Izindlela Ezilula Zokuba Nengqiqo
Ukungabi nantoni kungena ngesimo sokugxeka, ukugxeka, ukuhlambalaza, ukuhlaselwa, ukunyaniseka, ukunganeliseki, ukugqibelela, kunye nokunyaniseka. Zonke ezi ziphatha ziyakuchukumisa abantu kude, kuquka neqabane lakho.
UDkt. John Gottman, umsunguli we-Gottman Institute oye wenza uphando malunga nobudlelwane ukususela ngowe-1970, ubonisa ukuba kukho "ubudlelwane bomlingo" kunye neempendulo ezintle.
Kwinqaku malunga neziphumo zikaGottman, uKyle Benson ubhala esithi, "Loo myinganiso womlingo 'u-5 ukuya ku-1. Oku kuthetha ukuba kuzo zonke iinkqubo ezingekho phantsi kweengxabano, umtshato ozinzile kunye onolonwabo unxibelelwano oluhlanu (okanye ngaphezulu)."
Kuthetha ntoni ukuba ulwalamano lwakho? Ngaba umtshato wakho unokuphila kwizinga eliphezulu lokungabi namdla? Ngaba umntu unokunqoba ukujonga kakubi ebomini? Le mibuzo yimibuzo enokubambisana nayo.
Ngaba Ngokwenene Ungamthobeli?
Ukuba unenkxalabo yokuba unobuntu obubi, okanye uxhomekeke ngaloo ndlela, zibuze le mibuzo elandelayo.
- Ngaba uziva uhlaselwa rhoqo? Ngaba uhlala kwizinto ezimbi okanye iingqondo ezibuhlungu?
- Ngaba ugxeka wonke umntu ebomini bakho? Ngaba ubheka iziganeko kunye neziganeko ezibonakalayo?
- Ngaba u phelele? Ukuba umntu uthi, "Good Morning", uyazibuza into enhle ngayo?
- Ngaba ukhawuleza ukuthi "Hayi" kwaye akunqabile ukuthi "Ewe" kwiimfuno ezivela kwiqabane lakho okanye kwiintsana?
Ukuba uphendula ewe kule mibuzo mininzi, ubuntu bakho obubi bungaba negalelo elibi kumtshato wakho.
Shintsha i-Pattern Yakho yokungahambi kakuhle
Ukuba ungeyonto engapheliyo, unokutshintsha iphethini yakho yokucinga okubi. Nangona kunjalo, kufuneka ufune ukwenza utshintsho kwaye akukho mntu unokukwenza.
Nazi ezinye izinto onokuzenza ukuze ube nesimo esihle:
- Yidla ukutya okunempilo.
- Mkeleke ngakumbi.
- Thola ukulala ngokwaneleyo.
- Zikulungele ukuxolela wena kunye nomlingane wakho.
- Yenza umqondo.
- Ukuzivocavoca.
- Yenza into ngalunye suku eyenza uncumoze. Gcina okulula ukuphulaphula ingoma eyintandokazi, ukuchitha ixesha kwi-hobby yokudala, ukubukela ividiyo ehlekisayo, okanye ukuthabatha ibhotile.
- Xa uvakalelwa impendulo engalunganga engena engqondweni yakho, umbuzo. Zibophezele ukuba ucinge ngento entle kunoko.
- Amavolontiya ixesha lakho kwaye wenze okuthile kwabanye.
- Hlala uqhagamshelana nabantu abakhubazekile.
- Khumbuza izinto ozibulelayo.
- Ukunyanisekisa ngokunyanisekileyo lakho iqabane xa kunethuba elifanelekileyo, njengokugqibelela ngempumelelo umsebenzi osebenza nzima, uzibonakalise.
- Vula ukufuna uncedo lobuchwepheshe.
Nceda Umlingani Wakho Ongathandekiyo
Ukuba ulwalamano nomntu onobuntu obubi, awunabo uxanduva lokubenza bazive bengcono. Nangona kunjalo, nakhu ezinye izinto onokuzenza ukuze uncede iqabane lakho libe lithemba ngakumbi:
- Musa ukuthatha ukungaboni kakuhle.
- Khumbula ukuba ukungabi nantoni ingxaki yabo, kungeyakho.
- Ukuba iqabane lakho lilahla uncedo lwakho, ungagxili.
- Sichitha ixesha kunye nabantu abanomdla. Unokusebenzisa ixesha elide ukusuka ekungabikho komsebenzi ekhaya.
- Mema iqabane lakho ukuba uhambe okanye wenze umsebenzi omnandi kunye nawe ubuncinane kanye ngeveki.
- Yazisa okuphumeleleyo komlingani wakho.
- Khuthaza iqabane lakho ukuzama izinto ezintsha.
- Ungesabi ukuthi "Kwanele!" kwaye utshintshe umxholo kwizinto ezintle.
- Vula ukufuna uncedo lobuchwepheshe.
Ukuguqula ukungalungi kwiindawo ezifanelekileyo
Ngokubanzi, hlala ukhumbula ingcebiso kaDkt. Gottman: zonke izinto ezimbi zidala iziphumo ezinhlanu. Kungaba ngumngeni ngamanye amaxesha kwaye akukho buhlobo okanye umtshato uphelele. Nangona kunjalo, ukuzonwabisa, ukuvulela ukuthetha kunye nokunandipha kunye nezinye zezihluthulelo zomtshato onempilo novuyo.
Yenza okusemandleni akho kwaye uzame ukumelana naluphi na ukungabikho komsebenzi ongenayo. Unokumangaliswa ngempembelelo enayo kokubili emva kwexesha.
> Umthombo:
> Benson K. Ukulinganiswa kobuGcisa bobuGcisa, ngokweSayensi. I-Gottman Institute. 2017.