Amaxesha atshintshile. Ngama-1970, kuma-1980, nangama-1990, kwakungekho siqhelo kubazali bantwaneni abancinci ukutshaya nokusela utywala kubo. Ngelixa abambalwa bebanjalo, abazali abaninzi abaselula banqwenela ukusela okanye ukutshaya, kwaye kunjalo. Ukuqaphela ukulimala kwempilo yomsi wesibini kunye nabantwana kunye nokwazisa ngempembelelo yokuthatha imodeli ekuziphatheni kwexesha elizayo kukhuthaza abazali abatsha ukuba bangaphuze kunye nokubhema kubantwana babo.
Kodwa koogogo noomkhulu ababeshushu ngexesha lokuphila kwabo abadala, kwaye ngoku baneminyaka engama-60, 70, okanye ngaphezulu, abaninzi banomuvo wokuthi akufuneki ukuba bayeke. Ngokufanayo, abaninzi abantu abasela ngokugqithiseleyo utywala banciphise indlela abayidlayo ngayo, kwaye abanakholelwa ukuba ukuziphatha kwabo okanye ukusetyenziswa kwabo kotywala kunzima. Abanye bakholelwa ukuba ubungozi bokubhema nokusela kunokugqwetha, njengoko bacinga ukuba abazange bafumane ukuba banesifo esibi, ukuba banempilo enhle.
Nakuba kunzima ukuba kuqondwe, nangona abanye bafunyaniswe ukuba banezifo ezibi kakhulu, kubandakanywa nemiqathango ehambelana nokubhema nokusela, bayenqaba ukuguqula indlela abaziphatha ngayo malunga nalezi zinto. Kodwa kunokuba nzima kubazali abatsha ukuba bahlangabezane nabazali babo, okanye bacele ukuba bangaphuzi okanye bashiye umzuzwana babo, ngenxa yokwesaba ukucasula okanye ukucaphukisa abazali babo.
Isidingo semida
Ukumisela imida nabazali kunzima kubantwana abadala abantu abaneentlobo zonke zokulahla.
Iindima ziguqulwa xa ubeka imida malunga nokuziphatha kwabazali bakho. Ukumisela imida malunga nabavumi ukutshaya kunzima kakhulu, kuba ababhemayo banamathela "ekunene" kwabo ukutshaya xa beveza umntwana wakho kwiingozi ezingakumbi zokutshaya, kunye neengozi zempilo zabashushu kunye nomsi wesandla wesithathu.
Utywala lunokuba lunzima ngakumbi xa umzali wakho esela kwaye enxila kumntwana okanye abantwana bakho. Ngelixa izizukulwana ezidlulileyo "zihleka," ngoku abazali banolwazi malunga nefuthe lokusela kubaselula. Akunakukukhuthaza kuphela ukuba bacinge ngokusela njengesiqhelo kunye nengozi ukuba inzala okanye inzala, kodwa ukuxilwa kungakhokelela ekuhambeni kolwimi okanye ukuziphatha okungafanelekanga, oku kunokukhokelela kwiinkalo zeziphumo, ukuhlazeka ukusetyenziswa kakubi.
Ukwenza izizathu kubazali bakho akunqabile. Abantwana banokuqonda ukukhathazeka kwabazali babo, kwaye kunokuba kunzima ukucacisa ukuziphatha kwabazali bakho kubantwana bakho, okanye nokuba uphendule imibuzo yabo ngokuziphatha kootatomkhulu ngendlela evakalelwa yinyanisekileyo nangolwazi. Ukuvumela ukuba ezi ziphathekayo ziqhubeke zikhokelela kwiingxabano kwintsapho, ekugqibeleni, kunokuchaphazela iimvakalelo zakho malunga nabantwana bakho bechitha ixesha kunye nogogo nomkhulu.
Njengomntwana omdala, awunyanzelekile ukuba ulandele imiyalelo yabazali bakho okanye ukunyamezela ukuziphatha kwabo okungavumelekanga. Njengomzali, unembopheleleko yokukhusela abantwana bakho kwimiphumo emibi yomsi kunye nokubona umntu omdala onamandla, ootatomkhulu, ukutshaya okanye ukusela utywala.
Ngoko ke, kufuneka ubeke imida nabazali bakho ukutshaya ukuze ukhusele umntwana wakho.
Nini ukusetha imida
Ngaphambi kokuba uzibandakanye nabazali bakho, Kunceda ukucaca ngokuqinisekileyo oko ufumanisayo engavumelekanga, izizathu zezi, kunye noko ungathanda ukuba abazali bakho benze khona.
Kukho umahluko omkhulu phakathi komzali wakho ngaphandle kokukhanyisa phambi kwabazukulwana, okanye ukusela utshwala kusasa, kwaye utywala kwaye unobundlobongela. Ukuba ngaba omnye wabazali bakho unobundlobongela, unobundlobongela okanye uhlambalaza wena okanye abantwana bakho, kufuneka uhoxise abantwana bakho ukuba bachithe naliphi na ixesha kunye nokuziphatha kwabo, okanye umntwana wakho abe ngumdala.
Ulahla ukukhusela umntwana wakho ukuba ubavumela ukuba babe nomntu ohlukumezayo, nokuba uyamthanda lowo mntu kwaye ukholelwa ukuba kufuneka achithe ixesha kunye.
Ngokufanayo, akufanele uvumele abantwana bakho bachithe ixesha kunye nootatomkhulu osebenzisa iziyobisi ezingekho mthethweni . Ukwenza oko kubonisa ukuba umntwana wakho usetyenziso lokusebenzisa iziyobisi, okwenza umntwana wakho asebenzise kakhulu iziyobisi. Abantwana banokulimazwa ngengozi okanye bazama ukusebenzisa iziyobisi, oko banako ukukwenza ukuba bakuloo ndawo apho kuthathwa khona iziyobisi. Bangaphinda bazinzakalise okanye bahlaselwe yizinto eziphathekayo ezifana ne-lighters kunye neenaliti.
Ukukhetha indawo ekhuselekileyo yokuhlangana
Unokufumanisa ukuba umzali wakho uhlonipha imida yakho ekhaya ngaphandle kwekhaya okanye kwezinye iindawo zoluntu ngaphezu kwabanye. Khetha iintlanganiso zakho ngokufanelekileyo, kwaye ungangenisi ukunyanzeliswa ngumzali wakho ukuba eze kubo, kuphela ukuba bavuthele wena nomntwana wakho kuba "yindlu yam, imithetho yam."
Ungakwazi nokuba ugweme ukulwa nomzali wakho ngokukhetha abantwana bakho ukuba bachithe ixesha kunye nabazali bakho, apho kungabi lula okanye mhlawumbi ukuba abazali bakho bashiye, basebenzise okanye basebenzise iziyobisi. Kukho indawo ezininzi zoluntu ezibonelela ngokuzonwabisa kunye nemisebenzi efanelekayo kwiintsapho, ezingavumeli ukutshaya okanye ukuxhatshazwa kwabantu, njengeendawo zokuthengisa, iilayibrari, indawo yokudlala, iivenkile zokuzonwabisa kunye neema-movie. Inzuzo enkulu yokukhetha ezi ndawo, kwaye ukudibana nabazali bakho ngaphakathi kwangaphakathi, kunokuba kungaphandle kwakhiwo, kukuba umgangatho wokunyanzeliswa uya kuthathwa ngumntu ngaphandle kwakho.
Ungabandakanyeka nomntwana wakho ekunqumeni apho baya kuhlangana nootatomkhulu babo, ngokubanika ezimbini okanye iinketho ezingaphezulu kwiindawo ezikhuselekileyo, apho bangakhetha khona. Ngaloo ndlela, xa uthetha indawo ekukhethiweyo, ungachazela umzali wakho ukuba lo msebenzi wawunento ethile umntwana wakho ocele ukuba akwenze kunye nootatomkhulu. Le nto ingaba yindlela ephumelelayo yokugcina umntwana wakho kude nempembelelo embi yabazali bakho, ngoxa ngexesha elifanayo, ubakhuthaza ukuba bahlakulele ubuhlobo obusondeleyo.
Indlela yokubeka iMida
Xa ubeka imida nomzali wakho, qalisa ukulungiswa kwemida emninzi, kwaye usebenze ukuya kwimida engakumbi kwaye uyinyanzelo kuphela xa umzamo wakho wokuqala ungaphumeleli.
Umzamo wokuqala: Cela umzali wakho ukuba angashiye okanye asele phambi komntwana wakho (okanye phambi kwakho ukuba kukukhathaza). Ukuba umzamo wakho wokuqala uphumelele, kwaye umzali wakho akabheki okanye asela phambi kwakho okanye umntwana wakho, akudingeki ukuba ubeke imida eminye.
Umzamo wesibini: Ukuba umzali wakho utshaya okanye usela phambi komntwana wakho, ukhumbuze isicelo sakho sangaphambili, kwaye uthi xa bengafuni ukutshaya okanye ukusela, uya kumthabatha umntwana wakho. Ukuba ucinga ukuba umzali wakho uzakuphendula ngendlela eqhubisayo, unokukhetha ukwenza oku kude nomntwana wakho, ukuze ungacasuli umntwana wakho, okanye uvule ngokusesikweni kumzali wakho (njengokuthi, "Khangela, abacaphukisa abantwana! ").
Ukulandelelana ngengxoxo engenangqiqo nomzali wakho, mhlawumbi kwifowuni, malunga nokuba kubaluleke kangakanani ukugwema ukuveza umsi womsi womsi, okanye utywala, kwaye ubonise ukuba uzama ukwenza isivumelwano apho banokuyeka ukutshaya okanye ukusela ngexesha ixesha elichaziweyo, okanye kwimiba eya kuvumela umzali wakho ukuba athathe "ukuphuza umsi" kude nomntwana wakho. Kodwa khumbulani, umsi wesandla wesithathu-obhekisela kwiincinci kunye negesi ezishiywe emva kokuba ugwayi ucime kwaye uhlale kuyo yonke indawo endaweni apho umntu etshaye khona-nayo inomngcipheko kumntwana wakho.
Inzame yokugqibela: Ukuba umzali wakho uyaqhubeka ukutshaya okanye ukusela ngaphambi komntwana wakho, okanye ukubandakanya ukunyanzeliswa ukuba ubambezele ukutshaya okanye ukusela, ndiyakucebisa ukuba unciphise uxhumano lomzimba phakathi komzali wakho nomntwana wakho. Oku kungabonakala kunzima kwaye kunokubandezeleka kubo bobabini, kodwa kuthumela umyalezo ocacileyo malunga nokubaluleka kwalo mbandela.
Oko kuhlaselwa kuyo ukuba umzali wakho uxabisa ixesha kunye nabazukulwana babo-ukuba banendaba nokuchitha ixesha kunye nomntanakho, bayayeka okanye bancinci ukuyeka ukutshaya. Nangona oko umzali wakho angathetha, banako ukukwazi ukusebenza ngaphandle kokutshaya okanye ukusela, nokuba ngaba ixesha elifutshane, njengehora okanye ezimbini, ngokuqhelekileyo ukuba zininzi nje ukuba abantwana abancinci baya kufuna ukubandakanya kumsebenzi.
Ukuba umzali wakho unomlutha kakhulu kwi-nicotine , angasebenzisa ukutshintshwa kwe-nicotine ngeli xesha ababenabantwana bakho, njenge-nicotine gum okanye iqhosha le-nicotine. Kwaye ukuba abanako ukusebenzela ixesha elifutshane ngelixa bengenalo utswala, mhlawumbi banenkinga enkulu kakhulu kotywala.
ILizwi
Kunokuba nzima ukuma kubazali bakho. Awufuni ukuwahlazisa, kwaye awufuni ukukhupha ingxabano, ingakumbi umntu ongeke uwunqobe. Nangona kunjalo, kulungele ukunyamezela ukufumana indlela yokuzisa abazali bakho nabantwana ngenxa yobuhlobo babo, ngaphandle kokubonisa abantwana bakho kwimpembelelo yabo.
Imithombo
> Clarke, J. & Dawson, C. Ukukhula kwakhona: Ukuba ngumzali, Ukuzala abantwana bethu. (Uhlobo lwesiBini). Iziko leSixeko: Hazelden. 1998.
> Katherine, A. Kuphi ukudweba umgca: Indlela yokubeka iMida yeMpilo yonke imihla yoMlilo. 2000.