Izibonakaliso, iziphumo kunye neZisombululo kwiHholide lokuPhepha
Iholide yokugqibelela enye yezona zinto ezibangela ukunyamezela kweeholide . Kuyaqondakala ukuba sifuna izinto zibe zifezekileyo kubathandekayo bethu nakwabo. Bathi (kunye nathi) sifaneleka okulungileyo, akunjalo? Sineenjongo ezilungileyo. Kodwa nokuba kungenxa yemilinganiselo engenakwenzeka yeeholide ezithengiswayo ngamaphulo athengisayo athile, kwiimbulelo ezikhukhunileyo zeeholide ezinokuthi sizame ukufanisa (okanye ukuphuma) kubantwana bethu, okanye ukuphela kokuphila kwethu okugqibeleleyo ngaphaya kwaye usetyenziswe kwiholide, iholide yokugqibelela iyinto eqhelekileyo.
Izimpawu zeHolide Perfectionism
I-Perfectionists idla ngokucinga ukuba yinto ephezulu yokuphumelela, kodwa kukho ukungafani okubalulekileyo. (Funda ngokubanzi malunga neendlela ezicacileyo zabaphelelisi .) Ngexesha lokuphelela, ukungafani ukujonga kubandakanya uvuyo nokwaneliseka.
Iholide enkulu ukufezekisa kunokuthetha ukuxakeka ngemisebenzi yeholide eya kudala imemori engapheliyo. Ngako-ke iholide inokuphelela. Kodwa nge-holide ephumelelayo, ukuba yonke into ayifumanekanga, kulungile-kugxininiso luhlala kuyo yonke imisebenzi emnandi eyayiyithandayo. Akunjalo ngeholide yokuphelela-ukuba iholide yokuphelela, ukuba yonke into ayifumanekanga (kwaye yenziwe ngokugqibeleleyo) yinto ephazamisayo, edidekayo. Kwakhona, ukuphumelela kweeholide eziphambili kufana nokusika iingcongolo apha nakwekho ukuze kwenziwe yonke into. (Ukuba oku kukuvakala kakuhle, jonga ezi nkcenkcesho zeeholide zeengcamango ezithile.) I-holide yokugqibelela, nangona kunjalo, kubandakanya ukuhamba yonke indawo kwindawo yokuzonwabisa.
Iholide yokugqibelela iquka iimfuno eziphezulu kunye nolonwabo oluncinane.
Imizekelo yeHlolide yokuPhelela
Unokuba ujongene nokuphelela kweeholide ukuba:
- Isipho ngasinye kufuneka senziwe ngesandla-kwaye awunandi nandipha inkqubo!
- Ikhadi leholide elinamaphepha amabini, ahlukeneyo, kwaye iquka zonke iinkcukacha zonyaka wakho kunye nenqaku elibhaliweyo ngesandla ngamnye kumntu we-aderesi ye-100. (Qaphela: ukuba uyakuvuyela ukwenza oku, mkhulu; ukuba uziva uxinzelelo okanye uzibetha ngenxa yokuba ungayenzeki ngale ndlela, oku kunokwenzeka ukuba usebenze ngokugqibeleleyo.)
- Uchitha usuku lonke kwisidlo seeholide, kwaye awukwazi ukuyonwabela ngenxa yokuba ukhathazeka ukuba zakho zokupheka aziyiziqulatho ngokwaneleyo.
- Uzama ukwenza imisebenzi emikhulu ngenxa yokuba ufuna ukwenza umsebenzi omangalisayo, kodwa ungenayo ixesha lokunika umsebenzi ovelele ukuba ufanelekile. Umsebenzi uyahamba, kwaye uzibethe phezu kwawo.
- Izingane zibukeka ziphelile kwaye zigxininiswa ekuqaleni kukaDisemba kuba zonke zininzi kakhulu!
- Unokwenza izinto ezininzi, izinto ezininzi ukugubha iiholide, kwaye andinakuzinandipha ezininzi ngenxa yokuba uziva ukuba imizamo yakho ayilungele.
Iziphumo zeeholide Ukuphelela
Isiphumo esiphezulu seeholide esiphezulu kukuba uxinzelelo lweholide. Uxinzelelo olunokuthi luvezwe nguwe kunye nabo bonke abakujikelezile. Esikhundleni sokunandipha ixesha leeholide njengethuba lokubelana kunye nokubhiyozela, ukuphelelwa kwexesha lokuphucula kubangela ukuba abantu bazive bephantsi, bexakekile kwaye bangonwabi. Yaye le mivakalelo inokuvakalelwa ngabo bajikelezayo. Ngokwenene, iholide yokuphelela kubangele abantu benovuyo kunye nokwaneliseka abafuna ukuphumelela kwindawo yokuqala. Kodwa akudingeki ukuba njalo.
Iisombululo kwiHlove Perfectionism
Iholide yokugqibelela inokutshatyalaliswa, kwaye uya kukhululeka xa wenza lula ixesha lakho leholide kwaye ukhulule imilinganiselo yakho - kunye nezigwebo zakho.
Nantsi into enokuyenza.
Qaphela i-Holiday Perfectionism
Ngoku ukuba uyazi iimpawu zeholide zokuphelela, hlola iimpawu zakho zokucinga kunye neendlela zokuziphatha ngokukhawuleza kwaye uqaphele ukuba okanye awuyiyo iholide. Ukukwazi nje kunokuba luncedo olukhulu. Umgaqo omhle wesohlwayo kukuba uvakalelwa kukuba kufuneka wenze okuthile kumgangatho othile (phezulu) okanye uya kudumala abantu, mhlawumbi iholide yokuphelela. Ukuba ukwenza oko kuba uyonwabele ngokwenene (kwaye awugxininiswa kakhulu ukuba ayiphenduli kakuhle), mhlawumbi akunjalo.
Phinda Uhlolisise Imicabango Yakho
Qalisa ukulungiswa kwengqondo encinane ngokuqwalasela oko utsho kuwe njengoko uthatha isimo sengqondo sokuphelela, kwaye ucelomngeni loo mbono.
Ngaba ukwesaba ukuba iiholide aziyi kulonwaba intsapho yakho ukuba awuyi kuyenza yonke into epheleleyo ngenye indlela? Cinga ngolu hlobo malunga nendlela uvakalelwa ngayo (ukuphazamiseka okanye uvuyo) kunokuchaphazela ulonwabo.
Qalisa ukungafezeki
Ngenjongo yokuzijongela umngeni ukwenza izinto ezingafezekanga. Thatha amancinci, yenza izinto ezininzi-kakuhle. Jonga indlela evakalelwa ngayo, kwaye uyenze ukuhlangabezana nokunyuka okuncinci. Oku kuya kukuvumela ukuba uzive ukhululekile ekulawuleni imeko yakho ngaphandle kokuba wenze ukufezekisa, kwaye kunokunciphisa ezinye zexesha lakho lokuzonwabisa. Kwaye khumbula, "uCharlie Brown" umthi weKrisimesi - umthi ongafezekanga owawuhlotshiswe ngononophelo - wawungomnye wemithi ekhethekileyo kubantwana abathandayo.
Fumana inkxaso xa ufuna
Ukuba ufumana ufumana uxinzelelo okanye uxhalaba ngenxa yokuphelela kweholide, ungase ufune ukuthetha nomhlobo olungileyo malunga nalo. Ukuba unengxaki yoxinzelelo kunye nokuxhalaba okunomuzwa ongenakuxanduva, unokufuna ukuthetha nochwepheshe-kuninzi enokwenziwa ukunceda.
Ngaphantsi-iholide yokugqibelela ingonakalisa uvuyo lwalo xesha kunye nabathandekayo bakho. Unokuzikhulula ekuxinzeleleni okuvela kuyo, kwaye ujabulele iiholide.