Xa Abanye abantu bengayiqondi
Ukuthetha ngokunyaniseka kwakho, ngokukodwa xa ukuziphatha kwakho komlingo kungekho mthethweni, kunokuba yinto yesibini. Inokukwazi ukunika ingqiqo yamandla - "Ndiyekile loo nto." Kodwa ukuxoka kuwonakalisa kakhulu ulwalamano, amalungu entsapho bahlala beqonda ukuba baxoxwa , kwaye abantu abaninzi abanezilungo banokukhetha ukuba baninyaniso, kodwa nje awazi ukuba njani.
Zama ukulandela ezi ngcebiso malunga nokulawula ubuxoki obunyanzelekileyo. Baya kunika ezinye iingcamango ukuze uqale ukukwakha ukuthembela kunye nokunciphisa isazela sakho.
1. Yeka ukuzimela
Oku kubonakala ngathi kuyinto engavamile, kodwa uphando lubonisa ukuba abantu abanezilwanyana bazinqumle ngokwabo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo.
Icebiso: Ukuzikhohlisa kungenza ukuba umlutha wakho ube nzima. Ukunyaniseka kuwe kukuqala ukunyaniseka kwabanye.
2. Yazi Ngubani Ongayithemba - Xa Kule Ntshisekelo Yakho Eyona Ntle
Kukho abanye abantu abaya kuhlala befuna izinto eziphambili, kwaye ziindawo ezilungileyo zokuqala xa uthetha inyaniso. Baquka ugqirha wakho, kunye nabaphi na abacebisi okanye oophrogram onokubona. Aba bantu baqeqeshwe ukuba baqonde kwaye bancede abantu abanezilungo, kodwa abanakukunceda ukuba ungabaxeleli oko kwenzekayo. Enyanisweni, ukuxoxela ugqirha wakho malunga nokulutha kwakho kunokukubeka engozini yokufumana ingcebiso okanye imithi echasene noko ufuna ngokwenene.
Oku kunokukunobungozi.
Iphulo: Thembeka ngogqirha wakho. Nangona ungabaxeleli yonke into, ubuncinane baphendule imibuzo yabo ngenyaniso.
3. Akunabanye Boshishino Labo - Okanye Ngaba?
Wonke umntu unelungelo lokuzimela. Inyaniso yokuba unomlutha ngumsebenzi wakho wabucala, kwaye kufuneka ulawulwe ngubani onokufikelela kuloo nkcazelo.
Kodwa kwezinye iimeko, umlutha wakho unokuba nomthelela kumntu, ubenze ibhizinisi labo, naye.
Ngaphambi kokuba ubhale ilungelo lomntu omnye ukwazi i-addiction yakho, cinga ukuba ngaba unempembelelo kubo. Amalungu osapho lwakho olusondeleyo, umzekelo, kuya kuba nefuthe ngokunyanga kwakho, nangona kungenxa yokuntuleka kwakho kobuhlobo bakho nabo. Nabani na ochaphazelekayo ngemiphumo yokulutha kwakho inelungelo lokukwazi inyaniso, kubandakanye nabani na owenze ubuhlungu ngenkqubela.
Icebo: Ukuba ucinga ukuba umlutha wakho unokuchaphazela omnye umntu, qwa lasela inyaniso.
4. Abakwazi ukujamelana neNyaniso-kodwa mhlawumbi sele bekhona
Unokucinga ukuba ufanele ugcine imfihlo yakho yokuziphatha kakubi kubantu obusondeleyo kubo, njengomlingane wakho, abantwana abadala, okanye ngabazali bakho, kuba ucinga ukuba bekuya kuba bangakwazi ukujamelana nayo. Nangona banokukhathazeka , ngokwenene, babe nobunzima obunzima xa bejamelana nemiphumo emibi yokwenza umlutha wakho, ezifana neengxaki zomthetho kunye nezempilo, ukuba bebengayazi ukutshabalala kwakho.
Nangona kunjalo, kufuneka uqaphele xa uthetha nabantwana abancinci malunga nezilingo, kwaye oku kufanele kwenziwe ngokuxhaswa ngumqeqeshi wentsapho oqeqeshiwe.
Ukuba nomzali osebenzisa utywala okanye iziyobisi kwenza kube lula ukuba umntwana wakho azisebenzise ezi zinto, ngoko uqaphele ngokubhengezwa kwaye ngokukodwa ungalokothi usebenzise utywala okanye iziyobisi phambi kwazo, okanye uzinike utywala okanye iziyobisi.
Iphulo: Nangona ungatsho ngokucacileyo umlingane wakho, umntwana omdala okanye umzali malunga nomlutha wakho, qonda ukuba xa bebuza malunga nalo, banokujamelana nempendulo enyanisekileyo.
5. Yonke into abayenzayo iyayihlambalaza-kodwa abazange bakuphulaphule
Amathuba kukuba iindaba zomlutha wakho ziza kubangela ukuba uphazamise okokuqala. Unokwenene, ngokwenene, unokuxhomekeka. Unokuva ezinye iingxelo ezimbi ezingagxekiyo, kodwa ucinga ukuba unjalo.
Kunokuba luncedo ukubona ummahluko. Kungaba nzima ukwazi indlela yokuthetha nomntu onomlutha, ngakumbi ukuba kukho ubuxoki obudlulileyo kwaye buhlungu.
Ukuba umntu ochaphazelekayo uyakukhathalela, baya kufuna into enhle kuwe, oko kukuthi ulungile kwaye uyonwabile. Bangaba nexesha lolungiso njengoko bemkela umlutha wakho, kodwa banokuba ngumthombo wakho omkhulu wokuncedisa ngokubambana nomlutha wakho. Kwakhona, ukwazi okwenzekayo kunokunceda amalungu omndeni athole inkxaso yawo .
Icebiso: Ukuba ulindele ukugxekwa, yenza ingcamango yokubonakalisa indlela oziphethe ngayo xa kunenqaku. Unokucela nokuba wakho umthandayo ukuphulaphula ngaphandle kokugxeka.
6. Abaqondi - Kodwa mhlawumbi banokubanceda
Mhlawumbi wakho umthandayo akafani nobutyebi behlabathi njengowe, kodwa kungenzeka. Kwaye nangona unokuba ucinga ukuba ukuqonda umntu onomlutha yinto engenako ukuyenza, ngokuqhelekileyo abantu abanomlingo bayamangaliswa ngendlela abahlobo babo abayayiqonda ngayo into abayithandayo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, banokuba nobunzima bokuqonda, kodwa emva kwexesha lokuguqulwa, banokwenza konke abakwaziyo ukuyiqonda.
Iinkonzo ezininzi zonyango ngoku zibonelela ngeeseshoni zezemfundo kunye nenkxaso kumalungu entsapho ngokuchanekileyo kwesi sizathu. Emva kokufunda malunga nokulutha, amalungu omndeni anokuncedisa kakhulu.
Icebo: Mnike umhlobo wakho ithuba lokuqonda ngokubafundisa malunga nemeko yakho.
7. Andizikhathaleli - Kodwa mhlawumbi Ndifanele
Ngamanye amaxesha abantu abanezidakamizwa bafumana ubudlelwane nabanye abantu ngenxa yoko bangakwazi ukuphuma kuyo - imali, iziyobisi, isondo kunye neemeko zentlalontle nabo bonke abashukumisayo. Kodwa ngobudlelwane bokuxhaphaza nabanye abantu, uzibeka ngokwakho ukuhlazeka nokuzisola kunokuba uyazi.
Ungeke uziva ukuba wenza omnye umntu nayiphi na ingozi. Unokuba uvakalelwa kukuba bafumana ubuninzi obubanjeni. Kodwa ixesha ochithachitha kakubi ixesha lakho aliyi kubuya. Ngokuqinisekileyo ubalahla ithuba lokuba nobuhlobo bokwenene nomntu obakhathalele ngokwenene.
Xa ulwalamano luphela, uya kushiywa ngehlazo lokuba uyaziphanga inxalenye yobomi bomnye umntu. Ezi ntloni zihlazo ziyinto engathandekiyo, kwaye ikwazi ukuyenza umlutha ngakumbi, njengoko uzama ukubaleka ngokuziphatha kakubi.
Icebo: Cinga malunga nokuba ufuna umthwalo wokuba uthintele kakubi ebomini bomnye umntu.
8. Vumela Othandekayo Yakho Isipho Sokuxolela
Ngokudibanisa ulwalamano lwakho neemfihlo kunye nobuxoki, uyayiphika umhlobo wakho ithuba lokubaxolela. Bayazi kakuhle ubuxoki bakho, okanye ubuncinane busola, kodwa abakwazi ukukhululeka kwintlungu kunye nentukuthelo ngaphandle kokuba beyazi inyaniso. Emva koko banako ukukhetha ukuxolela ngenxa yamanga obudlulileyo kunye nobuhlungu.
Ewe, ukuba ukuxolelwa komntu othandayo kuya kuvakalelwa kukunceda nawe.
Icebo: Xolisa xa ubuhlungu umntu othandayo. Basenokukuxolela nje.
Imithombo
> Becoña E, Martínez Ú, Calafat A, uJan M, uFernández-Hermida J, iSecades-Villa R. Izitayela zabazali kunye nokusetyenziswa kweziyobisi: Ukuhlaziywa. Iziyobisi: Imfundo, Ukuthintela kunye noMgaqo-nkqubo ; 19 (1): 1-10. 2012.
> Hedva, B. Ukudibanisa, Inkolelo, nokuxolela: Isikhokelo sokuPhulukisa ngokomzwelo nokuzivuselela (ukuhlaziywa). Berkeley, CA: UbuGcisa boBugcisa. 2001.
> UMartínez-González J, uLópez R, Iglesias E, uVerdejo-García A. Ukuzikhohlisa njengendlela yokulondoloza iziyobisi. I-Psicothema 28 (1): 13-19. 2016.
> Orford, J. et al. Ukujongana Neengxaki Zokusetyenziswa Kweziyobisi Neengxaki Zotywala: Amava Amalungu Eentsapho KwiiNtlobo Ezintlu Ezihlukeneyo. Routledge. 2005.