Ngoko, uye wafika kwinqanaba lomtshato wakho apho ucingisisa ngokuqhawula umtshato. Esi sigqibo sinemiphumo emibi kakhulu kuwe, lakho iqabane kunye nabo obusondelene nabo ebomini bakho. Yona khetho okumelwe icatshulwa ngokuzithandela nangenyameko.
1. Yintoni eye ikufumene kwindawo yokuqhawula umtshato etafileni?
Oku kunzima kwaye kuya kuba nzima ukuba ube nenjongo. Ngaba ukukhula kwakho kwahlukana kwaye kunqanyulwa? Ngaba iingxabano zakho zenziwe kakuhle? Ngaba uyaziphepha kwaye ungafuni ukuthetha?
Abanye abantu bathi "iimvakalelo zabo ziphelile." Le ndawo iyabuhlungu kwaye ibe bubuhlungu. Ukuba unesithandana, awuyi kuba nombono ocacileyo malunga neemvakalelo zakho kumlingane wakho. Akukwenzeki ukuba uqhathanise umlingane wakho nomthandi wakho omtsha.
Iimvakalelo zazikho okanye akukho nto yayingayi kuba ngumhla wesibini, ingaphantsi komtshato. Ukuze ufumane iimvakalelo zakho, kufuneka uzimisele ukubeka ukuziphatha ngaphambi kokuba uzive. Ukusebenza ngokungathi unemvakalelo yothando inokuba nefuthe elimangalisayo kunye nefuthe ekusebenzisaneni kwakho neqabane lakho.
Ukuba awuzimisele ukujonga zakho igalelo kwiimeko zomtshato wakho, ngokuqinisekileyo uza kuthwala ezinye iingxaki zakho kwizondlo zakho ezilandelayo.
Kunyanzelekile ukuba ucinge ngento ofuna ukuyitshintsha. Kutheni ungayisebenzisi loo mlingane?
2. Yintoni oyenzile ukuzama ukulungisa iingxaki ukuze ungafikeleli kweli nqanaba?
Ukuba awuzange ube ngumcebisi womtshato kunye kunye, ngoko yintoni eya kuba yinto engathandekiyo ukuzama? Ngenye indlela, mhlawumbi "wazama" kodwa kwakungeyona nto imizamo yakho.
Mhlawumbi ugqirha owawukhethile wawungeyona nto ifanelekileyo kumnye okanye bobabini. Okanye, njengokuba kunjalo ngezinye iimeko, omnye okanye bobabini anizange nithembeke ngokupheleleyo kuyo yonke into .
Kule ngxaki inzima emtshatweni wenu, ndincoma ukuba ndifune umgqirha ofanelekileyo umtshato. Ngoku akukho kwakhona ixesha lokunciphisa. Oku kubaluleke kakhulu isigqibo. Unamathuba omabini anesicombululo seengxaki malunga nemibandela yakho yomtshato kwaye ufuna uncedo lobuchwepheshe. Yiya kunye ne-ajenda yakho yenguqu kuyo, kwaye kungekhona oko ufuna ukutshintsha kumlingane wakho, ukuba ube nethuba elingcono lokuphumelela.
3. Yintoni eya kuba nefuthe kubantwana bakho?
Oku akunakusebenza kwabanye abafundi, kodwa ukuba unabantwana abasesekhaya, kufuneka ucinge ngendlela oku kuya kuchaphazela ngayo ubomi babo. Oku kuya kuba yinto eya kubaguqula ngeendlela ezibalulekileyo kungakhathaliseki ukuba "uhamba phambili" uyakholelwa ukuba inkqubo yomtshato iya kuba yakho kunye neqabane lakho. Ngokuchasene noko unokuzixelela yona, ngaphandle kokuba kukho umlinganiselo obalulekileyo wokuxabana, njengokulwa kunye nokuxhaphaza ngokukhawuleza, abantwana bakho bafuna ikhaya kunye nawe bobabini kuyo. Uphando lubonisa ukuba abantwana bahamba kakuhle emoyeni kunye nawe, nangona ungenwavuyo, kunokuqhawula umtshato.
Ukuba nemizi emibini ayimnandi ngabo yaye ingenako oko.
Usenokuze uzisole ngokuqhawula umtshato, njengabantu abaninzi. Ngaba uya kulungile nomlingane wakho omtsha osithandana naye ephakathi kwezingane zakho? Ngeke ukwazi ukulawula oku. Iintsapho "ezixhamliweyo" zininzi ezininzi. Umlinganiselo wokuqhawula umtshato unzima kakhulu kwimitshato elandelayo. Ekubeni iingxaki azikho nto, kutheni ungazami ukwenza imeko yakho yangoku ibe ngcono?
4. Ziziphi izihlandlo ezifanelekileyo kwiinkalo zakho?
Uliva nini unxibelelwano kunye nomlingane wakho? Yintoni eyenzekayo xa uziva unolonwabo olukhulu nolonwabo?
Cinga ngezinto ezithandayo kumlingane wakho. Ziziphi iimpawu owaye wathandana nazo (nangona ukuba zenza i-crazy yakho ngoku)? Gxininisa kuphela kulo mzuzwana kwiziphumo. Ngaba unako ukucinga ukubuyela kuloo ndawo? Ukuba unokuyicingisisa, unako ukufumana khona inkqubo efanelekileyo.
Musa ukuhlala kwi-bubble ye-indecision for long. Ingabonakala ikhululekile, kodwa ngokwenene unokukhetha ezintathu: (1) uhlale ufana kunye kwaye uqhubeke kunye kunye, (2) uhambela ukuhlukana nokuqhawula umtshato, (3) uzame umzamo wonke wokudibanisa.
Ukunyaniseka, okanye "ukuhlala kwisicingo," kungenziwa kusetyenziswe kwaye kulungiswe kakuhle ngophando olufanelekileyo. Enyanisweni, inkqubo ebizwa ngokuthi, "UkuCetyiswa kweNgcaciso" ibonakalise ukuba isebenze kakhulu ekuncedeni imibhangqwana engxenyeni yokuqhawula umtshato kwisigqibo sayo kunokuhlala ngonaphakade kwiindawo zokungazinzi nokungaxhamli. Kukho neencwadi ezimbalwa (jonga ngezantsi) kubantu abanomdla wokuzinceda. Nokuba ngaba unamaphepha ahlukeneyo ngoku, ixesha lokujongana nale meko nzima. Okona kuncinci, izifungo zakho zibophezela ukuba usebenze umtshato onenkathazo ngaphambi kokuyeka.
Ukuthengwa kwi-Amazon: Ukwahlukana nokuqhawula okanye ukwahlukanisa Ukunciphisa kokubili nguMichele Weiner-Davis kwaye kufuneka ndizame ukwenza njani ?: I-Guidebook yabanye ngabanye kunye nababini kwi-Crossroads of Divorce ngu-Alan Hawkins, uTamara Fackrell noSteven Harris