Ubomi nguMvuzo wam.
Andikholelwa ukuba yinto yonyaka owodwa.
Akunakuze kube lula, kwaye maxa wambi akukho mnandi kuwo onke, kodwa ndayenza.
Kuba wonke umntu ovela apho owayekho xa ndifumana ixesha elibi, ndiyabulela. Ndiyabulela ngokuba ngumgca wam ubomi xa ndiphakathi kolwandle.
Ndisoloko ndibona ilizwi elithi "liba ngcono." Ekuqaleni, ndiyayithiya loo nto. Ndandiva nzima - ukuba ngaba kwakunjani ukuyeka ukutshaya, yintoni na ukuba le nto iya kuba ngcono?
Yiyiphi i-gyp. Ndacinga ukuba ndiyekile ukutshaya ukuze ndiziva ndibhetele, kwaye kunoko ndifumanise ukuba nganye iveki yinto ehluke ngokupheleleyo. Ewe, ngenxa yokuba uyeka, akuthethi ukuba ufumana uncedo olukhawulezileyo. Kanye njengokuba kungekho pilisi "eya kuncipha" iiseli ezinamafutha kwaye zenze zinyamalale, akukho lizwi lemilingo eliza kuthatha ukuhoxiswa kokutshaya. Ngenye imini uvele uqonde ukuba uzive ungcono. Yaye yileyo ndlela isebenza ngayo.
Kunyaka ophelileyo ngeli xesha, iisigaretti zenza kube nzima ukuba ndiphefumle (kwakunzima ngokwaneleyo ukutshaya ngubanda ebendinayo). Ndandiqonda ukuba ndiziva ndibuhlungu xa ndingafuni ukutshaya, kodwa xa nditshitshisa. Ndagqiba isigqibo sokuba inxalenye eyayiyidinga kakhulu ukuba ndiphulaphule, ngoko ndaphuma kwi "Smoke Away" (indlela yokwenza imifuno yokuyeka) Ndandithenga malunga neenyanga ezintandathu ngaphambi kokuba ndicinga ukuba ndizayeka, kwaye ndacinga kuba ndandibanda kwaye wayenesidima, mhlawumbi akayi kushiya.
Kwiintsuku ezintlanu kamva, ukubanda kwam kwagqitywa kodwa ndaye ndikhwehlela kakhulu, kwaye ndaziva ndaphuma ekhanda lam kangangokuba ndakhangela ukuba ndiyeke iimpawu zokutshaya.
Ukuba ubuza kuzama ukuchazela umntu osebenze naye ukuba unqwenela ugwayi kwaye uyeke ukuyeka x inani leenyanga ezidlulileyo, ukuba lowo mntu wayengabhemi, awuyi kuba novelwano. Unokufumana ukuhleka, okanye ukhangelelwano olungaqhelekanga, kodwa oko kukuthi. Ukuba uthethile kumntu otshaya, unokufumana i-cigarette.
Ukuba ufike apha, kule forum, kwaye ukhale ngesifiso okanye usuku olubi, okanye nantoni na, uya kuba novelwano, ukuqonda, uthando, uncedo (ukuba uyayifuna okanye awukho), kunye nendawo apho wonke umntu akuqonda khona.
Ndiyeke "ukuyeka ukutshaya kwixesha elidlulileyo, kodwa emva kwexeshana, imini embi iya kuza kwaye ndiza kubhema. Yenza konke umehluko kwihlabathi xa unomuvo wokuba umntu uyakhathalela nokuba utshaya okanye awufuni. Kwaye wonke umntu apha uyakhathalela. Kuphi enye into onokuyithokozela ngayo ngenxa yokuba wenza iiveki lonke ngaphandle kwesigarethi?
Ngubani na ocinga ukuba into efana neenkwenkwezi zegolide yayiza kuthetha ntoni na? Andizange ndiyibone enkulu into yokuqala. Ndazithiya ekuqaleni. Ndabona abantu benenkwenkwezi nemifanekiso kunye nayo yonke into, kwaye ndandinomona. Wonke umntu "wayekude kakhulu" kum. Ndiya kubona izithuba ezivela kubantu abaneenkwenkwezi enye okanye ezimbini, kwaye ndicinga ukuba kwakuza kundithatha ngonaphakade ukuze ndifike khona. Andizange ndiyibone into ebalulekileyo malunga nayo de ndifike inkwenkwezi yokuqala. Le nkwenkwezi yayingumcimbi omkhulu kum, kwaye ndikhangele phambili ukuthumela inyanga nganye ukuba enye inkwenkwezi ayizange ibe yinjongo kuphela, kodwa i-obsession yangaphaya (le nto yayingaphambi kwenkqubo ye "dot").
Kulungile, oku kude kwanele. Andicingi ukuba ndiza kwenza ngaphandle koncedo kule forum.
Inika ingqiqo yokuba ngumntu kunye nokuphendula kwizenzo zakho. Ngoko, andinako ukuthetha ngokwaneleyo - Ndiyabulela wonke umntu owayekho apho ndiyifuna! Kwabo baqala nje, umphumo ufanelekile oko uhamba nayo. Xa ndatshilo abantwana bam ukuba kube ngumnyaka ekubeni ndiyekile ukutshaya, unyana wam wathi "kufuneka ufumane umvuzo okanye into."
Ubomi ngumvuzo wam.
Ngakumbi ku-Ellen:
Musa Ukuqala Ukubhema!