Kutheni sifuna ukuqhubeka nokufumana ukuphulwa kweMeyile kungabangela ukuba udideke
Ukuphila nomnye umntu kunokubonakalisa iimpazamo ezincinane okanye iimpawu ezinokuthi zibe ngaphantsi kwesikhumba kwaye zicaphukise. Into ethile imibhangqwana kufuneka ijongane nayo xa ingena ebudlelwaneni okanye ingatshatanga kwaye ingakhokelela ekutheni i-nitpicking.
Ukutshintshwa kwezinto ngokuqhelekileyo kuboniswa njengokufumana iphoso nokugxeka lakho iqabane malunga nezinto ezincinci, izinto ezingenakwenzeka okanye imisebenzi.
Ezi ziyakunqumla ubudlelwane phakathi kolwalamano lwakho ukuba umntu omnye u-nitpicks kaninzi okanye uhlala ubeka iingxaki zomnye.
Ukuze ube nomtshato ophilileyo, oku kuyinto ofuna ukuba uyenze. Kodwa wenza njani loo nto? Ingaba u-nitpicker okanye umlingane uthatyathwa, kukho iindlela zokusombulula lo mbandela olwalamano oluqhelekileyo.
Iimiphumo ezimbi
Ulwalamano olunjengomtshato ludibanisa abantu ababini abanokuba nemikhwa nobomi obuhlukile. Kungaba lula ukukhetha iinkalo zomlingane wakho ongazithandiyo okanye ongavumelani naye. Nangona kunjalo, oku akusebenzi nto ukukunceda isiseko sobudlelwane bakho kwaye awukwazi ukulindela ukuphelela kumntu.
Xa ukhankanya into omnye okanye engayenziyo okanye indlela umlingane wakho athethe ngayo okanye wenza into engalunganga, uye wagqiba ekubeni unqabile, uhlazeke kwaye udlwengane. Utsho nokuba ufuna omnye umntu ukuba atshintshe kwaye azilungele.
Okubalulekileyo, ukutshala i-nitpicking uphawu lokuba awuyihloneli ngokupheleleyo iqabane lakho. Nangona oku akusiyo injongo yakho, ingafunyanwa ngale ndlela.
Nangona inokuqala encinci, ingakumbi ekuqaleni, ingaba libala elibomvu kumtshato wakho. Ukuba uqhubeka ne-nitpick kwiqabane lakho, intukuthelo ekhulayo iya kudala udonga phakathi kobabini.
UDkt. John Gottman, umsunguli wenhlangano esekelwe iingcebiso malunga nophando, inqaku lakhe kwincwadi ethi "Iinqununu Eziyisixhenxe Zokwenza Umtshato Usebenze," ukuba iipesenti ezingama-69 zengxaki zobudlelwane zingenakuguquka. Ezi ziquka izinto ongazenzayo nge-nitpick malunga nomlingane wakho: amasokisi ephantsi, isitulo sangasese esele sishiye phezulu, i-in-law, njl.
Yonke imitshato ineemicimbi ebandakanya iimpawu zobuntu okanye iimpawu eziphathekayo ezinokubangela ingxabano engapheliyo nasiphi na ubuhlobo besikhathi eside. Ezi zinto ufuna ukufunda ukuhlala nazo.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, abantu bangenza utshintsho kwaye umtshato ulungelelanisa ubomi kunye; yinto engokwemvelo yalo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba izinto ezincinci zingabangela ukungqubuzana, ngaba bobabini unokwenza ingxabano yangempela okanye imiba engundoqo ezayo? Ukugxeka ngokugqithiseleyo okanye ukugxeka kwizinto ezincinci kunokukhokelela kwimibandela emikhulu, kwanomtshato.
Esikhundleni se-Nitpicking ...
Esikhundleni sokuba u-nitpick wakho umlingane, kukho ezinye izinto ongayenza. Uninzi lwale lubonakala lubancinci, kodwa impembelelo lwakho lwalamano lunokuba lukhulu. Uzovuya ngakumbi emva koko ukuba ufunda ukujongana neengxaki ze-quirks ngaphandle kokuphikisana.
Okokuqala kwaye okokuqala, into ebaluleke kakhulu ongayenzayo yinto enhle.
Xa uvakalelwa ukukhetha iphoso, vula ingcamango yakho ngokukhawuleza uze ubonise inhlonipho. Abaninzi bethu bafundiswa njengabantwana, "Musa ukuthetha into ukuba ayinanto." Lo myalelo omhle wesityhumo sobudlelwane obuhle kunye. Ukuncoma kunokuba luncedo kakhulu.
Unokwenza okusemandleni akho ukuxhasa umlingane wakho. Thatha ixesha lokuphulaphula ngemini yeqabane lakho, iimvakalelo, ukuzonwabisa, okanye nayiphi na into abafuna ukuthetha ngayo. Ngenye indlela onokuqhubeka ngayo ukwazi omnye nomnye okanye uzame ukujonga imbono yomlingane wakho kumbandela.
Zibuze ukuba ulindele ukuphelela.
Ukuba kunjalo, akukho mntu uya kukwazi ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zakho kwaye uya kuhlala udidekile.
Kwakhona kubalulekile ukwamkela ukuba iqabane lakho liya kuba nemikhwa enokukucaphukisa. Funda ukukhetha iimfazwe zakho kwaye ulondoloze iziphakamiso zakho kwiingxaki ezinkulu (ngelixa ulwa nolungileyo). Akukho mntu uya kukuthembisa ukuba umtshato awukho-mbambano. Yindlela ojongene ngayo neengxabano-ezinkulu kunye ezincinci-ezenza umehluko.
Ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isigqibo sokuba nitpick, gxininisa iimvakalelo zakho zangaphakathi. Yintoni oyifunayo ngokwenene? Ingqalelo ... ukuva Kukho ithuba elihle lokutsalwa kwe-nitpicking nje umzamo ongeyomfuneko wokufumana esinye isidingo esibalulekileyo.
Kukho izinto ezincinci ezinokuzenza ezinokukwenza ukuba umehluko omhle kumtshato wakho. Yenza-rhoqo. UDkt. Gottman uncoma ulawulo olu-5 ukuya ku-1: kuyo yonke into engeyiyo, yenza iziphumo ezinhlanu.
Ekugqibeleni, ukuba awukwazi ukumisa i-nitpicking, yivume le ngxaki enayo kwaye uncede.
Ukuba Ukhethwa
Ukuba umlingani wakho u-nitpick kuwe, akubeka phantsi, okanye uyakudelela, kubalulekile ukuba uthethe ngale ngxaki. Ewe, kuya kuba yingxoxo enzima, kodwa kuyimfuneko.
Chaza intlungu kunye nentlungu ozivelayo kule mpawu. Yenza iqabane lakho liyazi ukuba xa ucinga ukuba unotyiweyo, awuyi kugxeka kodwa uya kuthi "ngokwaneleyo" kwaye uya kushiya igumbi.
Ndiyathemba ukuba, emva kokuba wenze le mizuzu embalwa, lakho iqabane liza kuqala ukuqaphela indlela yokuziphatha ngayo i-nitpicking. Ukuba i-nitpicking iyaqhubeka, ukululekwa komtshato kungayona nto ingcono kakhulu kubo bobabini.
Xa i-Nitpicking iwela umgca
Kweminye imitshato, inqanaba le-nitpicking linokukhawuleza ukugxeka, ukugxekwa ngokukrakra, kunye namazwi anokulimaza. Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele xa i-nitpicking iwela umgca wokusetyenziswa kakubi.
Ingaba kukusetyenziswa kakubi ngokomzimba, ukuxhaphazwa ngamagama, ukuxhaphazwa ngokwesini, okanye ukuphathwa kakubi ngokomzimba, ukuziphatha kakubi akuvumelekanga . Ukuba ucinga ukuba uxhatshazwa, nceda ufune uncedo lwezakhono ngokukhawuleza. I-National Domestic Violence Hotline iyatholakala kwi-1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
> Umthombo:
> Feuerman M. Ukulawula kunye nokuxazulula ukuxabana ngobudlelwane: Iingqinisiso zokuphumelela. "I-Gottman Institute Blog. 2017.