Udliwano-ndlebe noMelissa Orlov
UMelissa Orlov ngumlobi we -ADHD Impact kuMtshato: Qonda kwaye uphinde wakhe ubuhlobo bakho kwiiNtshukumo ezithandathu . Uyabhala kwakhona "Ulwalamano Lwakho" kwi-ADDitude Magazine, uqhuba ibhulogi eyaziwayo kwi-ADHDmarriage.com, kwaye unombhali onokubhaliweyo encwadini ethi Utshatile Ukuphazamiseka noNed Hallowell, MD, no-Sue Hallowell, i-LICSW. U-Orlov wayenomusa ngokwaneleyo ukuphendula imibuzo echaphazela ezininzi ze-ADD yethu.
ubomi bomfundi abafundi xa omnye okanye bobabini abalingani bobudlelwane okanye umtshato une-ADHD.
Umbuzo: Ziziphi ezinye iindlela ezibonakalisa i-ADHD inokuphazamisa ubudlelwane?
A: Iimpawu ze-ADD zongeza iipateni ezihambelanayo kunye eziqikelelwayo kwimitshato apho omnye okanye bobabini abalingani ba-ADHD. Ngethuba nje i-ADHD ihlala ingaphendulwanga okanye ingaphantsi, le patheni ingashiya zombini amaqabane angonwabile, enesizungu, kwaye eziva ephazamiseke ubudlelwane babo. Baya kulwa rhoqo okanye, ngokunye, baxoshe omnye komnye ukuze bazikhusele. Impendulo eqhelekileyo kumlingani ongenaye u-ADHD kukuba ulawulwe ngokugqithiseleyo kunye nokugxeka ("yindlela kuphela yokufumana nantoni na eyenziwe ngeenxa zonke apha") ngelixa i-ADHD iqabane lingeneli ngaphantsi ("ngubani ofuna ukuba nomntu ohlala ecaphukile ? ")
Ukuba ubuhlobo bakho buchaphazeleka yi-ADHD, unokubona nayiphi na iipatheni ezilandelayo:
- Ukuguquka okungapheliyo kunye / okanye umsindo
- Ukusasazwa kwemisebenzi yasemakhaya kungafanelekanga
- Elinye iqabane lidlala indima yokuba lihlale lijongene (indima "yabazali") ngelixa elinye lisoloko lingavumelaniyo okanye lingenakuxanduva (inxaxheba "yabantwana")
- Ukuthandana kwakho kwakumangalisa kwaye awukwazanga ukufumana okwaneleyo komnye, ngoku enye iqabane lingayithobeli ingqalelo kukho konke
- Uphikisana nayo yonke ixesha, nangaphezu kwezinto eziyathayizi
- Elinye iqabane lingabonakali likhumbule izivumelwano kakuhle okanye lilungiswe
- Elinye iqabane linenkathazo enkulu emva kwezinto ezivunyelwene ngazo
- Ubuhlobo bezesondo buye lwaphuka
Isiphumo esibuhlungu kukuba ukuqhawula umtshato kunye nemilinganiselo yokutshatyalaliswa komtshato kwizibini ezithintekayo yi-ADHD ziphantse ziphindwe kabini ukuba izibini ezingabandakanyekanga ngu-ADHD. Iindaba ezilungileyo kukuba ukuqonda indima eyenziwa ngu-ADHD ebudlelwaneni kunokuguqula umtshato wakho.
Umbuzo: Yintoni efana nokuba ngumlingane we-ADH kwixinzelelo lomtshato?
A: Kukho impawu ye-ADHD. Abanye abantu abanenkathazo nge-ADHD kwimihlaba ethile okanye ngaphezulu kwezinto zabo zobomi, njengomsebenzi, kodwa banenkinga kwabanye, njengobuhlobo. Abo baneempawu ezinzima kakhulu bafumana ukuba i-ADH iphazamisa yonke into.
Phakathi kwezinye izinto, umntu one-ADHD onomtshato onenkathazo unokuziva:
- Ngokufihlakeleyo okanye ngokugqithiseleyo, ekubeni ukugcina ubomi bemihla ngemihla phantsi kokulawulwa kwe-ADHD kuthatha umsebenzi omkhulu kunokuba abanye baqaphele
- Ngaphantsi komlingane "oqhuba izinto," ingakumbi ukuba umzali / umntwana unamandla okwenza izinto
- Ungathandwa okanye awufunwa, kuba uqhubeka eva umyalezo othi "ufanele utshintshe" okanye wenze ngcono
- Nesaba ukuhluleka kwakhona. Njengoko ubudlelwane bubuhlungu, ukungahambelani kwe-ADHD efana negalelo kukuxhalabisa malunga noko kwenzeka ntoni ngexesha elizayo
- Ezahlukeneyo. Abantu abane-ADHD bayaqonda ukuba ihlabathi ayisebenzi kubo ngendlela efanayo nangokwenza kwabanye. Iingcinga zabo zidla "ukugijima", "umsindo" okanye "ukuxubha," kwaye ngoko babona amava ngehlabathi ngendlela abanye abavame ukuxhamla ngayo. Omnye umfana wachaza ingqondo yakhe ye-ADHD ngokuthi "ukuba neThala leNkcazo entloko yakho kungekho ikhathalogu yamakhadi."
Umbuzo: Kuthiwani ngomlingani ongenaye u-ADHD? Yintoni eyanceda umlingane we-ADHD ukuba aqonde malunga namava omntu ongeyena umlingani we-ADHD?
A: Njengoko umlingani we-ADHD, i-non-ADHD iqhubekile ihamba kunye neembalo ezivela kwingxaki enokungenakulinganiswa.
Kwiphepha elidlulileyo leembambano ngumlingane onokumangaliswa kwaye engonwabanga ukuba umyeni wakhe we-ADHD akayinyamekeli. Ekupheleni okungenakulibaleka, umlingane oziva ekhululekileyo ngokunyanisekileyo yimithwalo ayifumayo ngenxa yokuba ucinga ukuba umlingani wakhe akakwazi ukwenza. Akazithandi yena kunye nomyeni wakhe kwaye unomsindo kwaye unomsindo ngenxa yeengxaki zakhe.
Amava angama-ADHD amava ngokuqhelekileyo ukuqhubela phambili ekuvuyiseni ukudideka ukuba athukuthele. Unokuziva:
- Ukuxhamla ngenxa yokuba iqabane lakhe liphazamisekile ukuba lihlawule
- Ubushushu kunye nemvakalelo evinjelwe - umsindo kumntu ongakhange aphendulwe yi-ADHD iqabane lokukwazi ukutshintsha ukusebenzisana kwabo okanye ukulandelelana kwiimbopheleleko kunokufikelela kwiintlobo ezininzi. Ngomzamo wokulawula oku, umlingane ongenaye u-ADHD unokuthi "uyibhobhe ngaphakathi."
- Uxinzelelo oluninzi - uninzi lweembopheleleko, uncedo olungonelanga, kunye nomsindo omkhulu unokwenza ulwalamano olunobungozi kumntu ongeyena u-ADHD.
- Ukuphelelwa yithemba, ukungathembeki kunye nokudabukisayo - kungaba ngumzabalazo wangempela uhlala nomntu ongekho ukulawula i-ADHD yakhe. Emva kwexesha elithile, ukuphindaphinda kwindlela iimpawu ze-ADHD ezingalawulwayo zingabonakaliswa ngayo kulwalamano lubangela ukuba uzive ngathi akukho nto iya kutshintsha.
Umbuzo: Encwadini yakho, uthetha ngomjikelezo obonakalisa uphawu-impendulo-mpendulo. Ngaba unokuchaza ukuba yiyiphi le, iindlela ezingabangela ubuhlungu kwintsebenziswano kunye nendlela yokuphula le patheni engalunganga?
A: Ukuthambekela kukugweba iimpawu ze-ADHD kuzo zonke iingxaki zomtshato kodwa oku akunjalo. Bobabini abalingani badlala indima ebalulekileyo kwingxaki yabo yomtshato. Iimpawu ze-ADD zidala izinto ezingalindelekanga, ezihlala zikhohlakeleyo, iingcinezelo zomtshato, kunye nokungaqondani kwamanani amaninzi. Ukutshatyalaliswa kuvela kumzekelo opheleleyo, nangona-enye equka iimpawu, impendulo kwiimpawu, kwaye emva koko impendulo kwimpendulo.
Umzekelo wamandulo ujikeleze uphawu lokuphazamiseka, enye yezona zibonakaliso ezibonakalayo kunye ezibalulekileyo ze-ADHD. Umlingane we-ADHD ophazamisekile uhlala engakhange ahlawule ingqalelo yakhe kumlingane wakhe. Ukuba iqabane lingayazi malunga ne-ADHD ngoko uya kuguqulela ukungabikho kwengqwalasela njengoko "engandinandaba nam." Uhamba ngokunyamekela xa engabikho nkathalo kwaye uqala ukuba mfutshane kwaye abe nomsindo ngaye. Uyayiva umsindo kodwa engazi imvelaphi yayo, ngoko uhlungu kwaye uphukiswa ngumsindo wakhe ... kwaye baqala ukuya kumgangatho ophantsi, ukuqinisa umjikelo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuba ngaba isibini sisazi malunga ne-ADHD, umlingane ongatshitshisiyo unokuthi "uphazamisekile ngoku kwaye ndiziva ndonwabile. Ngaba sinokuphuma ngosuku kwaye sichithe ixesha elilodwa?" Uyabona indlela ukuqonda ngokupheleleyo imeko, nokuphendula ngendlela evuma ukuba khona kwe-ADHD isifo, kwenza umehluko omkhulu. Kodwa musa ukungaqondi kakuhle - uphawu olusekuqaleni komjikelezo, ngoko iimpawu kufuneka zilawulwe, okanye zisebenze malunga nokuba iqabane elixhalabileyo kukuphucula ubuhlobo babo kwixesha elide.
Umbuzo: Ukwacacisa nakwibinibini ukuba akuyona into yokuzama kanzima, kodwa "ukuzama ngokungafaniyo." Ithetha ntoni le nto?
A: Unokuthatha ulwazi lwakho malunga ne-ADHD kwaye ukhethe amacebo aza kukukunceda uphumelele. Ndibiza ngokuba "i-ADHD". Umzekelo, ukuzama kanzima ukukhumbula ukuba wenze umsebenzi othile ngexesha elizayo mhlawumbi ngeke kusebenze ngenxa yokuba uphawu "ukuphazamiseka" luya kufumana indlela kwaye umsebenzi unokulibaleka. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukubeka i-alamu kwiselfowuni yakho ekukhumbuza ngomsebenzi ngexesha elifunekayo ukuba lenzeke liya kusebenza kakuhle. Umlingani we-ADH unokuphazamiseka kwithuba elidlulileyo, kodwa i-alamu ibuyisela umsebenzi wakhe kwingqondo yakhe ngexesha elifanelekileyo.
Umbuzo: Kwiibini ezitshatileyo ezisebunzima ne-"ADHD Impact" ebuhlotsheni babo, kodwa ngubani na ukuqonda okungakumbi malunga neepateni ezenzekayo, zeziphi iingongoma ezibalulekileyo abazifunayo ukuze baqhube phambili, balungise kwaye bavuselele umtshato?
- Lo ngumzamo womntu omibini. Nina bobabini kufuneka uthathe uxanduva kwimicimbi yakho kunye noshintsho ukuze uphumelele. Ngokuchaseneyo, awukwazi kuba nexanduva lokutshintshwa kweqabane lakho, kubandakanywa nokuba ungazami amachiza e-ADHD.
- Funda yonke into onokuyenza malunga nendlela ohlukileyo ngayo kunye neliphi liva lakho lomlingani. Kuya kukunika uvelwano olukhulu, umonde kunye nefuthe.
- Ukwandisa unyango lwe-ADHD. Amayeza kuphela ayenzi. Ndibhalela malunga nemilenze emithathu yonyango kumlingane we-ADHD kwintsebenziswano encwadini yam, kwaye ngelixa kuninzi ukugubungela apha Ndicebisa ukuba abalingani bacinga ngokwemigqaliselo eninzi yokwelashwa.
- Cinga ngokuphucula ubuhlobo bakho kunokuba ulondoloze umtshato wakho. Oku kuya kugcina ugxininise kwizinto ezibaluleke kakhulu - njani ukuba unxibelelana ngani nababini - kunokuba ube nolwalamano lobuhlobo bakho. Indawo yokuhlala (ngubani owenzayo) apho apho ininzi imitshato ephazamisayo ijoliswe khona.
- Ekugqibeleni, umtshato ulungele uvuyo. Njengoko usebenza ngamanyathelo ayisithandathu ekuvuseleleni ubudlelwane bakho endiyicacisayo encwadini yam, khumbula ukufumana into yokubhiyozela okanye ukuhleka ngokukhawuleza. Beka eceleni ixesha lokudala uvuyo, kungekhona nje ixesha lokulungisa izinto. Nonke nidinga ukukhululeka kwimizamo ethathayo ukutshintsha imikhwa eyakhelwe iminyaka.
> Umthombo:
> Melissa Orlov. Udliwano-ndlebe / i-imeyile incwadi, ngoNovemba 4, 2010.