Ukunyamezela malunga nokuziphatha komlingane wakho kuqhelekile nakuphi na ubuhlobo besikhathi eside. Ngokomzekelo, ukhononda kuye ukuba akachithi ixesha elaneleyo kunye naye. Ukhalaza kuye malunga nokuchitha imali. Le ngoma idlala ngokugqithiseleyo, kwaye omnye ekupheleni kokufumana uye waqonda kakuhle xa ekhangela. Kungaba nzima kakhulu xa izikhalazo zakho ziwela ezindlebeni ezingezithulu.
Kuthekani ukuba kukho indlela yokuba bobabini babonise baze bavelele izikhalazo zabo ngempumelelo? Mhlawumbi ngendlela ozoyenza ngayo kunye nokwenza utshintsho lwangempela kunokuba ungayihoxisi, ukugxotha okanye ukuzivikela. Ukuqiqa kwam ukuba niza kumemeza uHaleluya entabeni!
Kukho Indlela Efanelekileyo Yokugxeka
Ukukhalaza ngokufanelekileyo akunjalo. Enyanisweni, kukho iindlela ezintathu ezilula zokulandela. Ezi nyathelo ziza kunceda ukunciphisa ubunako beengxabano .
1. Ukuvakalisa ukuvakalelwa kwakho kuqala
Ukubonakalisa okokuqala ingxaki kubalulekile kuba iimvakalelo zakho azikho nto. Imvakalelo yinyaniso yakho - inyaniso yokuba ufumana njani ihlabathi. Nangona kunjalo, kufuneka ufike kwilizwe elizolile kwaye liqokelele ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukuthetha ngale nto.
Xa usuke udidekile, thola umzuzu ongathathi nto ukuthetha nomlingane wakho. Xa uqala ngale ndlela, ibandakanya iqabane lakho kwingxoxo. Umcwaningi womtshato uDkt. John Gottman uthanda ukubiza le "ukuqala ukulungelelanisa." Oku kufuthi kubandakanya ukubiza igama lakho lomqobo.
Imvakalelo engundoqo ithetha ntoni phantsi kwe-reactivity. Ngokomzekelo, mhlawumbi uziva uhlungu okanye utyhafile phantsi kwengqumbo nentlungu. Kungaba malunga nendlela ocinga ukuba ujongwa ngumlingane wakho. Oku kunokuba into enjengewe ukholelwa ukuba "awubalulekanga" kuye.
Ukuqala isikhalazo ngale ndlela kunciphisa amathuba okulwa kuqala.
Isikhalazo siya kubakho ngaphantsi nje ngokugxeka. Uyenza malunga nawe, kungekhona nje ukugxeka.
2. Yiba ngokucacileyo
Emva kokuba usichazela indlela ozivakalelwa ngayo, unokuqala ukuchaza indlela ethile yokuziphatha okanye imeko ekukhathazayo. Ukuchaza ukuziphatha okuthe ngqo kugcina kugxininiswe apho kufanele ukuba khona. Esikhundleni sokuhlasela umlingani okanye lakho iqabane njengomntu, ubonisa ukungakuthandi ngendlela ethile athetha ngayo okanye into ayenzayo. Imizekelo yezinto ezithile zizinto ezifana nokubonisa ngokukhawuleza, kungekhona ukugcina isithembiso okanye ukushiya iimpahla ezingcolileyo ngaphantsi komgangatho.
Kufuneka ugxininise ngakumbi kwizinto ezitshintshisayo. Bonke ubudlelwane baneengxaki ezingenakunqandwa. Ngokuqhelekileyo, oku kubandakanya iimpawu zobuntu . Musa ukucela umntu ukuba atshintshe into engenakwenzeka. Funda ukwamukela ezo zinto!
3. Yithetha into oyifunayo
Buza ukuziphatha okwenziwe ngumlingane wakho ukukwenza okulungileyo. Isitshixo kukukwenza into enhle kwaye inokuyenza. Kufuneka ube nombono womlingane wakho owenza isenzo ofunayo. Imizekelo yesidingo ibonisa ngexesha, lilandela oko uthembisayo kwaye ubeka iimpahla ezingcolileyo kwi-hamper.
Ukuyibeka Konke
Masithi isikhalazo sakho malunga nokuchitha ixesha kunye.
Ukuba ubeka ndawonye, ungathi into enje:
Ndiziva ndihoywa [umvakalelo] xa ungenzi umgudu wokucwangcisa ubusuku bokuhlwa [ukuziphatha]. Ndingathanda ukuba uceba okuthile emva kwenyanga [kufuneka].
4. Ukunikezela ukwenza iiNguquko
Esi siqwenga sinokuzikhethela kodwa singongeza amandla angakumbi kwisikhalazo sakho. Ungacela iqabane lakho ukuba kukho nantoni na engathanda ukuba uyitshintshe. Yintoni enokuyikhathaza lakho iqabane? Nangona kunjalo, kufuneka wenze yonke imizamo yokulandela ngokutshintsha. Ukuze ube nempilo yesikhathi eside yomtshato wakho, thola utshintsho oluya kukunceda wena bobabini.
Inxalenye ebunzima kakhulu yokusebenzisa le fomyula kuya kuba kungabikho ukukhathazeka ngokomzwelo ukwenzela ukuba isikhalazo sakho sisaphila ngokugxeka. Oku kubalulekile kuba uphando lufumene ukugxeka ukuba luyinye yezinto eziphambili zokuqhawula umtshato.
Ukucelwa ngokukhawuleza kunika ithuba elihle lokuba uvezwe kwaye uphendule. Inciphisa amathuba okuthi iqabane lakho liyakuziva lifuna ukukhusela, ukuvalela okanye ukukhalaza kwakhona kuwe. Ukwandisa ithuba lokufikelela kwisisombululo kunye.
Zonke iikhephe zinezikhalazo malunga nomnye. Izibini eziphumelelayo zifumene indlela yokwenza izikhalazo zabo ngokwaneleyo . Baye bafunda ukwamukela ezinye iinxalenye zeqabane zabo ukuba bayazi ukuba abayi kutshintsha. Kwaye ekugqibeleni, bayazi nendlela yokugcina umfanekiso omkhulu engqondweni ngokungagxininisa ngokugqithiseleyo kumbi.
> Imithombo:
> UCarrere, uSybil, noYohn Mordechai Gottman. "Ukuqikelela ukuqhawula umtshato phakathi kwabasandul 'ukutshata kwimizuzu emithathu yokuqala yokuxoxa ngengxabano yomtshato." Inkqubo yentsapho 38.3 (1999): 293-301.
> UGottman, uJohn Mordechai noRobert Wayne Levenson. "Isikhathi sokuqhawula umtshato: Ukuqikelela xa iqabane liza kuqhawula iminyaka engama-14." Umbhalo womtshato kunye nentsapho 62.3 (2000): 737-745.