Ukuba unetyala leyiphi na le, lixesha lokwenza utshintsho olunzulu
Uphando olubanzi lweeDr. UJohn noJulie Gottman baye basinika iziganeko ezine zokuqhawula umtshato. Baye bathi lezi zihlandlo ezine eziphambili, " Abamahhashi abane base-Apocalypse " kwaye bahlambalaza, ukudelela, ukukhusela kunye nokuguqulwa kwamatye .
Amadoda amane amahhashi aqikelela ukuphela komtshato
Bonke ubudlelwane banomlinganiselo othile weempawu, nangona kunjalo, ukuba kukho ngaphezulu kweyodwa okanye enye engabonakaliyo, kuya kubakho ukungathandabuzeki malunga nokusebenza komtshato wakho.
Ukugxeka
Xa ugxeka iqabane lakho, lenziwa ngendlela ebonisa ukuba into ephosakeleyo ngayo. Unokuhlasela nobuntu bakho okanye umlingani wakho. Injongo kukuphumelela ingxabano okanye uqinisekise ukuba lakho iqabane lingalunganga. Ngokomzekelo, esithi, "uhlala ...," "awunakho ...," okanye "ungumntu womntu ..." okanye "kutheni unjalo ..." Oku kuya kwenza ukuba iqabane lizwe lihlaselwe kwaye liyakwenza impendulo ekhuselekileyo. Ezi ndlela ezimbi zenza ukuba bobabini bangaliva. Nina bobabini ningaqala ukuziva bebuhlungu ngawe xa usondelene.
Kubalulekile ukwenza isikhalazo esikhethekileyo malunga nokuziphatha komlingani wakho kwaye ungayi kuhlasela ubuntu bakhe. Ngokomzekelo, besithi xa kwenzeka, ndaziva ndinguB, ndiyadinga C.
Ukuhlaselwa
Ukuhlaziywa yinto eyingozi kunazo zonke. Inxulumene nayiphi na inkcazo okanye ukuziphatha, ukuthetha ngomlomo okanye ukungabonakaliyo okubonisa ubungcono kumlingane wakho. Imizekelo yeendlela ezinjalo ziyakumhlekisa umlingane wakho, ukubiza igama, ukunyuka kwamehlo, ukubonisa ubundlobongela, ukukrazula okungenakukhathazeka, ukukrakra okwenzakalisayo, ukugcoba ngokunyaniseka, njalonjalo.
Uhlasela umlingane wakho. Kwakhona kuhloswe ukubeka phantsi okanye ukusetyenziswa kakubi ngokomzwelo okanye ukumxhaphaza.
Amaqabane kufuneka asebenze ekupheliseni ngokupheleleyo iimpawu ezinjalo. Inkcubeko yentlonipho, ukuxabisa, ukunyamezela kunye nobubele kuyimfuneko eyisiseko emtshatweni.
Ukukhusela
Ukukhuseleka kuvela ekuhlaselweni okubonakalayo kunye nesikhalazo sakho.
Kwakhona enye indlela yokwenza njengexhoba okanye ungayithatha uxanduva lweempazamo zakho. Ukuziphatha okunjalo kwenza izizathu zokuzimela, okanye ukuthetha izinto ezinje, "Akuyena iposiso yam ..." Kungabandakanya ukukhononda ngokukhawuleza. Yilo xa ufanisa isikhalazo somlingane wakho okanye ukugxeka omnye wakho. Ezinye iindlela zokuzikhusela ziyi-"yes-butting" okanye ziphinda uziphindiselele ngaphandle kokunikela ingqwalasela kwento echazwe ngumlingane wakho.
Kumele ugxininise uze uzame ukuphulaphula kumbono womlingane wakho.Ukufuneka ungagqibekanga. Ncokola ngokuthetha ngokunyanisekileyo nangokuphulaphula kakuhle. Ungalibali ukuqinisekisa iqabane lakho ngokumvumela ukuba azi ukuba ufumana oko bakuziva.
Ukuguqulwa kwamatye
Gqiba ukurhoxiswa kwintetho (kunye nolwalamano) njengesiqhinga sokuphepha ingxabano kuthiwa ukulungiswa kwamatshe. Ingabonakala ihamba ngokwenyama okanye ivalwe ngokupheleleyo. Oku kunokwenzeka ukuba, nakuba kungaphumeleli, uzame ukuzincama xa uxinzelelekile. Ukuguqulwa kwamatye kuhambisa ukuxhatshazwa, ukungavumi, ukuxhatshazwa kunye nokuzikhukhumeza. Ukuguqulwa kwamatye kunokunikela "ukunyanzeliswa," ukuguquka kwe-monosyllabic, ukuguqula umxholo, ukugqithisa.
I-antidote yokutsalwa ngamatye kukufunda ukufumanisa imiqondiso yokuba wena okanye iqabane lakho uqala ukuziva ukhululekile.
Ingcinga efanelekileyo ukuthetha ukuba uziva ukhululekile. Ungavuma zombini ukuthatha ikhefu kwaye incoko iya kuqalisa xa unesibili.
Sebenzisa Ulwazi Lwenu Ukuphucula Ubuhlobo Bakho
Ukuba utshatile okanye ulwalamano oluqinileyo , kufuneka ufunde malunga nabamahhashi abane. Kukho iindlela zokulawula okungcono ezi zinto ziphatha ngayo. Emva kwempikiswano, zibango uxanduva lwakho kwisiqwenga sokukhula. Yintoni onokuyifunda kuyo kwaye ungayenza ntoni na? Kukho izinto ezininzi onokuzenza ukunceda ukunciphisa uxinzelelo okanye ukunyusa ingxabano. Ngokomzekelo, xolisa, bonisa ukuqonda kwakho, okanye ubonise inkxalabo yakho.
Akukho sizathu esihle sokususa amaqhosha okanye ngenjongo yokwandisa ingxabano.
Phantse konke ukuthetha kakubi kunye neqabane lakho ngokwenene ngumjikelezo wokuzihlaziya ngokuzibulela onokubulela kuwo. Xa omnye wenu ehlaselwa , enye inabela, kukho impendulo ekuphenduleni, njalo njalo njalo njalo. Nciphise izinto kwaye uzibonakalise ngokucinga oko ungayivakalelwa ngokwenene phantsi, umzekelo, uyabuhlungu ngokwenene xa ukhwaza ngomsindo. Kufuneka ukhululeke ukuvakalisa ukuba inxalenye yakho.
Sonke sinokuningi ukufunda nokuzuza kwi-Gottman yophando. Kodwa, ukuba usenokufumana amaHhashi amane amaHhashi awonakalisa ubuhlobo bakho, sekuyisikhathi sokufuna umgqirha onokwazi umtshato.