Uziva uhlambalaze kwaye unxinzekile. Ungaze ulinganise. Ukuhamba kuma-eggshells. Ukuba ezi nkcazo zichaza ubudlelwane bakho, mhlawumbi unokuxhaphazwa ngokomzwelo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ubudlelwane buxhatshazwa ngokomoya xa kukho umzekelo ohambelanayo wokuthetha kakubi kunye nokuziphatha kakubi komntu obonakalisa ukuzithemba komntu kunye nokunciphisa impilo yabo yengqondo.
Okona, ukuphathwa kakubi ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo, ngelixesha eliqhelekileyo ekuthandweni nobudlelwane obatshatileyo, lunokuthi lube naluphi na ulwalamano olubandakanya phakathi kwabahlobo, amalungu omndeni kunye nabasebenza nabo.
Ukusetyenziswa kakubi ngokomzwelo ngenye yeendlela ezinzima kakhulu zokuxhaphazwa. Inokuba yinto ephoqelekileyo kwaye ingabonakaliyo okanye ibambelele kwaye ixhaphaze. Ngandlela-thile, ikhupha kwi-self-esiteti kwaye iqala ukungaqiniseki ngcamango yabo kunye nenyaniso.
Injongo ephambili yokuxhatshazwa ngokomzimba kukulawula ixhoba ngokukhathala, ukuhlukanisa kunye nokucima. Ekugqibeleni, ixhoba livalelwe. Bahlala bexhatshazwa kakhulu ukunyamezela ubudlelwane babo, kodwa banesaba ukuhamba. Ngoko umjikelo uyaziphinda uze uyenze into.
Impembelelo yokuxhaphazwa ngokomzwelo
Xa uxhatshazo lwasemzimbeni lukhulu kwaye luqhubeka, ixhoba lingahle lilahlekelwe yiyo yonke into, ngamanye amaxesha lingenayo uphawu okanye uphawu. Kunoko, amanxeba ayabonakali kwabanye, afihliwe ngokuzithemba, ukungabi nantoni kunye nokuzithiba.
Enyanisweni, amaxhoba amaninzi athi izigulane ezivela ekuxhatshazweni kweemvakalelo zihlala ixesha elide kwaye zinzulu kakhulu kunokuba zixhase ngokomzimba .
Ngexesha elide, ukunyanzelwa, ukuphathwa kakubi ngamagama , ukubiza amagama, ukugxekwa, kunye nokukhanyisa ukuphazamisa umonakalo wexhoba kangangokuba abanakukwazi ukuzibona ngokwenene.
Ngenxa yoko, ixhoba liqala ukuvumelana nomxhaphazi kwaye liba lukhulu ngaphakathi. Xa oko kwenzeka, ininzi amaxhoba aya kubanjelwa ebudlelwaneni obuxhaphazayo bakholelwa ukuba abayi kuze kube yinto elungele omnye umntu.
Ukuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni kunokuchaphazela ubuhlobo kuba abantu abaxhatshazwayo ngabantu bahlala bexhala malunga nendlela abantu abayibona ngayo kwaye ukuba bayayithanda ngokwenene. Ekugqibeleni, amaxhoba aya kubuya ebudlelwaneni kunye nokuzihlukanisa, eqinisekile ukuba akukho mntu uyabathanda. Ngaphezu koko, ukuxhatshazwa ngokwemvakalelo kungabangela iingxaki ezininzi zezempilo kubandakanya yonke into ekudandathekeni kunye nokuxhalaba kwezilonda zesisu, iintlungu zentliziyo, ukuphazamiseka kokutya kunye nokulala.
Indlela yokujongana nokuxhaphaza ngokomzwelo kulwalamano lwakho
Xa uhlolisana nolwalamano lwakho, khumbula ukuba ukuxhaphazwa ngokwemvakalelo kudla ngokufihlakeleyo. Ngenxa yoko, kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukubona. Ukuba unenkathazo yokuqonda ukuba ngaba ulwalamano lwakho luhlukumeze okanye alukho, cima uze ucinge ngendlela ukusebenzisana ngayo kunye nomlingane wakho, umhlobo okanye ilungu lentsapho likukwenza uzive. Ukuba uziva unxinzekile, udidekile, udidekile, ungaqondwa, ucinezelekile, uxhalabile okanye ungenanzuzo nayiphi na ixesha osebenzisanayo, amathuba okuphakama ukuba ubuhlobo bakho buhlukumezekile.
Nazi izibonakaliso ukuba unokuba ulwalamano oluxhatshazwayo. Gcinani engqondweni, nokuba iqabane lakho lenza kuphela izinto ezincinci, usenabo ubudlelwane obuhlukumezayo. Musa ukuwela kwisicupho sokuzixelela ukuba "akuyinto embi" kwaye unciphisa ukuziphatha kwabo. Khumbula, wonke umntu ufanelwe ukuphathwa ngenceba kunye nentlonipho.
Abantu abahlukumezayo ngokomoya babonisa ukulindela okungenakwenzeka . Ezinye imizekelo ziquka:
- Ukwenza iimfuno ezingenangqiqo kuwe
- Ukukulindele ukuba ubeke yonke into ngaphandle kwaye uhlangabezane neemfuno zabo
- Ukufuna ukuba uchithe lonke ixesha lakho kunye
- Ukunganeliseki kungakhathaliseki ukuba uzama nzima kangakanani okanye unika kangakanani
- Ukukugxeka ngenxa yokungagqiba imisebenzi ngokwemigangatho yabo
- Ukukulindela ukuba wabelane ngeengcamango zabo (awuvunyelwe ukuba neembono ezahlukeneyo)
- Unqwenela ukuba ubiza igama elifanelekileyo kunye namaxesha xa uxoxa ngezinto ezikukhubazayo (xa ungeke ukwazi ukwenza oku, bayayichitha isiganeko ngokungathi akuzange kwenzeke)
Abantu abahlukumezayo ngokomoya abanakukugwenxa . Ezinye imizekelo ziquka:
- Ukunciphisa, ukugxotha, okanye ukuphazamisa imbono yakho okanye inyaniso yakho
- Ukugatya ukwamukela iimvakalelo zakho ngokuzama ukuchaza indlela onokuvakalelwa ngayo
- Ukufuna ukuba uchaze kwaye uchaze indlela ovakalelwa ngayo
- Ukumangalela ngokuba "utyhafile," "unomzwelo," okanye "udibanisa"
- Ukungavumi ukuvuma okanye ukuwamkela izimvo zakho okanye iingcamango ezifanelekileyo
- Ukugxotha izicelo zakho, ufuna, kwaye zifuna njengento engenangqiqo okanye engabonakaliyo
- Ukucetyiswa ukuba imbono yakho ayilunganga okanye ukuba awukwazi ukuthenjwa ngokuthetha izinto ezinjengokuthi "uyaphonsa oku ngaphandle kwenani" okanye "uxoxisa"
- Ukumangalela ukuzingca, ukunyanisekileyo okanye ukuthanda izinto eziphathekayo xa uthetha izinto ozifunayo okanye iimfuno (ulindele ukuba akufanele ube nantoni na okanye ufuna)
Abantu abahlukumezayo ngokomoya badala iziza . Ezinye imizekelo ziquka:
- Ukuqala iingxabano ngenxa yokuphikisana
- Ukwenza iingxelo ezididekayo neziphikisanayo (ngezinye izihlandlo zibizwa ngokuthi "ukwenza izinto eziphambeneyo")
- Ukuba neenguqu ezinzulu okanye utshutshiso olukhawuleza
- Ukutshintshwa kwiingubo zakho, iinwele zakho, umsebenzi wakho kunye nokunye
- Ukuba ngumntu ongenangqiqo kwaye ungalindelekanga ukuba uzive ngathi "uhamba ngee-eggshell"
Abantu abahlukumeza ngokwenene abantu basebenzisa i-blackmail ye-emotionalmail . Ezinye imizekelo ziquka:
- Ukukhusela nokukulawula ngokukwenza uzive unetyala
- Ukukuthobela esidlangalaleni okanye ngasese
- Ukusebenzisa ukwesaba, ixabiso, imfesane okanye amanye amaqhosha ashushu ukulawula okanye imeko
- Ukugxininisa iimpazamo zakho okanye ukuzitsalathisa ukuze ukhuphe ingqwalasela okanye ukuphepha ukuthatha uxanduva lokukhetha okanye ukuphosa
- Ukukhanyela ukuba isiganeko senzeke okanye sixoki malunga nayo
- Ukukugweba ngokuthintela uthando
Abantu abahlukumezayo ngokomoya babenza okuphezulu kwaye banelungelo . Ezinye imizekelo ziquka:
- Ukunyanga okuthandayo ungezantsi
- Ukumangalela ngenxa yeempazamo zabo kunye nokungaphumeleli
- Ukungabaza yonke into oyithethayo kwaye uzame ukubonisa ubungalunganga
- Ukwenza amahlaya ngeendleko zakho
- Ukuxelela ukuba izimvo zakho, iingcamango, iingcamango kunye neengcamango ziyiziphukuphuku, zingenangqiqo okanye "aziqondi"
- Ukuthetha nawe okanye ukuhlahlisa
- Ukusebenzisa ukuhlambalaza xa usebenzisana nawe
- Ukusebenza njengokuba bahlala bechanekile, uyazi into ebhetele kwaye unengqiqo
Abantu abahlukumezayo ngokomoya bazama ukuhlukanisa nokukulawula . Ezinye imizekelo ziquka:
- Ukulawula obonwayo okanye uchitha ixesha kunye nexesha kunye nabahlobo kunye nosapho
- Ukujonga iifowuni zakho, imiyalezo yombhalo, imidiya yoluntu kunye ne-imeyile
- Ukumangalela ukukopela nokukhwelela ngaphandle kobudlelwano
- Ukuthatha okanye ukufihla imoto yakho
- Ukufuna ukwazi apho uhlala khona ngexesha okanye usebenzisa i-GPS ukulandelela yonke into
- Ukunyanga uthanda ilifa okanye ipropati
- Ukugxeka okanye ukuhlekisa ngabahlobo bakho, intsapho kunye nabo osebenza nabo
- Ukusebenzisa umona nomona njengomqondiso wothando kunye nokugcina ungabi nabanye
- Ukukunqanda ukuba uchithe lonke ixesha lakho kunye
- Ukulawula iimali
Iindlela ezi-7 zokujongana noxhatshazo lwengqondo ngokukhawuleza
Isinyathelo sokuqala ekujonganeni nobudlelwane obundlobongelayo, kukuqonda ukuba kwenzeka. Ukuba unako ukufumanisa nayiphi na into yokuxhatshazwa kabuhlungu kwimizalwane yakho, kubalulekile ukuvuma ukuba okokuqala kwaye phambili. Ngokunyaniseka malunga noko uhlangabezana nayo, unokuqalisa ukulawula ubomi bakho kwakhona. Nazi ezinye izicwangciso ezisixhenxe zokubuyisela ubomi bakho ongayisebenzisa namhlanje.
Yenza impilo yakho yengqondo kunye nempilo ibe yinto ephambili . Yeka ukukhathazeka ngokumkholisa umntu okukuxhaphazayo. Unakekele iimfuno zakho. Yenza into eyakunceda ukuba ucinge kwaye uqinisekise ukuba ungubani. Kwakhona, qi niqiniseke ukuba ufumane umlinganiselo ofanelekileyo wokuphumla kwaye udle ukutya okunempilo. Ezi zinyathelo ezilula zokuzinyamekela zinokuhamba ixesha elide ekuncedeni ukujongana noxinzelelo lwemihla ngemihla yokuxhaphazwa ngokomzimba.
Misela imida nomxhaphazi . Mxelela ngokuqinisekileyo umntu ohlukumezayo ukuba angasayi kubuhlungu kuwe, akubize amagama, akuhlambalaze, akuphathe kakubi kuwe, njalo njalo. Emva koko, baxelele oko kuza kwenzeka xa bekhetha ukubandakanya kule mpawu. Ngokomzekelo, xelela ukuba ukuba bakubiza ngamagama okanye bakuhlambalaza, incoko iya kuphelelwa kwaye uza kushiya igumbi. Isiphambili kukulandela kwimida yakho. Musa ukunxibelelana imida ongenayo injongo yokugcina.
Yeka ukuzigxeka. Ukuba ubukho ubudlelwane obuxhatshazwayo kwimiba yexesha, unokukholelwa ukuba kukho into ephosakeleyo kakhulu kuwe. Kutheni omnye umntu othi bayakuthanda wenze into enjalo, akunjalo? Kodwa awunayo ingxaki. Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kukukhetha. Ngoko yeka ukuzitshozela into ongenakho ukulawula.
Qaphela ukuba awukwazi "ukulungisa" umntu ohlukumezayo . Nangona unemizamo yakho engcono, awusoze wakwazi ukutshintsha umntu ohlukumezayo ngokwenza into eyahlukileyo okanye ngokwahlukileyo. Umntu ohlukumezayo wenza ukhetho lokuziphatha kakubi. Khumbuza ukuba awukwazi ukulawula izenzo zabo nokuba awuyikusola iinqunto zabo. Into kuphela ongayilungisa okanye yokulawula yimpendulo yakho.
Musa ukuzibandakanya nomntu ohlukumezayo . Ngamanye amagama, ukuba umxhaphazi uzama ukuqala ingxabano nawe, uqala ukunihlambalaza, ufune izinto kuwe okanye azikhwele ngeshwele, ungazami ukucacisa, ukhuthaze iimvakalelo zakhe okanye ucele uxolo ngezinto ongazange uzenze. Suka nje kwimeko ukuba unako. Ukusebenzisana nomxhaphazi kunokumisela kuphela ukusetyenziswa kakubi nokusetyenziswa kakubi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba uzama nzima kangakanani, awuyi kukwazi ukwenza izinto kakuhle emehlweni abo.
Yakha inethiwekhi yenkxaso . Yeka ukuthula ngokuphathelele uxhatshazo ojongene nalo. Thetha kumhlobo othembekileyo, ilungu losapho okanye umcebisi malunga noko uhlangabezana nayo. Thatha ixesha kumntu ohlukumezayo kangako kwaye uchithe ixesha kunye nabantu abathandayo nabakuxhasayo. Le ntanethi yabangani abaphilileyo kunye nabafihlakeleyo kuya kukunceda uzive ukhululekile kwaye uyodwa. Kananjalo banokuthetha inyaniso ebomini bakho kwaye bancede ubeke izinto ngendlela efanelekileyo.
Sebenza kwisicwangciso sokuphuma . Ukuba iqabane lakho, umhlobo, okanye ilungu lentsapho alinanjongo yokutshintsha okanye ukusebenza kwiindawo ezikhethileyo, awuyi kukwazi ukuhlala ulwalamano oluxhaphakileyo ngonaphakade. Ekugqibeleni uza kuthatha inkokhelo kubo bobabini ngokwengqondo nangokwenyama. Ngokuxhomekeke kwimeko yakho, unokufuna ukuthatha amanyathelo okuphelisa ubuhlobo. Nganye imeko ihluke. Ngoko kulungile ukuxoxa ngeengcamango zakho kunye neengcamango nomhlobo othembekileyo, ilungu losapho okanye umcebisi.
ILizwi
Ukuba uyakrokrela iqabane lakho, ilungu losapho okanye umhlobo unokukuxhaphaza ngokwemvakalelo, qhagamshelana nomcebisi, ummeli okanye umfundisi uncedo. Unokubiza umnxeba weSizwe woLwaphulo-mthetho lwasekhaya lwase-1-800-799-SAFE (7233) okanye uvakatye kwiwebsite yayo lehotline.org kwaye uxoxe nge-intanethi nomntu ngokukhawuleza.
> "Iiifom zokuShatshazwa," iNethiwekhi yeNational yokuQeda ulwaphulo lwasekhaya, https://nnedv.org/content/forms-of-abuse/
> "Ngaba Lo Mxhaphazi?" I-National Domestic Violence Hotline, http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-fined-fined/