Ngaba lakho iqabane likhalaza ngokungahambi kakuhle kodwa lingayi kubona ugqirha? Ingaba iqabane lakho lenza izicwangciso zentsuku zobuhlobo okanye uhambo olude kunye nawe kwaye luyonakalise ngokukhathala okanye ukungazi kakuhle? Ingaba iqabane lakho lenza izithembiso ezingagcinwanga? Ingaba iqabane lakho liyavuma ukuba kukho iingxaki ebuhlotsheni bakho kodwa wenqaba ukutshintsha indlela yokuziphatha okanye ukubonisana nomcebisi womtshato nawe?
Ukuba impendulo yakho ngu "ewe" kuyo yonke into okanye mininzi yale mibuzo, itywina ngathi unomlingane okanye iqabane elithathayo okanye lingashukunyiswa ukuba litshintshe.
Ukuphazamiseka kokungabikho komlingani wakho wokulandela ngokungenjongo, okanye ukuthetha into enye uze wenze enye, okanye ukuphulaphula izithembiso kunokunciphisa ngokukhawuleza ulwalamano nolwasemzimbeni kumtshato wakho. Oku kuphazamiseka kunokunyuka xa iqabane lakho lingavumi ukufumana iingcebiso zomtshato kunye nawe.
Yintoni ongayenza xa ujongene nomlingane onenkinga enkulu okanye ukuziphatha kakubi? Nazi ezinye zeempawu zesenzo somlingane onokutshatyalalisa okanye ukudala ukuxabana komtshato wakho:
- ngcakazo
- ukudakwa kaninzi okanye ukusela kakhulu
- yokuchitha imali eninzi
- ukuba nesimo sengqondo esibi
- akakwazi ukugcina umsebenzi
- ukuxhaphazwa ngokomzimba okanye ngokwenyama
- ayenzi ixesha labantwana okanye wena
- bahlala bengathembeki
Ukuba umlingani wakho akayi kutshintsha, akafuni ukusebenzela ukuphucula umtshato wakho, okanye akayi kufuna uncedo, unokube usendleleni yokuqhawula umtshato.
Nangona kungelula ukujamelana nale hlobo lemiqathango, nantsi isikhokelo malunga nendlela onokujamelana ngayo nomtshato onzima xa omnye kuphela ofuna ukuguquka. Akukho zimpendulo ezilula xa iqabane lakho lingaboni isizathu sokutshintsha. Ezinye iimeko zinokuqwalaselwa kunye nezinye iimeko zijongana nabahluli.
Nguwe kuphela owaziyo onokukunyamezela kwaye usenempilo ngokwakho.
Awukwazi ukutshintsha Umlingani wakho
- Yamkela ukuba awukwazi ukutshintsha lakho iqabane. Unokutshintsha kuphela wena nokuphendula kwakho. Ukutshintsha ukuziphatha kwakho kunokubangela ukuba iqabane lakho lifune ukwenza utshintsho.
- Ukuphendula ngokwahlukileyo kwiimeko ezinzima. Ukuba uthe wafumana ingxabano efanayo, qalela ukuba awuyi kuphinda uphinde uphinde uphume kwaye uphume kwigumbi. Ukuba awuzange uveze iimvakalelo zakho ngaphambili, yabelana ngendlela ozivakalelwa ngayo neqabane lakho.
- Ungalokothi uzibeka engozini wena okanye abantwana bakho ngokuhlala kwindawo exhaphakileyo.
Zazi Wena
- Zazi ngokwakho kwaye ubujonge iingcinga zakho, ukuziphatha, ukulindela, ithemba, amaphupha, iinkumbulo, iinkxalabo, iziganeko zokuziphatha, ukwesaba, njl. Zibuze ukuba ucinga ixesha elingakanani ukuba ungahlala emtshatweni wakho ukuba izinto zingaphuculanga.
- Cinga ngoluleko lomntu ngamnye ukuthintela uxinzelelo okanye ungenakunceda, ukuqonda indima yakho kwimpikiswano emtshatweni wakho, nokucacisa izicwangciso zakho ngekamva lakho.
- Qinisekisa ukuba yiyiphi imilinganiselo engafanelekanga yomlingane onokuhlala nayo kunye nawaphi na abachaphazelekayo. Qinisekisa ukuba unako ukulungelelanisa kwiimeko ezibuhlungu kunye nezilimazayo kumtshato wakho okanye cha.
Ukujongana Neengxaki
- Qaphela ukuba iqabane lakho lingenakukhungatheka kwaye ungonwabanga njengoko unjalo.
- Nangona ukwabelana ngothando lwakho kumlingane wakho, bonise izinto ozikhathazayo kunye nokwesaba malunga nekamva lomtshato wakho. Ukuba ungathandabuzeki ngothando lwakho, yenza uluhlu lwezinto ozithandayo malunga neqabane lakho.
- Musa ukuyeka ukuba nencoko kunye neqabane lakho ukuze uqaphele ukuziphatha kwaye ubhekane nemiba edala iingxaki kumtshato wakho.
Isicwangciso seNcoko zoNzima
- Khetha indawo kwindawo leyo engenakho iziphazamiso.
- Khetha ixesha apho kungekho nanye okhathele.
- Yiba nomfudumalo kwaye ungaboni.
- Musa ukuthetha.
- Hlala kwisihloko.
- Ukuchonga ingxaki.
- Cacisa indlela ingxaki echaphazela ngayo umtshato wakho.
- Thetha malunga nento ofuna ngayo ubuhlobo bakho, kungekhona malunga noko ungafuni. Xoxa ngezinto ezenza ujabule kwaye uzalisekise.
- Qinisekisa kwaye nixoxe ngezisombululo kwingxaki. Yenza ukhuseleko lomtshato.
- Vumelanise ukusetha ixesha lokuhlola kwakhona ukuba izinto zihamba njani.
- Zama ukuthetha into enje: "Asivumelani kakhulu kwaye kubangela ukuxhatshazwa phakathi kwethu. Yingakho ndifuna ukuba sihambe siye kufuna izibhedlele zonyango." okanye "Ndiyakuthanda kwaye ndiyakhathalela. Ndifuna uncedo ekufundeni indlela yokuthetha nawe kangcono. Ndingathanda ukuzama ukululeka nawe."
Hlaziya kwakhona
Ukuba izinto azihambanga kakuhle xa obabini nilungele ukuhlaziya kwakhona imicimbi yakho yomtshato, cinga ngale mibuzo:
- Ngaba le ngxaki yesikhashana okanye ekupheleni komtshato wakho?
- Yintoni eyona nto ingcono kakhulu enokwenzeka xa uhlala kunye?
- Yintoni eyona nto ingcono kakhulu eyenzekayo xa uqhawula umtshato?
- Yintoni eyona nto eyona nto enokwenzeka xa uhlala kunye?
- Yintoni eyona nto eyona nto enokwenzeka xa uqhawula umtshato?
- Nangona ucinga ukuba umtshato wakho uphele, zama elinye ixesha. Ungashiyi ngaphandle kokuxelela umlingane wakho ukuba awucingi ukuba unobomi bakho ungasindisa umtshato wakho ngaphandle kootitshala abancedisayo.
I-Article ihlaziywe nguMarni Feuerman.