Yazi ixesha lokubuya kwaye uhambe
Ukuthandana nomzali omnye kunye nezingane kwi-tow akulungile kumntu wonke. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ulwabiwo oluthile kangakanani, okanye uxabisa kangakanani ulwalamano lwakho, kuya kuba namaxesha apho abantwana baya kuphazamisa ukuhamba kwakho. Uza kucwangcisa ukuphuma okukhethekileyo kunye nomnye umntu ogula. Okanye ubenomhla omde kwaye ufuna nje ukuphazamiseka, ukufumana kuphela ukuba abantwana baxhamle baze bahleleke.
Ukutshata kwintsapho enkulu kunempahla yayo, kodwa kunomngeni-ngokukodwa kwixesha lokukhangela. Ngoko ungayayazi njani phambi kokuba umhlobo onomzali omnye unokulungele? Nazi izizathu ezininzi zokuba kungenokuba yinto efanelekileyo:
Izibonakaliso Awuzilungele Ukuqalisa Umzali Ongabodwa
- Unomona ngezingane zakhe . Kulungile, makhe sijamelane nayo. Akukho mntu uthanda ukwabelana nabo ngamaqabane abo. Inzondelelo kwimeko yethu njengabantu. Kodwa xa uthayisana nomzali ongayedwa, ukukhwelelwa ngabantwana bakhe kuya kukufumana. (Ewe, akunjalo ngokwenene; kuya kuthumela ngaphandle kwendlu yangaphambili-ngokukhawuleza!) Nangona kungekho mininzi yemiba edibeneyo emnyama-kwaye-emhlophe, nguyena wabo. Ukuba unomona wabantwana bakhe, ubeka ubudlelwane bakho kuze kube lula. Akukho ndawo eyingcunga apha. Ukuba nomona umbeka phakathi, okukhokelela ekubambisaneni ngakumbi kunokuba unxulumano oluninzi lunokubamba. Ngoko ke kufuneka uyenze ntoni? Xa ufumana umona, yima uze uvume imvakalelo oyiva ngayo. Ukuba, emva kokunika ingcamango, ucinga ukuba umcimbi ufanelekile ukukhupha lakho iqabane, fumana ixesha apho unako ukuthetha ngokuthula (mhlawumbi emva kokuba abantwana belele). Mxelele indlela oziva ngayo kwaye uthethe ngezinto ozozixabisa ngayo ubuhlobo bakho nokuba kutheni kubalulekile kuwe. Emva koko, hlola indlela onokukwazi ukwabelana ngayo 'nezikhumbuzo' zincinci malunga nendlela oxabisa ngayo ulwalamano lwakho kumxube onzima wobomi bakho bemihla ngemihla.
- Ukhangele ukukhawuleza . Ukuba awuzange ube nomzali omnye omnye ngaphambili, ungasetyenziselwa umlinganiselo othile wobudlelwane bakho obusondelene-ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni. Kukhona nje into malunga nokukwazi ukuyeka yonke into kwaye uhambe nawe ngokwenu unceda ukuqinisa intambo yakho. Okanye uthanda ukuhamba kwaye awukwazi ukulinda ukumangalisa ngamatekiti eLondon okanye eRome. Nangona le nto ibonisa ukuba ngumfazi ongenamzali, akukho nentsapho efuphileyo, kwaye akukho cwangciso lokunyamekela abantwana. Ukuba loo nto yayiza kuba yintsebenziswano yokuthandana nawe, ngoko mhlawumbi awuyi kwenza kakuhle umzali ongenamzali omnye.
- Unqwenela ukubetha ulwimi lwakho uvumele umzali wakhe. Ngokukodwa ekuqaleni, kufuneka ulindele ukubetha ulwimi lwakho. Iqabane lakho sele liba ngumzali ngokwakho iminyaka, kwaye mhlawumbi akanomdla wokuba unyuke kwaye uhlaziye isitayela sakhe somzali okanye iindlela zokuziphatha. Into engcono kakhulu ongayenza? Lindela ukuba acele oko ngaphambi kokuxelela uluvo lwakho. (Ngaphandle koko, uyamxelela ukuba wenza umsebenzi omkhulu kunye nezingane zakhe!) Khumbula kwakhona ukuba nabatshatileyo abasanda kutshata abahlala kunye nezingane zabo zinyathelo bahlala beyeka ukuqeqesha abanye abantwana baze wayenexesha elaneleyo lokufumana 'ilungelo' lokuba ngu-co-disciplinary.
- Ufuna ukulawula ixesha. Ukuthetha ixesha ... Xa uthandana nomzali ongatshatanga, kufuneka uhloniphe ixesha lakhe xa kuziwa ukuzisa abantwana kwaye uthathe ulwalamano lwakho kwinqanaba elilandelayo. Enye ingxaki, ngokukodwa, ukuba abaninzi abatshabisanayo babonisa uthando phambi kwe-kiddos. Kungaba nzima kunzima ukumbamba isandla sakhe, ukuguqula ingalo phezu kwehlombe lakhe, okanye ukumanga xa ufuna nendlela-nokuba ingaba abantwana bahambe okanye bangayi. Kodwa ade akhulule, kufuneka uhloniphe ixesha. Ukumtyhalela kukumenza abe nomuzwa wokuba ubanjwe phakathi kokukwenza okulungileyo ulwalamano lwakho kunye nento efanelekileyo yabantwana bakhe. Yaye eso sikhundla ongenakufuna ukuhlala kuso.
- Awuthandi abantwana. Oku kufuneka kube yi-no-brainer, kodwa uya kumangaliswa ukuba baninzi abantu (amadoda nabesifazana, ngokufanayo) bacinga ukuba baya kufikelela kwixesha ... ukuze bafumane kwakhona kamva ukuba abazange bahlale kunye okanye bancedise ukuphakamisa omnye umntu bantwana. Ukuba uvakalelwa ngale ndlela, yenzele kuyo ukususela ekuqaleni kwaye ugweme ukutshala ixesha lakho nentliziyo yakho ebuhlotsheni obuya kuphumelela. Umba ofanayo ufuna abantwana bakho xa iqabane lakho lichaze ukuba (okanye yena) akafuni abantwana abaninzi. Nangona nawuphi na onokutshintsha ingqondo yakho phantsi kwendlela, akukho siqinisekiso sokuba uya kuthanda. Kwaye kubeka uxinzelelo oluninzi kubo bobabini.
Nguwe kuphela onokukwazi ukuba uya kuba nomzali ongabodwa. Nangona kukho iibhonasi ezigidi eziza kunye nokuthandana kwintsapho, kukho imingeni enokuba nzima ukuyinqoba-ingakumbi ukuba le yithuba lakho lokuqala kwi-rodeo. Ngoko ngaphezu kwayo yonke into, mhlonele lakho iqabane. Ukuba lixesha lokuthetha, yenza njalo ngothando kwaye ungakhange uhudule okanye ucinge izinto ziya kutshintsha.