uzive ukuba akukho ndlela oyaziyo ukuba baya kuzinzakalisa ngezenzo zakho - oku apho ukudala umgaqo omtsha unokunceda. (Umzekelo, "Ndiyaxolisa ndivukile! Ngoku ngoku ndiyazi ukuba awufuni abantu bakubizele emva kwe-8 ntambama, ndiya kuqikelela ukuba ndingenzi.")
Ukuthatha uxanduva kuthatha ukucacisa oko wakwenzayo okukholelwa ukuba akuphosakeleyo, kodwa kunokuquka ngokunyanisekileyo oko ukukholelwayo akukuko kakubi kunxalenye yakho. Ngale ndlela, uzikhusela kwisimo sengqondo sokuba ukuba ungowokuqala ukuxolisa, uthatha uxanduva lokulwa, okanye ubuninzi balo.
Xa Ukuxolisa Kungenzeka Ukuba Ngengqondo Ebi
Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba uxolo olubandakanya izithembiso ezingenanto luyiphumo elibi. Enye yemisebenzi ebalulekileyo yokuxolisa kukuba inika ithuba lokuseka kwakhona i-trust; ukusombulula ukuphinda ukuphinda ukuziphatha kakubi - okanye ukwenza nayiphi na inguqu enokwenzeka - yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokuxolisa. Ukuba uthembisa ukuba utshintshe kodwa ke, ungaxolisi nje ukhankanya ukuba uyenzile into enoba uyavuma ukuba ayiphutha, kodwa wenqaba ukutshintsha. Musa ukwenza izithembiso ongeke uzigcine, kodwa uzama ukwenza izithembiso ezifanelekileyo zokuphepha ukulimaza umntu kwixesha elizayo, kunye nokulandelelaniswa kwezi zithembiso. Ukuba omnye umntu ulindele into engenangqiqo okanye engenakwenzeka, mhlawumbi uthatha uxanduva malunga nezinto ozifunayo.
Iingcebiso zokuxolisa ngokufanelekileyo
Ukuxolisa ngokungazenzisiyo kunokukwenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuba ungaxolisi kuzo zonke. Xa ucela uxolo, kubalulekile ukuquka izithako ezimbalwa eziphambili. Jonga ezi ngcebiso malunga nendlela yokuxolisa ngokunyanisekileyo. Bamele bakuncede uhlale unobomi obuhle, obonwabileyo nabahlobo bakho, osapho kunye nabathandekayo.
Imithombo:
Ferris, D .; Kim, P .; Dirks, K .; Ukuthula kuthethwa ngokubanzi: Ukuphumelela kobuchule xa kuthelekiswa nokuxolisa kunye nokukhanyela ukuphendula ukuphulwa kwetrust. Umbhalo we-Applied Psychology , Vol 92 (4), Julayi 2007. iphe. 893-908
Ummeli KA KA, u-Younger JW, uPiferi RL, uJobe RL, u-Edmondson KA, uJones WH. Imiphumo ekhethekileyo yokuxolelwa kwimpilo: ukuhlolisiswa kweendlela. Umbhalo weMpilo yezoLimo, ngo-Apreli 2005.
Kuphakanyisiwe, J .; I-Gilovich, i-T. Target kunye neengxaki zokubukela ekuvunyelaneni nokuxolisa okungaqinisekiyo. Umbhalo woBuntu kunye neNzululwazi yeNtlalo , iVol 92 (3), uMar, 2007. iphe. 418-433.