Abantu abanokukhubazeka komntu ongekho emngceleni baxabana nemvakalelo
Abantu abaneengxaki zomntu ongenamkhawulo (BPD) banokuba nezimpendulo ezinamandla kakhulu kwiimeko ezibonakala zingancinci kubantu abangaphandle. Ngenxa yoko, abantu abane-BPD bahlala befumana ukungavumelekanga ngokomzwelo , oko kukuthi, abanye basabela kwiimvakalelo zabo ngokungathi loo mvakalelo ayivumelekanga okanye ingqiqweni.
Enyanisekileyo, ukuba ungumhlobo okanye ilungu lomntu lomntu ophethe i-BPD, kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukuba ube nempendulo eqinisekisayo kwiimvakalelo ezibonakala zingalingani nale meko.
Kodwa ukuphazamisa impendulo yomthandwa wakho mhlawumbi akuncedi.
Kuqinisekiswa Ngokwemvakalelo?
Ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo yinkqubo yokufunda malunga, ukuqonda nokubonisa ukwamkelwa kweemvakalelo zomntu omnye. Ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo kuyahlukana nokungavumelekanga ngokomzwelo, apho amava omntu omnye akhatywayo, angayithobeli, okanye agwetywa.
Iingcamango ezimbalwa eziphambili zengqondo zengxaki yomntu ongenamkhawulo (BPD) zithi abantu abaninzi abane-BPD abazange bafumane ukuqinisekiswa ngokwaneleyo kwimiba yabo kwinkqubo yophuhliso lwabo (jonga kwakhona " imeko engafanelekanga yendalo "), enokuba yinto ebalulekileyo ekuphuhliseni imvakalelo yokudityaniswa kwempawu zesifo.
Esinye isihluthulelo sokufunda ukuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zabanye kukubona ukuba ukuqinisekiswa kwemvakalelo ayithethi ukuba uyavumelana nomnye umntu, okanye ukuba ucinga ukuba impendulo yabo imele iqiniseke.
Kunoko, uthetha kubo ukuba uyayiqonda into abavakalelwa ngayo, ngaphandle kokuzama ukuthetha nabo ngaphandle kokuvakalelwa okanye ukuwahlazisa ngenxa yoluvo.
Inyathelo lokuqala: Ukuchonga nokwazisa imizwa
Xa uqinisekisa impendulo yomzwelo, isinyathelo sokuqala kukuvuma imvakalelo eyenziwa ngumnye umntu.
Oku kunzima xa omnye umntu engazange axoxe ngokucacileyo iimvakalelo zabo, ngoko ke kufuneka ufune ukuzibuza ukuba zivakalelwa njani, okanye uqikelele uze uzibuze ukuba ulungile.
Khawucinge ukuba umhlobo wakho uyacaphuka. Uya ekhaya uvela emsebenzini, kwaye baziphatha ngokukrakra (nangona bengabalulekanga ngokucacileyo).
Ukuba wakho umthandayo sele exelele ukuba baziva bexhalabile, umzekelo, unokwazi nje ukuba bavakalelwa ngale ndlela: "Ndiyayiqonda ukuba uyacaphuka."
Ukuba abazange baxelele oku, kodwa babonakala bekrakra, usenokuthi, "Ubonakala unomsindo. Ngaba yintoni eyenzekayo? "
Inyathelo lesibini: Yazisa uMthombo weMvakalelo
Isinyathelo esilandelayo kukubona imeko okanye ukukhangela okubangela ukuvakalelwa. Buza umntu ukuba yintoni eyenza impendulo yabo. Umzekelo, unokuthi, "Yintoni eyenza uzive ngaloo ndlela?"
Uthandayo umntu okanye unokukwazi ukuthetha ngokucacileyo oku. Basenokungayiqondi kakuhle into eyenzekayo, okanye abanokungafuni ukuchaza into ebangela ukuvakalelwa. Kule meko, usenokufuneka uvume ukuba into ebonakala ibangela ukuba bacaphuke, kwaye ukuba ungathanda ukwazi ukuba kwenzekani, kodwa ukuba kunzima ngaphandle kwengqiqo ecacileyo yimeko.
Inyathelo lesithathu: Qinisekisa uMvakalelo
Khawucinge ukuba umhlobo wakho uyakwazi ukuthetha nomthombo wemvakalelo yabo: Baphendula ukuba bacaphukile ngenxa yokuba unemizuzu eyi-15 emva kokubuya ekhaya uvela emsebenzini. Kwaye mhlawumbi kuwe, izinga labo lomsindo libonakala lingenakufaneleka ukunikezelwa kwimeko. Unako ukuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zabo ngokuthetha ukuba uyamkela oko bakuvakalelwayo (nangona ungahambisani nokuqiqa kwabo).
Ngokomzekelo, usenokuthi, "Ndiyazi ukuba unomsindo ngenxa yokuba ndide ndibuyele ekhaya emveni kwemizuzu eyi-15. Bekungesiyinjongo yam ukukrakra; Ndandinamathela kwizithuthi. Kodwa ndiyabona ukuba ukulinda kwam kukucaphukisa. "Awudingi ukuxolisa ngokuziphatha kwakho ukuba ungaziva ungenzi nto ephosakeleyo.
Kodwa ngokuvuma imvakalelo enomntu onomthandayo, unokuba usasaza imeko.
Ukuqinisekiswa akuyiKunqunyulwa
Hlalani nikhumbule ukuba ukuqinisekiswa kwemvakalelo yomntu akuthethi ukuba uzibophezele ukuphathwa kakubi. Ukuba umntu obathandayo uziphatha ngokungalungile okanye ngokugqithiseleyo, ukususa kwiimeko kukubheja phambili.
Batshele ukuba ufuna ukukwazi ukuthetha nabo malunga neemeko, kodwa ukuba awukwazi ukwenza oku kusebenzayo kude kube nako ukunxibelelana nawe ngokuzinzile, ngoko uza kubuya kamva xa kubonakala ngathi lixesha elifanelekileyo.
Ukuqinisekiswa akuyi kuyenza Intukuthelo ihambe
Kwakhona kubalulekile ukugcina engqondweni ukuba ukuqinisekiswa kwemvakalelo yomntu othandayo ngokuqhelekileyo akuyi kuyenza imvakalelo ihambe. Ingasasaza imeko, kwaye kuya kufutshane ukuba imeko ibe yimbi, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba umthandayo uya kuziva ephuthumayo kwangoko.
Khumbula ukuba akusiyo umsebenzi wakho ukwenza uvakalelo luphele, nangona unokukhetha ukuxhasa. Kunoko, ukuvuma nokuqinisekisa loo mntu kunokubanceda bafumane indlela yabo yokulawula imvakalelo.
Imithombo:
I-Fruzzetti AE, uSenk C. "Ukukhuthaza izimpendulo eziqinisekisiweyo kwiintsapho." Umsebenzi wezeNtlalo kwiMpilo yengqondo , 6 (1): 215, 2008.