Ukukhanyela iKhowudi yoLuthando
Ukuwa othandweni kulula. Ubudlelwane bunzima-nangona oko i-Hollywood izama ukusithengisa. Njenganoma yintoni enye ebomini yokufaneleka, ulwalamano luthatha umsebenzi. Ezinye iibini zitshatileyo ziza kuphumelela ngezulu ngeempuphu ezingenakuvela, ngelixa abanye beza kuthi bahlukane.
Xa kuziwa ekuhlanganiseni , akukho ncwadana yokufundisa. Khumbula ukuba imantra yendawo yokudlala: Okokuqala kuza uthando, ngoko kuza umtshato, ngoko kuza ngoko kunye nokuhamba komntwana?
Ukuba kuphela oko kwakulula. Nangona abaninzi beqhubeka belandela le mizila yendabuko, abaninzi banokukhetha okunye. Izibini ezimbalwa ziza kutshata, ezinye zinezingane ngaphambi komtshato kwaye ezinye zikhetha ukungabi nabantwana nonke. Wonke ulwalamano, njengabantu bonke, luhlukile. Kungakhathaliseki indlela ekhethwa ngayo xa kuthethwa ubudlelwane bokuthandana-nokuba luphantsi kwe-aisle okanye kwiilizwekazi-izigaba zothando kunye nokuqhotyoshelweyo zihlala zifana. Iibhanqa zihamba njani ezi ndlela ziphambili.
Ngokusekelwe kumsebenzi wezonyango eziphezulu kunye "neengcali zothando," ngezantsi zizigaba ezine zobudlelwane-ukusuka ekuthandeni ukuhlala ngokuvuya ngonaphakade (okanye ngexesha elithile) -ukuze uhambe ngeendlela eziyimpumelelo kwaye, ngokubaluleke kakhulu, indlela ukugcina u-spark uphila.
1. I-Euphoric Stage
Le ngqondo yakho ethandweni.
Kwiminyaka emininzi edlulileyo, uHelen Fisher, PhD, i-neuroscientist kunye noThando loPhando oluPhambili kwi-Kinsey Institute, kunye noLucy L.
Brown, PhD, uNjingalwazi wezonyango kwi-Neurology kwi-Einstein College of Medicine eNew York, sele efunda umsebenzi wengqondo yabantu bathandweni, ukususela ekuqaleni ukuya kwizigaba ezilandelayo. Uthi:
Kwisigaba sokuqala sobudlelwane-ukuwa kwinqanaba lomthando-omnye umntu uyindawo ebomini bakho. Uxolela yonke into kulezi zigaba zokuqala. Omnye umntu uneempazamo kwaye uyazibona kodwa akunandaba. Mhlawumbi bashiya izitya zabo ezingcolileyo kwindawo yokucwina, kodwa bakwenza uhleke ubuncinci imihla ngemihla, ngoko kulungile. Izinto ezilungileyo zigqithise ngaphezu kwezinto ezimbi apha.
Esinye seziphumo eziphambili kwiingcamango zemibala yengqondo ezimisele ukuba yinto ebalulekileyo ekusebenzeni ubudlelwane, kubandakanya oko uBrown akubhekiselele ekumiseni ukugwetywa. "Kule nqanaba lokuqala, abantu abaninzi babonisa ukwehla kwintsebenzo kwi-correx ye-prefrontal, eyona nxalenye yengqondo ejongene nokugweba okubi abantu. ngcono amathuba okuphumelela.
Xa belandelelana nabathathi-nxaxheba, bafumanisa ukuba izibini eziye zahlala kunye iminyaka emithathu okanye ngaphezulu zazinomsebenzi owehla kakhulu kule nxalenye yengqondo. Mhlawumbi into yokuba sonke sihlale sikhumbula.
Isigaba sothando siphelile kangakanani?
Izifundo, ngokweBrown, ziqikelele ukuba le nqanaba lihlale lihlala kwiinyanga ezintandathu ukuya kwiminyaka emibini. Nangona inxalenye encinci yabemi-malunga ne-15 ukuya kwi-30 ekhulwini-bathi bayasithanda yaye ivakalelwa ngeenyanga ezintandathu zokuqala, emva kweminyaka eyi-10 okanye eyi-15 kamva. "Asazi ukuba kutheni le nto. Andiyi kucinga ukuba ngaba bafumene abo bahamba nabo. Ndicinga ukuba ngumntu, "kusho uBrown." Abanye abantu banexesha elilula lokuvuselela izigaba zangaphambili.
Akunakuthetha kuthi sonke asikwazi. "
Kodwa kubemi bonke, ukuxhalaba kwothando olutsha kuya kugqiba ukuhlutha kwisigaba esilandelayo-sobungqina bokuqala.
2. IsiQinisekiso sokuQala
Kwinqanaba elidlulileyo luthando olusenyongweni, izinto ezinjengezinto ezithandwayo kunye nokusebenza komsebenzi wokufumana umvuzo. Kwizifundo zikaFisher kunye noBrown, ubuchopho obunokutshatyalaliswa kwezibini kwiimpawu zokuqala zothando lubonisa amanqanaba aphezulu e- dopamine , ikhemikhali eyenza inkqubo yokuvuza ngokubangela ukuzonwabisa okukhulu. Ngokutsho kubalobi, oku kunomphumo ofanayo kwingqondo njengoko kuthatha i-cocaine.
Kule nqanaba elilandelayo, nangona kunjalo, inxalenye enkulu yengqondo iqala ukuthatha, kubandakanywa ne-palralum ventral, ummandla wengqondo edibene neemvakalelo zokuncedisa, kunye ne-hormone eneenkcukacha, i-vasopressin kunye ne-oxytocin, ngamanye amaxesha kuthiwa " ukuthanda ihomoni ".
Ngoko, wazi njani xa ufikelele kweli nqanaba elilandelayo? "Ulala!" I-quips Brown. "Awucingi malunga [neqabane lakho] iiyure ezingama-24 ngosuku. Kulula ukwenza ezinye izinto ebomini bakho. "
Ababini abatshatile ubuncinane omnye umnyaka bachaza uthando ngokuhlukileyo. "Ucebile, unzulu, ubazi kakuhle." UBrown uthi. "Izikhumbuzo ziye zadibaniswa-zombini zilungile kwaye zibi-sele uhlangabezane nobunzima kwaye usuqulunqe unxibelelwano oluqinileyo."
3. ICrisis Stage
Oku kukwenza okanye ukuphuka kwintsebenziswano eninzi. Kwenzeka ntoni kule nqanaba kubalulekile kwizinto ezizayo ngokuzayo. UBrown ubhekisela kulo 'njengesixhenxe seminyaka okanye iminyaka emihlanu.' Uthi, "Phantse wonke ulwalamano lunesigaba sokuqhekeza," uthi, "Uya kuqhubeka ukukhupha okanye uza kubuya kunye. Udinga inkathazo ukuze ufikelele kwaye ukwazi ukuthetha ngayo kunye -ubabili nilukhulile kwaye nitshintshile. "Kwiibini zithile, ukuba nezingane kungabakho imfoloko endleleni eya kuqinisa ubuhlobo okanye kubangele uxinzelelo ukuba ubudlelwane buwahlukana. Ukuba isibini sinokwazi ukunqoba ingxaki ngokuphumelelayo, baya kuthi baqhubele phambili kwisigaba esilandelayo sokuxhamla okunzulu.
4. IsiQinisekiso esibanzi
Oku kukuzola emva kwesiphepho. Uyazi kakuhle ngakumbi ngoku. Uye wangena kwiindawo ezingenakukhuselwa kwaye uyazi ukuba unokujamelana neengxaki. Kwaye wenze icebo malunga nendlela yokujongana nabo kwikamva.
Xa kuchaza eli nqanaba lobudlelwane, igama elithi uBrown liphinda lithi "ukuzola". Uthi: "Xa izibini zidibene kunye iminyaka emininzi, zihlala zizolile. Yaye ikhuselekile. "
Eli nqanaba linokuhlala ixesha elide. Ukuba unethamsanqa, unokuhlala ixesha lobomi.
Ukugcina Ihamba
Ngoko sinokukugcina njani uthando, ncinane nje? Ngokomphandi, enye yezona ndlela ezifanelekileyo kakhulu zokugcina i-spark iyaphila. Izifundo eziye zalandelwa izibini kwiminyaka ziye zafumanisa ukuba ukwenza imisebenzi emitsha, inomdla kunye nemingeni kunye kunye neenzuzo ezinkulu kwezobudlelwane.
UDkt. Art Aron, omnye wabahlanganisi abaziintloko beFisher noBrown, kunye nomfazi wakhe, uDkt. Elaine Aron uhlakulele "ukuzenzekela ngokuzenzekelayo umzekelo" onika ingqiqo kwiimpawu zokuqala zothando, kwaye ngokucacileyo isizathu sokuba iinyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala zobudlelwane obutsha uziva utywala. "Xa ufaka ubudlelwane, ukwandisa ngokwenene ukuba ungubani. Wena uthatha / wabelana ngombono weqabane lakho kwihlabathi ngokongezelela ngokwakho, isimo sabo sezenhlalakahle, izibonelelo zabo. Iintlobo zamava amatsha kunye nemingeni kunye kunye zikhulu. Ba gqibela. "
Ukumiswa kwesigwebo, ukuvuselelwa kwamanyathelo okuqala kunye nokugcina izinto ezintle, kunokuthi zibe zizihluthulelo zokuphazamisa ikhowudi yothando olungapheliyo.
> Imithombo:
> Aron, A., Aron, EN, Heyman, RE, Norman, CC, & McKenna, C. (2000). Ukubamba iqhaza kwabathengi kwimibutho yamanqaku kunye nokuvuselela ubuhlobo bomtshato. Umbhalo woBuntu kunye neNzululwazi yeNtlalo, 78, 273-284.
> Udliwano-ndlebe noLucy L. Brown, PhD. (Epreli, 2018).