Kukho inani elibanzi lophando olubonisa ukuba iipatheni zokunamathisela zibekwe ebuntwaneni bentsapho kwaye ziqhubekeka kuzo zonke izinto zobomi bethu. Umntu "ukhuselekile" okanye unomnye wezinto ezintathu ezinokuthi "zikhuselekile". Isitayela ekhuselekile sivela ekuhambeni, ukuthembeka, kunye nokukhusela ebuntwaneni bakho. Njengomntu omdala, abo abanesimboli sokunqabisa ukukhusela banokubuyisela emuva ebuntwaneni babo baze babone okulungileyo nokubi okwenzekayo, kodwa ngendlela efanelekileyo.
Ngokubanzi, bavakalelwa kukuba umntu onokuthenjwa wayehlala ekhona kubo kwiminyaka yabo yokwenza. Xa bekhulile, banandipha ubudlelwane obusondeleyo, kwaye abayiki ukubeka ingozi ethandweni.
Iipateni ezintathu ezingakhuselekanga "ziphephe," "zihambelana" kwaye "zilungelelaniswa." Indlela yokugwema ibonakala ngokuba nesimo sengqondo sokulahla. Lo mntu akafuni ukusondelana kwaye unobunzima obuninzi obufikelela kwabanye ngexesha leemfuno. Abo banomzekelo ongathandabuzekiyo bahlala bexhalabele kwaye bexakeke. Aba bantu banokujongwa njengokuba "bathoba" okanye "abasweleyo," badla ngokufuna ukuqinisekiswa okukhulu kunye nokuqinisekiswa. Umzekelo ongeyilungeleliso ngokuqhelekileyo uyimveliso yengozi okanye ukungahambisani ngokugqithiseleyo ebuntwaneni bakho kwaye kubonakala ngokugxothwa phakathi komntu okhuselekileyo kunye nombuso ongekho.
Iindaba ezilungileyo kukuba akufuneki ukuba lixhoba labo elidlulileyo, abakwazi ukutshintsha okanye ukukhula. Kulabo abangenalucalulo kwaye abanalo uhlobo olukhuselekileyo ngokwemvelo, kukho ithuba "lokufumana ukhuseleko": ukuphuhlisa isitayela ekhuselekileyo ngokusebenzisa ubudlelwane kunye nokusebenzisana kwabantu abadala.
Ukhuseleko luyakhula kwakhona kumxholo wobuhlobo kunye neengqondo zengqondo, nangona kunjalo, kuvela ngokubambisana ngokuthandana kwabantu abadala. Isicwangciso sokudala isicatshulwa esikhuselekileyo somntu omdala esifanelekileyo siquka ukudibanisa amava abantwana, kunye nokuqonda kwimpembelelo eyadlulayo kwixesha elizayo nelizayo.
Yiyo i; kuyimfuneko ukuhlakulela ingxelo ehambelanayo malunga noko kwenzeke kuwe njengomntwana. Kufuneka kwakhona uhlolisise impembelelo ebeyenayo kwizigqibo ongazikwazi ngokuzenza ngendlela yokuphila kwihlabathi.
Ukhuseleko olufumanayo lusetyenziswa kwiminyaka emithathu ukuya kweyesihlanu ngokwemiqathango enxulumene neencwadi. Ukutshata nokuba ngumzali zizinto ezibalulekileyo zokutshintsha isimboli somntu. Ulwalamano oluhle lomtshato luyimfuneko ukutshintsha ingqiqo yakho yokhuseleko. Iimpawu zobuhlobo obuhle zibandakanya zombini amaqela axhasana, axhasayo, ahlonipheke kwaye anothando omnye komnye. Oku, kwakhona, utshintshile imodeli yangaphakathi yecala elikhuselekile. Ubungqina bethu, siyabonga ngoko-neuroplasticity, siqala ukutshintsha kwakhona. Emva koko siyakwazi ukudibanisa amava amatsha kwimpilo yethu. Ingasinceda sithembele ukuba umncedisi onokwethenjelwa kunye onokuhlala (njengomlingane wethu) uya kuba khona kuthi ngexesha lethu lokuxinzezeleka - okuchasene nento esiyifunayo ebuntwaneni.
Xa sishukunyiswa ngumlingani wethu wamanje, sinokuphendula kwimpendulo yangaphambili, engcwatyelweyo engaziwayo kunye namava ethu ebuntwaneni. Ngamanye amaxesha izibini zifumana iintlobo eziphindaphindiweyo zolu hlobo lwentsebenziswano kwaye awazi ukuba izinto zenze njani "ngaphandle." Basenokulwa malunga "nombango womhlaba," kodwa izibhengezo ezinokungabikho zikhuselekileyo ziphantsi kokungqinelana okunjalo.
Ukuvusa umvakalelo kunye nokusetyenzwa kwamanye amaxesha kungabonakala kungekho kumgangatho. Ngokuxhomekeke kwimeko enzima ngayo, isifo sengcali esithile, ngokukodwa sinokuqhelaniswa nokuqhotyoshelweyo, kunokufuneka ukuba kuncedise ukuququzelela ukutshintsha kwimeko ekhuselekileyo yeofisi yomphathiswa.
Indlela ekhuselekileyo yokufumana ukhuseleko ngumngeni onomngcipheko omkhulu kunye nobuthathaka, kodwa kunokukuzisa uhlobo lothando olusoloko lufuna. Umvuzo ufanelekile umsebenzi, njengendlela "yokufumana" isimboli sokuncedisa okukhuselekileyo kunokutshintsha ubomi bakho kunye nolwalamano lwakho olubhetele, ngokusisigxina.