Impembelelo kwiSahlulo sakho soSahlulo okanye ukuSahlukana
Ngaba wakha wamemeza ngeqabane lakho ngexesha lokuxhatshaza okanye uchukumise ingalo yomlingane wakho ukugxininisa ingxabano? Ukuba unjengam kunye nezigidi zabanye, unayo-kwaye mhlawumbi wacinga ukuba ayikho into ebalulekileyo. Kwaye xa nje ubuhlobo bakho buhlala buqinile, ubuya kulungile. Kodwa ukuba olo budlelwane luneengxaki kwaye / okanye uhamba ngokuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlukana, ezo zenzo ezilula zingabonakaliswa ngamabomu enkundleni ngendlela enokubangela ukuba ususwe ekhaya lakho kunye nexesha elifutshane-okanye ukukhutshwa ngokusisigxina ekuboneni okanye ukuchitha ixesha kunye nabantwana bakho.
Izigxeko zobundlobongela basekhaya okanye ulwaphulo-mthetho oluvela njengenxalenye yokuqhawula umtshato kunye neenkqubo zokuhlukana ziqheleke kakhulu kwilizwe lonke. Kwezinye iimeko, ezi zityholo zixhaswa ngamanqaku okanye ubungqina, kwaye inkundla zeentsapho kufuneka zijonge xa zenza izigqibo ezibalulekileyo zokugcinwa nokuxhasa. Kodwa kwiimeko ezininzi elinye iqela-ngokuqhelekileyo umntu ovakalelwa kakhulu okanye ozama ukuguqula abantwana ngokumelene nomnye umzali - wenza ubungqina obuxoki kunye neengxelo ezingabonakaliyo zokusetyenziswa gadalala njengendlela yokudlala umdlalo. ukuba ngcono (okanye akhe) amathuba okufumana isiphumo esifanelekileyo, ngokuqhelekileyo ukufumana i-100% yomzimba kunye nokugcinwa komthetho kwaye ugcine abantwana ukusuka komnye umzali.
Ngaphantsi kwemithetho kaRhulumente kunye nemibutho yomthetho (kuquka i- VAWA, uMthetho woBundlobongela oManyeneyo noTyhini ), igama elithi "ukusetyenziswa kakubi" lithetha ngaphezu kokuxhaphazwa komzimba kwaye luquka ukuhlukunyezwa, ukwesatshiswa komntu oxhomekeke kuyo, kwaye ngokubanzi luphazamise inkululeko yomntu.
Ukuthintela umnyango ngexesha lokuphikisana nomsindo kunye nokuchukumisa umfazi wakho xa uthi, "Khawuyeke. Ndiyakuthanda! "Kunokukufaka nje entolongweni.
Xa isigxina sokuxhaphazwa kwekhaya okanye ugonyamelo lenziwe, ijaji inokukhupha iimeko ezikhawulezileyo "umyalelo wokukhusela." Umgangatho osemthethweni wokukhupha loo myalelo unqabile ngokumangalisayo, ucinga ngempembelelo enkulu enokuba nayo emfutshane ixesha elide.
Umyalelo wokukhusela ngokuqhelekileyo u-"ungaqhagamshelana nomyalelo", oku kuthetha ukuba umntu osolwayo unokuyalelwa yinkantolo ukuba ashiye ikhaya labelwana kunye kunye nokuthintela ukuba angaqhagamshelana nommangalelwa okanye abantwana.
Kwimikhosi yemikhosi, amagosa atyunjiweyo angakwazi ukukhupha "umyalelo wokukhusela umkhosi," ukuvimbela ama-servicemembers, kodwa loo mithetho iya kusebenza kuphela ekufakweni komkhosi. Yingakho abaninzi abatshatileyo befuna imiyalelo yokukhusela abantu.
Emva kokuba kukhishwe umyalelo wokukhuselwa, nokuba yinto nje yokwephulwa kwaloo myalelo ngumbutho wesikhalazo (umzekelo, into elula nje ngokuba nomhlobo wakho uthethe ngokukhawuleza ukuba uzame ukumbona kwakhona isikhalazo) unokukufaka entolongweni. Unokubanjwa ngokuhlawulwa kwecala-ngakumbi ngokuthe ngqo, iCandelo A elichasayo-elibi kakhulu, lihlawulwa kwiindawo ezininzi ukuya kunyaka omnye entolongweni kwaye ihlawuliswe. Ukuba unetyala lokuhlukunyezwa kweCandelo lokuhlukunyezwa kwekhaya ngexesha ukhonza emkhosini, awuyi kusakwazi ukuphatha izixhobo kwaye umsebenzi wakho unokuphelile.
Enoba ungumkhosi okanye awukho, ukuba unikwe umyalelo wokukhusela, kubalulekile ukuba ufumane ilungu ngokukhawuleza.
Ngokomsebenzi wam, ndiyibonile imeko emva kwimeko apho umntu ongenamacala uphela entolongweni ngenxa yokuba unommeli ongenamsebenzi (okanye wayengenalo nanye). Ukunciphisa umyalelo wokukhusela nokucima igama lakho kubaluleke kakhulu.
Kwezinye iziganeko, ukuhanjelwa okunyanyisiweyo kungavunyelwa naphezu komyalelo wokukhusela, kodwa kwiimeko ezininzi, umntu ojongene nokuxhatshazwa kwezilwaphulo kunye nabantwana bayahlukana ngokupheleleyo (ubuncinane ekuqaleni). Le yilapho inkohlakalo engamanga inokuthi ikhutshwe kwisiphumo esinobungozi kwimeko yokugcina. Ukuba abantwana banqatshelwe ngokusemthethweni ukuba bathathe ixesha kunye noyise, ngoko umama wabo unokuba nethuba elingenakulungileyo kwi-custody custody proceeding.
Ngokomzekelo, kamva kwiinkqubo, uya kuba nako ukubiza ukuba ukususela ekubeni abantwana baye babe ne-100% yexesha, ukuguqula ukugcinwa kwi-50/50-okanye ukuvumela ukuvakasha-bekuya kuphazamisa inkqubo yabo kwaye vunyelwe.
Uyabona ukuba kutheni kubalulekile ukuba uhambe ngokukhawuleza nangempumelelo ukuba ube nomyalelo wokukhuselwa, ukukhutshwa, okanye ubuncinane ukuguqulwa ukuvumela ukuvakasha okukhulu ukwenzela ukuba uphinde uhlawule indima yokudlala kwisigqeba esithintelayo.
Imiyalelo yokukhusela ingaba ebanzi kunokuba nje "uhlale". Umzekelo, umyalelo wokukhusela awukwazi nje umyalelo ummangali ukuba ahlale kude nomntu othile okanye indawo (indawo yokuhlala, indawo yomsebenzi wemmangalelwa, isikolo somntwana, njl.), Kodwa unqande ukulahlwa kwepropathi okanye yangomntu okanye iqela lokuthatha abantwana ngaphandle kwegunya leenkundla. Ngaloo ndlela, le miyalelo ingaba yinto eyingozi kwaye ingalunganga xa isetyenziswe ngokungafanelekanga.
Impembelelo yomyalelo wokukhusela, ukuba isekelwe kwiimangalo ezingamanga, inokufikelela ngokubanzi ngokuhlukana, ukwahlukanisa, okanye ukugcinwa kwabantwana. Ukucima igama lakho nokubeka iingxabano zakho ezintle kunye nobungqina phambi kokuba inkundla ibaluleke kakhulu ekufumaneni isiphumo esilungele intsapho yakho. Kungenxa yoko, ukuba usityholwa ulwaphulo lwasekhaya ngokubambisana nayo nantoni nayiphi na inkundla yentsapho, udinga ubuchule kunye namava amagqwetha awalwe namaqela amaninzi ngaphambili kwaye abe namandla kunye nokuzithemba ukuphumelela kungakhathaliseki ukuba unjani. Gcina ukhumbule ukuba ukutshutshiswa kobundlobongela basekhaya, akudingeki ukuba wenze isenzo sogonyamelo. Kwiimeko ezininzi, ukubiza ukuba unesongelo okanye ungakhuselekanga okwaneleyo ukuqala inkqubo. Ukuba ufumana ujongene nale nkathazo, ungayeki ithemba.
UJeffery M. Leving ngummeli wamalungelo ooyise ovezwe kwisizwe esise Chicago, IL. Unokufumana ngakumbi kwiwebhusayithi yakhe, http://dadsrights.com/